They do not know that my parents are getting a divorce yet, but
my mom told me because she needed someone to talk to.
Backround Info: My mom isn't attracted to my dad anymore,
and doesn't look to him as a ';husband'; anymore, more like
someone she lives with and cleans up after. But she was willing
to stay in the marriage till my sisters were out of high school. But
my dad now wants a divorce because he cannot trust my mom
anymore.. (she lied about seeing her friend who happens to be a
man-70 years old-because my dad doesn't want her having straight
male friends.)
I understand my parents do not want to be married anymore/do not
love eachother the way the used to. I figured that out a while ago.
I am more upset because I have to move into a new house AGAIN.
I am finally comfortable in this new house that I've lived in for 3 years
now, and I like it alot. But now I'm going to have to move into a
smaller, unfamiliar house, and I really don't wanto.
If you could please give me some advice, and personal experience, that
would be nice. I don't need help on who to go to, to talk to. I have been
talking to my boyfriend to talk to, but he doesn't have any personal
experience on this subject.My parents are getting divorced. Advice and personal experience please?
YES, DEMAND CUSTODY OF THEM.
It's called Bird Nesting. The kids stay in the family home and each parent lives there for three weeks than switch. One night a week you go out with the parent not in the home at the time. No dating or overnight guests while they are in the home.
It鈥檚 a form of access or custody where the children stay in the former family residence and it is the parents who rotate in and out separately and on a negotiated schedule.
The children simply live at ';home'; and the separated or divorced parents take turns living with them there, but never at the same time.
The core element of this arrangement is that each parent maintains a separate residence where they live when it is not their turn at the ';bird's nest';. When one parent arrives for his/her designated time, the other vacates right away, so as to minimize or eliminate the presence of both at the same time.
At times, bird's nest access can be coupled with specified access with the other parent say, for example, for dinner one night a week.
Sometimes, this form of access or custody will end when the youngest child reaches the age of majority at which time, one parent either buys the other out of their interest, if any, in the former family residence, or it is sold and the proceeds divided pursuant to the matrimonial property regime or separation agreement.
The arrangement can be expensive as it generally requires that three separate residences be maintained, the ';nest'; and a separate residence for each parent.
The concept is somewhat novel and appears to have as its origin a Virginia case Lamont v Lamont.
In Canada, Greenough v Greenough was a ground-breaker case in that the Court implemented a bird's nest custody order even though it had not been asked for by either party. Justice Quinn, in Greenough stated:
';In Lamont ... the court made a bird鈥檚 nest custody arrangement in which the children (aged 3 and 5 years) remained in the home, with the mother staying in the home during the week and the father on the weekend. I think that the benefits of a bird鈥檚 nest order are best achieved where the children are able to stay in the matrimonial home, particularly if it has been the only residence that they have known....
';Time and time again I have seen cases (and this is one) where the children are being treated as Frisbees. In general, parents do not seem to appreciate the gross disruption to which children are subjected where one of the parents has frequent access. In this regard, I do not believe there must be evidence that the children are suffering before the court is free to act. To me, it is a matter of common sense. At the risk of falling prey to simplistic generalities, I am of the view that, given a choice, I do not see why anyone would select a living arrangement which involved so much movement from house to house.';
http://tinyurl.com/GiveKidsAChoice
Talk to the Guardian Ad Litem about it. Him you want to talk to the judge. The web site above is fairly new and dedicated to this form of custody. There's some article in the file section that may help. If you make a go of it, post on the group your experience of pushing it through.My parents are getting divorced. Advice and personal experience please?
I know this is hard, and believe me, I did not want to move either when my parent's divorced, but at the same time, I was so glad and relieved because I thought the fighting would stop (didn't for a long time though and still happens once in a while). Just take moving as a new opportunity to make new friends and see new things. And remember, their divorce is not your fault.
I liked it when my parents got divorced they were happier better people afterward, i just missed my mom.
Maybe you parents will be much better off.
Good luck
oh goody , goody ... I get a new house love !!
Having my parents split up when I was 16, I can kind of understand where you're coming from. Best thing is to try and stay neutral in the whole situation - keeping out of their arguements and pettiness (hopefully this doesn't happen). Both your parents will be very emotional and may need alot of space and time to adjust. It's not going to be easy for you or your sisters, but unfortunately you may just be learning that life isn't fair sometimes and unfortunately you may just have to move. I ended up having to move out of home at 17, which didn't work out too bad... I went to University and I turned out okay... Just don't stress too much and make the best of any situation be it good, bad or ugly... Good luck!!!
From what I just read, it seems to me that you are not upset that they are finally divorcing, but that you will have to move out of your home. What I understand is that you would like your parents to stay in a loveless marriage where both of them are miserable so that you aren't inconvenienced by their divorce.
My advice regarding the move--think of it as an adventure. Find someway, somehow to see the positive in moving. Change is constant, doing things we don't want to do is part of life. The only people who like change are wet babies.
Don't know if this will help but here goes.
Parents broke up when I was 14 and brother was 18, it was a very messy time (next 4 years actually). I ended up being the one stuck in the middle listening to both my parents when they needed someone to talk to and 14 years later I am still paying for that.
My advice is just be your age and talk to friends/boyfriend etc and let your parents sort out the issues that come up. Your mum needs to find someone else to talk to she is the parent not you and you should not have to shoulder her worries thats what her friends are for (counsellor if she doesn't feel she can talk to anyone else).
It'll be hard but throw yourself into your studies and having fun with friends/boyfriend (nothing reckless) you will be an adult soon enough and life will become serious enough then so enjoy being young now. Is there anything you can do with your room that will make you feel more comfortable in the new house?
Hope this helped a little and sorry if it didn't.
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