Divorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?

I'm getting remarried next week and my gf is very excited about being a stepmom to my 8 yr old son. The problem is my exwife who is possessive of our son and very jealous of my gf.She has already been a problem with my gf's involment with our son and its only going to get worse once we get married. I have joint custody with my exwife and see my son every other day and have to deal with my ex often. I really want to take the high road with my ex(for my sons sake) so whats the best way to handle my gf becoming my son's new stepmom without making waves with my exwife? Divorced moms what would piss u off if your ex got remarried?Divorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?
for the first while, give your ex and your new wife some time to adjust. Keep them apart lol..or youll have war on your hands. Didnt you watch Dr.Phil the other day? He says not to allow the new spouse to become the disciplinary(sp??) whatever you do. It will cause war between the ex and the new wife and the child and the new wife. Make sure youre very clear that she isnt trying to become his 'new; mom , but more your wife. Its gonna be hard and shes bound to get offended more than once. Just take the high road like you said and don't get into it with her. She'll get over it. Maybe lolDivorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?
Keep it cool and businesslike when dealing with your ex wife. You have joint custody, so you have a lot of power. Don't let her intimidate or threaten you.





Give your kids the most positive experience you can. They are likely to be exposed to a lot of negative energy from your ex wife, and this will need to be countered. Answer their questions honestly, as they have a right to know the truth. Give them all the love you have, it will be fine. Tough, but fine.





Good luck.
Your ex is angry and striking out because she is afraid. Afraid of another woman stepping into her role as your son's mother. I can understand that.





What would make me mad? The step mother assuming the role of disciplinarian, psudo mother while my child was over there.





I would suggest reiterating to your ex wife that nobody will be able to take her place as your son's mother. I would suggest having a sit down with your ex and trying to work this out with her BEFORE you get married. Ask her what she needs to feel more comfortable with the situation..and see if you can come to some sort of a compromise for your son's sake. He needs to have peace and he needs to know that his Mom is okay with him having a relationship with his soon to be step mother.





It might make sense to go to a family conselor and see what he/she might have to offer. Perhaps a sit down meeting with a counselor your ex and soon to be wife is in order without you being in the room. They will need to be able to work this out or your son will pay the consequences.





Good luck
Crystal has a GREAT attitude re: the stepmom. But, what I would suggest is invite your ex to some counseling sessions, because your gf is here to stay as the new Mrs in your house. It's not going to be easy the first year, I imagine, but it's excellent that you're already thinking about it.





It's a shame that your ex wife can't be the bigger woman (how long have you 2 been divorced? This gf wasn't the reason for your divorce, was she? Then I can understand why your ex is less than friendly). One of the previous posters mentioned that you could tell your son that he has one more person who will care about him, but only 1 mom:-)





I wish you the best of luck!
Take a co-parenting class like Britney and k-fed-ex.
get involved in exercise or activities to take away stress; don't make the same mistake of focusing and expecting too much from a relationship...have life outside of you marriage
You have to consider that perhaps your ex doesn't feel the same way you do about your fiance. Mothers are generally very protective when it comes to who is having close contact with their children.


You sound like you trust your fiance, but it's to be expected that your ex may not trust her right away.


It sounds like you seem to think she's jealous about you remarrying, but that might not have anything to do with it at all. She might just be concerned about the child.
Any other woman functioning in the role of mother to my children when I was unable to be with them--- especially if she was also to be married to my husband--- would likely make me crazy. (I am not divorced so I can only imagine.) Your ex may not be handling the situation in a mature manner out of jealousy or bitterness, but you can still do your best to minimize her emotional responses and keep your children and soon-to-be new wife out of the line of fire. Deal with any situations that arise with the ex yourself. Take total responsibility for trying to work out any issues as they arise with your ex. Conflict should not be addressed by your GF or the kiddies. That has potential to put the children even more ';in the middle';, and your ex is probably not going to be interested in your new loves' thoughts on parenting her childen.





You can serve as a SILENT example to your children of appropriate treatment of others when it comes to their mother. That simply means that you and your GF avoid engaging in discussion or commentary on Mom's behaviors or attitudes if there is any possibility of the children hearing. You do address situations as they occur in a civilised and unemotional manner. If your ex is able to cause you or the new stepmom to become emotional (angry, tearful, frustrated, etc.) then she is likely to continue acting in whatever manner produced the result of suffering for you. If she cannot get a rise out of the happy couple, then she will likely look for new tactics. Hang in there, and choose to be a good example for your kids when dealing with one of the more difficult situations in life.
your ex has to get over herself. your ex wife is going to mad at you for anything you do. sooner or later she will get over it. probably later. as long as you and your new wife make sure all your son's needs are met. don't worry about it.


(to keep more peace) just make sure any discipline you do not your new wife. keep trying to take the high road, it will get difficult but keep trying.








this is a suggestion for your son's peace of mind. let him know ';he has one dad and one mom, he does not have to call any one else mom or dad and your new wife is one more person to love him';. i told my step son that when he was younger (i think he was around your son's age, he is 18 now). and it seemed like a sigh of relief from him.


good luck and congrats!!!


make sure you %26amp; your soon to be bride and your son is happy. don't worry what your ex thinks. just try to be civil with her.
I would be very annoyed if the step Mom tried to decide things...or make descisions which were not hers to make....also ';stepMom'; is a term for a child who has no Mother.....to the son, your girlfriend is just that....your girlfriend...she is not his Mom...in any way....not even Step....he has a Mom. The best she can hope for is a fun friendship with your son which over the years may grow into a deeper friendship.


Personally, if I were his Mother I would never allow the use of the term Step Mom.
My exhusband is remarried and I love my childrens new stepmom. My children don't car efor her too much so they say but I do. She stands to the side most of the time but when she sees that my ex is having problems she steps in and calmy talks to them instead of yelling and calms the situation. My ex is a great guy but hasnt got the parenting skills maybe he should but with her there with him i feel comfortable sending the kids there. Singe parenting is extremely difficult I am a single mom so it comforts me knowing he has the help. The only things that get me upset are silly little things that later i regret gettingf so angry about like when my 8 yr old daughter comes home with a haircut that we didnt discuss and she suggested to my ex so he listens. I know I am very fortunate to have the relationship with the two of them that I do but it is mainly because we communicate well and I know she is an asset to my ex and the children and she is not trying to take over as their mom. It also may help she has a child of her own.
Your son's mom does not want to see anything that makes it look like she is being replaced in the family (especially if she is the reason you two got divorced). You shouldn't encourage your son to call the new wife ';mom'; or anything like it. The child's mother should be the one you work with on any decisions/issues affecting the child. I think the best way to handle it is to not make any changes. Just because you're marrying her doesn't mean that her relationship with your son will change. Your son is not entering into a new commitment, you are.
I would take both girls to lunch or dinner. If you go out there should be less yelling. Tell her you are concerend you both love ur son and want the best for him. She should know you would never try and replace her and that you would never be around anyone who would do anything bad to him. Ask her to spend the day with ur gf and ur son. Just the 3 of them so that she can see how they are together. Let her in a little more then u really want to for a while so she knows that she is still needed and lived.