Dating a divorced dad.....advice?

I'm dating a really great %26amp; amazing guy, but I'm starting to wonder if his past is really going to cause issues along the road. He got divorced 5 years ago %26amp; has a 5 year-old from that previous marriage. She lives in a different state, but he still maintains a close relationship with her. He's a great father %26amp; I've met his daughter. She's a bright little girl. His ex-wife, however, is NOT so great. She's a very bitter woman who does nothing but create tension %26amp; argues with my bf all the time about their daughter. I understand that it's inevitable....





It's just been hard on me, because everytime they have an argument, my bf gets in a really bummer mood. I try my best to cheer him up %26amp; give him his space, but it doesn't seem to help. I don't know how to handle it, because it doesn't make me feel so grand. He gets distant %26amp; then I'm tempted to put up my wall to protect myself from getting hurt.





Has anyone been in a similar situation? Help/advice please?Dating a divorced dad.....advice?
My situation is very similar. I've asked myself the same question over and over again. Is he worth it?





I think he's worth it so I am willing to put up with the stuff. It basically just started for me because the ex-wife just found out we've been dating for 9 months and I've been around his 5 year old daughter. She's putting the daughter thru hell and has her ask me questions all the time. When the daughter comes to dad's, she's upset by the stuff her mom says. My BF has his daughter 65% of the time and now the ex-wife wants to take back all his time and limit him to 2 days every 2 weeks. She doesn't seem to care who she hurts.





Some good advice that was given to me - try to embrace her as much as you can, be the adult in this situation, and when she doesn't get any reaction from you or your BF, eventually she will not get her jollies and go on.





Good Luck. Email me and let me know how things are going. If you and I stick together, we both might make it and have a happy ending.Dating a divorced dad.....advice?
Sounds all too familiar. Try not to take it personally....I know, easier said and done. Short of some miraculous twist of fate, this is likely to be a constant bump in the road for the duration. Try to make the best of it. Good luck. The geographical distance is likely to be the saving grace. Give a read to the book ';Generation Ex'; and if nothing else, you will have a few laughs and realize it could be worse.
I like the way your question isn't about trying to control your bf or his ex!





It sounds like your bf and his ex still have feelings for each other. You should confront him about his relationship with her.





Tell him you're worried about the way his past is haunting him. Ask him whether he thinks he should try to deal with the residue of the emotions he has from his past relationships before he can be truly open to a new relationship with you.
The BF needs to understand to power of positive thinking. Get a couple books from the library and read them you will see what I mean. I would suggest ';Think and Grow Rich'; by Napoleon Hill. It is about the ability to accumulate wealth but it is great book to teach you how to take control. It won't change the ex wife but it might allow him to handle it better.
I'm sorry but you need to realize if you get into a relaitonship with this man, this will ALWAYS be there. At least for the next 13 years. So try to decide now whether this is something you're willing to deal with for a good decade.








Also, Melody, are you mad???? YOu never give your phone # out on the internet!!!
No i have not be i am going to tell you this


if you care about him then you can do anything with him.


my hubby's family dont like me and that has it promlbes but we are still together after 6 yrs and we love each other more then anything and we have 3 kids
My husband and I are in a similar situation in reverse (I have custody, and my ex-husband is a COMPLETE @$$).





We did some couples' counseling so that we could voice our feelings in a non-threatening or accusatory way, and the therapist had a few sessions with each of us and gave us coping techniques. It has helped...which is not to say its perfect, but nothing ever is.





If you care about your guy, explain that you're worried for your future and you would like to help not only you guys as a couple but him for himself and his daughter (because I'm sure some of his hostility leaks out and his daughter feels it too).





Best of luck.
This is a bad situation for your boyfriend, however he is making a mistake that will ultimately hurt his relationship with his daughter - he is passive aggressive.





Your boyfriend need counseling and may have to have his ex wife come to a session or two also. He needs to develop skills that he can communicate effectively with the mother of his child and not let her get to him.





Good luck.
His ex will always be a part of his life because they have a child together. That's something you can never change. So now the question is whether you are willing to accept it, and the problems it entails?
Girlfriend I am in the same situation. Contact me asap, so I can let you no of some things that may happen. melodyjones2245@yahoo.com or 843-926-7842
first of all, arguing all the time between ex spouses is NOT inevitable, its absolutely NOT normal...not between mature adults with a child in the middle! she pulls his strings and he still jumps...theyre not completely separate yet. if you can get him to not react to her invitations to fight, she will eventually stop trying, but he cannot react to any of her behaviors. i almost married a man just like that, and woke up one night to his ex wife standing at the end of our bed in a crazy rage. sorry hon, but it sounds like hes not ready for you yet. talk to him about it and see if he wants to make the break from his ex wife for good.
I've been there girl. Do yourself a favor and RUN!!!! Things like that don't end pretty. Wish I had taken my own advice.
I know what you are saying. Your bf needs to keep his issues with his ex-wife out of the relationship with you. He will always need to deal with her on a limited basis because of the daughter, however, he should not let that contact be a focus in his life, or have his issues with her interefere with the relationship he has with you. Maybe he is having too much contact with the ex and he needs to tone it down, and not take her so serious anymore. If you and he are serious, then he should not be having a 'close relationship' with her anymore. They are DIVORCED and they both need to let go and get on with their lives. His dealing with her should be exclusive to business about their daughter, and that should be it. If he can't let this close relationship go, then maybe he isn't ready for a relationship with you.
It would be a rare situation if the divorced folks got along. Unfortunately, you are going to only get one side of that conversation. Any time a child is involved there will be a forever bond between those two people, good or bad.





The poor child will be the one who really suffers but remember that people who have lived together and had a child know where all the soft spots are and how to really get ';to'; the other one.





This may never go away and you really need to think long and hard before staying in this relationship unless you can talk to him and let him know how you feel. Perhaps he can try to let you know what the problem is and not take out his anger on you or sulk and be distant when you have nothing but try to support him. Like I said - think long and hard! Good luck to you!
I'm in it even further than you are. My b/f's kids don't even know me (after almost 3 years). I'm hurt every second weekend, half the summer, Christmas vacation, etc. But no matter how this situation hurts me, I know it isn't something HE is doing TO me to make me hurt - it's a situation that affects me, not one I've created. I love him like life, and to love him unconditionally I have to accept that his children are in a different space than I want them to be. But they are his children, and I will never, ever get between them. I'm not saying you should do the same, just to really evaluate whether what you're feeling is badder than the good is ';gooder';.
My stepchildren were 2, 3, 5 %26amp; 6 when I met my husband. He was separated for about 2 yrs. Just imagine all of the tension she tried to cause us.





It can be frustrating buy you have to try not to let it get to you. You have to keep in mind that when he gets in these ';bummer moods'; they basically have nothing to do with you. If you love each other than you will get through it.





We have been together over 10 years now and married 7. We all get along, Our 6 %26amp; 7 yr old even spend nights at the ex's house with their sisters. So yes, it can work out.
It's just a control issue with his ex. He needs to know that she will always use that little girl to get under his skin.The moment he stops that, her control will end until she can find another vise, if he allows her to. Just give him his space and tell him how you feel when he gets like that. Keep the lines of communication open, maybe he wants to talk to you about it but doesn't know how. That is very important.
DO NOT MARRY HIM! You will be miserable, being a stepmother is very hard and dealing with an ex wife is very stressful. I've been married to a guy with kids and I can not do this anymore, his ex is poisoning our relationship! Good luck to you!