Married for 10 years I feel that I will be divorcing soon please advice?

I have been married for 10yrs and I have 4 kids 2 from a previous relationship and 2 from my current husband. It all started in New Years my husband has been quiet and doesnt talk alot, he told me that he is tired of all the arguin and not getting along He doesnt know what to do and neither do I, I feel sad and mad because I am telling him that I am willing to change things of what bother him he says he doesnt have the energy enymore to try we are still together but he tells me he just doesnt care anymore if I wanna go out or stay home and I LOve him alot and am willing to continue on working on our marriage, I asked him if there was someone else he said no, but then again I dont know, dont have money to hire a detective. He still wants to have sex w me, he says that we are both just so different we are but I feel that we can still save this marriage, has anyone gone through this???Married for 10 years I feel that I will be divorcing soon please advice?
Honey, I had a marriage so like yours but not just like it.


You can make it work.


Put everything you can into making it work.


I did %26amp; we have been happily married 54 yrs..


Making my marriage work was my goal.


You can only change yourself and as you change, you will slowly see your efforts paying off.


These are the things I started doing or doing more of. ~





Refuse to argue. Men need to know they are appreciated, so I complimented him on every occasion I could. Something he did. The way something looked on him. The way he smells. After a while being nice, complimenting, massaging his shoulders at the breakfast or dinner table for a brief moment becomes habit %26amp; warms up the atmosphere. My man just ate up my kindness %26amp; warmth %26amp; in turn he began to change and we found ourselves admired by our family %26amp; friends. We where so much happier %26amp; became more involved with our Church %26amp; that was the very best part of this wonderful story.


Please don't give up, nothing changes overnight. Make yourself someone sweet %26amp; loving to come home to. What have you got to lose. God Bless You %26amp; Please keep in touch.


I'll be praying that you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Married for 10 years I feel that I will be divorcing soon please advice?
Oh my goodness Im so sorry you are going through this. Man stress is just horrible now days.


I can only say what I have done. I have been married 21 years.





More than likely you could have a possibility of having some issues with bills, income levels, not having enough alone time, not having enough time just one on one, etc. The possibilities are endless for problems.





I used to be horrible at keeping fights going, it was exhausting to my husband. Most of the problem was that I was blaming him for my unhappiness. I was blaming him for everything that goes wrong. I should have been more supportive, but depending on how you were raised and if you have a support system that may not be a likely way of thinking.





Love and marriage is work PERIOD! 10 years is not very long. You both have children and Im sure they are tired of the fighting as well.





I guess what really brought it home for me is when I went on a trip to a friends house and I she was actually 100 times worse than I was and I couldnt say a thing when the fighting started. Its really horrible to see other people fighting over stupid things ... it really gave me insight. Im not saying your husband doesnt pick some fights or keep some fights going. What would you do if gus do if the other were suddenly killed? Would you cry? Would you just move on? These are important questions to know just how to late it is for your marriage.





Divorce is not always the best thing, splitting up siblings, one parent taking all the responsibility, settlements, struggling all over again to get started, going thru dating .... geeze that is horrible because there are some nuts out there.





Weigh you options. Figure out what is important in this life. Is what your fighting about really that important. I know the things that we were fighting about when we were younger seem really stupid now. We dont even have that life anymore.. we have progressed and have been successful getting thru the bad times.





You might try this new book that just came out.... both of you should read it together... find a class that is going on in your area about the book. It is so worth it to have a happy family. Anything can be forgiven and you can start new if you chose.





http://www.onemonthtolive.com/default.as鈥?/a>





I hope that no matter what you both find peace soon. Life is way to short.
It sounds like you are ready to work on the marriage now that it is over. You needed to put more of this current interest into your marriage years ago.





It sounds like your husband is done with the marriage. No amount of sudden interest on your part now is going to change his mind.





You say that he does not talk much, but you both argue a lot and are very different. Opposites attract but do not make great mates. You know what you want and he knows what he wants, but the two of you do not seem to be able to find a happy medium. Without compromise a relationship will fail.





You are on your third marriage and I wonder if the first two had similar issues. It sounds like you are not working as a team and if that happened in the past, then you have developed a pattern. I would say that you really need to step back from your marriage and look at why the issues exist.





Be prepared to divorce and hopefully not make the same mistakes in a future marriage.





Take care,


Troy
Sweetie something has kept you both together for the last ten years so I believe this marriage can be saved. It will take work on both your parts and getting focused on the right energy to ignite the fire. If the two of you could get marriage counseling that would be a big help in the right direction but if not you can still both work this out together. You have to go back to the friendship that first brought you both together and know and believe that it is still there. Communication is the key so you need to open this up and start talking without pointing the finger at one another. I realize that you are both parents and just as these children need hugs, love, kisses, and attending to ...so do the both of you when it comes to each other. So somewhere between the working job, and paying the bills and being with the kids you have to call time out and make time alone for the two of you. You need to tell him how much you love him and need him to care about what is happening because we owe it to us most importantly to be the best we can be for ourselves and our children. Start getting creative by taking all those disagreements and start walking and excercising together..shape up for one another mentally and physically. When you feel good about yourself it changes everything. Instead of arguing grab that massage lotion and start giving each other body massages because touch is important to know that you can feel one another and connect without saying a word. Bring this family closer by getting it up and moving......make it an adventure to go on hikes and enjoy nature go camping and fishing and take picnics in the park. Make your bedroom a comfortable love nest with candles burning, soft sensuious music playing and a little wine from time to time. Make love not war and reconstruct this marriage and family to know that everyone is cared for and loved and make your home a place that all of you look forward to and want to be. Don't allow anyone or anything to take away your man, your children's father , your hopes and dreams. The world outside can try to tear you down but don't let it. Start showing the love even when your husband is not at his best and teach him how to treat you by the way you treat him. Find the soft voice that is deep inside of you because this is what is heard more than any loud voice that can shout. You get under and beyond to keep that marriage and see what returns you get and if nothing comes back at least you know that you did your very best to save it sweetie.
I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage %26amp; having children is a scary proposition whether you live together or not.





Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women - that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and ';the dream'; aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source - some great books and other resources on just this issue.





Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children's lives while being an ATM machine for mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc... and worse - the children.





Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married. I would have given up my dream of having a family.





With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don't need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don't have to feel like being married anymore - and with that reality comes the truth - a marriage is no longer a contract, so what's the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone ';doesn't feel like it anymore?'; With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don't even see it coming), it's the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children... and that's a shame.





This affects men, women, and children alike. It affects everyone and people need to wake up to that reality. I know that there are lousy men and lousy fathers in this world - but make no mistake - the are plenty of lousy women and lousy mothers in this world and we should all be treated the same way (good or bad) and that simply isn't happening today.
hi there i have never been married myself but have been in two relationships. with the first one being 9yrs and the second 5yrs. i am currently single with 3 boys, and i can imagine how tough making a marriage work is in your situation. ive been in the same kinda situation myself. your husband really dosent seem to be trying at your relationship at all, which really isnt fair. it sounds to me as if your struggling to hold on to someone who just isnt prepared to give anything a go in your marriage, and sounds a very selfish man. if hes telling you that he dosent have the energy or dont care then why dont he stop wasting your time and leave. i know thats not what you want sweetheart but if he really dosent care then its kinder than staying put yet pushing you away for the next how many years? yes its ten years of marriage, which is a long time, maybe full of many happy memories but it just dosent sound like it will work. youl drive yourself insane trying. p.s you said that you think he may have someone else, never rule it out. listen to your inner instincts. hope all goes well, all the best. x
Go To Marriage Counselling Together





Really Work At it Don't just Go through the motions





10 years is a long time Don't Give up





Good Luck
This sounds like a little bit of a delayed ';7 year itch.'; We go through cycles as humans every 7 years and change a lot. However, that doesn't mean that we don't try to find ways to fall in love with each other all over again. See if he will go to counseling. It's the best thing that the two of you could do at this point.
You say you argue all the time, about what? If you know you are arguing over stupid things, then stop before you open your mouth and think before you talk. If you want to work it out, take some time to go in a room and talk, for a specific amount of time. During that time one person has the floor to talk about what ever is bothering them, without interruption, after the given amount of time the other one has the floor to tell about their problems, again without interruption. You leave the room and think about what the other person had to say and understand their point of view. The next night you go back in the room discuss, NOT ARGUE about what the other person said and how they felt. That is two nights out of the week for communication. Now 1 night a week, is for you to make a date, and spend time together as you once did, before you married. Something pulled you together, you just have to find it, and build on it. COMMUNICATION, no one knows what the other person wants or needs without it.
See if he's willing to try an experiment for 60 days. You've put a lot of time into this relationship - it should be worth 60 days to just make sure that it is done...





If he is willing to do that - ask him to sit down with you and each of you recount how you met and what lead up to your first date, first kiss, first everything... Just so you both remember where this all started - then commit to 60 days of loving each other. Not the feelings or emotions - that will follow - but for 60 days each of you behave towards the other as though you were in love... thoughtful notes, kisses, dates, arrangements to please the other person...





These actions could very well rekindle the emotions that have been left behind. They will also give him the opportunity to feel your commitment to change th ethings that bother him.





Take time away from the kids and do something you haven't done in years - something you did when dating, perhaps. Get his favorite ice cream, go to a place you used to eat at, buy a movie you loved while dating and make a fantastic dinner of all his favorites. Make him feel loved - make him feel how important and what you're willing to do to make this a great relationship.





Tell him that you are also not interested in saving this crappy relationship that you have now, but instead you want to revive the great relationship you used to have - because the two of you can definitely do better than what you've done recently.





No crying, nagging, weeping, sobbing, or pity! Positive, happy, excited, adventurous, memorable... that's the kind of life you want - make it happen... Remind him of how good it can be - not with words, but with actions.





Even if he doesn't want to participate - you make these changes - he hasn't left yet... make it easier for him to try since you still have the emotional energy to draw on... lead by example.
It does sound like he is just fed up in the marriage and is thinking about leaving. He sounds tired and worn out. He has told you he is tired of trying. It probably would be the best thing for you each to go your own way. The kids will still have a dad..................and you can get your life back on track.
Yes I have and turned out to be that he was having an affair and simply never really loved me. Might not be the case with you but the signs are there. When you really love someone you try as many times as possible to make it work. Don't hire a detective, its not necessary, his wishes should be enough proof. Be strong and don't beg for love. Marriage is a two way street, but his side of the road is closed. Make plans to move on having your children in your top priority list. You and your children deserve to live in a love filled atmosphere. Good luck
Have you tried counseling or even just talking to him and telling him what you have here? If you want to save your marriage, you are both going to have to want to fight for it. Don't try to figure out if he's cheating or worry about a detective. Work on the two of you.
One Solution::: Marriage Counseling!!! GOOD LUCK