Need advice on Delivery-room situation going through a divorce?

My Soon to be ex-husband wants to be second to hold our son when he is born. I don't want him in the room when i am in labor i told him after i am fully dressed he can come in and be second to hold him. My problem is My whole family dislikes him very strongly he has put me through allot. My mom has stepped up when he has not! he left me for a younger woman and told me about it when i was 4wks. That's ok i am ok with everything now, I just don't know how to tell my mom she will be 3rd to hold my son. I feel like it'd kinda be a slap in th face but she will get to see him com into the world and his father won't. I am really stressing about the whole precess this is our 2nd child so i'm not scared of pain or ne thing just the tension that WILL be there. if anyone has any suggestions on how to let my mom know with out bn mean please let me know thank you.





ps my friend told me just to let my mom hold him bc what my sons father wont know wont hurt him but i would feel guiltyNeed advice on Delivery-room situation going through a divorce?
The baby is HIS child. Not your mothers. Unless he has been beating you, do this one thing. It is the last personal thing you will have to do for him and it will hopefully make him a better parent than he was husband.. Your mom will deal just fine unless she is so terribly selfish. If she is a loving grandmother, she would not want to see the child made into a pawn, as suggested by other posters. The child should be loved by both parents, regardless of their personal relationship with each other.Need advice on Delivery-room situation going through a divorce?
Forget feeling guilty! Was he feeling guilty when he left you? No! Your mom has been the one there for you, she deserves to hold the baby after you. Your ex can come into the room to visit once you are in recovery. He hasn't acted like a man, so you don't owe him anything.


P.S. Your first born should hold the baby before ';dad';, too.
well if you look at it in a technical way you will be either the second or the third to hold the baby. the doctor will have the baby and most likely he wont hand the baby to you. he will hand him to the nurse who will weigh him measure him and wrap him up, then you will get him. and you also mentioned he wont be in the room during delivery since he cant come in until your dressed, my guess is your mom will be in there though. so i'm also going to guess that your not going to hand your baby to a nurse will you get modest so he can come in are you? so your mom is probably the person that baby is going to go to, for those few min. explain to your mom that it is impotent to you that she hold him, but with the stress of a delivery you'd rather not have a big fight with the babies daddy, about who hold him when. and you should not feel guilty in my opinion his rights would matter to me about none, about the time he left me preggo for some one else.


(p.s. my husband was far down the list of who eld are daughter when she was born. not cause i didnt want him to but because i had a c-section and he passed out during. lol)
Let your mom be the first to hold the baby. The doctor can hand him straight to grandma, not a problem. Then you hold him. You can tell your ex no one has held him since you have held him, and it won't be a lie.





Personally I wouldn't let the man in my hospital room. If he left me for another woman, he can hold her hand when the baby is born for all I would care. You naturally can't stop him from being a part of the babies life, but there is no reason for you to feel quilted into him being in the room right after delivery.





Just my 2 cents worth.





~~Donna~~
Although you are the one who makes the decisions here and your comfort is top priority, he IS the father and he deserves to see his child born whether he was there for you or not.It's not about you.It's not about him.It's not about your family and their wishes.Yes, I would be flaming as well if I was in your situation, but you have to put that aside for your child.You two are going to be bonded for life whether you like it or not.





Your mother didn't help create this child and even though she has ill feelings towards him as well, this is his child.Not hers.She might not understand this but she will have to.





He can stay in the delivery room and stay above at your shoulders so he doesn't see your girlie parts (although that doesn't really make sense since you guys were married) and let him know that today (delivery day) needs to be as stress free as it possibly can and you need him to cooperate with you on this and be supportive without causing stress.
I am sorry to hear that you have to go though such a difficult time. Having a baby is a blessing. One that should bring you joy and not guilt over who gets to hold the baby and when.





Not to take sides but just to point out both views. One your X or soon to be X has a right to hold his child regardless of what is between you two. By not letting him feel like he is apart of this process, it may set the tone for how he will act latter on in the child's life, and what roll he will take.





You did not state whether he is a good father and how he is handling his first child. If he is a good father to his child and just not a good husband to you, then I think in my opinion that he should be the one to hold him before your mom if that is so important to him.A child needs the love of both mom and dad and it is important even from birth that they feel such a love.





If however you truly feel your X is just wanting to have his way to cause trouble and is using this new baby as a paw just to upset you and your family..... Then let your mom be there for you and tell him he will have his turn in time.





Regardless of your feeling towards your X you know if he loves is kids and if he is a man that wants to be there in their lives. Either way you look at it, it may be hard for you to deal with, try to be fair and honest on what you feel will be best thing to do. Not for your X or your mom but for this new life your going to have





My best wishes go out to you
Listen to your friend. If you end up feeling guilty, just remember what he did to you.
tell the nurse you do not want him in the room and they will respect your wishes make sure your mom gets the newborn band so he will not have access to the baby if that is what you wish. the nurses and doctors have to do what you wish if you do not want him to be in the room he cannot and they have to respect that I will talk to your doctor and make sure he is clear on what your wishes are .. and to be honest your friend is right , just have your mom there who cares what he thinks he gave up that right after he left you