I need advice on what to do, 2 small children and I'm on the verge of getting a lawyer to file for divorce...?

Long story short. My husband and i have been together since 95'. We got married 7 years ago and just last year i gave birth to our twins. They are now 16 months old. My husband is an alcoholic, he has a gambling problem and he's selfish person who always claims to be so giving. he is now seeing a therapist for his ';depression'; yet he continues to gamble, drink and stay out late at night. In the past he has cheated but he swears to God he hasn't cheated since we got married. I have stood by him as a good wife, Ive been going to marriage counseling for 6 months. I think he is full of *hit and he's trying to hang on b/c he sees I'm waking up.


Our son was in the hospital this week w/ RSV (its' a virus that preemies get and it makes them pretty sick) he just was released last night at 10pm. Tonight, my husband is at the bar watching a football game and he sees nothing wrong with it.


I JUST DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE! but i'm also scared to leave him and raise the kids on my own. but then i say I can do it financially so why cant i do it. I need help. this pressure in my chest is overwhelming. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Ive felt the pressure for 2 weeks now. I have to do something... but what?


I need advice on what to do, 2 small children and I'm on the verge of getting a lawyer to file for divorce...?
Hon, first of all relax. Are YOU going through counseling? It is pretty hard having twins and preemies at that! And yes your husband is acting like a teenager, irresponsible and not plugged into his family.


And yes you have grounds for a divorce. But think of this divorce is forever. Do you love him? I imagine you have talked to him, threatened to leave, nagged, begged, pleaded.


If you have done all this and the hurt is more than you can stand FOREVER then go ahead and file. But as one going through it let me tell you it hurts. It is hell, feeling insecure, no support. And then there is the other part, financial. And what about dating with two small children, many guys don't want to seriously date a women with little kids.


Good luck, I probably didn't help but it is the truth.I need advice on what to do, 2 small children and I'm on the verge of getting a lawyer to file for divorce...?
If you're going to / paying a marriage counselor, you should consult that person. Tell the counselor that you think there's no hope for reaching an agreement about acceptable behavior with your husband.





And find a good lawyer.





Good luck
Listen to your gut feelings and GET OUT! My dad was the same way...they rarely change. He ended up dying from alcoholism...so my mom was right when she left him when I was 3. You can do it,,,there is a lot of help out there. Just get you sh+t and go! You will be so much happier when its over...and you deserve so much better!!!
I'm a recently divorced 40 year old in Ohio who was drawn to your situation. I pray for you and your two small children and your husband (who sounds like he is really searching in the wrong areas to find true happiness). My ex wife was never satisfied in 20 yrs together and almost 15 years married, even though we have two beautiful children together, house in the 'burbs, the whole shebang. Wasn't gambling or drinking for her, it was infidelity. I sincerely pray for your husband to understand his place in the relationship, to be the leader of the house and to be a source of true caring for you and the kids. Which brings me to you....


I pray first of all, that you are comforted to know that many, including me, have gone through similar situations. When my ex told me 18 mos ago that she was the one who wanted out (even though it was her with the boyfriend, previous indiscretions, etc..), I was devastated and didn't think I could get through it. I did. Regardless of what happens, and I hope for the best, you will get through it. Second, is there a couple that you and your husband are close to (and trust) that would include a husband of faith who might confront your guy in a caring, yet direct, man-to-man way? If so, talk to the couple right away and see if the husband can intervene. Your husband needs a jolt to his ego perhaps to make him change. Lastly, I pray for you tonight to find the strength, courage, and wisdom to make the right decisions. I'll check back on you for an update. Take care! :-)
Have you thought about a seperation? Pack you and the kids up and go stay with a family or friend for a while. Maybe him seeing you make a move such as that will actually get him to realize that you are waking up, and that you aren't going to be putting up with this stuff anymore. Of course, think about divorce if it doesn't seem to phase him. Move out, and let him know that he isn't being your partner and helping you with the children, and that he has a lot of stuff that he needs to pull together, and you are no longer going to put up with it, until those things are fixed, you are out. Maybe that sort of transition will make the change a bit easier for you too, even if you have to divorce, by moving in with a family or friend for support and help during this rough time.
Ok, first off....as far as the chest thing.... getting this checked out should be your first concern. Don't put your health at risk because your babies need you.


Secondly, its possible he has a mental condition. He's obviously got several addictions, he avoids family, responsibilities, etc. Those are often signs of mental issues.


The thing is, you say you don't want to leave and raise your kids on your own, however from the way it sounds you're already raising them on your own. The only difference is he's causing you more stress. So separating will only change the ';him causing you stress'; part.


You can raise the kids alone, and from the sounds of it you and they would be much better off. You cannot change someone, you cannot help an addict if he doesn't want help. Remove yourself and those babies from this unhealthy situation and give him space to make his decision.
First and foremost you have to decide if this is the life you want your children raised in. I hate to see divorce but it is not healthy to live like this. You have to put your kids first because no one else will. I think you are raising them alone anyways and on top of it you have to worry about this husband who is obviously not worrying about you or the kids. It sounds like you have done all you can do. This is a miserable way to live your life. You should be enjoying your kids and not dealing with this crap