I am separated from my so-to-be ex-husband. We do not have any kids or property together. We were married for about a year and a half. We have also worked out all of our bills and accounts we had together, so we don鈥檛 have any finical ties. We separated on July 1, 08. My dilemma is that I can simply not afford a lawyer right now and I make to much money to get any type of legal help from county/state. I have found a web site were I can buy all the paper work and information that I need for a divorce in VA. I can buy that package for a little over $50, and do the whole thing myself. One of my questions is that we have to be separated for 6 months; does that time start from our legal separation or do we get the time from when we actually separated (July 1)? Second questions; how does the whole process work (step-by-step)? Third; any additional advice or your stories of divorce would be helpful.Need advice/help with getting a legal separation/divorce in Stafford, VA?
The separation starts from the day he left the home. That is your separation date. Believe me I am going through a divorce in VA as well. I am still learning the process and wish I could help you more.Need advice/help with getting a legal separation/divorce in Stafford, VA?
why dont you get an uncontested divorce? what is it that you are looking for, alimony? If you dont have enough money for a lawyer, look for one that does pro-bono work. In some cases they will do it for no fee, particularly in cases of abuse. If you are separated for over a year, you can get a divorce on grounds of abandonment. But your divorce has to have a reason, or grounds for filing.
I was in your situation, but we have a child together. You might not have to buy those papers for $50. Check your county website to see if there is any paperwork for dual fault or no fault divorce. Once you have the paperwork filled out %26amp; notarized, you go to the county so they can file it %26amp; you'll have to pay court fees (in Illinois, it was $270). From there, you will probably get a court date to go before the judge so he can approve it. That's how it worked for me.
ask a lawyer.....or some 1 that knows not here.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thinking it may be best to file for divorce but I am scared, I need advice and support.?
5 years ago my husband had an affair. We had problems and I am not going to blame it all on him I don't communicate it's hard for me. After the incident we tried for a while but 3.5 years later we separated and have been living apart ever since. We see eachother and tried to spend time as a family with the kids 3 times a year and in that time we rekindled our relationship. In this time I have come to the realization that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and continue to work to break the patterns. As I have changed he has become different, not openly aggressive but not kind and no longer cares to ask how my day was, or how we're doing. For the first time in 2 years I feel like a single parent. I feel so dissapointed because I did everything in my power to save this marriage but I don't think I will ever feel safe at his side. I am afraid my marriage will always be a battlefield and I don't want to live that way or have my kids in that situation.Thinking it may be best to file for divorce but I am scared, I need advice and support.?
Well it sounds like u have already made up ur mind. What r u scared of starting all over? being alone? well if i were u I would get some time alone and talk to him tell him how u feel but give him an option to change it. Cuz it sounds like u still love him and u really dont want it to be over but u just cant live with the way things r right now. Communition is the key to ANY relationship! remember that.Thinking it may be best to file for divorce but I am scared, I need advice and support.?
Divorce is never the best option so you could always discuss things with your spouse and maybe a counslor to get things worked out
Couples counseling. Have somebody help the two of you. If not to put the relationship back together then to help you end it and to help you do right by your children. Think twice before you abandon the relationship though. Go see a counselor.
get out before you waste any more time and energy in a no win situation. at least you tried to make it work.
Well it sounds like u have already made up ur mind. What r u scared of starting all over? being alone? well if i were u I would get some time alone and talk to him tell him how u feel but give him an option to change it. Cuz it sounds like u still love him and u really dont want it to be over but u just cant live with the way things r right now. Communition is the key to ANY relationship! remember that.Thinking it may be best to file for divorce but I am scared, I need advice and support.?
Divorce is never the best option so you could always discuss things with your spouse and maybe a counslor to get things worked out
Couples counseling. Have somebody help the two of you. If not to put the relationship back together then to help you end it and to help you do right by your children. Think twice before you abandon the relationship though. Go see a counselor.
get out before you waste any more time and energy in a no win situation. at least you tried to make it work.
I am going through a divorce and have no confidence in my solicitor and i need advice desperately.?
i dont know what i am entitled to. my husband has his own business and drives a porsche and lives in a big house with his girlfriend. he doesnt pay me a penny. we have a 10 year old son.I am going through a divorce and have no confidence in my solicitor and i need advice desperately.?
Then you need to find a new solicitor. First off, he should be paying child support for your child. I'm not sure what the laws are in your country so its very hard to help you out.I am going through a divorce and have no confidence in my solicitor and i need advice desperately.?
depending on the country your in, you should be entitled to half of the total wealth of both of you put together. all assets are checked and totalled, and if one side cant pay they have to sell buisnesses, cars, houses, whatever to make up the money.
and the person who has the child usually gets money from the other side (child maintenance) this is a percentage of there wage (eg if they get a 拢100 and your entitled to 40% you get 拢40)
If you are in the uk, you will have to phone the CSA, as courts etc don't deal with child maintenance unless your ex wants an informal agreement drawn up (ie you and he agree between yourselves) CSA only backdate from the date you get in touch with them and apply for it so get on the phone tomorrow!! As for your divorce settlement, it should be a 50:50 share of all assets, but a friend told me that when children are involved, sometimes it could be 60:40 in your favour. You really need a better lawyer if yours isn't providing this info already. Look under Family Law and good luck.
Check with the Bar Association and find out if this lawyer has any complaints against him. I am astonished that you and your son are penniless! Register your information with the ';dead beat dads'; registry. Go to Court and start action for child custody payments. Do not worry about loosing your son, you won't, he is 10 and can choose his parent or at least have a say in the matter. There are many lawyers who will see you the first time, for 0 dollars. Some that will take your case, and not charge you anything until the outcome. Some that will take nothing, if they loose. You need a good and smart lawyer, who only specializes in divorces. I have always found that the ';women'; of this profession to be the best. Start looking...
Go and get yourself another solicitor its vitally important you have confidence in therm.
Go to the CSA for child support believe me he wont like them come knocking but now you have to go down that road.
As your child is only 10 then you should be entitled to remain in the marital home or the divorce settlement may be 60:40 split in your favour. The child is important here and his fathers responsibility only stops once he gets to 19 for Child support.
You really do need a solicitor though.
He moved the girlfriend in quick didnt he!! that might go against him.
Anyway good luck and keep smiling it takes awhile but you will come through it and yes you will be a stronger person.
Get a solicitor you can trust. You are entitled to half of whatever he has.
He has the cheek to call himself a father,How long has he got away with not paying child support,Maybe it can be backdated.
Good luck,Sounds like your well rid of the waste of space.
leave him
Ofcourse you are entitled to child support. It would depend on the laws of your state, if you will get alimony or not. If the business was aquired after you got married, you should be entitled to half of the business, he can buy your half, and you two should sell the house and split the money in half.
my advice to you if you do not know what you are entitled to get, is to seek a solicitor that actually deals with family law.
seek one out and go for gold.
You are entiltled to half of everything as you are married to him, he also has to pay you maitenance for your son. if you are on benefits you should be entitled to free legal aid. in my experiance the smaller the firm of solicitors the better give big falsh ones a wide berth as they just want your money.
Anything that was obtained through the marital time period is fair game, sweetheart, and personally I think you should stick it to him!
Talk to your solicitor and let them know how frustrated you are...or go see another solicitor secretly to get a 2nd opinion. You will be legally entitled to proceeds from his business for years to come AND you get to have spousal support and child support. Go get it...good luck
your entitle to HALF of everything...............
you will get half of just about every thing but thats not the most inportant thing your son is try not to be sad crying ect around him as this will rub off on him keep yhe head up coz there iz allways a better day round the corner ps if you dont trust your solicitor go with your gut feeling get rid or just let them do there job trust is what u need good luck
If you have no confidence in your solicitor then why not? change solicitor if you need to. You should be getting child maintenance and am sure you are entitled to other assets too.
Get a new solicitor. When you pay someone to do a job for you and they don't, they get fired. You are entitled to at least half of your combined holdings or at least that is the case in the States. You also should be getting child support. Here, deadbeat dads get tracked down and in some States they lose certain rights if they don't pay, like their Drivers License. Good luck to you....
Then you need to find a new solicitor. First off, he should be paying child support for your child. I'm not sure what the laws are in your country so its very hard to help you out.I am going through a divorce and have no confidence in my solicitor and i need advice desperately.?
depending on the country your in, you should be entitled to half of the total wealth of both of you put together. all assets are checked and totalled, and if one side cant pay they have to sell buisnesses, cars, houses, whatever to make up the money.
and the person who has the child usually gets money from the other side (child maintenance) this is a percentage of there wage (eg if they get a 拢100 and your entitled to 40% you get 拢40)
If you are in the uk, you will have to phone the CSA, as courts etc don't deal with child maintenance unless your ex wants an informal agreement drawn up (ie you and he agree between yourselves) CSA only backdate from the date you get in touch with them and apply for it so get on the phone tomorrow!! As for your divorce settlement, it should be a 50:50 share of all assets, but a friend told me that when children are involved, sometimes it could be 60:40 in your favour. You really need a better lawyer if yours isn't providing this info already. Look under Family Law and good luck.
Check with the Bar Association and find out if this lawyer has any complaints against him. I am astonished that you and your son are penniless! Register your information with the ';dead beat dads'; registry. Go to Court and start action for child custody payments. Do not worry about loosing your son, you won't, he is 10 and can choose his parent or at least have a say in the matter. There are many lawyers who will see you the first time, for 0 dollars. Some that will take your case, and not charge you anything until the outcome. Some that will take nothing, if they loose. You need a good and smart lawyer, who only specializes in divorces. I have always found that the ';women'; of this profession to be the best. Start looking...
Go and get yourself another solicitor its vitally important you have confidence in therm.
Go to the CSA for child support believe me he wont like them come knocking but now you have to go down that road.
As your child is only 10 then you should be entitled to remain in the marital home or the divorce settlement may be 60:40 split in your favour. The child is important here and his fathers responsibility only stops once he gets to 19 for Child support.
You really do need a solicitor though.
He moved the girlfriend in quick didnt he!! that might go against him.
Anyway good luck and keep smiling it takes awhile but you will come through it and yes you will be a stronger person.
Get a solicitor you can trust. You are entitled to half of whatever he has.
He has the cheek to call himself a father,How long has he got away with not paying child support,Maybe it can be backdated.
Good luck,Sounds like your well rid of the waste of space.
leave him
Ofcourse you are entitled to child support. It would depend on the laws of your state, if you will get alimony or not. If the business was aquired after you got married, you should be entitled to half of the business, he can buy your half, and you two should sell the house and split the money in half.
my advice to you if you do not know what you are entitled to get, is to seek a solicitor that actually deals with family law.
seek one out and go for gold.
You are entiltled to half of everything as you are married to him, he also has to pay you maitenance for your son. if you are on benefits you should be entitled to free legal aid. in my experiance the smaller the firm of solicitors the better give big falsh ones a wide berth as they just want your money.
Anything that was obtained through the marital time period is fair game, sweetheart, and personally I think you should stick it to him!
Talk to your solicitor and let them know how frustrated you are...or go see another solicitor secretly to get a 2nd opinion. You will be legally entitled to proceeds from his business for years to come AND you get to have spousal support and child support. Go get it...good luck
your entitle to HALF of everything...............
you will get half of just about every thing but thats not the most inportant thing your son is try not to be sad crying ect around him as this will rub off on him keep yhe head up coz there iz allways a better day round the corner ps if you dont trust your solicitor go with your gut feeling get rid or just let them do there job trust is what u need good luck
If you have no confidence in your solicitor then why not? change solicitor if you need to. You should be getting child maintenance and am sure you are entitled to other assets too.
Get a new solicitor. When you pay someone to do a job for you and they don't, they get fired. You are entitled to at least half of your combined holdings or at least that is the case in the States. You also should be getting child support. Here, deadbeat dads get tracked down and in some States they lose certain rights if they don't pay, like their Drivers License. Good luck to you....
I'm young. my parents had a divorce. might be moving. HELP!! i need advice?
my parents r legally married, but the process has been going on for a little over 2 and a half years ( and still going on now) because of the house and because my father is all about revenge (no reason) and being stupid. my mom is really stressed and can't sleep at night because of all the stress and all the paper work. my grandparents are so upset over it that my grandma got the shingles and i am probably moving. i know my mom said that if we move she'll try as best as she can to stay in the same area so i can go to the same school, but i think she's just saying this to protect me. my mom always does everything for me and i need some advice to help her relax. she's the best mom anyone can have, but i need her to be able to sleep at night cause its not helping her.
p.s. u should also know my mom has severe rheumatoid arthritis and is not doing wellI'm young. my parents had a divorce. might be moving. HELP!! i need advice?
If your father is a revengeful person, then maybe it is best they are getting divorced. Just be there for her when she needs you. Try to tell her everything is okay. Also, I do not know if you believe in God, but if you do, you should pray. Don't worry too much. Everything will be okay eventually. Just let time pass by...I'm young. my parents had a divorce. might be moving. HELP!! i need advice?
tell your dad how much his attitude is hurting you. Tell him that you are starting to actually hate him and he needs to stop it right now.Remind him there are millions of kids out there strung out on drugs because they hate their parents. Tell him to think about you for a change and stop hurting you!
See if you can live with a relative until the divorce is final or the situation resolves (not with your grandmother though--shingles is contagious)
Well,I wish you and your family luck but unfortunately this is something your parents are going to have to work out!
Stay with your mom, she'll need you.
i would talk to your dad. well actually you should talk to your ddad. but any how if i were you i would talk to my father.
Me: dad this isn't going anywhere? you can have all the sh*t you want here. *throughts money clothes toys at him* All i want is some peace for me and mom. IS that too much to ask?
yeah but im one crazy sonofabitch. i would go bonkers and there too manythings that i would do. but this is the most i can offer you. the desent one.
hope i helped
p.s. u should also know my mom has severe rheumatoid arthritis and is not doing wellI'm young. my parents had a divorce. might be moving. HELP!! i need advice?
If your father is a revengeful person, then maybe it is best they are getting divorced. Just be there for her when she needs you. Try to tell her everything is okay. Also, I do not know if you believe in God, but if you do, you should pray. Don't worry too much. Everything will be okay eventually. Just let time pass by...I'm young. my parents had a divorce. might be moving. HELP!! i need advice?
tell your dad how much his attitude is hurting you. Tell him that you are starting to actually hate him and he needs to stop it right now.Remind him there are millions of kids out there strung out on drugs because they hate their parents. Tell him to think about you for a change and stop hurting you!
See if you can live with a relative until the divorce is final or the situation resolves (not with your grandmother though--shingles is contagious)
Well,I wish you and your family luck but unfortunately this is something your parents are going to have to work out!
Stay with your mom, she'll need you.
i would talk to your dad. well actually you should talk to your ddad. but any how if i were you i would talk to my father.
Me: dad this isn't going anywhere? you can have all the sh*t you want here. *throughts money clothes toys at him* All i want is some peace for me and mom. IS that too much to ask?
yeah but im one crazy sonofabitch. i would go bonkers and there too manythings that i would do. but this is the most i can offer you. the desent one.
hope i helped
Advice for a friend going through a divorce...?
First off, I went through this last year at this time and I am watching another friend go through a similar experience.
One of the most difficult things about going through a divorce is the issue of friends. you lose some, you find some from unexpected places and then there is the issue of mutual friends/acquaintances.
As I originally said, I have a friend going through a divorce. She's been in contact with a mutual friend of the marriage, who has been passing along comments that the two spouses have been saying about each other.
In my experience, this was probably the most hurtful thing thing that can be done. Let's face it, you've got two people going through the most difficult crisis of their lives and the only thing that's happening is the information being passed is elevating the hurt/crisis.
I'm curious if others have had to address this situation and if so, did you find a pleasant way to resolve the issue?Advice for a friend going through a divorce...?
get a hobby and focus more on yourself
One of the most difficult things about going through a divorce is the issue of friends. you lose some, you find some from unexpected places and then there is the issue of mutual friends/acquaintances.
As I originally said, I have a friend going through a divorce. She's been in contact with a mutual friend of the marriage, who has been passing along comments that the two spouses have been saying about each other.
In my experience, this was probably the most hurtful thing thing that can be done. Let's face it, you've got two people going through the most difficult crisis of their lives and the only thing that's happening is the information being passed is elevating the hurt/crisis.
I'm curious if others have had to address this situation and if so, did you find a pleasant way to resolve the issue?Advice for a friend going through a divorce...?
get a hobby and focus more on yourself
So, I caused a divorce and I can't stop laughing about it. advice??
seduced this married woman for kicks, her husband found out....that was the end of that. but i honestly feel guilty even though i find it funny. what can i do??So, I caused a divorce and I can't stop laughing about it. advice??
I really don't see what can be funny about any of it, there again people like you that set out to cause relationship breakdowns must all be alike, the woman who slept with my husband whilst I was pregnant with baby no.2 sat and smirked her way through countless court hearings etc.
I agree with karma, it will catch up with you, and then you'll all have to form smirks anonymous to support each otherSo, I caused a divorce and I can't stop laughing about it. advice??
repent and change your life to something decent. you must have a very empty life if you have nothign else to do.
Being a party to destroying a marriage is not funny.
What goes around comes around---a truism(no time limit on this one). And the favorite....Payback's a *****(fate sometimes takes notice if you've been a especially shitty person)
Sounds like your quite deserving of both...
well sweet cheeks karma wont be fun when the pain you caused comes back on you 3x as bad
History always repeats itself. Repentance and living on repentance is the only way.
thats life, they proberbly wasnt getting on anyways so you done them a favour :)
her husband took the easy way out. he got rid of her rather than accept that she had her own sexuality.
marriage shouldn't be about control.
you're lame.
Well first of all you should fill guilty for messing with a married woman which is adultery and just wrong but, You cant break up a happy home
you did't do sereve mistake, so you need't to feel guilty about that.
Repent!
Technically it's only half your fault (the other half is hers); but clearly your supply of empathy needs to be topped up, you're running on less than a quarter of a tank. I recommend charity work of some sort.
Really think about why you did it and if you come to realize that it was a mistake then try not ever doing it again then it should be ok. Now if you did it for ulterior motives then just be careful with the choices you make it might come back and bite you in the ***. But to make you feel better its not really your fault that they got divorced. You were just the straw that broke the proverbial camels back. It was a crappy marriage anyway, why would the wife mess around with a girl or anyone for that matter if it was a good marriage? Just don't do it again. BTW you are probably laughing cause you are scared about what you were involved in. Go to counseling to figure out why you really did it.
can't stop laffin?
...on the toilet? ...in the bath...? ...when you're eating? ...when you're with the person who is getting divorced cos of you? oh, sorry, i forgot, you didn't care, it was for kicks - you've moved on, laughing all the way - you are not the only bi-sexual person in the world you know: HA HA HA (sarcasm can be infectious)
sure you're not on drugs?
you will sure lose weight
you already lost your integrity
and you didn't WIN a thing
How about getting a life instead of ruining them?
IT WON'T BE SO FUNNY WHEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT AND THEY WILL.
NOONE WILL TRUST YOU, WANT TO BE AROUND YOU. INVITE YOU TO THIER PARTIES. I'D MAKE AMMENDS IF I WERE YOU, TALK TO HER HUSBAND AND HER TOGETHER....GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY SISTER!
YOU SHOULD LET HIM KNOW YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE AND YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK UP THIER HOME, AND IT'S TEARING YOU APART. GET THEM TOGEHTER AND TALK TO THEM BEFORE IT'S TO LATE WOMAN!
ummm...you need help?
if you enjoyed it, do it again with someone else.lips
I really don't see what can be funny about any of it, there again people like you that set out to cause relationship breakdowns must all be alike, the woman who slept with my husband whilst I was pregnant with baby no.2 sat and smirked her way through countless court hearings etc.
I agree with karma, it will catch up with you, and then you'll all have to form smirks anonymous to support each otherSo, I caused a divorce and I can't stop laughing about it. advice??
repent and change your life to something decent. you must have a very empty life if you have nothign else to do.
Being a party to destroying a marriage is not funny.
What goes around comes around---a truism(no time limit on this one). And the favorite....Payback's a *****(fate sometimes takes notice if you've been a especially shitty person)
Sounds like your quite deserving of both...
well sweet cheeks karma wont be fun when the pain you caused comes back on you 3x as bad
History always repeats itself. Repentance and living on repentance is the only way.
thats life, they proberbly wasnt getting on anyways so you done them a favour :)
her husband took the easy way out. he got rid of her rather than accept that she had her own sexuality.
marriage shouldn't be about control.
you're lame.
Well first of all you should fill guilty for messing with a married woman which is adultery and just wrong but, You cant break up a happy home
you did't do sereve mistake, so you need't to feel guilty about that.
Repent!
Technically it's only half your fault (the other half is hers); but clearly your supply of empathy needs to be topped up, you're running on less than a quarter of a tank. I recommend charity work of some sort.
Really think about why you did it and if you come to realize that it was a mistake then try not ever doing it again then it should be ok. Now if you did it for ulterior motives then just be careful with the choices you make it might come back and bite you in the ***. But to make you feel better its not really your fault that they got divorced. You were just the straw that broke the proverbial camels back. It was a crappy marriage anyway, why would the wife mess around with a girl or anyone for that matter if it was a good marriage? Just don't do it again. BTW you are probably laughing cause you are scared about what you were involved in. Go to counseling to figure out why you really did it.
can't stop laffin?
...on the toilet? ...in the bath...? ...when you're eating? ...when you're with the person who is getting divorced cos of you? oh, sorry, i forgot, you didn't care, it was for kicks - you've moved on, laughing all the way - you are not the only bi-sexual person in the world you know: HA HA HA (sarcasm can be infectious)
sure you're not on drugs?
you will sure lose weight
you already lost your integrity
and you didn't WIN a thing
How about getting a life instead of ruining them?
IT WON'T BE SO FUNNY WHEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT AND THEY WILL.
NOONE WILL TRUST YOU, WANT TO BE AROUND YOU. INVITE YOU TO THIER PARTIES. I'D MAKE AMMENDS IF I WERE YOU, TALK TO HER HUSBAND AND HER TOGETHER....GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY SISTER!
YOU SHOULD LET HIM KNOW YOU'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE AND YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK UP THIER HOME, AND IT'S TEARING YOU APART. GET THEM TOGEHTER AND TALK TO THEM BEFORE IT'S TO LATE WOMAN!
ummm...you need help?
if you enjoyed it, do it again with someone else.
Please offer advice with selfish husband and I don't want a divorce???
I really need some serious advice on this topic...I am so frustrated. My husband is 23 %26amp; I am 31. He makes 1/4 of what I make %26amp; has never been on his own or had any responsibility. I have always had to pay for all of the bills, daycare, rent, food, everything %26amp; he has not contributed anything. We have been together 5 years %26amp; yes I have made the big mistake of ';taking care'; of him %26amp; now it's just become a habit. We truthfully have very little money for the essentials %26amp; I explain that to him %26amp; it's like he literally doesn't hear me. I just told him I only have $100 to spare for non-necessity's %26amp; he really wants a dirt bike. He calls me back two minutes later %26amp; says he needs $350 to pay part of it today %26amp; is asking me for it...HELLO did you not just hear me??? He really doesn't get it. I have nothing %26amp; he always wants to buy something not essential %26amp; has NO patience to wait. If I can't come through he pouts and it is a big fight even though he will say he doesn't mind. HELP!!!Please offer advice with selfish husband and I don't want a divorce???
he is so taking advantage of you....what you need to figure out for yourself if what you get out of this relationship is worth all the whiny baby crying every time he doesnt get his own way over extra things that he shouldnt have in the first place. It's time for him to grow up. Write up a list of essentials and then split the cost of everything---who cares if he cant afford it, that is HIS problem---tell him that in order for YOU to feel secure about HIM he is going to need to carry his fair share. Listen I know you dont want to get divorced over this but wow he is so immature and OBVIOUSLY not ready for life to begin and I see no reason and no benefit for you to continue to enable him to do this behavior and I guarantee that he will continue to abuse your relationship this way because you have him beleieving that he is necessary to your life and thus you would never get rid of him no matter how he behaves or what he does/does not contribute to hte household and the longer you let him think that the worse it is going to get to the point where you start to believe that C-rap yourself. I would let the phones get shut off, wait for a disconnect notice for the electric bill, not but any food except to feed the kids, wait for rent to be late and then ask him what is HE going to do about it, after all he is the ';man'; of the house. I don't understand how you are surviving when he is draining all your resources....think about it, how much would you be losing out on...the whiny crybaby crap, the no money issue but what is there being used for stupid stuff....I honestly would ask for a trial seperation and force him to live on his own adn pay his own way---OH that's right he can't AFFORD it, hmmmm, I am curious as to who is going to help YOU out when you get sick or something like that and cant work for a week. I can almost guarantee that if you cut off the money and rent and food supply either he will grow up or find another ';sugar momma'; to take care of his needs, you aint the only one with money(what little you have) and when he cant get from YOU what he wants he will go looking for it, I promise. Anytime someone ';fights'; over not being able to spend money for extras especially when there isnt enough for essentials, isn't going to wait around and listen to NO for very longPlease offer advice with selfish husband and I don't want a divorce???
He isn't going to change. He was 18 and you were 27 when you got together so you have practically raised him. And don't tell me he was mature for his age; he obviously wasn't.
You won't get a divorce and you insist on keeping this husband who is really a boy. Since you won't leave him, and he won't change, you will have to treat him like the spoiled brat he is.
Give him an allowance (an amount equal to what you keep for yourself!!!) and tell him he has to live off of it. And be prepared for the fights.
I may not sound like it but I truly feel bad for you. Best of luck; you are going to need it.
BTW, I would strongly suggest keeping the divorce option in mind; it may grow him up a little.
You don't have a husband, you have a teenager and another child. He is EXTREMEMLY immature and does not seem to have any interest in the well being of your family.
What positive attributes does he have, if any? No one ever wants to get a divorce, but at the same time, why stay in the same struggling marriage when there's no light of positive change in sight?
First of all if you don't want a divorce why did you put this in the singles cat. Anyway, if you seriously don't want a divorce (which I don't condone either) you have to accept the fact that you married a boy and you are the grown up in this relationship. Put your foot down with the finances. He obviously doesn't have a problem with it so take control.
The Doormat Syndrome by Lynne Namka.
Log on to Amazon.com and get the book, read it and you'll know what to do.....
he is so taking advantage of you....what you need to figure out for yourself if what you get out of this relationship is worth all the whiny baby crying every time he doesnt get his own way over extra things that he shouldnt have in the first place. It's time for him to grow up. Write up a list of essentials and then split the cost of everything---who cares if he cant afford it, that is HIS problem---tell him that in order for YOU to feel secure about HIM he is going to need to carry his fair share. Listen I know you dont want to get divorced over this but wow he is so immature and OBVIOUSLY not ready for life to begin and I see no reason and no benefit for you to continue to enable him to do this behavior and I guarantee that he will continue to abuse your relationship this way because you have him beleieving that he is necessary to your life and thus you would never get rid of him no matter how he behaves or what he does/does not contribute to hte household and the longer you let him think that the worse it is going to get to the point where you start to believe that C-rap yourself. I would let the phones get shut off, wait for a disconnect notice for the electric bill, not but any food except to feed the kids, wait for rent to be late and then ask him what is HE going to do about it, after all he is the ';man'; of the house. I don't understand how you are surviving when he is draining all your resources....think about it, how much would you be losing out on...the whiny crybaby crap, the no money issue but what is there being used for stupid stuff....I honestly would ask for a trial seperation and force him to live on his own adn pay his own way---OH that's right he can't AFFORD it, hmmmm, I am curious as to who is going to help YOU out when you get sick or something like that and cant work for a week. I can almost guarantee that if you cut off the money and rent and food supply either he will grow up or find another ';sugar momma'; to take care of his needs, you aint the only one with money(what little you have) and when he cant get from YOU what he wants he will go looking for it, I promise. Anytime someone ';fights'; over not being able to spend money for extras especially when there isnt enough for essentials, isn't going to wait around and listen to NO for very longPlease offer advice with selfish husband and I don't want a divorce???
He isn't going to change. He was 18 and you were 27 when you got together so you have practically raised him. And don't tell me he was mature for his age; he obviously wasn't.
You won't get a divorce and you insist on keeping this husband who is really a boy. Since you won't leave him, and he won't change, you will have to treat him like the spoiled brat he is.
Give him an allowance (an amount equal to what you keep for yourself!!!) and tell him he has to live off of it. And be prepared for the fights.
I may not sound like it but I truly feel bad for you. Best of luck; you are going to need it.
BTW, I would strongly suggest keeping the divorce option in mind; it may grow him up a little.
You don't have a husband, you have a teenager and another child. He is EXTREMEMLY immature and does not seem to have any interest in the well being of your family.
What positive attributes does he have, if any? No one ever wants to get a divorce, but at the same time, why stay in the same struggling marriage when there's no light of positive change in sight?
First of all if you don't want a divorce why did you put this in the singles cat. Anyway, if you seriously don't want a divorce (which I don't condone either) you have to accept the fact that you married a boy and you are the grown up in this relationship. Put your foot down with the finances. He obviously doesn't have a problem with it so take control.
The Doormat Syndrome by Lynne Namka.
Log on to Amazon.com and get the book, read it and you'll know what to do.....
Advice after a serious break up or divorce..?
I recently came out of a bad relationship where I had been cheated on for quite a while and during the relationship I thought what we had was very serious and real. It was completely crushed to find that the person I had considered spending my life with would hurt me the way he did. It was very hard for me to move on and I was constantly upset. One day someone gave me some advice that made me do a complete turn around. I was told, ';Look at it this way, now that its over you get to move on and fall in love all over again.'; Almost immediately it made me excited to think of that amazing falling in love feelings that I not had the opportunity to find again and I was so excited to start dating again that I wiped my tears, put up the ice cream, and didnt look back. Have you ever been given advice that changed the heartbreak that you felt and motivated you to move on? what was it?Advice after a serious break up or divorce..?
...Yes, they ask me if I would volunteer, to work in a program, at an exotic location, I said Yes!...4 months later, I met, my future wife, we were married two years later...still here too!
thanks for asking...
...enjoy!Advice after a serious break up or divorce..?
i just was told to ';cry now. feel the pain. but after that, go on, move on. leave all these tears here.'; it is not really easy to move on but definitely it's just a step away. when you feel the pain, definitely the hurt always stings. so why carry them with you?
Have I ever been given advice that changed the heartbreak that I felt....?
No. Only time dulls the pain of a bad breakup.
The real trick is to learn from the experience and move on, without developing the 'scar tissue' that makes you suspicious of other potential mates and their motives.
Best of luck in your new relationships.
during the divorce, my best friend looked at me and said ';look, the woman doesn't want you... why would you want someone that doesn't want you?';
it all sank in.
2 weeks after, divorce was final. (i walked away from about 200k in assets, and only regret is not doing it sooner)
that was about it.
Not advice, but in considering whether or not to forgive him a second time, I caught him cheating a third time. There is just no cure for stupid, he's an idiot, so I'm not there anymore.
...Yes, they ask me if I would volunteer, to work in a program, at an exotic location, I said Yes!...4 months later, I met, my future wife, we were married two years later...still here too!
thanks for asking...
...enjoy!Advice after a serious break up or divorce..?
i just was told to ';cry now. feel the pain. but after that, go on, move on. leave all these tears here.'; it is not really easy to move on but definitely it's just a step away. when you feel the pain, definitely the hurt always stings. so why carry them with you?
Have I ever been given advice that changed the heartbreak that I felt....?
No. Only time dulls the pain of a bad breakup.
The real trick is to learn from the experience and move on, without developing the 'scar tissue' that makes you suspicious of other potential mates and their motives.
Best of luck in your new relationships.
during the divorce, my best friend looked at me and said ';look, the woman doesn't want you... why would you want someone that doesn't want you?';
it all sank in.
2 weeks after, divorce was final. (i walked away from about 200k in assets, and only regret is not doing it sooner)
that was about it.
Not advice, but in considering whether or not to forgive him a second time, I caught him cheating a third time. There is just no cure for stupid, he's an idiot, so I'm not there anymore.
Need advice on asking husband for divorce...?
I am going to tell my husband I want a divorce and I know he is not going to accept it. He gets angry very easily and I am not sure how to go about doing it. He does not get physical, just verbal. We have 3 children ages 10, 13, %26amp; 17 and I have been trying to wait until after Christmas. It is getting harder to do. He knows our marriage is in trouble (I have told him, just not said the ';D'; word). I am done and am ready to start over with my children and have a happy home with just myself and them. He causes them to cry several times a week for simple things, ignores us, pays attention when he feels like it, and more. Please do not lecture about counseling etc. I only want advice on: A: waiting til after Christmas (which I think I should do for the sake of the children), and B: how do I tell him? In a resteraunt where he can't blow up, at home alone, or somewhere with someone present? Also, I don't have money to go to a lawyer to serve him with papers. Help?!Need advice on asking husband for divorce...?
call some of your friends to stay beside you so that they can help you whatever happens anytimeNeed advice on asking husband for divorce...?
Say goodby to knives , guns and notify police. I would rather see a workout.
This is a difficult question, I would wait until after the holidays. I know it will be horrible but I guess it is only a few more weeks. Spend as much time away from him as possible. Go shopping with the kids or go to some activities around town such as at church or a parade. Then when the time comes, I would sit down with him alone, I don't know if I could face him at a restaurant. But I would make sure the kids are gone and then just sit down with him and just tell him you want a divorce! Set the dates, such as when you or him are going to leave the house and make sure you are clear about those dates. If you come across wishy washy he may try to get by you. He will probably blow up, at that point you get up and re-state what is going to happen, such as ';you need to be moved out of the house in 2 weeks and from now on you sleep in the basement!'; Then you leave the house! Come back when the kids are supposed to be home. There is no easy way to do this, I have never had to do this but I have laid down an unpopular law a few times and this is how I usually do it. Don't sit there and waste time while he belittles and berates you. Good Luck!!!
Good luck. A guy who gets angry very easily could be a powder keg waiting to go off. Wait until after Christmas, then tell him away from the kids but with somebody else around. You will need a lawyer. Have a plan in case you need to get away to a shelter. Verbal abuse is still abuse and could very well be considered illegal (threats, intimidation, etc...).
Ugh, you are in a ugly situation but one that I am only to familiar with, as I to want to get away from a husband %26amp; I will but not till I take care of a few lose ends, %26amp; thank god he isnt a verbal jerk, my hubbys just a functioning drunk! %26amp; We dont have kids, but we own a home together, but enough about me, lets talk about what you should do, Im really leaning on the side of you hanging in their for the sake of the kids till X-mas is over, I mean you have held on for this long, whats another 10 days? I also see you have done a bit of your homework regarding this guy, I like the idea about meeting him %26amp; talking about divorce in a safe place like a resteraunt, smart idea! This gives you more control %26amp; leaves him looking helpless, I love that! Now the hard part, money, if you want a divorce, you need money %26amp; alot of it, as good attorneys or even bad attorneys are gonna cost ya, so I recomend that you get one, if you cant afford it theirs whats called legal aid, I dont know where you live but many, many states have this %26amp; you still have to pay but charge you by what your income is. So do some reading on line or in the yellow pages %26amp; check it out. Wish You lots of luck! Because I cant stand a man who is a verbal jerk!
Your husband knows it's over also. But his pride is going to be hurt. I would wait till after New Years and then I would tell him with either a friend or relative , altho relatives tend to want to stay out of things. Don't tell him in front of the children. Sometimes the father , or mother has a way of making the children a weapon against the other. I would tell him in a crowded place. Also, I would talk it over in private with the children as they are old enough to know what is going on. Get their advice on what they think you should do, but by all means, make them know that none of you and your husbands problems are not their fault. I would explain that you and your husband have just went in two seperate directions and it is no ones fault. Don't use the kids as a weapon against him and I would make arrangements to let them see him, IF they want too. The kids are really the ones who get's hurt in thses kind os situations. It is sad but true.
Even though you say you are not in a crisis, I would get in touch with your local domestic violence shelter for more information. They can give you lots of information, and all the choices will still be yours. Good advocates don't try to sway you to do anything. They know all the legal and safety resources, as well as having shelter, groups and counseling for victims of all kinds of abuse, not just physical abuse. (VERBAL COUNTS)...and resources to help a new single mom get on her feet if that is a problem. You partake of the services you want and need and they know how it all works.
Holidays aside, if things are bad enough or if you are in any danger, you really should consider immediate action. Your Christmas would suck anyway. If it is a slow brewing problem that can wait, of course this is a hard thing to do at Christmas time and of course you can wait.
You may want to reconsider how you think he will react...and have a plan of safety, up to and including shelter, if the sh!t hits the fan. If he has ever been unpredictably abusive in the past, I would err on the side of caution with this issue.
I'm sorry you and your kids are going through this. I wish you the best, and I just prayed for you to be wise and stay safe.
do it somwhere infront of ppl u guys know (make sure they know about it 1st) so they can bak u up and help u if he BLOWS UP!!!!
Tell him over the phone and don't tell him where you're at.
Why did you have three children with a jerk ? Wasn't that cruel to do to children? If you are really doing this for the sake of your children, ask them if they want you two to divorce or not - ask them if they think he is horrible to be with -- they are old enough to know. If they say yes, then do it . If not, suck it up and wait till they are older and get some counseling to deal with it meanwhile. Regardless, dont ruin their Christmas - you can wait 2 weeks (you have been with him at least 17 years).
I would wait til after Christmas for the kids' sake. My husband left me the freakin day before my oldest daughter's birthday and she was devastated.
If you're afraid he'll hurt you, do it with a friend or family member around.
If money is a problem, you might wait til you get it. If he goes and files for divorce before you, you only have a certain amount of time to respond. You might want to get some legal advice before you say anything to him. Lots of attorneys do a free consultation.
Well,
A) I would wait untill after Christmas.
B) Not in a restraunt, that may seem a little romantic for a divorce, problay at home when your kids are at school and yes, with a person present.
I would say just do it than tell him you filed because he's going to threaten you with everything and than you might change your mind and you and your kids will never be happy.And when you tell him you do need someone around or in public we all know men have a tendency to blow up,so good luck!
Tell him somewhere neutral. not at home in private. u can go to local library and run copies of divorce papers by yourself and the set up payment arrangements with the court on filing fee....also there is divorce court Good luck, God bless, and Merry Christmas
Yes, wait till after Christmas... as for how to tell him you want a divorce, there is no easy way to do it. Id get a friend with me and then tell him. Let him get angry and yell, its going to hurt and that's the response. Your friend will be there to make a call and play neutralizer. Now the way you approach the divorce will have affect on his reaction as well. Maybe start off with... Ive been thinking allot aboutt divorce, and the more i think abou it the more i agree with it. What do you think? Let him answer and go from there.
Tell him at counseling.
That's hard. I'm a 38 yo man- and I divorced my wife a few years back. We have 3 kids too. Hardest thing you'll ever do. No matter what though, you have to keep these factors in mind:
#1) The dumbest thing you can do is feel sorry for the person you are divorcing - no matter what. When they find out, they will change their behavior to make it easier for you to feel bad for them. DON'T GO THERE.
#2) Kids KNOW when something is terribly wrong anyway. If you very carefully explain the situation to them at some point, they WILL understand it. Girls will understand it well before boys will, but both will get it. (I was lucky to have all girls -they are more switched on than boys, don't know why.)
#3) There MUST be a way to serve him with the papers without spending a lot of money. Check the internet.
#4) Waiting until after Christmas is a good idea. After New Years would be even better. The reason I say this is because things are open. Offices etc are open for business. You don't want to blow a bunch of time sitting around in misery waiting for some place you need to open.
#5) Record the conversation with a small recording device. Sounds paranoid, but you'll be surprised what kind of dirt will come out of the filters during that conversation. I feel sick right now just thinking about it.
#6) Don't only tell him, SERVE him with the papers. Treat it more like an action that is being taken rather than a conversation that's happening. The action of it will pack a bigger punch than just talking about it. HERE are the papers.
#7) Have someplace else to stay for a while in case things get too hot. See if a friend has a couch for you.
#8) Stay out of other relationships for at least a year when it's over. I'm guessing you knew this one.
Good luck!
Use a credit card to hire a lawyer. Mine only cost $599.... he was sleezy, but got the job done. If you are going to do it.... file for custody of the kids before you tell him and request to stay in the marital home (which will force him to move out). These things will only be in effect until you go to court pending a judge's decision. If he is making your children cry every day then waiting until after Christmas is not going to make your holidays any better, it may be the opposite... less stress with him gone could make your holiday brighter. Good luck!
You better have a game plan and get ready to split here:
Step One Respect your spouse's feelings. There is a history between the two of you, and whether or not your love for them is gone, you should care about their feelings enough to be kind. Avoid triggering their emotional responses by being straightforward.
2Step Two Prepare for guilt. This may not necessarily come from your spouse. The people close to you, friends, family co-workers, may have some emotional reactions to your split. They may try to make you feel guilt about being the one to ask for divorce. Keep in mind that it is your life, and this is your way to make a new start.
3Step Three Use ';we'; statements. By stating that you both as a couple are having problems with communication you are not laying blame on your spouse. When you decide to ask for a divorce, you need to be as diplomatic as possible in the talk.
4Step Four Go to a public place. If you fear retribution or yelling, go to a secluded but public place. This will give you privacy to talk things through, but will hinder any heated arguments.
5 Step Five Be confident. No matter what the reaction to your statement, remain strong. When you ask for a divorce you may not be able to determine before hand what the reaction will be. Your spouse can be either very understanding, having felt the same way, or become very angry or emotional. Stand your ground, and make sure that you know exactly what you want to convey in the initial conversation.
ok, well, my advice about the ppwk is to go to the library. They will have the ppwk that you need. You can make copies and if you live in a no fault state like I do, you can pay a filing fee (like $100). This only works though if he would sign the papers. In the city I live in, you can go to the clerks office to get them to serve the papers.
Now....about when / where to do it. I think if he gets abusive being in a restaurant would only put off the inevitable. He will just blow up later when you are home.
It might be best just to get through it. Just do it. I would wait until after the holiday though. He needs to know how you feel and putting it off seems like it causes you alot of anxiety. I would talk to the children first and see what their thoughts are. They are old enough to handle this and you want them to be prepared for whatever fall out there is, especially if he is verbally abusive.
I wish you well and I hope you are able to get through this with the least amount of worries as possible. I am going through something similar and the holidays are the worst this year because of it.
a. if you feel that after Christmas is best, then do so. cause otherwise the kids could remember this as the Christmas mom and dad broke up. then again they could do cartwheels in excitement. you know your kids better than we do.
b. ask yourself these questions, well he make a sence in public; do you feel threaten like you would feel safe if you told in a public place, like a park or out to eat; or do you feel unsafe to where you need someone to be there with you. (whatever you decide, make arrangements for kids to be gone or not around) also what are your plans after you tell him? who will leave, or will you both stay in the house? will he try to get custody of the kids? how will everything be decided - the assets? who and how will you tell the kids?
and check into legal aid or do your research on how much it cost for a divorce. you may even want to wait till you have money saved up for the divorce and/or money saved up just in case you have to do a quick get away. never know how he may react to his babygirl leaving with the kids.
wish you the best...
Try sayin' these words, ';Hocuss, Pocuss, Flippidy-Flam, A-Raza-Matazz, and Alagazamm!!!!!!';
Has he disappeared? No? say, ';Alagazamm! Alagazamm, Alagazamm!'; Is he gone, yet?
If he hasn't disappeared yet, just start yellin', ';I wanna divorce! I wanna divorce!';
how about leaving a note when you depart. let him cool off then call. after christmas.
Hi, please be careful, and make no apologies for wanting to get out of your marriage. Have the police come to your house to do what is called a ';stand by'; if you want to serve him. Also, you can just leave and not say anything if you have a place to go. Just make sure that your have someone with you. Even though he hasn't been physical, don't totally let down your guard. You can write your own divorce papers. You can at least serve him, and then if he insists that you go to court, you can ask him to pay attorney's fees. DIvorce kits can be found online ( try ot look for one that is specific to your state--because each state has different requirements) also you can go to office max or office depot. They have divorce kits, will kits etc. I did my own divorce ( granted it was uncontested) and it went through fine. Best of luck to you. It's only a few more days until Chirstmas. If you can make it, and you are not in any danger, stay until after, and then go.
First of all dont panic. A divorce is hard enough and you don't need to add to that by stressing out. Before you tell your husband your big news take your own time to cool down. think about the possible scenarios that could go down and how you will deal with them. this way you'll be prepared and there will be less surprises. Since there are kids in the house and your husband can get verbal do try taking him to dinner or someplace quiet but public. Try to first explain your reasons behind the divorce and your feelings about it. of course this is a delicate situation and the children should be as cushioned as possible from this expierience so try and tough it out until at least two months after the holiday season. Also try to make an effort to get along with the hubby this christmas and spare the kids the site of any arguments.
A. YES definatly wait until after Christmas otherwise it will be horrible for the children, and something that they will always remember
B. If you really think that he is going to threaten your life, then I would do it at a private place with someone present ... someone that can protect you if necessary (Brother, Father, Male Friend) .....
On a side not, I know that you want to start over with your kids, but dont think that he wont try to get custody of the kids ... he will be angry and spiteful and do anything to hurt you, especially if it means taking custody of the kids.
As far as not having money to get the papers, go to your local county office and ask the fees and proper procedures ... they might know a way to help you through the system financially since you have 3 kids
oh man. wild i am so sad for you. i went through the same stuff and it sux. the first thing you need to do is to go to the courthouse of your county and ask to speak to a pro bono lawyer( this means lawyers who donate free time for the bennis). this lawyer will be free and will tell you exactly what you need to do. don't do this on your own. call 911 and ask for a policeman to come to your house when you tell your hubbie you want a divorce. call me and i'll come out and stand by your side while you do it. good luck sweetie. be strong
WELL HONEY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT YOUR MIND MADE UP ALL I CAN SAY IS MAKE IT WORK IF NOT IN YOUR INTEREST THEN TEL HIM SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT ALSO THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS OKAY BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY CRY THEY LOVE DADDY SO DON'T FORGET THAT...TELL HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND IN PUBLIC...
I would actually like to talk to you on this issue because I am in a situation just like that. greenapple_27 is my yahoo acct also email greenapple_27@yahoo.com
There must be a good reason for you to want a Divorce in the first place because you didn't state why. I would not wait.As humans the smartest things we do are on impulse.Start packing,hiding money,get ready,go!Don't wait til he gets home to tell him,leave a note.After you file and he's served,you might just get the house,if you want it,be sure to get a TRO this will keep you safe and out of harms way untill a court date.
Tell him after the holidays. My wife of five years just told me after coming homefrom a 3 month deployment. I fell like **** and the holidays will never be the same. She just came out and told me. So I would do the same it would make you more comfortable you could have friend in the kitchen but not in the same room.
call some of your friends to stay beside you so that they can help you whatever happens anytimeNeed advice on asking husband for divorce...?
Say goodby to knives , guns and notify police. I would rather see a workout.
This is a difficult question, I would wait until after the holidays. I know it will be horrible but I guess it is only a few more weeks. Spend as much time away from him as possible. Go shopping with the kids or go to some activities around town such as at church or a parade. Then when the time comes, I would sit down with him alone, I don't know if I could face him at a restaurant. But I would make sure the kids are gone and then just sit down with him and just tell him you want a divorce! Set the dates, such as when you or him are going to leave the house and make sure you are clear about those dates. If you come across wishy washy he may try to get by you. He will probably blow up, at that point you get up and re-state what is going to happen, such as ';you need to be moved out of the house in 2 weeks and from now on you sleep in the basement!'; Then you leave the house! Come back when the kids are supposed to be home. There is no easy way to do this, I have never had to do this but I have laid down an unpopular law a few times and this is how I usually do it. Don't sit there and waste time while he belittles and berates you. Good Luck!!!
Good luck. A guy who gets angry very easily could be a powder keg waiting to go off. Wait until after Christmas, then tell him away from the kids but with somebody else around. You will need a lawyer. Have a plan in case you need to get away to a shelter. Verbal abuse is still abuse and could very well be considered illegal (threats, intimidation, etc...).
Ugh, you are in a ugly situation but one that I am only to familiar with, as I to want to get away from a husband %26amp; I will but not till I take care of a few lose ends, %26amp; thank god he isnt a verbal jerk, my hubbys just a functioning drunk! %26amp; We dont have kids, but we own a home together, but enough about me, lets talk about what you should do, Im really leaning on the side of you hanging in their for the sake of the kids till X-mas is over, I mean you have held on for this long, whats another 10 days? I also see you have done a bit of your homework regarding this guy, I like the idea about meeting him %26amp; talking about divorce in a safe place like a resteraunt, smart idea! This gives you more control %26amp; leaves him looking helpless, I love that! Now the hard part, money, if you want a divorce, you need money %26amp; alot of it, as good attorneys or even bad attorneys are gonna cost ya, so I recomend that you get one, if you cant afford it theirs whats called legal aid, I dont know where you live but many, many states have this %26amp; you still have to pay but charge you by what your income is. So do some reading on line or in the yellow pages %26amp; check it out. Wish You lots of luck! Because I cant stand a man who is a verbal jerk!
Your husband knows it's over also. But his pride is going to be hurt. I would wait till after New Years and then I would tell him with either a friend or relative , altho relatives tend to want to stay out of things. Don't tell him in front of the children. Sometimes the father , or mother has a way of making the children a weapon against the other. I would tell him in a crowded place. Also, I would talk it over in private with the children as they are old enough to know what is going on. Get their advice on what they think you should do, but by all means, make them know that none of you and your husbands problems are not their fault. I would explain that you and your husband have just went in two seperate directions and it is no ones fault. Don't use the kids as a weapon against him and I would make arrangements to let them see him, IF they want too. The kids are really the ones who get's hurt in thses kind os situations. It is sad but true.
Even though you say you are not in a crisis, I would get in touch with your local domestic violence shelter for more information. They can give you lots of information, and all the choices will still be yours. Good advocates don't try to sway you to do anything. They know all the legal and safety resources, as well as having shelter, groups and counseling for victims of all kinds of abuse, not just physical abuse. (VERBAL COUNTS)...and resources to help a new single mom get on her feet if that is a problem. You partake of the services you want and need and they know how it all works.
Holidays aside, if things are bad enough or if you are in any danger, you really should consider immediate action. Your Christmas would suck anyway. If it is a slow brewing problem that can wait, of course this is a hard thing to do at Christmas time and of course you can wait.
You may want to reconsider how you think he will react...and have a plan of safety, up to and including shelter, if the sh!t hits the fan. If he has ever been unpredictably abusive in the past, I would err on the side of caution with this issue.
I'm sorry you and your kids are going through this. I wish you the best, and I just prayed for you to be wise and stay safe.
do it somwhere infront of ppl u guys know (make sure they know about it 1st) so they can bak u up and help u if he BLOWS UP!!!!
Tell him over the phone and don't tell him where you're at.
Why did you have three children with a jerk ? Wasn't that cruel to do to children? If you are really doing this for the sake of your children, ask them if they want you two to divorce or not - ask them if they think he is horrible to be with -- they are old enough to know. If they say yes, then do it . If not, suck it up and wait till they are older and get some counseling to deal with it meanwhile. Regardless, dont ruin their Christmas - you can wait 2 weeks (you have been with him at least 17 years).
I would wait til after Christmas for the kids' sake. My husband left me the freakin day before my oldest daughter's birthday and she was devastated.
If you're afraid he'll hurt you, do it with a friend or family member around.
If money is a problem, you might wait til you get it. If he goes and files for divorce before you, you only have a certain amount of time to respond. You might want to get some legal advice before you say anything to him. Lots of attorneys do a free consultation.
Well,
A) I would wait untill after Christmas.
B) Not in a restraunt, that may seem a little romantic for a divorce, problay at home when your kids are at school and yes, with a person present.
I would say just do it than tell him you filed because he's going to threaten you with everything and than you might change your mind and you and your kids will never be happy.And when you tell him you do need someone around or in public we all know men have a tendency to blow up,so good luck!
Tell him somewhere neutral. not at home in private. u can go to local library and run copies of divorce papers by yourself and the set up payment arrangements with the court on filing fee....also there is divorce court Good luck, God bless, and Merry Christmas
Yes, wait till after Christmas... as for how to tell him you want a divorce, there is no easy way to do it. Id get a friend with me and then tell him. Let him get angry and yell, its going to hurt and that's the response. Your friend will be there to make a call and play neutralizer. Now the way you approach the divorce will have affect on his reaction as well. Maybe start off with... Ive been thinking allot aboutt divorce, and the more i think abou it the more i agree with it. What do you think? Let him answer and go from there.
Tell him at counseling.
That's hard. I'm a 38 yo man- and I divorced my wife a few years back. We have 3 kids too. Hardest thing you'll ever do. No matter what though, you have to keep these factors in mind:
#1) The dumbest thing you can do is feel sorry for the person you are divorcing - no matter what. When they find out, they will change their behavior to make it easier for you to feel bad for them. DON'T GO THERE.
#2) Kids KNOW when something is terribly wrong anyway. If you very carefully explain the situation to them at some point, they WILL understand it. Girls will understand it well before boys will, but both will get it. (I was lucky to have all girls -they are more switched on than boys, don't know why.)
#3) There MUST be a way to serve him with the papers without spending a lot of money. Check the internet.
#4) Waiting until after Christmas is a good idea. After New Years would be even better. The reason I say this is because things are open. Offices etc are open for business. You don't want to blow a bunch of time sitting around in misery waiting for some place you need to open.
#5) Record the conversation with a small recording device. Sounds paranoid, but you'll be surprised what kind of dirt will come out of the filters during that conversation. I feel sick right now just thinking about it.
#6) Don't only tell him, SERVE him with the papers. Treat it more like an action that is being taken rather than a conversation that's happening. The action of it will pack a bigger punch than just talking about it. HERE are the papers.
#7) Have someplace else to stay for a while in case things get too hot. See if a friend has a couch for you.
#8) Stay out of other relationships for at least a year when it's over. I'm guessing you knew this one.
Good luck!
Use a credit card to hire a lawyer. Mine only cost $599.... he was sleezy, but got the job done. If you are going to do it.... file for custody of the kids before you tell him and request to stay in the marital home (which will force him to move out). These things will only be in effect until you go to court pending a judge's decision. If he is making your children cry every day then waiting until after Christmas is not going to make your holidays any better, it may be the opposite... less stress with him gone could make your holiday brighter. Good luck!
You better have a game plan and get ready to split here:
Step One Respect your spouse's feelings. There is a history between the two of you, and whether or not your love for them is gone, you should care about their feelings enough to be kind. Avoid triggering their emotional responses by being straightforward.
2Step Two Prepare for guilt. This may not necessarily come from your spouse. The people close to you, friends, family co-workers, may have some emotional reactions to your split. They may try to make you feel guilt about being the one to ask for divorce. Keep in mind that it is your life, and this is your way to make a new start.
3Step Three Use ';we'; statements. By stating that you both as a couple are having problems with communication you are not laying blame on your spouse. When you decide to ask for a divorce, you need to be as diplomatic as possible in the talk.
4Step Four Go to a public place. If you fear retribution or yelling, go to a secluded but public place. This will give you privacy to talk things through, but will hinder any heated arguments.
5 Step Five Be confident. No matter what the reaction to your statement, remain strong. When you ask for a divorce you may not be able to determine before hand what the reaction will be. Your spouse can be either very understanding, having felt the same way, or become very angry or emotional. Stand your ground, and make sure that you know exactly what you want to convey in the initial conversation.
ok, well, my advice about the ppwk is to go to the library. They will have the ppwk that you need. You can make copies and if you live in a no fault state like I do, you can pay a filing fee (like $100). This only works though if he would sign the papers. In the city I live in, you can go to the clerks office to get them to serve the papers.
Now....about when / where to do it. I think if he gets abusive being in a restaurant would only put off the inevitable. He will just blow up later when you are home.
It might be best just to get through it. Just do it. I would wait until after the holiday though. He needs to know how you feel and putting it off seems like it causes you alot of anxiety. I would talk to the children first and see what their thoughts are. They are old enough to handle this and you want them to be prepared for whatever fall out there is, especially if he is verbally abusive.
I wish you well and I hope you are able to get through this with the least amount of worries as possible. I am going through something similar and the holidays are the worst this year because of it.
a. if you feel that after Christmas is best, then do so. cause otherwise the kids could remember this as the Christmas mom and dad broke up. then again they could do cartwheels in excitement. you know your kids better than we do.
b. ask yourself these questions, well he make a sence in public; do you feel threaten like you would feel safe if you told in a public place, like a park or out to eat; or do you feel unsafe to where you need someone to be there with you. (whatever you decide, make arrangements for kids to be gone or not around) also what are your plans after you tell him? who will leave, or will you both stay in the house? will he try to get custody of the kids? how will everything be decided - the assets? who and how will you tell the kids?
and check into legal aid or do your research on how much it cost for a divorce. you may even want to wait till you have money saved up for the divorce and/or money saved up just in case you have to do a quick get away. never know how he may react to his babygirl leaving with the kids.
wish you the best...
Try sayin' these words, ';Hocuss, Pocuss, Flippidy-Flam, A-Raza-Matazz, and Alagazamm!!!!!!';
Has he disappeared? No? say, ';Alagazamm! Alagazamm, Alagazamm!'; Is he gone, yet?
If he hasn't disappeared yet, just start yellin', ';I wanna divorce! I wanna divorce!';
how about leaving a note when you depart. let him cool off then call. after christmas.
Hi, please be careful, and make no apologies for wanting to get out of your marriage. Have the police come to your house to do what is called a ';stand by'; if you want to serve him. Also, you can just leave and not say anything if you have a place to go. Just make sure that your have someone with you. Even though he hasn't been physical, don't totally let down your guard. You can write your own divorce papers. You can at least serve him, and then if he insists that you go to court, you can ask him to pay attorney's fees. DIvorce kits can be found online ( try ot look for one that is specific to your state--because each state has different requirements) also you can go to office max or office depot. They have divorce kits, will kits etc. I did my own divorce ( granted it was uncontested) and it went through fine. Best of luck to you. It's only a few more days until Chirstmas. If you can make it, and you are not in any danger, stay until after, and then go.
First of all dont panic. A divorce is hard enough and you don't need to add to that by stressing out. Before you tell your husband your big news take your own time to cool down. think about the possible scenarios that could go down and how you will deal with them. this way you'll be prepared and there will be less surprises. Since there are kids in the house and your husband can get verbal do try taking him to dinner or someplace quiet but public. Try to first explain your reasons behind the divorce and your feelings about it. of course this is a delicate situation and the children should be as cushioned as possible from this expierience so try and tough it out until at least two months after the holiday season. Also try to make an effort to get along with the hubby this christmas and spare the kids the site of any arguments.
A. YES definatly wait until after Christmas otherwise it will be horrible for the children, and something that they will always remember
B. If you really think that he is going to threaten your life, then I would do it at a private place with someone present ... someone that can protect you if necessary (Brother, Father, Male Friend) .....
On a side not, I know that you want to start over with your kids, but dont think that he wont try to get custody of the kids ... he will be angry and spiteful and do anything to hurt you, especially if it means taking custody of the kids.
As far as not having money to get the papers, go to your local county office and ask the fees and proper procedures ... they might know a way to help you through the system financially since you have 3 kids
oh man. wild i am so sad for you. i went through the same stuff and it sux. the first thing you need to do is to go to the courthouse of your county and ask to speak to a pro bono lawyer( this means lawyers who donate free time for the bennis). this lawyer will be free and will tell you exactly what you need to do. don't do this on your own. call 911 and ask for a policeman to come to your house when you tell your hubbie you want a divorce. call me and i'll come out and stand by your side while you do it. good luck sweetie. be strong
WELL HONEY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU GOT YOUR MIND MADE UP ALL I CAN SAY IS MAKE IT WORK IF NOT IN YOUR INTEREST THEN TEL HIM SOON AS POSSIBLE BUT ALSO THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS OKAY BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY CRY THEY LOVE DADDY SO DON'T FORGET THAT...TELL HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND IN PUBLIC...
I would actually like to talk to you on this issue because I am in a situation just like that. greenapple_27 is my yahoo acct also email greenapple_27@yahoo.com
There must be a good reason for you to want a Divorce in the first place because you didn't state why. I would not wait.As humans the smartest things we do are on impulse.Start packing,hiding money,get ready,go!Don't wait til he gets home to tell him,leave a note.After you file and he's served,you might just get the house,if you want it,be sure to get a TRO this will keep you safe and out of harms way untill a court date.
Tell him after the holidays. My wife of five years just told me after coming homefrom a 3 month deployment. I fell like **** and the holidays will never be the same. She just came out and told me. So I would do the same it would make you more comfortable you could have friend in the kitchen but not in the same room.
Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
My husband of 3 years (he is 36 and I am 30) is not happy and has left me. He told me 5 weeks ago of this decision when we were coming back from spain in the airport on way back and that he thinks we have nothing in common and have different values. We have been together for 7 years. It came as a complete shock to me as I was not aware that there was anything wrong and we never had any arguments or issues.
I have been in a very bad state after he told me, did not wat for a week so I have only managed to gather my thoughts now. When I though back I now feel the real is his fear of becoming a father. He has a bad childhood and an alcoholic father but has never shown any signs of depression or behaving depressed until the 4 weeks before he broke up with me. He said that he was so much like his dad in a very odd manner that was really out of character. Also with kids we used to always think kids are cute when we saw them together but in last month he is not interested in kids anymore. Although we had planned everything and our job and maternity leave for starting to have a baby now.
I tried to ask him to get counselling on his own and then with me but he does not want to. I am very worried about him as he has cut all our friends off and is just not taking to anyone and has moved to his own place.
I really feel that if we can get counselling things could have some change of working out. But the pain I have been through in last 5 weeks is so hard to come back from. He has not given me any time to understand why he is leaving me and I have only had 4 very short discussions with him and just really need closure. All our friends are in complete shock. He is always a very nice and lovely person and liked by everyone and people just though we were the best couple so they have been really suprised.
I am also now in UK with him my family in in Australia and I feel very stuck and in limbo. Surely my husband is old enough (36 years) to know what he is doing. In the 5 weeks he left me he after 3 weeks said he felt guilty and we can try and sort things out, then he flipped back 2 days afterwards.
I am 30, do I try and wait for him and do counselling to help whatever he has which appears to be fear of having kids or some sort of phobia? or do I just get a divorce? He has not mentioned the word divorce, he does not appear to be in full control and does not appear to fully understand the full consequences of what he has done as he was still expecting me to go to my 30th party a week after he broke up with me and be in a state to celebrate. Also he was still planning to buy a new place with me a day before he dumped me.
I am just so sad.Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it sucks, and it hurts. However, you have to look into the future. You want children, and you deserve children. It doesn't seem that he wants children at all. Is this really the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know you love him, but you both seem to want different things out of life. I think you should just end it now, and go back to Australia. Find someone who shares the same wants and needs as you do. You can't help him, if he wont help himself first. Tell him you are leaving, that you are going to file for divorce, because you don't want to live the rest of your life this way. And you shouldn't have to. Once you tell him you are doing this, and going back home, maybe he will open his eyes and see what he is doing to your relationship. If he doesn't try to get you to change your mind, then just go on with your life without him. Hopefully it will be a wake up call for him, and he will try to seek help. Good luck in whatever you do. Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
It sounds like he is depressed perhaps and there may be a physical reason for that if he goes back and forth. Try to get him to get a physical examination to check for a bi-polar condition and perhaps something sugar related - hypoglycemia, for example. start going to counseling yourself and perhaps he may agree to go but if not, that may at least help you deal with this.
If he's told you that he isn't happy and wants to end the relationship, just let it go. You can't ';make'; someone want to try if they have already given up. Sorry he isn't able to give you the closure on why he feels this is the case, but you will eventually be able to accept this and move on. Good luck
Listen i am going thru a divorce right now, let him have some room to breathe a bit, as long as he is loyal and loves he will return. But by no means wait for ever, your young you can find someone who will threat you with respect and love, just one thing most men have a hard time showing emotion, and if he does return just be more open eyed to what he does for you it may not be much in a woman's eyes but for a man to even make the smallest gesture of love and caring to someone they love, takes alot for some. Some men can move mountains and be your rock and your defender, but sometimes we have a hard time letting woman into our hearts, and for some there mother will be the only woman they truely love. but be patient but also expect reality
Sounds like maybe something else is going on with him, I would tell him one more time that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage if he wants to work it out, but that you need a straight honest answer and if not your going back to Australia to continue your life.
oh god you are telling me about my life and 5years later i am divorced i miss him still or who he used to be. i have our girls my ex and i do not have a friendship because no valid reason was given to me and i have been angry for years he would say my attitude then he changes i hurt his feelings with my words then nagging every little **** not the real reason that hurt me to this day i turned to jesus to get some peace which i have now and my life is different i trust no man at this time and my sole comfort is in the lord who sustains me in every way.
My heart goes out to you...
There are some things about your situation that just don't add up. I don't mean this as an insult, but women are rarely caught off-guard when it comes to relationships. Women are more intuitive than men are and they can usually tell when something is amiss before things get this far.
Your husband's actions are so sudden and so drastic that they make me suspicious. Men just don't up and leave suddenly. This isn't midlife crisis, this is something else ~
~ I think he may be having an affair. The fact that you never suspected anything makes me think that this has been a long and ongoing thing for him. There's no way for you to detect a change in behavior when its been the same all along.
If this is what's happening, then I'm afraid there's not much you can do except get a good lawyer.
obvious issues with commitment. He apparently dose not want to be ';tied down';, leave him alone for a few weeks and get a life. Decide what you want to do with your life and start the process rolling. IF ';he is so mature'; he will snap out of it if not you will be ready, hang in there and be strong.
Give him time and the space he needs. I'm unsure if you're currently pregnant, if so take care of you and your baby. Don't mention divorce to him if this is not what you truly want (and it doesn't sound like it). In time things will work itself out. He's probably overwhelmed with the responsibility of marriage and pending fatherhood (if this is indeed the case).
OOOOOOOOOOOh my god i am really worried u how ever try to to talk to him talking only can solve the problem ...
I have been in a very bad state after he told me, did not wat for a week so I have only managed to gather my thoughts now. When I though back I now feel the real is his fear of becoming a father. He has a bad childhood and an alcoholic father but has never shown any signs of depression or behaving depressed until the 4 weeks before he broke up with me. He said that he was so much like his dad in a very odd manner that was really out of character. Also with kids we used to always think kids are cute when we saw them together but in last month he is not interested in kids anymore. Although we had planned everything and our job and maternity leave for starting to have a baby now.
I tried to ask him to get counselling on his own and then with me but he does not want to. I am very worried about him as he has cut all our friends off and is just not taking to anyone and has moved to his own place.
I really feel that if we can get counselling things could have some change of working out. But the pain I have been through in last 5 weeks is so hard to come back from. He has not given me any time to understand why he is leaving me and I have only had 4 very short discussions with him and just really need closure. All our friends are in complete shock. He is always a very nice and lovely person and liked by everyone and people just though we were the best couple so they have been really suprised.
I am also now in UK with him my family in in Australia and I feel very stuck and in limbo. Surely my husband is old enough (36 years) to know what he is doing. In the 5 weeks he left me he after 3 weeks said he felt guilty and we can try and sort things out, then he flipped back 2 days afterwards.
I am 30, do I try and wait for him and do counselling to help whatever he has which appears to be fear of having kids or some sort of phobia? or do I just get a divorce? He has not mentioned the word divorce, he does not appear to be in full control and does not appear to fully understand the full consequences of what he has done as he was still expecting me to go to my 30th party a week after he broke up with me and be in a state to celebrate. Also he was still planning to buy a new place with me a day before he dumped me.
I am just so sad.Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it sucks, and it hurts. However, you have to look into the future. You want children, and you deserve children. It doesn't seem that he wants children at all. Is this really the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know you love him, but you both seem to want different things out of life. I think you should just end it now, and go back to Australia. Find someone who shares the same wants and needs as you do. You can't help him, if he wont help himself first. Tell him you are leaving, that you are going to file for divorce, because you don't want to live the rest of your life this way. And you shouldn't have to. Once you tell him you are doing this, and going back home, maybe he will open his eyes and see what he is doing to your relationship. If he doesn't try to get you to change your mind, then just go on with your life without him. Hopefully it will be a wake up call for him, and he will try to seek help. Good luck in whatever you do. Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
It sounds like he is depressed perhaps and there may be a physical reason for that if he goes back and forth. Try to get him to get a physical examination to check for a bi-polar condition and perhaps something sugar related - hypoglycemia, for example. start going to counseling yourself and perhaps he may agree to go but if not, that may at least help you deal with this.
If he's told you that he isn't happy and wants to end the relationship, just let it go. You can't ';make'; someone want to try if they have already given up. Sorry he isn't able to give you the closure on why he feels this is the case, but you will eventually be able to accept this and move on. Good luck
Listen i am going thru a divorce right now, let him have some room to breathe a bit, as long as he is loyal and loves he will return. But by no means wait for ever, your young you can find someone who will threat you with respect and love, just one thing most men have a hard time showing emotion, and if he does return just be more open eyed to what he does for you it may not be much in a woman's eyes but for a man to even make the smallest gesture of love and caring to someone they love, takes alot for some. Some men can move mountains and be your rock and your defender, but sometimes we have a hard time letting woman into our hearts, and for some there mother will be the only woman they truely love. but be patient but also expect reality
Sounds like maybe something else is going on with him, I would tell him one more time that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage if he wants to work it out, but that you need a straight honest answer and if not your going back to Australia to continue your life.
oh god you are telling me about my life and 5years later i am divorced i miss him still or who he used to be. i have our girls my ex and i do not have a friendship because no valid reason was given to me and i have been angry for years he would say my attitude then he changes i hurt his feelings with my words then nagging every little **** not the real reason that hurt me to this day i turned to jesus to get some peace which i have now and my life is different i trust no man at this time and my sole comfort is in the lord who sustains me in every way.
My heart goes out to you...
There are some things about your situation that just don't add up. I don't mean this as an insult, but women are rarely caught off-guard when it comes to relationships. Women are more intuitive than men are and they can usually tell when something is amiss before things get this far.
Your husband's actions are so sudden and so drastic that they make me suspicious. Men just don't up and leave suddenly. This isn't midlife crisis, this is something else ~
~ I think he may be having an affair. The fact that you never suspected anything makes me think that this has been a long and ongoing thing for him. There's no way for you to detect a change in behavior when its been the same all along.
If this is what's happening, then I'm afraid there's not much you can do except get a good lawyer.
obvious issues with commitment. He apparently dose not want to be ';tied down';, leave him alone for a few weeks and get a life. Decide what you want to do with your life and start the process rolling. IF ';he is so mature'; he will snap out of it if not you will be ready, hang in there and be strong.
Give him time and the space he needs. I'm unsure if you're currently pregnant, if so take care of you and your baby. Don't mention divorce to him if this is not what you truly want (and it doesn't sound like it). In time things will work itself out. He's probably overwhelmed with the responsibility of marriage and pending fatherhood (if this is indeed the case).
OOOOOOOOOOOh my god i am really worried u how ever try to to talk to him talking only can solve the problem ...
Need advice regarding Oklahoma child support/ divorce, please!?
My husband has custody of his 18 year old son- we live in Virginia. The ex-wife pays no child support and lives in Oklahoma. My question is- since the child is 18 and has one more year left in high school is it possible for us to either (a) kick him out of the house or (b) send him to his mother to live? There are many, many reasons why we want to do this (the main one being that he is literally destroying our home, our marriage, and our lives with his sullen attitude). This morning he took a swing at my husband because he (hubby) pointed out that the kid needs to wipe up spills he makes in the kitchen.
If we send him to live with his mother will we have to pay child support? Thanks in advance!Need advice regarding Oklahoma child support/ divorce, please!?
Sounds like its time to introduce him to the grown-up world of the justice system!
Your husband needs to sit him down and explain what will not be tolerated as far as behavior goes. Next time, he takes a swing, he should be arrested for assault. Let him spend a couple of days in jail and explain to the court why he can't act more civilized. Since he is now legally an adult, he should be treated like one.
You may well have to pay child support and sending him back to his mother will not help him any.
If he doesn't want to comply with house rules, I suggest you give him a ride to a homeless shelter and give him a taste of what he's in for, if he doesn't behave in a more socially accepted manner.Need advice regarding Oklahoma child support/ divorce, please!?
you know you sound like a total b**** right? shouldnt have married him if you didnt love his kid
If your child is having emotional issues, the first thing to consider isn't who should or shouldn't be paying child support. The first thing to consider is how to get him some help.
If he's 18, you have no legal obligation to keep him in your home. You'd be well within your legal rights to kick him to the curb. He's old enough to provide for himself.
However, that would not be the best thing to do, as he'd be likely to drop out of school- screwing up the rest of his life.
Instead, I'd suggest going to family counseling, and getting anger management counseling. Sounds like you could use some help in this situation.
The parental thing to do is try to find some sort of resolution. Seeking professional help would be the best thing to do.
If we send him to live with his mother will we have to pay child support? Thanks in advance!Need advice regarding Oklahoma child support/ divorce, please!?
Sounds like its time to introduce him to the grown-up world of the justice system!
Your husband needs to sit him down and explain what will not be tolerated as far as behavior goes. Next time, he takes a swing, he should be arrested for assault. Let him spend a couple of days in jail and explain to the court why he can't act more civilized. Since he is now legally an adult, he should be treated like one.
You may well have to pay child support and sending him back to his mother will not help him any.
If he doesn't want to comply with house rules, I suggest you give him a ride to a homeless shelter and give him a taste of what he's in for, if he doesn't behave in a more socially accepted manner.Need advice regarding Oklahoma child support/ divorce, please!?
you know you sound like a total b**** right? shouldnt have married him if you didnt love his kid
If your child is having emotional issues, the first thing to consider isn't who should or shouldn't be paying child support. The first thing to consider is how to get him some help.
If he's 18, you have no legal obligation to keep him in your home. You'd be well within your legal rights to kick him to the curb. He's old enough to provide for himself.
However, that would not be the best thing to do, as he'd be likely to drop out of school- screwing up the rest of his life.
Instead, I'd suggest going to family counseling, and getting anger management counseling. Sounds like you could use some help in this situation.
The parental thing to do is try to find some sort of resolution. Seeking professional help would be the best thing to do.
Need advice pertaining to legal seperation & divorce in NY?
Me %26amp; my future ex have been living apart (mutually separated) since Feb. 05,although it has not been a ';legal'; separation.we both want to file for divorce(since it is totally uncontested)but I'm not sure how to proceed %26amp; don't know if our special circumstance makes it more complicated.she also only wants a certain amount of child support paid %26amp; not what the NYS says I should pay.is it really necessary to be ';legally'; separated for 1 year before we can file for divorce;or can we use the fact that we already have been living apart for so long??I'm a little confused here %26amp; hopefully someone can give me some guidance.Thanks so much!Need advice pertaining to legal seperation %26amp; divorce in NY?
Get a lawyer! We're just a bunch of dopes answering questions. Why do you mistake this for legal advice?
lips
Get a lawyer! We're just a bunch of dopes answering questions. Why do you mistake this for legal advice?
Any advice on how to move on after my divorce?
I really loved her. I knew we had issues going into the marriage, but I also knew we had great potential. Unfortunately, it was always about the potential rather than the reality of it all. We could never consistently maintain the type of relationship we wanted/needed. I miss the good times, so I force myself to think about the bad times. That just depresses me more. Any (friendly) advice on how to move on with my life with a truly broken heart?Any advice on how to move on after my divorce?
I agree with everyone who has answered already. Its a very painful process especially if you are the one who did NOT want it. Do what I did...get busy!!! Work two jobs if you have to. I tore apart my front yard and re planted and re-arranged it. I have also started painting the inside of my house and cleaned out closests, drawers and garage. Have gone to new places and did things I haven't done in years...like roller skating. Start a new hobby or pick up a old one. Just do it...one day at a time..if you have to then work on one hour at a time. Trust me sweetie...days will go by quicker and then you will realize that you don't hurt as much and don't think about her and the marriage as much. You may even (like I did) say to yourself...that you are better off now. Hugs and Good Luck!Any advice on how to move on after my divorce?
Take this experience as a positive thing. It's better that you ended it rather than living in a crappy marriage. This is an opportunity to find something better than what you previously had. Take it as a learning experience and make a list of what you can do to prevent this from happening again. Remember, the glass is half full. Good luck!
It is really hard to move on after a divorce. I was divorced, and it has been almost 4 years now, and the pain is still there. It was my choice to get a divorce since my ex was abusive physically and emotionally. I still loved him dearly, but knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life living in fear. I think of the good times, and miss the good times, but then I think of the BAD, and the BAD were overpowering to me. It takes alot of TIME, to heal. Everyone is different. Some people heal faster than others, and move on faster. You need to spend time with friends, and family, and talk about whatever it is that is on your mind. Even if it is about your ex. Friends and family will listen, and give advice. Try doing things you enjoy doing. And know that one day you will meet someone that will take your blues away. Everything happens for a reason, and there was a reason behind your divorce, so move on, and accept that you and your ex were not meant to be. Time is the answer, but how much time depends on the person. Good luck.
You sound so heart broken i am sorry, my divorce was a blessing and i was happier in the end not sad,
start going out and hanging with your friends, socialize more and get out of the house where you are over thinking things.
try to keep yourself busy.....do different things...not things that remind you of her.....time is a good healer but it won't be easy...good luck...
Try to keep constantly buys with work, friends, hobbies, and so on.
Pretend it's like a marathon: that you can't stop doing things, that
it's a must. Then it will pass by and by.
You got divorced for a reason. You have to let it go and move on. Go out with friends, talk to people. In time you will start to feel better, but if you make things worse by staying locked in the house dwelling on the past, then you are causing yourself to feel worse. Accept that it's over and realize that you deserve to be with someone that you feel happy with.Good luck.
okay if the divorce was meant to be.... don't feel guilty for moving on.
do what is best for you..... now go out and have fun.... meet new friends and stay positive. but don't jump into a relationship too quick because that will be a rebound.
get new friends and get things to do that you did not do with your past relationship
I agree with everyone who has answered already. Its a very painful process especially if you are the one who did NOT want it. Do what I did...get busy!!! Work two jobs if you have to. I tore apart my front yard and re planted and re-arranged it. I have also started painting the inside of my house and cleaned out closests, drawers and garage. Have gone to new places and did things I haven't done in years...like roller skating. Start a new hobby or pick up a old one. Just do it...one day at a time..if you have to then work on one hour at a time. Trust me sweetie...days will go by quicker and then you will realize that you don't hurt as much and don't think about her and the marriage as much. You may even (like I did) say to yourself...that you are better off now. Hugs and Good Luck!Any advice on how to move on after my divorce?
Take this experience as a positive thing. It's better that you ended it rather than living in a crappy marriage. This is an opportunity to find something better than what you previously had. Take it as a learning experience and make a list of what you can do to prevent this from happening again. Remember, the glass is half full. Good luck!
It is really hard to move on after a divorce. I was divorced, and it has been almost 4 years now, and the pain is still there. It was my choice to get a divorce since my ex was abusive physically and emotionally. I still loved him dearly, but knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life living in fear. I think of the good times, and miss the good times, but then I think of the BAD, and the BAD were overpowering to me. It takes alot of TIME, to heal. Everyone is different. Some people heal faster than others, and move on faster. You need to spend time with friends, and family, and talk about whatever it is that is on your mind. Even if it is about your ex. Friends and family will listen, and give advice. Try doing things you enjoy doing. And know that one day you will meet someone that will take your blues away. Everything happens for a reason, and there was a reason behind your divorce, so move on, and accept that you and your ex were not meant to be. Time is the answer, but how much time depends on the person. Good luck.
You sound so heart broken i am sorry, my divorce was a blessing and i was happier in the end not sad,
start going out and hanging with your friends, socialize more and get out of the house where you are over thinking things.
try to keep yourself busy.....do different things...not things that remind you of her.....time is a good healer but it won't be easy...good luck...
Try to keep constantly buys with work, friends, hobbies, and so on.
Pretend it's like a marathon: that you can't stop doing things, that
it's a must. Then it will pass by and by.
You got divorced for a reason. You have to let it go and move on. Go out with friends, talk to people. In time you will start to feel better, but if you make things worse by staying locked in the house dwelling on the past, then you are causing yourself to feel worse. Accept that it's over and realize that you deserve to be with someone that you feel happy with.Good luck.
okay if the divorce was meant to be.... don't feel guilty for moving on.
do what is best for you..... now go out and have fun.... meet new friends and stay positive. but don't jump into a relationship too quick because that will be a rebound.
get new friends and get things to do that you did not do with your past relationship
Any advice for kids dealing with divorce?
I am 11 and this is not a typical divorce. My parents REALLY do not get along. They cannot be in the same room with each other for more than 10 mins.I have not been to my dad house in about a year. he is not able to maintain cleanlyness in his home so child sevices wil not let me go to his house. Child sevices interviews me once and a while. I am a total daddys girl, but my parents really put me on the spot when I have to go to court with them. in 3rd and 4th grade I missed several days of school do to court and stuff. i have told my mom about this and she does feel bad but there is nothing she can do. please give advice! And yes, I do see a phycologist and my school guidance counselor.Any advice for kids dealing with divorce?
You just have to keep your chin up and realize that what your going through is not your fault. If you are a daddy's girl, then it is obvious that he has been doing his duty as a father. I know there might seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but eventually things will work themselves out. Have faith and do your best to show both parents you love them equally. Especially, if both are good parents. As far as your dad's cleanliness is concerned. Tell him to put on an apron and grab a duster or hire a maid.Any advice for kids dealing with divorce?
it is NOT your fault. This is between your parents. Always remember that.
Faith,
You have to remember the divorce isn't your fault. I know you want to believe it is......but it isn't. I think what you need to do is tell your physiologist that you want to have a meeting with both your mom and dad and the physiologist. Then, being as strong as you can tell them what you wrote here. A 11 year old child shouldn't have to go through all this.
I know you are a daddy's girl.....and that is fine. But you can't fix whatever is wrong with your parents. The best thing you can do is to tell them how much they are hurting you with their behavior.
I saw my step daughter go through the same thing when she was your age. She tried to protect both her parents and fix them as well. All it did was cause more problems for her until she asked me to step in. By that time she was 18.
Now be brave and tell your parents how much they are hurting you. But remember that they both love you.
Sounds like your getting put in the middle of their feud.
Sit them down and tell them with another responsible grown up present that it ends NOW!
The Rat
you seem like a bright kid.. stay strong. your parents are selfish for making you go through all the court crap.
that's a shame that he's such a slob that he will not clean up so he can see you.. he sounds like he's really depressed or something like that, but child services should help him get straightened out so you CAN see him. a kids should have TWO parents...
I would say that the most important thing is to have a relationship with BOTH parents.
I am an adult child of divorce and one of the greatest gifts my Mom gave me, was to promote my relationship with my Dad.
The Courts drag things out, so just concentrate on being happy and enjoy what each parent contributes to your happiness. .
Do what I did. I refused to go to the court hearings. He wasn't interested in me so why should I bother.
You just have to keep your chin up and realize that what your going through is not your fault. If you are a daddy's girl, then it is obvious that he has been doing his duty as a father. I know there might seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but eventually things will work themselves out. Have faith and do your best to show both parents you love them equally. Especially, if both are good parents. As far as your dad's cleanliness is concerned. Tell him to put on an apron and grab a duster or hire a maid.Any advice for kids dealing with divorce?
it is NOT your fault. This is between your parents. Always remember that.
Faith,
You have to remember the divorce isn't your fault. I know you want to believe it is......but it isn't. I think what you need to do is tell your physiologist that you want to have a meeting with both your mom and dad and the physiologist. Then, being as strong as you can tell them what you wrote here. A 11 year old child shouldn't have to go through all this.
I know you are a daddy's girl.....and that is fine. But you can't fix whatever is wrong with your parents. The best thing you can do is to tell them how much they are hurting you with their behavior.
I saw my step daughter go through the same thing when she was your age. She tried to protect both her parents and fix them as well. All it did was cause more problems for her until she asked me to step in. By that time she was 18.
Now be brave and tell your parents how much they are hurting you. But remember that they both love you.
Sounds like your getting put in the middle of their feud.
Sit them down and tell them with another responsible grown up present that it ends NOW!
The Rat
you seem like a bright kid.. stay strong. your parents are selfish for making you go through all the court crap.
that's a shame that he's such a slob that he will not clean up so he can see you.. he sounds like he's really depressed or something like that, but child services should help him get straightened out so you CAN see him. a kids should have TWO parents...
I would say that the most important thing is to have a relationship with BOTH parents.
I am an adult child of divorce and one of the greatest gifts my Mom gave me, was to promote my relationship with my Dad.
The Courts drag things out, so just concentrate on being happy and enjoy what each parent contributes to your happiness. .
Do what I did. I refused to go to the court hearings. He wasn't interested in me so why should I bother.
HELP Need advice for my friend, she wants a divorce. What should she do?
My friend is 23, she has been married a year and a half.
She met her husband and got engaged in a month and then married 9 months from the day they met.
She recently told me that since they married she has been VERY unhappy.
She says she hasn't been happy since their engagement but thought she would fall in love with him because he is a nice guy.
She says she was never in love with him but people tell her to try to stick with it.
They went to counseling but it didn't help.She thinks they weren't meant to be and didn't know each other when they married.
She says they never spend time together and don't have anything to talk about.
She wants to leave him but he says he loves her.
She promised to try for another 6 months but she is so miserable and unhappy.
I told her I love her and think she should leave if she isn't in love with him. No counseling makes you fall in love with someone.
They have no children.
What should she do?HELP Need advice for my friend, she wants a divorce. What should she do?
Assuming you are male, you are scum. Telling a married woman that you love her and that she should end her marriage isn't meant to help her, it's just to get her yourself. She doesn't need you undermining her marriage. People do a great job all by themselves. IF you truly care about her- end ALL contact with her, forever. You aren't a friend, just a horny guy working to get a new lady. IF you are a woman, she needs a friendly ear. Be there for her, but don't dabble in the role of marriage counseler.HELP Need advice for my friend, she wants a divorce. What should she do?
What the hell does she expect only knowing him for one month. they never took the time to know each other well now she has the time. TAKE IT. get to know each other it sounds like she just want to run around. You don't go marring someone just coz If you put your mind into it you can make anything happen. I believe she's still in her diapers. That's what make the world the highest in divorce rating to date. I've been with my husband for 21 years you take the good with the bad and put some effort into it. If she dose divorce it might be the last greatest guy she'll ever meet. There are not that many out there and they are getting worst.
Divorce him. She was stupid to marry him in the first place, and all she's doing is prolonging her misery and his.
If she agreed to try for another 6 months, she should live up to her agreement. At that point, if she still isn't happy.. then she needs to move out, initiate divorce proceedings, and move on with her life. No amount of counseling will make someone love someone... it may just delay the inevitable.
Definately stand by her side. She is going to need a friend.
Good luck.
She should just be honest with him and tell him what she has told you. He needs to know that she is not in love with him. He doesn't deserve to hold on to something that will never happen. If she doesn't love him, she doesn't love him. Nothing or no one can make her love him. I'm sure it will hurt him, but it will hurt him more if she continues to ';try'; to make something work that will never work. Divorce is inevitable in this case.
can u conclude ur words in few words with strong meaning that reach anyone
my advise to her is to stay with him thinking with each other about points of conflicts and then soluate with each other this points if they didnt reach one common way so she have to leave him
she needs to sit down with him and honestly tell him that she doesnt want to prolong the hurt the divorce will bring. and she needs to stick by her guns.
Then if there isn't any love they should get a divorce, they cna have new lives! They don't have children after all! Best of Luck! ~V.J.~
Seek counseling before making the decision, actually couseling will help her make a firm decision.
If she doesn't she may regret it and there's way to much paperwork to go through so it's better to think and talk things through no matter what path she takes.
She met her husband and got engaged in a month and then married 9 months from the day they met.
She recently told me that since they married she has been VERY unhappy.
She says she hasn't been happy since their engagement but thought she would fall in love with him because he is a nice guy.
She says she was never in love with him but people tell her to try to stick with it.
They went to counseling but it didn't help.She thinks they weren't meant to be and didn't know each other when they married.
She says they never spend time together and don't have anything to talk about.
She wants to leave him but he says he loves her.
She promised to try for another 6 months but she is so miserable and unhappy.
I told her I love her and think she should leave if she isn't in love with him. No counseling makes you fall in love with someone.
They have no children.
What should she do?HELP Need advice for my friend, she wants a divorce. What should she do?
Assuming you are male, you are scum. Telling a married woman that you love her and that she should end her marriage isn't meant to help her, it's just to get her yourself. She doesn't need you undermining her marriage. People do a great job all by themselves. IF you truly care about her- end ALL contact with her, forever. You aren't a friend, just a horny guy working to get a new lady. IF you are a woman, she needs a friendly ear. Be there for her, but don't dabble in the role of marriage counseler.HELP Need advice for my friend, she wants a divorce. What should she do?
What the hell does she expect only knowing him for one month. they never took the time to know each other well now she has the time. TAKE IT. get to know each other it sounds like she just want to run around. You don't go marring someone just coz If you put your mind into it you can make anything happen. I believe she's still in her diapers. That's what make the world the highest in divorce rating to date. I've been with my husband for 21 years you take the good with the bad and put some effort into it. If she dose divorce it might be the last greatest guy she'll ever meet. There are not that many out there and they are getting worst.
Divorce him. She was stupid to marry him in the first place, and all she's doing is prolonging her misery and his.
If she agreed to try for another 6 months, she should live up to her agreement. At that point, if she still isn't happy.. then she needs to move out, initiate divorce proceedings, and move on with her life. No amount of counseling will make someone love someone... it may just delay the inevitable.
Definately stand by her side. She is going to need a friend.
Good luck.
She should just be honest with him and tell him what she has told you. He needs to know that she is not in love with him. He doesn't deserve to hold on to something that will never happen. If she doesn't love him, she doesn't love him. Nothing or no one can make her love him. I'm sure it will hurt him, but it will hurt him more if she continues to ';try'; to make something work that will never work. Divorce is inevitable in this case.
can u conclude ur words in few words with strong meaning that reach anyone
my advise to her is to stay with him thinking with each other about points of conflicts and then soluate with each other this points if they didnt reach one common way so she have to leave him
she needs to sit down with him and honestly tell him that she doesnt want to prolong the hurt the divorce will bring. and she needs to stick by her guns.
Then if there isn't any love they should get a divorce, they cna have new lives! They don't have children after all! Best of Luck! ~V.J.~
Seek counseling before making the decision, actually couseling will help her make a firm decision.
If she doesn't she may regret it and there's way to much paperwork to go through so it's better to think and talk things through no matter what path she takes.
Im a adult child of divorce and don't feel accepted by either parent. Advice for acceptance and self esteem?
mom sees dad in me
dad sees mom
im 45Im a adult child of divorce and don't feel accepted by either parent. Advice for acceptance and self esteem?
You're old enough to have learned all by yourself that acceptance comes from within..and with it comes self-esteem.
You need to realize that while you may love your parents, they are likely not people you should or would have chosen as friends. In reality, they may not have chosen you as a friend either. That's okay, you can still love them and realize they aren't very likable.
I'm a bit older than you, and it wasn't until after my father died that my mother would say, ';He was always so proud of you';. I looked at her and said, ';It would have been nice to know that when he was alive';.
You need to let go of the need to have their acceptance. You need to accept who and what you are, and learn that's all that really matters. Otherwise, you'll let this bother you all your life...and what would be the point in that?
You want to know a secret? I never accepted my parents for themselves either. I wanted them to be more accepting of me....it wasn't who they were.Im a adult child of divorce and don't feel accepted by either parent. Advice for acceptance and self esteem?
Accept yourself first, and respect yourself.
Time to get over that! Go to some self esteem groups or something.
Love yourself and have a wonderful life.
dad sees mom
im 45Im a adult child of divorce and don't feel accepted by either parent. Advice for acceptance and self esteem?
You're old enough to have learned all by yourself that acceptance comes from within..and with it comes self-esteem.
You need to realize that while you may love your parents, they are likely not people you should or would have chosen as friends. In reality, they may not have chosen you as a friend either. That's okay, you can still love them and realize they aren't very likable.
I'm a bit older than you, and it wasn't until after my father died that my mother would say, ';He was always so proud of you';. I looked at her and said, ';It would have been nice to know that when he was alive';.
You need to let go of the need to have their acceptance. You need to accept who and what you are, and learn that's all that really matters. Otherwise, you'll let this bother you all your life...and what would be the point in that?
You want to know a secret? I never accepted my parents for themselves either. I wanted them to be more accepting of me....it wasn't who they were.Im a adult child of divorce and don't feel accepted by either parent. Advice for acceptance and self esteem?
Accept yourself first, and respect yourself.
Time to get over that! Go to some self esteem groups or something.
Love yourself and have a wonderful life.
My wife has left home. please advice what to do. i dont want a divorce?
i had big argument with wife.she has left home.she says v wil stay apart for 11 months,but wont have divorce as of now.she says we will see if we can stay apart or not, we will see if both of us improve. i have apologised profusely many times but she is not willing to listen. she has rented a seperate home for 11 months. please advice what to do?My wife has left home. please advice what to do. i dont want a divorce?
Hello
Why did she feel she needed to leave home? Why does she feel the need to be seperated? There has to be alot more to this than what you are saying here.... You have to have had more then one argument and misuderstanding in the marriage to have brought it to this point.... Is she willing to go to counseling with you and try to work on this marriage? You can email me at ladyhewitt_1@yahoo.com and talk with me more if you would like.... I will be praying for you and your situation and i hope that things will work out for the best.... I do feel that you both need marriage counseling and are there children involved?My wife has left home. please advice what to do. i dont want a divorce?
she's mine now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bring your home to her
you need to frist give her room to calm down then you need to go to her and talk this out I mean an 11 month seperation that's some bullshyt! You have to allow her the space to calm down first though.
Why did she leave? Until you address THAT issue, you'll be alone. It's obviously SERIOUS enough for her to leave you. Work on fixing THAT problem first. My sense is that this is not the first time she's had this problem with you. Her leaving may be a sign that you ';don't get it'; yet. Perhaps now you'll pay attention.
I wish you Peace.
now youve got your self in a real pickel.....this is what u do.....send flowers.......of to take her out for dinner...romantic dinners!!!!.....send her a nice boyds bear with chocaltes....singing telegrams....if yiour truely love this women and want her back you better be willing to try. and to try anything at any cost.....love ...real love only comes maybe once in a life time....you better grap it and hold on tight.
You have half suceeded br, with that urge to retain relationship.
Now nothing should stop you.
Woemn geenrally like this attitude of ours.Go ask for a pardon if you have done wrong.
Even if she has done wrong, go and take a chance.
Women are so sweet.It's tehre inside. They love men
who accept her mistakes. I have a superb marraige.Touch wood.
IT'S OVER LOSER
If you really Loved her you would let her go, so get over it and move on there plenty more fish in the sea!
time to get round to where she is and try and talk through the problem and let her know just how much you miss her, and how much she means to you, could be a case of eating lots of humble pie, and being really sincere in requests.
give her space and since your not living together send flowers to her home every day drop off love letters in her mail box send her chocolates to her work and romance her all over again oh andmake sure you have a shave too
wait for a while (month) and then call her. see if it is still the same. You may want to move on
your wife just need some time to be alone.Do you guys fight often? if so i think you two needs some space. it is the best thing to see each separated. it will make things easier better to resolve your dilemma. deep down from her heart she loves you that's why she doesn't want a divorce. give her time she'll come back.
Ok I have noooo idea what you did BUT it must be something big. Give her some space for now. Let her cool down a bit. Maybe thats what she needs. Maybe a month or two or more(depends on what you feel is right), and within those months really figure things out, how you can work on the relationship what you guys can do better, etc... So when you come to her, she knows that you genuinely want to work things out, by having solutions set out on the table. Within those months do alot of self searching and a lot of self improvement to show her your efforts to save this marriage. Hope that helps! Goodluck
dude, hate to break the news to ya, but a marriage can barely survive separate bedrooms, and your talking separate domiciles, like it or not its over. give it a rest and try to either move on.or see if counseling will help.....but if she's got her own place your going to have to do something better than ....... ';ooopssssss sorry bout that...';
Hello
Why did she feel she needed to leave home? Why does she feel the need to be seperated? There has to be alot more to this than what you are saying here.... You have to have had more then one argument and misuderstanding in the marriage to have brought it to this point.... Is she willing to go to counseling with you and try to work on this marriage? You can email me at ladyhewitt_1@yahoo.com and talk with me more if you would like.... I will be praying for you and your situation and i hope that things will work out for the best.... I do feel that you both need marriage counseling and are there children involved?My wife has left home. please advice what to do. i dont want a divorce?
she's mine now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bring your home to her
you need to frist give her room to calm down then you need to go to her and talk this out I mean an 11 month seperation that's some bullshyt! You have to allow her the space to calm down first though.
Why did she leave? Until you address THAT issue, you'll be alone. It's obviously SERIOUS enough for her to leave you. Work on fixing THAT problem first. My sense is that this is not the first time she's had this problem with you. Her leaving may be a sign that you ';don't get it'; yet. Perhaps now you'll pay attention.
I wish you Peace.
now youve got your self in a real pickel.....this is what u do.....send flowers.......of to take her out for dinner...romantic dinners!!!!.....send her a nice boyds bear with chocaltes....singing telegrams....if yiour truely love this women and want her back you better be willing to try. and to try anything at any cost.....love ...real love only comes maybe once in a life time....you better grap it and hold on tight.
You have half suceeded br, with that urge to retain relationship.
Now nothing should stop you.
Woemn geenrally like this attitude of ours.Go ask for a pardon if you have done wrong.
Even if she has done wrong, go and take a chance.
Women are so sweet.It's tehre inside. They love men
who accept her mistakes. I have a superb marraige.Touch wood.
IT'S OVER LOSER
If you really Loved her you would let her go, so get over it and move on there plenty more fish in the sea!
time to get round to where she is and try and talk through the problem and let her know just how much you miss her, and how much she means to you, could be a case of eating lots of humble pie, and being really sincere in requests.
give her space and since your not living together send flowers to her home every day drop off love letters in her mail box send her chocolates to her work and romance her all over again oh andmake sure you have a shave too
wait for a while (month) and then call her. see if it is still the same. You may want to move on
your wife just need some time to be alone.Do you guys fight often? if so i think you two needs some space. it is the best thing to see each separated. it will make things easier better to resolve your dilemma. deep down from her heart she loves you that's why she doesn't want a divorce. give her time she'll come back.
Ok I have noooo idea what you did BUT it must be something big. Give her some space for now. Let her cool down a bit. Maybe thats what she needs. Maybe a month or two or more(depends on what you feel is right), and within those months really figure things out, how you can work on the relationship what you guys can do better, etc... So when you come to her, she knows that you genuinely want to work things out, by having solutions set out on the table. Within those months do alot of self searching and a lot of self improvement to show her your efforts to save this marriage. Hope that helps! Goodluck
dude, hate to break the news to ya, but a marriage can barely survive separate bedrooms, and your talking separate domiciles, like it or not its over. give it a rest and try to either move on.or see if counseling will help.....but if she's got her own place your going to have to do something better than ....... ';ooopssssss sorry bout that...';
How can I (or should I ) help Ex emotionally get through the divorce- Could use some mens advice on this too.?
I had been married for 18 years. After years of feeling that my needs were not met, I told my soon to be ex that one of us was moving out. He decided to go and leave me and the kids in the house. Over the last month I feel like we have both been through the ringer. We worked in anger (not good) we tried to be civil (ok but felt phony) and we tried to be friends (left with hugs etc.) and to me it felt that that was just aggravating the situation because he saw it as a source of hope.He is very hurt and doesn't want the divorce. I have become indifferent over the last year and know that divorce is the only option I want. Should I try to help him and ease his pain by talking to him or being there for him or is that only causing more damage to him? Should I let him stand on his own 2 feet and figure out his own path in this world like I had to do ? How can I ease this horrible emotional roller coaster we are on ?What is the best way to go about all this ?How can I (or should I ) help Ex emotionally get through the divorce- Could use some mens advice on this too.?
Are you my ex-wife ? :)
I know you aren't, but the situation is so strikingly similar as to be spooky. Like your soon to be ex, I did not understand, at the time, that I was not meeting the needs of my wife. We'd settled into a rut, she decided she wanted out, and I was quite frankly, bewildered by her decision.
After we had separate houses, I maintained hope against all odds that she would see things my way and we would be reunited. Her mind was set though, I had exhausted my chances long before she left. Still, so long as we maintained some sort of relationship, friendship, an occasional hug, my hope was renewed. I was unable to move on because of the steady contact we had was not allowing me to see anything other than my hopes without a hint of reality.
The very BEST thing she did for me, and herself as well, was to sever all contact, no visits, no phone calls, no smiles when our paths crossed in the small town we lived in. Nothing to show we had once shared a life as husband and wife, nothing to show any concern or compassion still existed on her part.
Took me about 3 months to really get the message. Took me another 6 months to start really getting on with my life and looking ahead, not backwards.
Honestly, after years in a relationship, cutting all ties is hard to do, for the both of you. It is the best thing you can do though. It is not your place any longer to try and ease his pain. That rollercoaster ride you are on is not a pleasant experience I'm sure.
Let me say this again; it is the best thing for the both of you.
As a side note; I am grateful, now, my ex took the steps she did when she did. I was floundering and had no interests or direction of my own so long as I perceived some hope existed. In denial ? Yes, I was. Today, we are friends. We keep in touch and maybe twice a year we either talk on the phone or go have dinner with our spouses, the four of us.
Not the way I had envisioned my life being at all. It has worked out though.How can I (or should I ) help Ex emotionally get through the divorce- Could use some mens advice on this too.?
Your support gives him hope in a hopeless situation. You have made your choice, and do no want to go back. Make him feel unwelcome in your life, since he now is, and maybe give your girls his phone number. Maybe one of them has a little crush on him and is in need of an okay from you.
No, once you are sure you two are going to seperate you need to not help him emotionally...it keeps the dependency train still going in your relationship. And, your loyaties will be split if ever a new sweatheart comes along for either of you. Let him deal with it as best he can alone. And you likewise.
You need to first take care of you and your immediate family. Make sure you all are okay financially, socially and emotionally. He needs to do the same for himself. That is what divorce means...
The nicer and more time you spend with him makes him feel he still has a chance with you. Stop leading him on, tell him it is over and that is it.
Find him a little girlfriend. Frequent, meaningless sex helps dull the pain.
Marriage is worth saving, especially if you had invested that long and maybe its just the face youre going through right now but maybe if you try one last time, like a marriage christian seminar to where the two of you can reconnect. I can only pray and hope it will work. It is also a very good example to your kids at least you tried that much.
It sounds like my situation, only the other way around. But reading how you feel i know now why he kept rejecting my calls and refuse to talk to me and avoided me, i guess it was his way of pushing me to move on. He refused to get any kind of help to at least salvage the marriage and for the sake of our family.
We were married for 22 years with 3 kids and we been Divorce now for 1 year and to this day i still love him and miss him but getting to the point that being single isnt so bad after all.
The truth is you both must go through this now.
You have clearly made your choice and I believe you should not speak with him other than the concerns with the children.
All other marital concerns will be met via the divorce decree ordered by the court.
I believe that less contact will provide the time and space you both need to focus on moving forward with separate lives you have chosen to have.
Hang in there it is only a matter of time at this point.
Do you see any chance of reconsidering getting back together? Maybe the distance helps the two of you to get some things straight that were a big mess over the last years.
Would counselling be an option for the sake of your marriage?
Well, that wasn麓t your question, I know. So, if you stick with the ';only divorce acceptable option'; stay distant from him for his own sake. You can麓t influence his feelings, meaning if you talking to him results in hopes on his side, that will make the situation worse. You麓d feel the same and be hurt, not understanding why he would want the divorce when he is there for you to fight the pain. Leaving someone or being left hurts but then still being able to count on the other one to get over the pain is the worst thing I can imagine. It simply adds to the suffering. Distance will hopefully keep the two of you away from this emotional rollercoaster as you don麓t rip open old wounds everytime by simply not seeing each other. It麓s a chance to find peace sooner or later.
You both have to get through this individually. Helping each other getting over it ... for better for worse ... you could simply get back together. And as you decided that you麓re going separate ways, it麓s best to move on and find your own ways of dealing with this. It might take a long time to accept and work through, but it麓s a fight the two of you have to fight each on your own.
after 18yrs. he's probably feeling like he wasted his life on you ! what exactly is the problem? NO do not give him hope if there is none, tell him you wont be his crutch and he should find a young sweet thing and LIVE life , after 18 years and if there was no cheating on his part or abuse then you yourself are in for a big surpise sweety because men are not as nice as they were 18 yrs ago. and you have soooooooooo much competition can you afford plastic surgery ?
';Being there for him'; will only make things worse, he has to find his way and realize this is going to happen. Having him emotionally dependent on you is a recipe for disaster. You can tell he needs to go talk to a counselor, because he may need to talk to someone, just not you. There is no ease for the emotional roller coaster, you just have to do what is healthy for you. Take care of yourself and live a good life, he will find his way. Good luck.
You have to tell him a divorce means the ';end';. Let him know he has to move on and maybe if he stayed away he'd beable to work through this better.
IF you don't, you won't beable to move on. He'll be like a dog with his nose to the ground, being right there behind you.
Why not try and set him up on a few dates? See if he shows interest? My mom did this when her and dad split after 16 years. He fell hard for the 2nd one she found for him. They have now been together 35 years!!! :-)concealer
Are you my ex-wife ? :)
I know you aren't, but the situation is so strikingly similar as to be spooky. Like your soon to be ex, I did not understand, at the time, that I was not meeting the needs of my wife. We'd settled into a rut, she decided she wanted out, and I was quite frankly, bewildered by her decision.
After we had separate houses, I maintained hope against all odds that she would see things my way and we would be reunited. Her mind was set though, I had exhausted my chances long before she left. Still, so long as we maintained some sort of relationship, friendship, an occasional hug, my hope was renewed. I was unable to move on because of the steady contact we had was not allowing me to see anything other than my hopes without a hint of reality.
The very BEST thing she did for me, and herself as well, was to sever all contact, no visits, no phone calls, no smiles when our paths crossed in the small town we lived in. Nothing to show we had once shared a life as husband and wife, nothing to show any concern or compassion still existed on her part.
Took me about 3 months to really get the message. Took me another 6 months to start really getting on with my life and looking ahead, not backwards.
Honestly, after years in a relationship, cutting all ties is hard to do, for the both of you. It is the best thing you can do though. It is not your place any longer to try and ease his pain. That rollercoaster ride you are on is not a pleasant experience I'm sure.
Let me say this again; it is the best thing for the both of you.
As a side note; I am grateful, now, my ex took the steps she did when she did. I was floundering and had no interests or direction of my own so long as I perceived some hope existed. In denial ? Yes, I was. Today, we are friends. We keep in touch and maybe twice a year we either talk on the phone or go have dinner with our spouses, the four of us.
Not the way I had envisioned my life being at all. It has worked out though.How can I (or should I ) help Ex emotionally get through the divorce- Could use some mens advice on this too.?
Your support gives him hope in a hopeless situation. You have made your choice, and do no want to go back. Make him feel unwelcome in your life, since he now is, and maybe give your girls his phone number. Maybe one of them has a little crush on him and is in need of an okay from you.
No, once you are sure you two are going to seperate you need to not help him emotionally...it keeps the dependency train still going in your relationship. And, your loyaties will be split if ever a new sweatheart comes along for either of you. Let him deal with it as best he can alone. And you likewise.
You need to first take care of you and your immediate family. Make sure you all are okay financially, socially and emotionally. He needs to do the same for himself. That is what divorce means...
The nicer and more time you spend with him makes him feel he still has a chance with you. Stop leading him on, tell him it is over and that is it.
Find him a little girlfriend. Frequent, meaningless sex helps dull the pain.
Marriage is worth saving, especially if you had invested that long and maybe its just the face youre going through right now but maybe if you try one last time, like a marriage christian seminar to where the two of you can reconnect. I can only pray and hope it will work. It is also a very good example to your kids at least you tried that much.
It sounds like my situation, only the other way around. But reading how you feel i know now why he kept rejecting my calls and refuse to talk to me and avoided me, i guess it was his way of pushing me to move on. He refused to get any kind of help to at least salvage the marriage and for the sake of our family.
We were married for 22 years with 3 kids and we been Divorce now for 1 year and to this day i still love him and miss him but getting to the point that being single isnt so bad after all.
The truth is you both must go through this now.
You have clearly made your choice and I believe you should not speak with him other than the concerns with the children.
All other marital concerns will be met via the divorce decree ordered by the court.
I believe that less contact will provide the time and space you both need to focus on moving forward with separate lives you have chosen to have.
Hang in there it is only a matter of time at this point.
Do you see any chance of reconsidering getting back together? Maybe the distance helps the two of you to get some things straight that were a big mess over the last years.
Would counselling be an option for the sake of your marriage?
Well, that wasn麓t your question, I know. So, if you stick with the ';only divorce acceptable option'; stay distant from him for his own sake. You can麓t influence his feelings, meaning if you talking to him results in hopes on his side, that will make the situation worse. You麓d feel the same and be hurt, not understanding why he would want the divorce when he is there for you to fight the pain. Leaving someone or being left hurts but then still being able to count on the other one to get over the pain is the worst thing I can imagine. It simply adds to the suffering. Distance will hopefully keep the two of you away from this emotional rollercoaster as you don麓t rip open old wounds everytime by simply not seeing each other. It麓s a chance to find peace sooner or later.
You both have to get through this individually. Helping each other getting over it ... for better for worse ... you could simply get back together. And as you decided that you麓re going separate ways, it麓s best to move on and find your own ways of dealing with this. It might take a long time to accept and work through, but it麓s a fight the two of you have to fight each on your own.
after 18yrs. he's probably feeling like he wasted his life on you ! what exactly is the problem? NO do not give him hope if there is none, tell him you wont be his crutch and he should find a young sweet thing and LIVE life , after 18 years and if there was no cheating on his part or abuse then you yourself are in for a big surpise sweety because men are not as nice as they were 18 yrs ago. and you have soooooooooo much competition can you afford plastic surgery ?
';Being there for him'; will only make things worse, he has to find his way and realize this is going to happen. Having him emotionally dependent on you is a recipe for disaster. You can tell he needs to go talk to a counselor, because he may need to talk to someone, just not you. There is no ease for the emotional roller coaster, you just have to do what is healthy for you. Take care of yourself and live a good life, he will find his way. Good luck.
You have to tell him a divorce means the ';end';. Let him know he has to move on and maybe if he stayed away he'd beable to work through this better.
IF you don't, you won't beable to move on. He'll be like a dog with his nose to the ground, being right there behind you.
Why not try and set him up on a few dates? See if he shows interest? My mom did this when her and dad split after 16 years. He fell hard for the 2nd one she found for him. They have now been together 35 years!!! :-)
Need Advice - Financial Plan before Divorce?
I am female and live in California. I have had a business for many years and I got to where I am by own sweat and tears. When I got married, I we did not have a pre-nup. I am thinking about a divorce (he does not know yet), but I do not want to give him half and I know he will want half. What can I do now to keep my money from being split in half? Do I try hiding it somewhere (I don't know how to do this), give as ';gifts'; what do I do? I have one son from previous marriage over 18, another with my current husband under 5. I am not taking about chump change either. Thank you for the advice.
Need Advice - Financial Plan before Divorce?
Do not suggest ';hiding it'; because if you do and are caught you can go to jail and be fined.
I would suggest talking to a lawyer.Need Advice - Financial Plan before Divorce?
The best advice I can offer is to seek a good divorce attorneys advice. They will know the law and what has worked in your state for business owners. Good luck!
yes please dont hide it, you can go to jail.
If your not talking about ';chump change'; then speak with a lawyer!
Need Advice - Financial Plan before Divorce?
Do not suggest ';hiding it'; because if you do and are caught you can go to jail and be fined.
I would suggest talking to a lawyer.Need Advice - Financial Plan before Divorce?
The best advice I can offer is to seek a good divorce attorneys advice. They will know the law and what has worked in your state for business owners. Good luck!
yes please dont hide it, you can go to jail.
If your not talking about ';chump change'; then speak with a lawyer!
Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
I filed for a divorce in August 2006 along with a restraining order. I filled out a dissolution of marriage, paid the fee and waited for a court date. (Never got one) Meanwhile I was dealing with the restraining order which was more difficult, because after I kicked my ex out and he stole my things... I had no address for him or his family. I tried having the Sheriff's department serve him, but they couldn't without an address. So after a few months of reissuing temporary restraining orders, I found a business card of a job that he had just started at the time and my mom served him. He trashed the papers in front of her and didn't show up to court. Then honestly left everything as it was till July 2008 and looked up the status. They said my divorce was at a standstill... I was surprised since my friends said that I'd be divorced 6 months after I filed. So I got back on it again and figured out what I had to do. I never used an attorney and have been doing it on my own since 2006. But in 2008 my ex finally got an attorney and FINALLY wanted the divorce too. He was trying to claim more things, saying I had a car, computer, dvds, even kitchen appliances, the list went on. Which is all a lie, he took ALL his things and even stole my things and I let him just so he would leave. The car he is trying to claim was a GIFT, by my mom and brothers. I have proof of all that and it isn't a worry. But he's very spiteful and is going out of his way to delay the divorce and hurt me. So I went to the workshops and RE-served him the divorce papers with an address I got from his attorney. The court got a notice saying it didn't go through somehow. I don't know how he's avoiding getting that... I went to court had someone that knows about this do it WITH me and we pulled up his address and I'm still not getting a court date! But anyway, his attorney wrote something up for me last December (2008) saying if I signed it, that I wouldn't have to show up to court and that we'd be divorced. I read it through and said I'd sign it if he changed the part where my ex claims to have never been served the restraining order papers. Cuz that was the one thing I did serve him in 2006. I told his attorney that I was more than willing to remove the restraining order if he changed that and put the truth. I never got a reply from his attorney. A few days ago I get an email from his attorney saying I'll be charged my ex's attorney fees about $2000 worth along with a bifurcated judgment, saying I never returned his calls. I explained to him that I was unwilling to give my number out, due to the fact my ex will get it and maybe harass or intimidate me again. He had my email and DID NOT email me until June 18 when he informs me that I have to show up to court in July and forced to pay fees.
What can I do? I never avoided any communication, and I've been desperately trying to get the divorce finalized! I'm the petitioner for crying out loud. I feel like my ex and his attorney are trying to screw me over. He didn't make any attempts to contact me or email me and he admitted that through email, but he said that he called my mother's number several times. As far as I know that's not true.
Also, I really don't want to be near my ex husband. My restraining order still stands and I don't want to miss my court date. What can I do? Do I qualify for a court call?
I really really need help, if you know anyone that would know what to do in this situation, please send them my way.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
You really need the advice of an attorney (a lot of them will speak to you for only $50.00). If you are employed, check to see if your employer offers pre-paid legal services (they are absolutely awesome to use)....cost very little in your paycheck. The pre-paid legal is anywhere from $15.00 to $25.00 a month (a well worth it).
I found these links on the internet if your employer doesn't offer this....I can't recommend any of these services as I haven't used any of these companies...but it's worth checking into.
https://www.prepaidlegal.com/newCorp2/le鈥?/a>
This website can direct you to a Local Attorney for Free:
http://www.legalmatch.com/bd/presentCase鈥?/a>
You also might talk to a local ';paralegal'; you can use their services to reply to attorney letters etc. (they are less money than an attorney) and they are required to operate under an attorney.
I wish you the best in all that you do...it's a tough time for you and especially because of this tough economy.
What can I do? I never avoided any communication, and I've been desperately trying to get the divorce finalized! I'm the petitioner for crying out loud. I feel like my ex and his attorney are trying to screw me over. He didn't make any attempts to contact me or email me and he admitted that through email, but he said that he called my mother's number several times. As far as I know that's not true.
Also, I really don't want to be near my ex husband. My restraining order still stands and I don't want to miss my court date. What can I do? Do I qualify for a court call?
I really really need help, if you know anyone that would know what to do in this situation, please send them my way.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
You really need the advice of an attorney (a lot of them will speak to you for only $50.00). If you are employed, check to see if your employer offers pre-paid legal services (they are absolutely awesome to use)....cost very little in your paycheck. The pre-paid legal is anywhere from $15.00 to $25.00 a month (a well worth it).
I found these links on the internet if your employer doesn't offer this....I can't recommend any of these services as I haven't used any of these companies...but it's worth checking into.
https://www.prepaidlegal.com/newCorp2/le鈥?/a>
This website can direct you to a Local Attorney for Free:
http://www.legalmatch.com/bd/presentCase鈥?/a>
You also might talk to a local ';paralegal'; you can use their services to reply to attorney letters etc. (they are less money than an attorney) and they are required to operate under an attorney.
I wish you the best in all that you do...it's a tough time for you and especially because of this tough economy.
Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
I filed for a divorce in August 2006 along with a restraining order. I filled out a dissolution of marriage, paid the fee and waited for a court date. (Never got one) Meanwhile I was dealing with the restraining order which was more difficult, because after I kicked my ex out and he stole my things... I had no address for him or his family. I tried having the Sheriff's department serve him, but they couldn't without an address. So after a few months of reissuing temporary restraining orders, I found a business card of a job that he had just started at the time and my mom served him. He trashed the papers in front of her and didn't show up to court. Then honestly left everything as it was till July 2008 and looked up the status. They said my divorce was at a standstill... I was surprised since my friends said that I'd be divorced 6 months after I filed. So I got back on it again and figured out what I had to do. I never used an attorney and have been doing it on my own since 2006. But in 2008 my ex finally got an attorney and FINALLY wanted the divorce too. He was trying to claim more things, saying I had a car, computer, dvds, even kitchen appliances, the list went on. Which is all a lie, he took ALL his things and even stole my things and I let him just so he would leave. The car he is trying to claim was a GIFT, by my mom and brothers. I have proof of all that and it isn't a worry. But he's very spiteful and is going out of his way to delay the divorce and hurt me. So I went to the workshops and RE-served him the divorce papers with an address I got from his attorney. The court got a notice saying it didn't go through somehow. I don't know how he's avoiding getting that... I went to court had someone that knows about this do it WITH me and we pulled up his address and I'm still not getting a court date! But anyway, his attorney wrote something up for me last December (2008) saying if I signed it, that I wouldn't have to show up to court and that we'd be divorced. I read it through and said I'd sign it if he changed the part where my ex claims to have never been served the restraining order papers. Cuz that was the one thing I did serve him in 2006. I told his attorney that I was more than willing to remove the restraining order if he changed that and put the truth. I never got a reply from his attorney. A few days ago I get an email from his attorney saying I'll be charged my ex's attorney fees about $2000 worth along with a bifurcated judgment, saying I never returned his calls. I explained to him that I was unwilling to give my number out, due to the fact my ex will get it and maybe harass or intimidate me again. He had my email and DID NOT email me until June 18 when he informs me that I have to show up to court in July and forced to pay fees.
What can I do? I never avoided any communication, and I've been desperately trying to get the divorce finalized! I'm the petitioner for crying out loud. I feel like my ex and his attorney are trying to screw me over. He didn't make any attempts to contact me or email me and he admitted that through email, but he said that he called my mother's number several times. As far as I know that's not true.
Also, I really don't want to be near my ex husband. My restraining order still stands and I don't want to miss my court date. What can I do? Do I qualify for a court call?
I really really need help, if you know anyone that would know what to do in this situation, please send them my way.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
Get your own lawyer-you're over your head. If your husband has one and is playing dirty, you need a lawyer as well. Sooner rather than later.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
Try contacting Legal Aid for help. Legal aid provides free attorneys, every state has different qualifications but its worth a shot.
First of all tell his attorney to stick his fees up his a**.....The judge will not allow that....You are under no obligation to call his attorney or return his calls...Period...The attorney knows that and it is harassment. He can communicate in court..Your first mistake was serving him the papers. You must have someone over the age of 18 and who is NOT related to you....Keep the records of the car. Don't worry about the other things. Too trivial to matter. have the emails printed out to take with you. If you don't have a printer then the local library does. Gotta give you credit for doing what you have done , but you may want to contact an attorney. The only reason being his attorney is trying to scare you. A point you should tell the judge. They don't like that. He has no business calling your mother. Another harassment and as an officer of the court should know the law and stay within it. Actually with the restraining order in effect the attorney violated the order by contacting you....Go ask the prosecutor if you can file for a violation. If you can that will stop the harassment..If all else fails then contact an attorney. That is when the ex and his attorney will WAKE up and back off.......Now that you have an address the sheriff will serve the papers. If not then there are people who will for a small fee....Good luck and if you need any more advice then email.....
You can represent yourself in court but the problem comes in when his attorney starts using legal jargon in court and has legal and is trained and skilled in divorce proceedings. If it were out of court and your husband was not asking for compensation then it would be easier but since you are having to go to court and face a judge by yourself it may be slightly more difficult to prove your case without you getting emotional. Judges tend to look more favorably upon claimants if they have legal representation before them. In other words, if a case is simple do it yourself, but once it becomes complicated and money is involved, you need legal representation before the court and judge. Any more questions you can ';im' me.
You need a attorney. It also depends on what state you live in, not all states are the same. This sounds kind of weird. Are you sure that the person who is claiming to be his attorney really a attorney? If he is he is completely unprofessional. What are the stipulations on your restraining order? Is it a no contact order where your ex can't contact you directly? Depending on the state, I doubt that you will have to pay your ex's court fees. This sounds really ugly, get an attorney. You definitely need help with this.
What can I do? I never avoided any communication, and I've been desperately trying to get the divorce finalized! I'm the petitioner for crying out loud. I feel like my ex and his attorney are trying to screw me over. He didn't make any attempts to contact me or email me and he admitted that through email, but he said that he called my mother's number several times. As far as I know that's not true.
Also, I really don't want to be near my ex husband. My restraining order still stands and I don't want to miss my court date. What can I do? Do I qualify for a court call?
I really really need help, if you know anyone that would know what to do in this situation, please send them my way.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
Get your own lawyer-you're over your head. If your husband has one and is playing dirty, you need a lawyer as well. Sooner rather than later.Legal Advice Regarding My Complicated Divorce?
Try contacting Legal Aid for help. Legal aid provides free attorneys, every state has different qualifications but its worth a shot.
First of all tell his attorney to stick his fees up his a**.....The judge will not allow that....You are under no obligation to call his attorney or return his calls...Period...The attorney knows that and it is harassment. He can communicate in court..Your first mistake was serving him the papers. You must have someone over the age of 18 and who is NOT related to you....Keep the records of the car. Don't worry about the other things. Too trivial to matter. have the emails printed out to take with you. If you don't have a printer then the local library does. Gotta give you credit for doing what you have done , but you may want to contact an attorney. The only reason being his attorney is trying to scare you. A point you should tell the judge. They don't like that. He has no business calling your mother. Another harassment and as an officer of the court should know the law and stay within it. Actually with the restraining order in effect the attorney violated the order by contacting you....Go ask the prosecutor if you can file for a violation. If you can that will stop the harassment..If all else fails then contact an attorney. That is when the ex and his attorney will WAKE up and back off.......Now that you have an address the sheriff will serve the papers. If not then there are people who will for a small fee....Good luck and if you need any more advice then email.....
You can represent yourself in court but the problem comes in when his attorney starts using legal jargon in court and has legal and is trained and skilled in divorce proceedings. If it were out of court and your husband was not asking for compensation then it would be easier but since you are having to go to court and face a judge by yourself it may be slightly more difficult to prove your case without you getting emotional. Judges tend to look more favorably upon claimants if they have legal representation before them. In other words, if a case is simple do it yourself, but once it becomes complicated and money is involved, you need legal representation before the court and judge. Any more questions you can ';im' me.
You need a attorney. It also depends on what state you live in, not all states are the same. This sounds kind of weird. Are you sure that the person who is claiming to be his attorney really a attorney? If he is he is completely unprofessional. What are the stipulations on your restraining order? Is it a no contact order where your ex can't contact you directly? Depending on the state, I doubt that you will have to pay your ex's court fees. This sounds really ugly, get an attorney. You definitely need help with this.
I need advice.... I want a divorce?
ahve been married for a year and a half.. although i dated my husband for 6 years prior... i am 20 going on 21.. and we have a 10 month old daughter together.. We have been struggling with a trust issue from the very beginning and my husband is VERY flirtatious.. so he sees no problem with having female friends.. anyway during my pregnancy he met a female that he grew fond of and vice versa.. anyways he would text her, call her etc. Eventually we got over that and he cut her off because he felt that the love we had was greater that anything else... a year later.. we moved to a new apartment and i have noticed that he has become friends with the neighbor across the hall.. Last week they began texting eachother.. when i questioned it he said don't worry .. she's getting a movie for me from blockbuster and getting some drinks for his brother... i was concerned but shrugged it off.. then yesterday he calls and he asks ';would it be a problem if i went over her house to watch a movie with her and her baby father? '; I laughed cause i thought he was kidding.. anywho i told him that i would not answer because i believe he knows the ';right'; thing to do.. throughout the day.. the scenerio changed like her babyfather doesn't live there, she's single.. and she even texts and asked ';are you sure that your girl is okay with this knowing the situation'; ... He ended up going ... and he said that they would just watch Max Payne (which is our movie and he's already seen) Please i need to know what do you think... I want a divorce but i am a seventh day adventist and my family would look down on me.. Also with the child involved he is gonna try to fight me for her... On top of everything his mother is living with us and he has been out of a job since march 8th and has no ambition of moving on... I pay ALLL the bills..
I need help.. I need advice.I need advice.... I want a divorce?
I respect your religious views, but this guy seems like he will be a life time of headache for you and your child. If you have anywhere else to go until you get on your feet again, do it and take your child with you. My husband was mentally abusive and quit his job on Christmas Eve and I paid all the bills, now he wants alimony saying he was a stay at home dad. You are still young enough to move on and make a clean break.I need advice.... I want a divorce?
Kick them out and cut them off.
They add no value to you or your life.
They will not change as long as you support them and they do
not have to do anything.
You and your kid are more important than that.
Your family should understand and support your decison
Have you tried marriage counseling first? If you think it's a done deal, move on. He doesn't seem to have any respect for your feelings. And you pay ALL the bills? Uh uh. He'd be kicked to the curb for sure. You dont' need him.
I think u married way to young. You should talk to him about separating if u do not see a change in his life
WAY WAY to young. If you pay all the bills, You go girl! You don't need him. There's someone else out there who WON'T make you feel like you may NOT be the only one. You deserve to know you're the only one. It does sound like a really tight spot, you have to decide what you want before you can figure out how to get it. If you don't know if you should leave, can you imagine living this way for any period of time? A year? 5 years? Don't worry about him getting the baby, it won't happen, they cannot just take her from you. Good luck sweetie.
True to sort out the problem with frank discussion over the problem. This may save ur marriage. Even if something doesn't change then u may go for separation and even if u think it may do nothing better then u may directly go for divorce. For help in knowing the process of divorce plz follow the link when needed http://www.reviewlocator.com/reviews/sur鈥?/a>
I need help.. I need advice.I need advice.... I want a divorce?
I respect your religious views, but this guy seems like he will be a life time of headache for you and your child. If you have anywhere else to go until you get on your feet again, do it and take your child with you. My husband was mentally abusive and quit his job on Christmas Eve and I paid all the bills, now he wants alimony saying he was a stay at home dad. You are still young enough to move on and make a clean break.I need advice.... I want a divorce?
Kick them out and cut them off.
They add no value to you or your life.
They will not change as long as you support them and they do
not have to do anything.
You and your kid are more important than that.
Your family should understand and support your decison
Have you tried marriage counseling first? If you think it's a done deal, move on. He doesn't seem to have any respect for your feelings. And you pay ALL the bills? Uh uh. He'd be kicked to the curb for sure. You dont' need him.
I think u married way to young. You should talk to him about separating if u do not see a change in his life
WAY WAY to young. If you pay all the bills, You go girl! You don't need him. There's someone else out there who WON'T make you feel like you may NOT be the only one. You deserve to know you're the only one. It does sound like a really tight spot, you have to decide what you want before you can figure out how to get it. If you don't know if you should leave, can you imagine living this way for any period of time? A year? 5 years? Don't worry about him getting the baby, it won't happen, they cannot just take her from you. Good luck sweetie.
True to sort out the problem with frank discussion over the problem. This may save ur marriage. Even if something doesn't change then u may go for separation and even if u think it may do nothing better then u may directly go for divorce. For help in knowing the process of divorce plz follow the link when needed http://www.reviewlocator.com/reviews/sur鈥?/a>
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