I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?

I am interested in a really nice lady who is 39 and she has a son who is 17, and two daughters who are 14 and 8. I am 50 and I don't have any kids living with me. My only kid is 26 and he is married and in medical school, so he won't live with us!





What advice do you guys have to give to me? What is it like for you to have some guy dating your Mom?





What would you want a guy to do if he were to become your step Dad?





How could a step Dad help make your life easier? What kinds of things should a step Dad NOT do?





I would really like to know from you experts what I need to know, because I don't know anything about what you guys think or how you may feel about this issue.





Thank you for your help and advice!


Take care and be happy!


AlanI need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Ok, well my mom isn't divorced, but she never got married to my dad and he lives in Indiana. I am 13. My mom is dating some guy who is really nice





I would feel kind of odd if my mom is kissing or showing affection for some other guy, though i wont tell her, i would hold it in and probably cry when im alone or write about it. I like him and all, but its just wierd. My mom acts like a teenager, so we can joke about it which makes me feel better





If the guy were to become my step dad, i would want him to be more of a friend, but don't try too hard like they sometimes do in those cheesy movies. Don't act like a parental figure, because you aren't their parent. What we would enjoy is if you take our side once in a while, and if we are fighting or debating with our mother dont butt in and take her side, unless she asks for your opinion





-Don't act like a parental figure


-Don't say stuff too mushy (it usually makes me feel sick when my mom's boyfriends act all nice to me and say how they understand how i feel and all that stuff)


-Be nice but not over the top


-When we ask our mother for something and she says no because it is too expensive, or she doesn't have enough time to get it offer to help or chip in


-Try to see it from our side a bit


-What really ticks me off is whne the guys come in and put their feet up on the couch, or walk around in theri pajamas and drink from the cartonn or something (basically when they act like its their house)


-Also ask us our opinion on things that you plan on doing for our mom, we like to be involved and not seem like a side project





-Hope I helped Ive gone through this tons of times with my mom she is only 30I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Alan,





Good luck!! I distinctly remember liking very few of my mother's boyfriends when I was a teenager (and younger). Only a couple of them were able to win my affection. Those who did, were able to find a way to relate to me. For instance, I was a big fan of the WWF. At the time, I had a cast on my leg so the one boyfriend offered to paint the Ultimate Warrior on my cast. From then on he was a GREAT guy. Another guy ordered pay-per-view WWF at his house and invited me to watch it with him and allowed me to bring over friends.





Those guys who ignored me received the wrath. I would do silly things like put gum in their hats, steal their license plates and throw them away, etc. I hated that they were spending time with my mother and appeared to be a priority over me. This is best mitigated by including her kids in activities (gifts are always good too). Just don't try too hard. Make an offer to take them to the movies, aquarium, whatever, but if they aren't interested, just say ';OK, maybe something different next time?'; Follow these rules and they will cling to you which is exactly what you will need if you want this relationship to work. By the way - if you do not like her kids, it is probably best to just walk away and not force yourself.
I know from my own experience growing up with a single mother of 3 young children...our main concern I can remember was that the new man would inhibit our mother or stop her from making choices she would have made otherwise when she was single. The thought that he would come in and ';run'; things was very scary for us. We thought she wouldnt be her own person anymore and go off of what he thought or did. Be very supportive and show your care for her kids, and make things very open...bc otherwise they will let fear take them over and make assumptions.
My parents are divorced. I'm living with my dad, not my mom, but I do have some comments.





Sometimes it can be really hard, and the truth is, the children will never like you a whole lot. My dad started dating this woman, and no matter how nice she was, or how happy she made my dad, I hated her. She didn't do anything wrong, I just hated her.





Whenever my parents talked on the phone, or met each other on the street and start to chat, I always hoped they would make up and get back together. But when my dad started dating another woman that hope was farther and farther away. She sort of.. confirmed their divorce.





I think the worst thing you can do is try to make the kids believe you are replacing the dad, or trying to fill his shoes. Don't think that you're their dad, because you're not. Just don't make it seem like you're replacing him.





But even if you're not their dad, you can try to be their friend. Spend time with them, bond.. Help them with homework, go shopping with them, etc.





The best thing you can do is show that you understand you're not the kids dad, and show that you really do care for the mom. As long as they understand you're not a bad guy, and you're only there to help, I think they'll accept you.





It also depends on how long it's been since their parents got divorced. If it's been a year, or two, maybe they've gotten used to it. If they've just gotten divorced, it might be harder and take a little more time for them to get used to you.





If I had a step dad, or a step mom, they would just make my life easier by showing me that they care for my mom or dad, and showing that they make them happy.





And most importantly, make sure that the mother doesn't choose you over the kids, if she does, they will start to hate you. Make sure she still pays attention to her kdis, so they don't feel left out, and so that they don't feel like she cares more about you then about them.





Good luck! :)
When my mum started dating a guy when i was 12 i hated him. he did nothing wrong and tried to make friends with us but i still hated him. mainly because he was taking my mum away from us, or so i thought.





you have to be careful when in this situation, dont be there all the time because it will be too much for her children. Take them all out as a family and try bonding.


My mums guy moved in almost straight away and it was so bad for us.





Always remember that they are her children so be careful when disciplining them as she will always take her kids side no matter what