Getting divorced, need advice.?

My wife and I have decided to divorce. I'm 42 and she is 40. We have two kids 6 and 2 years old.





It has been a very long road to this point. We have done hundreds of hours of counseling and have pretty much exhausted any hope of reconciling.





So far we have both been extremely calm and rational about how to divide assets and debts as well as custody. That part is surprisingly going very smoothly.





While I'm feeling relief that this dysfunctional marriage will be over, I am still feeling periods of depression and deep sadness that seem to sneak up on me now that we are finally following through. I absolutely adore our two kids and will miss having daily contact with them.





I'm looking for advice on how to handle the coming months. How to handle my children reactions and adjustments etc. I'm especially interested in the advice of those who have gone through a no fault divorce with kids.





Any help is welcome. Thanks!Getting divorced, need advice.?
While you're not necessarily going to miss your spouse and especially the problems you've had...you're going to miss ';being a family';! I know...that's the tough part! But give it time...you will start to realize how much the arguing and stress in your marriage was bringing you down and will before you know it feel like a new person. Helping the kids through the divorce is never easy though. It's very very important to help maintain any sense of normalcy as possible! Their world is already going to be turned upside down by not seeing you every day so talk with your wife about this too! Meaning if they are in school or day care, it's important that you do not change that....at least not right away....even if one or both of you move several miles away from your current home! They already feel like their losing one or both parents in a way, so you don't want them to lose their friends or daily social activities either! See them as much as possible....even if it's just to take them to McDonalds for an hour...perhaps if she wants to go grocery shopping or catch up on laundry. Talk to them every day for at least a few mintues. You always want to be civil around their mom in front of them, which it sounds like you are, but be careful not to give them mixed signals that you're getting along so well that you might consider getting back together! This will hurt them worse in the long run! If the two of you will still be living in the same town, try to work out a visitation agreement that will allow you to see them a couple nights during the week and you can take them to school or daycare instead of just every other weekend! going two weeks cold turkey without seeing them will be very hard....but they can make it every two or three days.





I really recommending getting some books on how to deal with children of divorce...they've really helped me! They even make childrens books that discuss and explain divorce in a childlike story!! Try to divide their personal belongs somewhat too....of course they'll want to keep most of their things at their mom's house...but when they stay with you, you want them to still feel like they have a home with you and that they belong there and be comfortable. Obviously they won't have two beds and two of every toy....but for instance, if Mom keeps the bed, they get to bring a TV or video game or their toy box to your house...naturally you wouldn't send all the toys, but mom could get a ';new'; special toy box and they'd have the one they were use to at your house...sounds trivial I know, but you will realize it down the road. I went through this with my kids...they are older but say they feel like they're staying in a hotel when they are with their Dad....nothing there really ';belongs'; to them...meaning it carries no memories or sentimental value! Just some thoughts to keep in mind!Getting divorced, need advice.?
I commend you and your wife for the way you are handling this!! I know that you will indeed miss the daily contact with the kids, but maybe you can still see and help alot with the children since you are on good terms!! Would it be possible for you to come by and take them to school or daycare in the mornings some or to pick them up after school for a quick snack and then drop them off home!! While you are working out the details of custody and visitation make sure your wife knows that you will be there to help with doctor's visits and sicknesses and being a taxi driver to ball games and dance classes, etc. That way you will feel better about their long term future involvment with you!! As for the adjustment period - it will be hard!! You will miss them when they are not around all the time!! Try to stay busy!!! Very busy for a while!! With the passage of time you will adjust and so will they!! Your kids are both so young that as long as you and your wife treat this as a normal occurrence they will too!! At first they will ask were you are alot - just be a little vague!! In time they will accept things as they are and will not remember it any other way - how much do you remember about your world from when you were six??? Just make sure you always tell them that you love them often!!!! At 6 and 2, they do not need to know what has gone wrong between their parents only that their parents love them and will always be there for them!! Hang in there it will get easier!!!
OK this is what you do,the same as you did when you where marred your just not in the same house.Having a no fault divorce helps, Do you both agree on how to raise the children?
well i have many friends whos parents end up divorcing and i have learnt that the best thing to do is that you and your ex come to a mutual agreement about how much you will spend on your children. if one of you has them for the weekend they shouldnt be allowed to spoil for example just talk together on wat would be reasonable. and tell your kids that you love them
Well, from someone who has been there, here goes. It will affect your kids, because they are getting divorced too. They will have to get used to your new girlfriends, your wifes new boyfriends. They will always want you to get back together. Some of your wifes boyfriends will not treat your kids so great,as they will want your exwifes time to themselves. You will miss putting them to bed at night, and all the routine things you use to do with them. But you may find, that you do more with them now then you did with them before while you were married, cos you let the wife do everything.


You will not really be divorced from your wife as she will be involved in their life while they are growing up, so you probably will see and have to work along with her in the raising of the kids,plus you get to meet the new guy who will also be raising your kids, and you and her and him will have to deal with each other until they are grown.


So be nice to your exwife and try and get along with her and her new boyfriends or husband just as she will have to deal with your girlfriends and possibly new wife.


Your kids are not always going to want to come and visit you as they will want to stay home and hang out with their friends that's if they develope any friends as they will probably be shifted back and forth on the weeks ends between you and your ex so you can visit with them.


Your kids will also learn to play you, if mom won't buy it for me maybe dad will.


And eventually, you might get use to the new person in your life just like you did in your first relationship with your exwife. It just depends how hard you work at keeping the relationship alive. Cos that been there, done that feeling comes around again. Then you might leave the second new person or wife or husband. Alot of the times, you find you get along alot better now with your exwife now that you don't live together, or time has passed and now you kind of miss each other, and you end up being friends again. Kind of like going in a big circle.


Time will pass and your kids will grow and they will go on to live lives of their own. So you won't see them as often.


Just so you know, it's going to cost you awhole lot more to be divorced. Well kid, good luck!
I'm sorry that you have to go through this my friend. In a divorce, there is no winner and especially when it comes to the children. Divorce is like a death and sometimes worst. The children become the focal point because you both have to look after their welfare. Divorce puts them in a higher risk for failed marriage, insecurity, and declining grades in school, at least for a while. Your life will eventually move on, however, never get into a habit of criticizing your ex in front of the kids. Remember, she is their mother, always speak positive of her no matter what. Keep your kids first in your life . Even though the marriage is over, their lives are still in the growing stage.
Yeah your right not having daily contact with your kids sucks. Take it a day at a time. Days you don't have them get the things you need done, appointments. meetings, gym, etc. This way when you have them there is no distractions. You will likely have feelings of loneliness for your wife also when you don't have your kids. You may consider seeking a counselor for those feelings as well.
the day some guy starts raising your kids you will go wacky! Do what ever you can do, swallow your pride and do what it takes to make her happy sooner or later she will return the favor and if she doesn't then at least you have your kids. self serving people are what cause divorce. do what you can do before shes hosing someone else. I'm divorced and remarried and i would do anything to not have a second divorce. my kids were 3 and 6 when my 1st wife cheated on me. I have to do what ever it takes to not fail this marriage for my 2 other children.
Divorce is never a happy occasion. It is painful for both parties, no matter what the reasons are.





Your children are quite young, so setting up a new routine where you see them on a regular basis is very important. Reassure them (according to their level of understanding) that you will always be their daddy and that you are there for them always.





It sounds like you and your wife are on civil terms with each other - try to keep it that way. The important things now are your children. Love them and provide for them as you have been all along.





Good luck.