Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?

I am a 17 year old girl. I hear all of these stories about young men and women who were in love and got married, but then divorced. As a young woman, i have dreams of marriage and i want to know the difference between the couples who have married young and have long lasting marriages and those who were married young and then divorced. What were the main reasons for unsucessful marriages aswell as the reason your marriage is successful.Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
i was 18 when i married and in love... thought my husband was, it seems he loved other women too... we had three kids, and we divorced...


i married again 7-7-07... i love him, and he loves me... i am very happy!


marriage is a huge committment...Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
Those that married young and had a long lasting marriage - were not of this decade. You usually find those from the 40's - 50's and 60's. They had the highest respect for each other and never went to bad mad. Alcohol use was at a minimum. Drug use was none non-existent.





Married young and a short marriage - excessive alcohol use, excessive drug use, mental and/or physical and/or emotional abuse. Also one or both were looking for greener pastures. Money went for alcohol and/or drugs = couldn't pay the rent. High sex drives and a lack of experience at that age may lead to infidelity.


ETC -





Reading your question, I would never have guessed you were 17. You write like a college student +. You can see where married young and divorced is going. If I were you I wouldn't even let that noun ';marriage'; enter my mind until I graduated from college.
My husband has just left - basically things were going well but then we set up a business together and it meant we were together 24/7 and the spark went - then the love died - we are still friends however I wouldnt recommend working in a business together and also if you feel that the spontinaety or the spark is starting to lack make a concerted effort to do something different and fun.
Rule number one make sure this is the person you love dont marry for money,status,or pregnancy.Make sure that you have met your soulmate.Rule two once u marry that person DO NOT let money,kids,house hold chores or any other insignificant silly thing ruin your love for each other because you fight about it.Those things put a strain on your marriage only if you let it,so pretty much don't sweat the small stuff.Rule three never think the grass is greener on the other side because its not you are just bored and need something exciting in your life this is when you need to speak to your husband and tell him you need to help each other spice things up a bit.Thats all it takes.My short story,got married to wrong person.He was ten years older.I was knocked up thought it was the right thing to do but didn't love him.He promised to take care of me so I thought I would grow to love him.I was very young and marriage went down hill quick and I met someone else and lost my daughter because of it.I see her every other weekend because of my stupid actions.So please make sure it is right because you don't want to go down that road......I am happily married to my soulmate now.
I was married at 19 and divorced three weeks after my 20th birthday. We had a little girl, but I found out, strangley on a visit with my daughter, that his big mouthed girlfriend told me that they had been dating for a year, in april! I had cheated on my (ex) husband while i was in the army, but that was in may. I found this out and was hysterical!!!! but now, i'm remarried to my husband, and we are having issues right now, because he's in iraq, but we are working things out! I love him very much and i know he loves me!!!! good luck with marriage!
dont marry so young. there is so much life out there to see and do.. with or without your mate. wait till your older and wiser of the ways of this world and life. marriage takes work work work work work work everyday. you have to be willing to stay on the same pages. seems when married young things in ones life changes sometimes and drift apart coz they say they didnt do this or that when they was young and want to do those things now.. so some do when there married and your partner finds out and everything changes. best to get lots of things you want to do in life when your young and marry and settle down later when your wiser and ready. good luck
I married for the wrong reasons - I wasn't complete. People who grow up with healthy love are able to love unconditionally. Needy people don't make it in relationships. Raise your standards high enough so you can attract a caring man. He must be a gentleman above all.
married with the right person is the most wonderful thing in the world, nothing can compare with it. for a successful marriage, you need to love, respect, support each other. you have to be compatible, responsible, faithful, have fun together. it's hard work, but all worth it.
I'm 31 years old and I've done a lot of living for someone my age. I've been married and now pretty much divorced (monday it's final). We got married when we were 22 years old. We thought it'd be the right thing to do since we already had a son. BAD MISTAKE. The marriage was in trouble only 2 years later. I would say it was more me than him. I still had things I hadn't yet experienced and we started growing apart. He began to be unhappy in the marriage as well due to the emotional distance between us. Bottom line. We were too young. Our lives weren't yet settled both financially and emotionally. I don't regret getting married that young, as it taught me a lot of who I am and who I really want to marry. I walked away with knowledge. I don't think it's impossible for young couples to have a lasting marriage, granted there will be troubles along the way like any relationship but it's the integrity and commitment and faith that keeps them together. I'm pretty much single now. I still would like to be married again some day. Especially now that I've already lived through one marriage...I know what to expect and what to do to make it a successful one. It's all about communication, understanding, flexibility, and working together not against eachother. Especially when you hit those tough times.
You just have to go for it and not be afraid
There are a few things a person can do before getting married to help insure it will work.....however nothing is guaranteed.....





wait until you've lived a bit as a single person





get as much formal education as you can, preferably finish college





don't have children before you get married





don't forget to use your head when you fall in love





you don't want someone with too much baggage





you not just love the person you also respect him





you get pre-marital counseling





you remember the marriage is much more important than the wedding
The key is to make sure you know the person you are marrying. In other words the mind before the body, and not visa/versa. Those who marry out of lust and make their decision on that ';short-lived'; exciting/stimulating feeling are destined to fail, because that doesn't last long and having sex before marriage takes the focus off the mind and puts it on the body. Getting to know the person and who they really are and finding out their perspective on issues and making sure you are in sync with that is VERY important. Morals, ethics, compassion, forgiveness, realistic expectation, etc. are all qualities to look for. Here are two things you can use to determine how you wil be treated after marriage. Number one: How does he treat his mother/family/sisters etc. Number two: How does he treat the waitress or other people whom he doesnt' expect to ';get'; something from. How he treats them is how he will treat you in marriage. Over and out! That's where his true character comes out.
I think marriage is a huge commitment; and not everyone is up to the challenge! Don't get me wrong- I believe in marriage and fidelity and monogamy- but I also think marriage is not for everyone. Some people just don't have what it takes to make it work...and many people marry for the wrong reasons!





I think many people get married too young, too fast, and have too many unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, the ones who pay the price of the adults' mistakes are the children...the innocent ones.





We should never marry because we feel lonely, or because we want someone else to make us happy. We should marry because we are convinced that this other person loves and respects and cherishes us just as we do for him/her.


Ask God to help you and guide you, so you can choose well in the future. Use your heart, but also your brains. Good luck!
Listen to Amber. She is right on the money!!!
Well I was 17 when i met the man i married. We married when I was 21. The marriage lasted 17 years, but it was not happy for many years before that. I too had dreams of this wonderful life and having kids and living happily ever after, but it didn't turn out that way, and now that I am older I know why. All the reasons it didn't work were signs I should have seen before I married him, but I was young and inexperienced and thought they would change when we got married (which of course they didn't) and then I still held the same expectations of change when we had a child (which of course didn't change a thing) In the end the same dis-functional things he did before we were married continued throughout the marriage and I eventually fell out of love with him and drifted apart. So if I could give u any piece of advice it would be to know that the person the guy is BEFORE u marry him is the person he will always be. So if there are signs of things u don't like or agree with think to yourself if u can honestly see yourself living with that the rest of your life. Make sure u have the same goals and ethics and dreams in life so u can grow ';together'; as a couple and not drift apart. Don't just follow your heart, u need to follow your instincts too. I wish u good luck in finding your true love. :-)
I married my high school sweet heart.. i was 16 when i met him, he was 17.. i changed everything for him, changed classes so him and i would have classes together, etc, at one point i had an opportunity of going to a tech school to start towards my nursing degree, but because he didnt want to be away from me for half of the school day he begged me not to, so stupid me didnt go..





We graduated, and i had signed up to take classes at the local college, when he decided he wanted us to get married. When i said i had plans on going back to school, he said '; Not to worry u can always go to college down the road after we are married'; And i loved him so much.. i literally worshiped the ground he walked on, i would of done anything for him, and i thought he felt the same way about me. I came from a divorced family, and he came from a divorced family and we'd have talks about how we'd do everything to make our marriage work, we wouldnt be like our parents how we would never do that to our children etc.. and i believed him.. so i agreed to marry him..





A month after we got married ( 2 weeks after i turned 18 when we got married) I got pregnant with our first son.. i was on cloud nine.. he went into the navy.. and things looked like they couldnt be any more perfect. I was a stay at home mom, and i was extremely in love with my husband to the point that id watch the clock all day just anticipating him coming home.. and run up to the door just to kiss him when he came in.. Then i got pregnant with our 2nd son, and our second son ( i was 20 when i had him) and again thought life was great.. couldnt of been happier, had the man i loved with all my heart 2 beautiful kids.. well our second son was very sick, he was born with a birth defect to his liver, and he had his first liver transplant when he was 5 months old. We went through alot during that time.. but we made it through.. and he was my rock.. and he held me together through it all.... but our son was constantly in and out of hospitals, and doctors offices from that point on.. he was considered terminally ill , but stable. The stress did get to us..and our relationship did change a bit.. but nothing to a real damaging point..or atleast i thought..when i was 23 he left me and my 2 kids.. for another woman that he worked with, saying that we got married to young, and that it was all to much for him to handle. So there i was, 23 with a 2 and 3 year old , one with alot of medical problems, no education, no real work expierence ect waitressing.. and so i waitressed to make it by, my kids had what they needed but so many times had to tell them i could afford things they wanted.. their dad , who at one time was a great father while we were married.. started a new life, with out any of us, and would hardly see the kids.. our son was constantly in and out of hospitals and having operations and he'd call but never come to the hospital.. my kids are 14 and 13 now, and they've only seen their dad 4 times in 7 years.. he's over 10 grand in the hole in child support.. and i cant tell u the heartbreak of 2 boys crying begging for their dad to be in their lives and their dad telling them that his new family needs him more. (he's now on his 3rd wife, and has 2 daughters). I thought i loved him enough for the both of us.. I thought id grow old with him and that we could of gotten through anything.. I thought he loved us.. I was wrong..





If i had only waited, finished college, gotten a decent career going before agreeing to marrying him, atleast then if he would of still left, i would of been able to give my kids a life they deserved instead of a life of '; sorry i cant afford'; ..





My x husband talked to me recently, he appologized after 11 years for hurting me the way he did, and leaving the way he did, and even said that if we had just waited till we were alittle older and more mature, that we probably would of made it..





You will change ALOT between now and the time u turn 25 years old.. goals u have now, dreams, desires, etc.. will change.. I personally think it should be law that u cant get married till ur 25.. because of all the changing u do .. and the fact that divorce rates are so high.. Marriage isnt a romantic novel, it isnt a fairy tale.. its very hard, and its even harder when 2 people are immature, and although u may be mature for ur age, your immature because of ur age.. and thats a fact, not an oppinion..





If he is the ';ONE'; the one ur meant to be with for the rest of ur life.. then NOTHING will change that.. but u dont know if he's truely the ONE untill ur married for a very long time.. and thats been a ';proven'; scenerio and not just a feeling.. So my oppinion is if he's the one he'll still be there after college, after your 21, married or not.. so dont rush into growing up, not for u and not for him.. live alittle, be patient.. and if its meant to be it will be.. Protect ur ';UN'; born children, because they are the ones that need u to use your head and not rush.. cause they will pay the price if u get married, and one of u decides that u made a mistake..
I married young because I got pregnant. BIIG mistake! He was abusive, financially a wreck, never kept a job, lied about lying and cheated with anything that would let him.





We divorced and the only regret I have there is that I did not leave him sooner.





I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man that I adore.





So, to the advice part...





1. NEVER marry just because you have a child.


2. NEVER marry thinking you can change or fix the person.


3. Understand that marriage takes work and that you will not be happy 100% of the time.


4. Before you marry, make sure you agree on the important things like finances, sex, children, home ownership etc.


5. Only marry someone you love who also loves you.


6. Look at the whole picture and make sure the actions of your interest also match his words.


7. Communicate openly and honestly with love and trust.


8. Sense of humor is important. Its better to laugh than it is to cry.


Good Luck!
don't think mariage for life..rather take one day at a time; just like you would if you were single. whatever you think, don't think he will change for you or you for him; doesn t happen. Remember what you liked most in him or her will wind up being what annoys you the most about each other..I mean over time. don't give up easily either especially if kids are involved; they are entitled to you best efforts. I have been married 30 years; so far..we are both faithful to each other..unless of course, I am naive; which I doubt. good luck.
Reality of the world


How long u can live in imaginative world


but certainly u need imaginative world to relax also


so realism versus imagination balance is key to success
For the most part, it all has to do with commitment. Too many people give up at the first sign of trouble. Every marriage has problems, it's just a matter of how dedicated you are to work through those problems or whether you will just give up and walk out. Granted there are some extinuating circumstances, but in my opinion, based on the divorces I have seen, this applies to most ...
I was 29 when I got married, so I had a realistic view of marriage, and life in general. I also went cheap for my wedding, because I didn't want stress and wanted to relax. This is a huge problem with brides, because they want everything perfect and thus drive their groom and everyone else crazy. Many couples were way too young. It's best to wait until 25 or so. Many say they trusted in God, but ignored the warning signs. So no ignoring any warning signs. Marriage isn't what changes people. Even single people change. People talk about how they only want to shack up because the divorce rate is high, yet there are twice as many shack ups that break up versus those that got married getting divorced.
Hi, another sob story, married 30 years, going through a divorce, for mental and physical abuse. I raised our daughter on my own, she's 22.
I married at 19 and just celebrated my 11 year anniversary last month.





The key to my marriage is always showing my hubby that I love him, respect him, appreciate him and he does the same.





We have had our tough times, but we have also had a lot of good times and a lot of special memories that we hold very dear to our hearts.





We also spend quality time with one another, have open communication, unwaivering trust in one another, and solid dedication to each other and our marriage.





I know the divorce rate is high these days, however, there are those of us who marry young and stay together.





Best of luck and don't let the divorce rate keep you from finding marital happiness.
Rebel, know what you want.


know how to obtain it


know how to keep it


Magic