I have JC of 2 girls(4 and 6) that are my world and spend as much time as i can with them(3 or more days a week)I would like to find someone to marry again but my children will allways be #1.So here is my question is it better that i find/pursue someone who has children too or someone who does not?I would like to hear pros and cons for both from people.Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
i have JC of a 4 year old girl. much like you and am getting re married in less then a month. i got to make sure about the girl first and only when i was sure introduced her to my kiddo. She doesnt have kids but is great with mine and they love each other so. and that was the icing on the cake for my. but it is up to you and if you want to deal with someone else's kids or have more kids or even no more kids. no one can really tell you what to do just follow your heart and if you have any bad feelings along the way RUN.Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
I agree with Josie Girls answer.
get urself a hot sexy lady man. you owe it to urself ma man, get back in the gym you will find hot ladies there man, and u can still hang out with ur daughters. and u can get all the action that ur wife didnt give u no more. so get back in the game man
Well, I met my partner two years ago and became a step parent to 4 kids. I have none of my own! We did have some problems because at first I didnt understand that children came first. I never experienced that feeling since I don't have children of my own. I have to admit I was a little jealous at first. If you meet someone without children, just make sure she understands that you love your girls and they come first. If she has experience with kids, even better for you. If you happen to meet someone who has kids of their own, just make sure you dont compare children and start the ';my child, your child'; thing. Relationships are a lot of work--adding children to it makes it even more complicated! If you find the right person, it is worth it though. Good luck.
question
The right person is the right person. With or without kids of their own. But I guess you know that already. Now let's see: A woman with no kids will find it difficult to understand that she will always ne second to them. Women tend to need to be the first choice. Women with no children might also fall in love with your kids, but this would mean YOU assuming much more thinking and doing than in a no-kids relationship. Are you ready for that?
The other way round: Woman with kids will alway be a mother to her own children more than to your own. Financial issues will also be raised: (how much spent on hers'and how much in yours'). Conflicts as to raising children in same or similar way. Jealousy on all sides. Mmmm!
I really think that if you fall for a woman, you are man enough to make it happen the right way, with or without her being already a mom.
The real question is: are you up to it?
Go with what ever makes you happy. But keep in mind your kids will let you know who is right for u
In my opinion, someone who has no children may be better for your girls. If she did have her children then it cause rivalry in how each group is disciplined and sometimes appeared favoritism comes into play. i.e. you treat your kids better than you treat mine.
Later on you can have children between you and your new wife.
You should find someone that you have stuff in common with. If you find the right person it aint gonna mean squat if they have kids or not. Especially if you love kids, whats the difference, just more to love if she loves your kids too. SO the answer to your question is it doesnt matter at all, look for someone that makes you happy and fulfills your emotional needs. Take your time and don't throw your girls to a new mom for a while until they get used to you and your ex being apart. They are going through as much as you are. Good luck to you, I admire you for caring enough..
Monday, August 23, 2010
I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
I am interested in a really nice lady who is 39 and she has a son who is 17, and two daughters who are 14 and 8. I am 50 and I don't have any kids living with me. My only kid is 26 and he is married and in medical school, so he won't live with us!
What advice do you guys have to give to me? What is it like for you to have some guy dating your Mom?
What would you want a guy to do if he were to become your step Dad?
How could a step Dad help make your life easier? What kinds of things should a step Dad NOT do?
I would really like to know from you experts what I need to know, because I don't know anything about what you guys think or how you may feel about this issue.
Thank you for your help and advice!
Take care and be happy!
AlanI need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Ok, well my mom isn't divorced, but she never got married to my dad and he lives in Indiana. I am 13. My mom is dating some guy who is really nice
I would feel kind of odd if my mom is kissing or showing affection for some other guy, though i wont tell her, i would hold it in and probably cry when im alone or write about it. I like him and all, but its just wierd. My mom acts like a teenager, so we can joke about it which makes me feel better
If the guy were to become my step dad, i would want him to be more of a friend, but don't try too hard like they sometimes do in those cheesy movies. Don't act like a parental figure, because you aren't their parent. What we would enjoy is if you take our side once in a while, and if we are fighting or debating with our mother dont butt in and take her side, unless she asks for your opinion
-Don't act like a parental figure
-Don't say stuff too mushy (it usually makes me feel sick when my mom's boyfriends act all nice to me and say how they understand how i feel and all that stuff)
-Be nice but not over the top
-When we ask our mother for something and she says no because it is too expensive, or she doesn't have enough time to get it offer to help or chip in
-Try to see it from our side a bit
-What really ticks me off is whne the guys come in and put their feet up on the couch, or walk around in theri pajamas and drink from the cartonn or something (basically when they act like its their house)
-Also ask us our opinion on things that you plan on doing for our mom, we like to be involved and not seem like a side project
-Hope I helped Ive gone through this tons of times with my mom she is only 30I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Alan,
Good luck!! I distinctly remember liking very few of my mother's boyfriends when I was a teenager (and younger). Only a couple of them were able to win my affection. Those who did, were able to find a way to relate to me. For instance, I was a big fan of the WWF. At the time, I had a cast on my leg so the one boyfriend offered to paint the Ultimate Warrior on my cast. From then on he was a GREAT guy. Another guy ordered pay-per-view WWF at his house and invited me to watch it with him and allowed me to bring over friends.
Those guys who ignored me received the wrath. I would do silly things like put gum in their hats, steal their license plates and throw them away, etc. I hated that they were spending time with my mother and appeared to be a priority over me. This is best mitigated by including her kids in activities (gifts are always good too). Just don't try too hard. Make an offer to take them to the movies, aquarium, whatever, but if they aren't interested, just say ';OK, maybe something different next time?'; Follow these rules and they will cling to you which is exactly what you will need if you want this relationship to work. By the way - if you do not like her kids, it is probably best to just walk away and not force yourself.
I know from my own experience growing up with a single mother of 3 young children...our main concern I can remember was that the new man would inhibit our mother or stop her from making choices she would have made otherwise when she was single. The thought that he would come in and ';run'; things was very scary for us. We thought she wouldnt be her own person anymore and go off of what he thought or did. Be very supportive and show your care for her kids, and make things very open...bc otherwise they will let fear take them over and make assumptions.
My parents are divorced. I'm living with my dad, not my mom, but I do have some comments.
Sometimes it can be really hard, and the truth is, the children will never like you a whole lot. My dad started dating this woman, and no matter how nice she was, or how happy she made my dad, I hated her. She didn't do anything wrong, I just hated her.
Whenever my parents talked on the phone, or met each other on the street and start to chat, I always hoped they would make up and get back together. But when my dad started dating another woman that hope was farther and farther away. She sort of.. confirmed their divorce.
I think the worst thing you can do is try to make the kids believe you are replacing the dad, or trying to fill his shoes. Don't think that you're their dad, because you're not. Just don't make it seem like you're replacing him.
But even if you're not their dad, you can try to be their friend. Spend time with them, bond.. Help them with homework, go shopping with them, etc.
The best thing you can do is show that you understand you're not the kids dad, and show that you really do care for the mom. As long as they understand you're not a bad guy, and you're only there to help, I think they'll accept you.
It also depends on how long it's been since their parents got divorced. If it's been a year, or two, maybe they've gotten used to it. If they've just gotten divorced, it might be harder and take a little more time for them to get used to you.
If I had a step dad, or a step mom, they would just make my life easier by showing me that they care for my mom or dad, and showing that they make them happy.
And most importantly, make sure that the mother doesn't choose you over the kids, if she does, they will start to hate you. Make sure she still pays attention to her kdis, so they don't feel left out, and so that they don't feel like she cares more about you then about them.
Good luck! :)
When my mum started dating a guy when i was 12 i hated him. he did nothing wrong and tried to make friends with us but i still hated him. mainly because he was taking my mum away from us, or so i thought.
you have to be careful when in this situation, dont be there all the time because it will be too much for her children. Take them all out as a family and try bonding.
My mums guy moved in almost straight away and it was so bad for us.
Always remember that they are her children so be careful when disciplining them as she will always take her kids side no matter what
What advice do you guys have to give to me? What is it like for you to have some guy dating your Mom?
What would you want a guy to do if he were to become your step Dad?
How could a step Dad help make your life easier? What kinds of things should a step Dad NOT do?
I would really like to know from you experts what I need to know, because I don't know anything about what you guys think or how you may feel about this issue.
Thank you for your help and advice!
Take care and be happy!
AlanI need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Ok, well my mom isn't divorced, but she never got married to my dad and he lives in Indiana. I am 13. My mom is dating some guy who is really nice
I would feel kind of odd if my mom is kissing or showing affection for some other guy, though i wont tell her, i would hold it in and probably cry when im alone or write about it. I like him and all, but its just wierd. My mom acts like a teenager, so we can joke about it which makes me feel better
If the guy were to become my step dad, i would want him to be more of a friend, but don't try too hard like they sometimes do in those cheesy movies. Don't act like a parental figure, because you aren't their parent. What we would enjoy is if you take our side once in a while, and if we are fighting or debating with our mother dont butt in and take her side, unless she asks for your opinion
-Don't act like a parental figure
-Don't say stuff too mushy (it usually makes me feel sick when my mom's boyfriends act all nice to me and say how they understand how i feel and all that stuff)
-Be nice but not over the top
-When we ask our mother for something and she says no because it is too expensive, or she doesn't have enough time to get it offer to help or chip in
-Try to see it from our side a bit
-What really ticks me off is whne the guys come in and put their feet up on the couch, or walk around in theri pajamas and drink from the cartonn or something (basically when they act like its their house)
-Also ask us our opinion on things that you plan on doing for our mom, we like to be involved and not seem like a side project
-Hope I helped Ive gone through this tons of times with my mom she is only 30I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Alan,
Good luck!! I distinctly remember liking very few of my mother's boyfriends when I was a teenager (and younger). Only a couple of them were able to win my affection. Those who did, were able to find a way to relate to me. For instance, I was a big fan of the WWF. At the time, I had a cast on my leg so the one boyfriend offered to paint the Ultimate Warrior on my cast. From then on he was a GREAT guy. Another guy ordered pay-per-view WWF at his house and invited me to watch it with him and allowed me to bring over friends.
Those guys who ignored me received the wrath. I would do silly things like put gum in their hats, steal their license plates and throw them away, etc. I hated that they were spending time with my mother and appeared to be a priority over me. This is best mitigated by including her kids in activities (gifts are always good too). Just don't try too hard. Make an offer to take them to the movies, aquarium, whatever, but if they aren't interested, just say ';OK, maybe something different next time?'; Follow these rules and they will cling to you which is exactly what you will need if you want this relationship to work. By the way - if you do not like her kids, it is probably best to just walk away and not force yourself.
I know from my own experience growing up with a single mother of 3 young children...our main concern I can remember was that the new man would inhibit our mother or stop her from making choices she would have made otherwise when she was single. The thought that he would come in and ';run'; things was very scary for us. We thought she wouldnt be her own person anymore and go off of what he thought or did. Be very supportive and show your care for her kids, and make things very open...bc otherwise they will let fear take them over and make assumptions.
My parents are divorced. I'm living with my dad, not my mom, but I do have some comments.
Sometimes it can be really hard, and the truth is, the children will never like you a whole lot. My dad started dating this woman, and no matter how nice she was, or how happy she made my dad, I hated her. She didn't do anything wrong, I just hated her.
Whenever my parents talked on the phone, or met each other on the street and start to chat, I always hoped they would make up and get back together. But when my dad started dating another woman that hope was farther and farther away. She sort of.. confirmed their divorce.
I think the worst thing you can do is try to make the kids believe you are replacing the dad, or trying to fill his shoes. Don't think that you're their dad, because you're not. Just don't make it seem like you're replacing him.
But even if you're not their dad, you can try to be their friend. Spend time with them, bond.. Help them with homework, go shopping with them, etc.
The best thing you can do is show that you understand you're not the kids dad, and show that you really do care for the mom. As long as they understand you're not a bad guy, and you're only there to help, I think they'll accept you.
It also depends on how long it's been since their parents got divorced. If it's been a year, or two, maybe they've gotten used to it. If they've just gotten divorced, it might be harder and take a little more time for them to get used to you.
If I had a step dad, or a step mom, they would just make my life easier by showing me that they care for my mom or dad, and showing that they make them happy.
And most importantly, make sure that the mother doesn't choose you over the kids, if she does, they will start to hate you. Make sure she still pays attention to her kdis, so they don't feel left out, and so that they don't feel like she cares more about you then about them.
Good luck! :)
When my mum started dating a guy when i was 12 i hated him. he did nothing wrong and tried to make friends with us but i still hated him. mainly because he was taking my mum away from us, or so i thought.
you have to be careful when in this situation, dont be there all the time because it will be too much for her children. Take them all out as a family and try bonding.
My mums guy moved in almost straight away and it was so bad for us.
Always remember that they are her children so be careful when disciplining them as she will always take her kids side no matter what
Not divorced yet, but need some advice .?
My spouse decided that he wanted to get a divorce when I was 6 months pregnant. He bought myself and my daughter and train ticket to Illinois (from Montana) to live away from him. I am getting ready to deliver in the next 2 weeks. He has never done much for our daughter, he would rather be with his friends drinking than anything else. I want to know if I have the right when he gets here (since we are still currently legally married) to say when and for how long he can spend with our daughter. He has said he can take her if he wants to, and I am nervous he will try to take her away from me, especially since I have been the only stable thing she has had since day one. I want him to see her, but only for an allotted amount of time. Do I have any legal rights when it comes to this situation, or can he just come and get her whenever he pleases?Not divorced yet, but need some advice .?
Technically he is right. You've not been given full custody yet, so even though he sent you away he still has legal rights to see the child. Although he has rights to see the child, I don't suggest you allow him to be alone with her, especially since she has no cue who he is since he doesn't see her. He can come visit her with you in the house, and if he wants more visitation or joint custody inform him that he'll need to get a lawyer before he can have more. You can't get into trouble because you've allowed him visitation anytime he wants while you're around, you'll have to let the judge know you're concerned about his mental situation and that he may kidnap the child.
In the meantime it would be a good idea for you to file for divorce and get a lawyer as well. Lawyers aren't always required but it sounds as though he may cause problems so you'll need some help.Not divorced yet, but need some advice .?
you need a legal separation to state what has already happened.
don't mess with this one. if you really want to have as many 'rights' as possible with your children, you need to make it official- so go get a lawyer.
don't be a victim ANYMORE!
take control here- if not for you, for your children.
You have all kinds of legal rights, but you actually need to go to court to enforce them.
Contact a lawyer immediately about petitioning for full custody of your children. While you're at it, petition for child support, too.
You need to take him to family court and get child support and visitation set up. You are sperated and living in different states so it should not matter the divorce is not final.
Get a lawyer now. you're the mother too you know. What kid of men that can ask his wife for divorce when she is pregnant? what a shame.
You should fight him to the END.
You need to get an attorney immediately.
Talk to a lawyer immediately.
He has no more rights than you do, but you need to have legal protection.
You need a attorney
better divorce him
GET A LAWYER...NOW!!!
Since he would rather be with his friends drinking, I suppose he's not someone who stays home 24/7 for night feeds or diapers changing. Apply for separation from him legally and not fight for custody but instead ask for visitation rights. Let that drunkard handle the baby and do the dirty job till he eventually give up the custody to you. He's playing his game with you because he saw your weakness. The only way to handle it is to let him have the baby for all he wants. He will eventually give up dear, just wait and see. God luck.
He cannot take your daughter away unless he has legal justification to do so. First off, you need to file for a divorce. Then get him on child support. Then get him on alimony. If he cant except is resposibity and not send it away then he is sure going to have to pay for it. As far as the custody goes, you make it very clear to the courts what he did by sending you and your daughter out of state. He will end up losing most of his custody if not all. Thats considered abandonment. You will be better off. Divorce is in order. The courts will help you do whats right for the children.
I am NOT a Family Law Attorney, and the laws in different states varies, but this depends on a number of factors:
1. Do you work? Or Does He? of do both of you work?
If you've been supporting yourself during your pregnancy, you have a bit of a case.
2. Does he give you any financial support?
If not, then he couldn't possibly get custody.
3. Do you (because I can already see he does) have a drinking or drug problem?
A judge can determine who is the most competent parent by the history of these elements. If you're the most stable, you'll get custody.
4. Are you currently insured under a policy which holds that he is the primary policy-holder?
If you're taking care of the medical expenses of child birth on your own (i.e. without his name) you could be entitled to win a case.
There are several other relevant questions, but I highly recommend you consult an attorney. They know the law....
You might want to start gathering information that will help you win custody. Prove that he is an unfit parent, then nail his *** for child support. You want to shoot for COMPLETE custody of your child, and then you can allow the visiting.
What a jerkoff, but best of luck to younyx cosmetic
Technically he is right. You've not been given full custody yet, so even though he sent you away he still has legal rights to see the child. Although he has rights to see the child, I don't suggest you allow him to be alone with her, especially since she has no cue who he is since he doesn't see her. He can come visit her with you in the house, and if he wants more visitation or joint custody inform him that he'll need to get a lawyer before he can have more. You can't get into trouble because you've allowed him visitation anytime he wants while you're around, you'll have to let the judge know you're concerned about his mental situation and that he may kidnap the child.
In the meantime it would be a good idea for you to file for divorce and get a lawyer as well. Lawyers aren't always required but it sounds as though he may cause problems so you'll need some help.Not divorced yet, but need some advice .?
you need a legal separation to state what has already happened.
don't mess with this one. if you really want to have as many 'rights' as possible with your children, you need to make it official- so go get a lawyer.
don't be a victim ANYMORE!
take control here- if not for you, for your children.
You have all kinds of legal rights, but you actually need to go to court to enforce them.
Contact a lawyer immediately about petitioning for full custody of your children. While you're at it, petition for child support, too.
You need to take him to family court and get child support and visitation set up. You are sperated and living in different states so it should not matter the divorce is not final.
Get a lawyer now. you're the mother too you know. What kid of men that can ask his wife for divorce when she is pregnant? what a shame.
You should fight him to the END.
You need to get an attorney immediately.
Talk to a lawyer immediately.
He has no more rights than you do, but you need to have legal protection.
You need a attorney
better divorce him
GET A LAWYER...NOW!!!
Since he would rather be with his friends drinking, I suppose he's not someone who stays home 24/7 for night feeds or diapers changing. Apply for separation from him legally and not fight for custody but instead ask for visitation rights. Let that drunkard handle the baby and do the dirty job till he eventually give up the custody to you. He's playing his game with you because he saw your weakness. The only way to handle it is to let him have the baby for all he wants. He will eventually give up dear, just wait and see. God luck.
He cannot take your daughter away unless he has legal justification to do so. First off, you need to file for a divorce. Then get him on child support. Then get him on alimony. If he cant except is resposibity and not send it away then he is sure going to have to pay for it. As far as the custody goes, you make it very clear to the courts what he did by sending you and your daughter out of state. He will end up losing most of his custody if not all. Thats considered abandonment. You will be better off. Divorce is in order. The courts will help you do whats right for the children.
I am NOT a Family Law Attorney, and the laws in different states varies, but this depends on a number of factors:
1. Do you work? Or Does He? of do both of you work?
If you've been supporting yourself during your pregnancy, you have a bit of a case.
2. Does he give you any financial support?
If not, then he couldn't possibly get custody.
3. Do you (because I can already see he does) have a drinking or drug problem?
A judge can determine who is the most competent parent by the history of these elements. If you're the most stable, you'll get custody.
4. Are you currently insured under a policy which holds that he is the primary policy-holder?
If you're taking care of the medical expenses of child birth on your own (i.e. without his name) you could be entitled to win a case.
There are several other relevant questions, but I highly recommend you consult an attorney. They know the law....
You might want to start gathering information that will help you win custody. Prove that he is an unfit parent, then nail his *** for child support. You want to shoot for COMPLETE custody of your child, and then you can allow the visiting.
What a jerkoff, but best of luck to you
';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
ok toms exwife is a wonderfull/involved mom to thier only child who is 8 yrs old.She is still single and relies on my hus for advice/support regarding thier son who is her life.I know she is not happy about me being the ';new wife'; as she sees me in ';her place';.My question is i don't want to make trouble with her so what can i do or don't do to avoid conflict with her?What does your exhusbands new wife do that pisses you off regarding your kids?';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
I am a ';new wife'; and I can tell you what I have done that makes my husband's ex feel like I've over stepped my boundaries...
Don't take charge in situations like school registration, doctor appointments, etc. Let her feel like what she is...the mother, try not to make her feel replaced as a mother.
Things you can try to do to make it better...
Talk with her, let her know that you know she's the mother and you want to help her out. Ask her things like what time is bed time at her house.
Basically let her know that you love the child but you also respect her place as the child's mother and don't want to step on any toes. Let her know that you're available to talk to her if she has any questions for you, etc.
This helped me out a lot with my husband's ex.';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
We all know how bitchy we woman can be, but for yur surviual donot forget yur place in the triangle, yu are the middle, that empty space between all three side, yu donot do anything with the child without first talking to both parent, and please donot over do the attention that yu give to the child, she is a mother so she will be overprotective, dont take it to heart, have lunch, when yu need to talk thing over, but if she is a *****, F##k her and have yur own owe baby fast. goodluck.
Tread carefully. That's all I can say. Love that child as if it's your own. Depending on her you may be able to talk to her. Tell her your not into drama and that you realize they have a child TOGETHER and you just want to the lines of communication open. My ex had a girlfriend who went out to dinner with me and my boys to get to know me. But it really depends on her and how willing she is to let you in.
I am a ';new wife'; and I can tell you what I have done that makes my husband's ex feel like I've over stepped my boundaries...
Don't take charge in situations like school registration, doctor appointments, etc. Let her feel like what she is...the mother, try not to make her feel replaced as a mother.
Things you can try to do to make it better...
Talk with her, let her know that you know she's the mother and you want to help her out. Ask her things like what time is bed time at her house.
Basically let her know that you love the child but you also respect her place as the child's mother and don't want to step on any toes. Let her know that you're available to talk to her if she has any questions for you, etc.
This helped me out a lot with my husband's ex.';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
We all know how bitchy we woman can be, but for yur surviual donot forget yur place in the triangle, yu are the middle, that empty space between all three side, yu donot do anything with the child without first talking to both parent, and please donot over do the attention that yu give to the child, she is a mother so she will be overprotective, dont take it to heart, have lunch, when yu need to talk thing over, but if she is a *****, F##k her and have yur own owe baby fast. goodluck.
Tread carefully. That's all I can say. Love that child as if it's your own. Depending on her you may be able to talk to her. Tell her your not into drama and that you realize they have a child TOGETHER and you just want to the lines of communication open. My ex had a girlfriend who went out to dinner with me and my boys to get to know me. But it really depends on her and how willing she is to let you in.
had divorced 3 times…can you advice me how can I run my marriage?
had divorced 3 times…can you advice me how can I run my marriage?陌 had divorced 3 times…can you advice me how can I run my marriage?
well 1st your thinking wrong when u ask how you can run you marriage…it's a partnership and every thing you guys to has to be agreed upon…you have to bend and so does he…you can't have it you way all the time.it's just bunch of comprimising on both parts..talking is they key that keeps my marriage together.陌 had divorced 3 times…can you advice me how can I run my marriage?
sit down and anaylze what went wrong 3 times..and try to do things differently this time..most important thing is communication. It can save a lot of pain and heart ache. Gdluck.
I have an idea, if your ex-wives are the ones who filed, try putting your wife and her feelings and needs before your own. If you were selfish and was thinking only about yourself, I can see why you've been divorced 3 times.
A successful marriage takes two. One person can't make or break it, but one person can certainly change the whole relationship by the way he or she treats their partner.
Treat your wife as the queen of your life……….which is what she should be. Give her love %26amp; respect, and show her how much you love her every day. Don't let a day go by without telling her you love her. And give her those justures of affection throughout every day……….such as hugs, smiles, kisses, touches. Don't go overboard and smother her, but make sure she sees and feels your love and affection for her.
Comprimise. Always make decisions together. And talk. Always talk. Tell her about your day. Ask her about her day…………and really listen to her in an understanding way.
Always remember the reason you married her. Everyone has faults. And everyone has little things that may irritate the other person. But always remember the qualities that you married her for, and accept and allow the imperfections, just as she will have to accept yours.
The main ingredient in a successful marriage really is the way you make your partner feel. Make her feel like she is the most wonderful woman in the world………….which she should be to you. Always build her up, and make her the most important part of your life.
Best wishes for a long and fulfilling relationship. :)
well first of all you don’t run amarriage a marriage is a partnership so maybe you should let the other person in sometimes you know give and take
Run or ruin?
You seem to be better at the latter…..
btw this is yet ANOTHER of those vague questions….
Run your marriage??? Don’t you mean to work on your marriage better and do different so this one will not end up in divorce? Remember marriage is what you make of it. If you choose to be faithful and true to your vows then you marriage can and will be successful.
yeah don’t get married again
oh wow, If you feel the urge to swoon a woman again and proprose……how did you make her fall in love with you in the first place? Why did she say yes? Most men, are romantic and sweet at first and once they marry you…. They forget how to do it. Have you ever noticed really really ugly men with beautiful wives? They know how to sweet talk and love their wives. Women should submit to their husbands but………….. And I say this with gusto…..men should treat their wives with the utmost respect, dignity and as if they are queens. If a husband treats his wife like she is the most beautiful woman in the world and with respect, she is likely to go with his final ruling on a subject. You have to understand that a woman has a brain of her own, she doesn't like to be talked down to. If she says, I want to buy this or that. Don't say ok, and then later.. Yell, we couldn't afford this why did you buy it!..... Talk about it… yeah we can afford that… ok or no, I would rather wait a little while and make sure that's what we want….. (She just gave you a gift idea) Talk to her, romance her.
Romance doesn't mean flowers and candy all the time. Try written notes… just to say I love you. Or call her up and tell her about the song you just heard that reminded you of her. Trust me……. The easiest way to a man's heart is thru his stomach…. The easiest way to a womans heart is thru her brain. Be strong, protect her, don't be overly jealous, be understanding when she says she had a bad day and needs to be held. Woo her all the time. I don't care if she is the ugliest body that walked the earth… she is your wife, to you… she should be beautiful. Look into her eyes and tell her… I love you.. Your so beautiful. (she might say, yeah right..only to you) and you answer… its only me that matters, You’re my shining star. (you'll melt her heart)
Before you marry again, look at her family. How do her parents react with one another? Chances are she is going to be the same. (they were her examples)
I say all of this from experience. I am on my first and only marriage of 14 yrs. Just recently at a restaurant, someone asked if we were newlyweds. I listen to my husband and he listens to me. We discuss things, we cuddle, we hold hands… but when he makes a decision about something, he talks to me about it and says what do you think… I tell him, they he decides and even if its something I don't like,… He makes the final decision and I am cool with that. I might not fix his fav. Meal that night.. But I love him more today than 14 yrs ago and our marriage is rock solid. He calls me and says… you know that song ';She is my every thing';?, That reminds me of you';……..so I listened to it… he melted my heart..again.
Men could have it so easy if they just realized how valued their wives are and treat them with respect. My husband comes home, and I will give him back rubs, foot rubs, wait on him hand and foot, fix his fav. Meals… because he treats me like a queen. Its almost a battle to see who can woo the other first. He works hard and takes care of us. When I want something that we can't afford, usually he will secretly save the money and I get it for a birthday or anniversary or christmas. I don't ask for much. Maybe we are one in a million. Enough of my rambling, hope this helps.
well 1st your thinking wrong when u ask how you can run you marriage…it's a partnership and every thing you guys to has to be agreed upon…you have to bend and so does he…you can't have it you way all the time.it's just bunch of comprimising on both parts..talking is they key that keeps my marriage together.陌 had divorced 3 times…can you advice me how can I run my marriage?
sit down and anaylze what went wrong 3 times..and try to do things differently this time..most important thing is communication. It can save a lot of pain and heart ache. Gdluck.
I have an idea, if your ex-wives are the ones who filed, try putting your wife and her feelings and needs before your own. If you were selfish and was thinking only about yourself, I can see why you've been divorced 3 times.
A successful marriage takes two. One person can't make or break it, but one person can certainly change the whole relationship by the way he or she treats their partner.
Treat your wife as the queen of your life……….which is what she should be. Give her love %26amp; respect, and show her how much you love her every day. Don't let a day go by without telling her you love her. And give her those justures of affection throughout every day……….such as hugs, smiles, kisses, touches. Don't go overboard and smother her, but make sure she sees and feels your love and affection for her.
Comprimise. Always make decisions together. And talk. Always talk. Tell her about your day. Ask her about her day…………and really listen to her in an understanding way.
Always remember the reason you married her. Everyone has faults. And everyone has little things that may irritate the other person. But always remember the qualities that you married her for, and accept and allow the imperfections, just as she will have to accept yours.
The main ingredient in a successful marriage really is the way you make your partner feel. Make her feel like she is the most wonderful woman in the world………….which she should be to you. Always build her up, and make her the most important part of your life.
Best wishes for a long and fulfilling relationship. :)
well first of all you don’t run amarriage a marriage is a partnership so maybe you should let the other person in sometimes you know give and take
Run or ruin?
You seem to be better at the latter…..
btw this is yet ANOTHER of those vague questions….
Run your marriage??? Don’t you mean to work on your marriage better and do different so this one will not end up in divorce? Remember marriage is what you make of it. If you choose to be faithful and true to your vows then you marriage can and will be successful.
yeah don’t get married again
oh wow, If you feel the urge to swoon a woman again and proprose……how did you make her fall in love with you in the first place? Why did she say yes? Most men, are romantic and sweet at first and once they marry you…. They forget how to do it. Have you ever noticed really really ugly men with beautiful wives? They know how to sweet talk and love their wives. Women should submit to their husbands but………….. And I say this with gusto…..men should treat their wives with the utmost respect, dignity and as if they are queens. If a husband treats his wife like she is the most beautiful woman in the world and with respect, she is likely to go with his final ruling on a subject. You have to understand that a woman has a brain of her own, she doesn't like to be talked down to. If she says, I want to buy this or that. Don't say ok, and then later.. Yell, we couldn't afford this why did you buy it!..... Talk about it… yeah we can afford that… ok or no, I would rather wait a little while and make sure that's what we want….. (She just gave you a gift idea) Talk to her, romance her.
Romance doesn't mean flowers and candy all the time. Try written notes… just to say I love you. Or call her up and tell her about the song you just heard that reminded you of her. Trust me……. The easiest way to a man's heart is thru his stomach…. The easiest way to a womans heart is thru her brain. Be strong, protect her, don't be overly jealous, be understanding when she says she had a bad day and needs to be held. Woo her all the time. I don't care if she is the ugliest body that walked the earth… she is your wife, to you… she should be beautiful. Look into her eyes and tell her… I love you.. Your so beautiful. (she might say, yeah right..only to you) and you answer… its only me that matters, You’re my shining star. (you'll melt her heart)
Before you marry again, look at her family. How do her parents react with one another? Chances are she is going to be the same. (they were her examples)
I say all of this from experience. I am on my first and only marriage of 14 yrs. Just recently at a restaurant, someone asked if we were newlyweds. I listen to my husband and he listens to me. We discuss things, we cuddle, we hold hands… but when he makes a decision about something, he talks to me about it and says what do you think… I tell him, they he decides and even if its something I don't like,… He makes the final decision and I am cool with that. I might not fix his fav. Meal that night.. But I love him more today than 14 yrs ago and our marriage is rock solid. He calls me and says… you know that song ';She is my every thing';?, That reminds me of you';……..so I listened to it… he melted my heart..again.
Men could have it so easy if they just realized how valued their wives are and treat them with respect. My husband comes home, and I will give him back rubs, foot rubs, wait on him hand and foot, fix his fav. Meals… because he treats me like a queen. Its almost a battle to see who can woo the other first. He works hard and takes care of us. When I want something that we can't afford, usually he will secretly save the money and I get it for a birthday or anniversary or christmas. I don't ask for much. Maybe we are one in a million. Enough of my rambling, hope this helps.
Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
I am a 17 year old girl. I hear all of these stories about young men and women who were in love and got married, but then divorced. As a young woman, i have dreams of marriage and i want to know the difference between the couples who have married young and have long lasting marriages and those who were married young and then divorced. What were the main reasons for unsucessful marriages aswell as the reason your marriage is successful.Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
i was 18 when i married and in love... thought my husband was, it seems he loved other women too... we had three kids, and we divorced...
i married again 7-7-07... i love him, and he loves me... i am very happy!
marriage is a huge committment...Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
Those that married young and had a long lasting marriage - were not of this decade. You usually find those from the 40's - 50's and 60's. They had the highest respect for each other and never went to bad mad. Alcohol use was at a minimum. Drug use was none non-existent.
Married young and a short marriage - excessive alcohol use, excessive drug use, mental and/or physical and/or emotional abuse. Also one or both were looking for greener pastures. Money went for alcohol and/or drugs = couldn't pay the rent. High sex drives and a lack of experience at that age may lead to infidelity.
ETC -
Reading your question, I would never have guessed you were 17. You write like a college student +. You can see where married young and divorced is going. If I were you I wouldn't even let that noun ';marriage'; enter my mind until I graduated from college.
My husband has just left - basically things were going well but then we set up a business together and it meant we were together 24/7 and the spark went - then the love died - we are still friends however I wouldnt recommend working in a business together and also if you feel that the spontinaety or the spark is starting to lack make a concerted effort to do something different and fun.
Rule number one make sure this is the person you love dont marry for money,status,or pregnancy.Make sure that you have met your soulmate.Rule two once u marry that person DO NOT let money,kids,house hold chores or any other insignificant silly thing ruin your love for each other because you fight about it.Those things put a strain on your marriage only if you let it,so pretty much don't sweat the small stuff.Rule three never think the grass is greener on the other side because its not you are just bored and need something exciting in your life this is when you need to speak to your husband and tell him you need to help each other spice things up a bit.Thats all it takes.My short story,got married to wrong person.He was ten years older.I was knocked up thought it was the right thing to do but didn't love him.He promised to take care of me so I thought I would grow to love him.I was very young and marriage went down hill quick and I met someone else and lost my daughter because of it.I see her every other weekend because of my stupid actions.So please make sure it is right because you don't want to go down that road......I am happily married to my soulmate now.
I was married at 19 and divorced three weeks after my 20th birthday. We had a little girl, but I found out, strangley on a visit with my daughter, that his big mouthed girlfriend told me that they had been dating for a year, in april! I had cheated on my (ex) husband while i was in the army, but that was in may. I found this out and was hysterical!!!! but now, i'm remarried to my husband, and we are having issues right now, because he's in iraq, but we are working things out! I love him very much and i know he loves me!!!! good luck with marriage!
dont marry so young. there is so much life out there to see and do.. with or without your mate. wait till your older and wiser of the ways of this world and life. marriage takes work work work work work work everyday. you have to be willing to stay on the same pages. seems when married young things in ones life changes sometimes and drift apart coz they say they didnt do this or that when they was young and want to do those things now.. so some do when there married and your partner finds out and everything changes. best to get lots of things you want to do in life when your young and marry and settle down later when your wiser and ready. good luck
I married for the wrong reasons - I wasn't complete. People who grow up with healthy love are able to love unconditionally. Needy people don't make it in relationships. Raise your standards high enough so you can attract a caring man. He must be a gentleman above all.
married with the right person is the most wonderful thing in the world, nothing can compare with it. for a successful marriage, you need to love, respect, support each other. you have to be compatible, responsible, faithful, have fun together. it's hard work, but all worth it.
I'm 31 years old and I've done a lot of living for someone my age. I've been married and now pretty much divorced (monday it's final). We got married when we were 22 years old. We thought it'd be the right thing to do since we already had a son. BAD MISTAKE. The marriage was in trouble only 2 years later. I would say it was more me than him. I still had things I hadn't yet experienced and we started growing apart. He began to be unhappy in the marriage as well due to the emotional distance between us. Bottom line. We were too young. Our lives weren't yet settled both financially and emotionally. I don't regret getting married that young, as it taught me a lot of who I am and who I really want to marry. I walked away with knowledge. I don't think it's impossible for young couples to have a lasting marriage, granted there will be troubles along the way like any relationship but it's the integrity and commitment and faith that keeps them together. I'm pretty much single now. I still would like to be married again some day. Especially now that I've already lived through one marriage...I know what to expect and what to do to make it a successful one. It's all about communication, understanding, flexibility, and working together not against eachother. Especially when you hit those tough times.
You just have to go for it and not be afraid
There are a few things a person can do before getting married to help insure it will work.....however nothing is guaranteed.....
wait until you've lived a bit as a single person
get as much formal education as you can, preferably finish college
don't have children before you get married
don't forget to use your head when you fall in love
you don't want someone with too much baggage
you not just love the person you also respect him
you get pre-marital counseling
you remember the marriage is much more important than the wedding
The key is to make sure you know the person you are marrying. In other words the mind before the body, and not visa/versa. Those who marry out of lust and make their decision on that ';short-lived'; exciting/stimulating feeling are destined to fail, because that doesn't last long and having sex before marriage takes the focus off the mind and puts it on the body. Getting to know the person and who they really are and finding out their perspective on issues and making sure you are in sync with that is VERY important. Morals, ethics, compassion, forgiveness, realistic expectation, etc. are all qualities to look for. Here are two things you can use to determine how you wil be treated after marriage. Number one: How does he treat his mother/family/sisters etc. Number two: How does he treat the waitress or other people whom he doesnt' expect to ';get'; something from. How he treats them is how he will treat you in marriage. Over and out! That's where his true character comes out.
I think marriage is a huge commitment; and not everyone is up to the challenge! Don't get me wrong- I believe in marriage and fidelity and monogamy- but I also think marriage is not for everyone. Some people just don't have what it takes to make it work...and many people marry for the wrong reasons!
I think many people get married too young, too fast, and have too many unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, the ones who pay the price of the adults' mistakes are the children...the innocent ones.
We should never marry because we feel lonely, or because we want someone else to make us happy. We should marry because we are convinced that this other person loves and respects and cherishes us just as we do for him/her.
Ask God to help you and guide you, so you can choose well in the future. Use your heart, but also your brains. Good luck!
Listen to Amber. She is right on the money!!!
Well I was 17 when i met the man i married. We married when I was 21. The marriage lasted 17 years, but it was not happy for many years before that. I too had dreams of this wonderful life and having kids and living happily ever after, but it didn't turn out that way, and now that I am older I know why. All the reasons it didn't work were signs I should have seen before I married him, but I was young and inexperienced and thought they would change when we got married (which of course they didn't) and then I still held the same expectations of change when we had a child (which of course didn't change a thing) In the end the same dis-functional things he did before we were married continued throughout the marriage and I eventually fell out of love with him and drifted apart. So if I could give u any piece of advice it would be to know that the person the guy is BEFORE u marry him is the person he will always be. So if there are signs of things u don't like or agree with think to yourself if u can honestly see yourself living with that the rest of your life. Make sure u have the same goals and ethics and dreams in life so u can grow ';together'; as a couple and not drift apart. Don't just follow your heart, u need to follow your instincts too. I wish u good luck in finding your true love. :-)
I married my high school sweet heart.. i was 16 when i met him, he was 17.. i changed everything for him, changed classes so him and i would have classes together, etc, at one point i had an opportunity of going to a tech school to start towards my nursing degree, but because he didnt want to be away from me for half of the school day he begged me not to, so stupid me didnt go..
We graduated, and i had signed up to take classes at the local college, when he decided he wanted us to get married. When i said i had plans on going back to school, he said '; Not to worry u can always go to college down the road after we are married'; And i loved him so much.. i literally worshiped the ground he walked on, i would of done anything for him, and i thought he felt the same way about me. I came from a divorced family, and he came from a divorced family and we'd have talks about how we'd do everything to make our marriage work, we wouldnt be like our parents how we would never do that to our children etc.. and i believed him.. so i agreed to marry him..
A month after we got married ( 2 weeks after i turned 18 when we got married) I got pregnant with our first son.. i was on cloud nine.. he went into the navy.. and things looked like they couldnt be any more perfect. I was a stay at home mom, and i was extremely in love with my husband to the point that id watch the clock all day just anticipating him coming home.. and run up to the door just to kiss him when he came in.. Then i got pregnant with our 2nd son, and our second son ( i was 20 when i had him) and again thought life was great.. couldnt of been happier, had the man i loved with all my heart 2 beautiful kids.. well our second son was very sick, he was born with a birth defect to his liver, and he had his first liver transplant when he was 5 months old. We went through alot during that time.. but we made it through.. and he was my rock.. and he held me together through it all.... but our son was constantly in and out of hospitals, and doctors offices from that point on.. he was considered terminally ill , but stable. The stress did get to us..and our relationship did change a bit.. but nothing to a real damaging point..or atleast i thought..when i was 23 he left me and my 2 kids.. for another woman that he worked with, saying that we got married to young, and that it was all to much for him to handle. So there i was, 23 with a 2 and 3 year old , one with alot of medical problems, no education, no real work expierence ect waitressing.. and so i waitressed to make it by, my kids had what they needed but so many times had to tell them i could afford things they wanted.. their dad , who at one time was a great father while we were married.. started a new life, with out any of us, and would hardly see the kids.. our son was constantly in and out of hospitals and having operations and he'd call but never come to the hospital.. my kids are 14 and 13 now, and they've only seen their dad 4 times in 7 years.. he's over 10 grand in the hole in child support.. and i cant tell u the heartbreak of 2 boys crying begging for their dad to be in their lives and their dad telling them that his new family needs him more. (he's now on his 3rd wife, and has 2 daughters). I thought i loved him enough for the both of us.. I thought id grow old with him and that we could of gotten through anything.. I thought he loved us.. I was wrong..
If i had only waited, finished college, gotten a decent career going before agreeing to marrying him, atleast then if he would of still left, i would of been able to give my kids a life they deserved instead of a life of '; sorry i cant afford'; ..
My x husband talked to me recently, he appologized after 11 years for hurting me the way he did, and leaving the way he did, and even said that if we had just waited till we were alittle older and more mature, that we probably would of made it..
You will change ALOT between now and the time u turn 25 years old.. goals u have now, dreams, desires, etc.. will change.. I personally think it should be law that u cant get married till ur 25.. because of all the changing u do .. and the fact that divorce rates are so high.. Marriage isnt a romantic novel, it isnt a fairy tale.. its very hard, and its even harder when 2 people are immature, and although u may be mature for ur age, your immature because of ur age.. and thats a fact, not an oppinion..
If he is the ';ONE'; the one ur meant to be with for the rest of ur life.. then NOTHING will change that.. but u dont know if he's truely the ONE untill ur married for a very long time.. and thats been a ';proven'; scenerio and not just a feeling.. So my oppinion is if he's the one he'll still be there after college, after your 21, married or not.. so dont rush into growing up, not for u and not for him.. live alittle, be patient.. and if its meant to be it will be.. Protect ur ';UN'; born children, because they are the ones that need u to use your head and not rush.. cause they will pay the price if u get married, and one of u decides that u made a mistake..
I married young because I got pregnant. BIIG mistake! He was abusive, financially a wreck, never kept a job, lied about lying and cheated with anything that would let him.
We divorced and the only regret I have there is that I did not leave him sooner.
I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man that I adore.
So, to the advice part...
1. NEVER marry just because you have a child.
2. NEVER marry thinking you can change or fix the person.
3. Understand that marriage takes work and that you will not be happy 100% of the time.
4. Before you marry, make sure you agree on the important things like finances, sex, children, home ownership etc.
5. Only marry someone you love who also loves you.
6. Look at the whole picture and make sure the actions of your interest also match his words.
7. Communicate openly and honestly with love and trust.
8. Sense of humor is important. Its better to laugh than it is to cry.
Good Luck!
don't think mariage for life..rather take one day at a time; just like you would if you were single. whatever you think, don't think he will change for you or you for him; doesn t happen. Remember what you liked most in him or her will wind up being what annoys you the most about each other..I mean over time. don't give up easily either especially if kids are involved; they are entitled to you best efforts. I have been married 30 years; so far..we are both faithful to each other..unless of course, I am naive; which I doubt. good luck.
Reality of the world
How long u can live in imaginative world
but certainly u need imaginative world to relax also
so realism versus imagination balance is key to success
For the most part, it all has to do with commitment. Too many people give up at the first sign of trouble. Every marriage has problems, it's just a matter of how dedicated you are to work through those problems or whether you will just give up and walk out. Granted there are some extinuating circumstances, but in my opinion, based on the divorces I have seen, this applies to most ...
I was 29 when I got married, so I had a realistic view of marriage, and life in general. I also went cheap for my wedding, because I didn't want stress and wanted to relax. This is a huge problem with brides, because they want everything perfect and thus drive their groom and everyone else crazy. Many couples were way too young. It's best to wait until 25 or so. Many say they trusted in God, but ignored the warning signs. So no ignoring any warning signs. Marriage isn't what changes people. Even single people change. People talk about how they only want to shack up because the divorce rate is high, yet there are twice as many shack ups that break up versus those that got married getting divorced.
Hi, another sob story, married 30 years, going through a divorce, for mental and physical abuse. I raised our daughter on my own, she's 22.
I married at 19 and just celebrated my 11 year anniversary last month.
The key to my marriage is always showing my hubby that I love him, respect him, appreciate him and he does the same.
We have had our tough times, but we have also had a lot of good times and a lot of special memories that we hold very dear to our hearts.
We also spend quality time with one another, have open communication, unwaivering trust in one another, and solid dedication to each other and our marriage.
I know the divorce rate is high these days, however, there are those of us who marry young and stay together.
Best of luck and don't let the divorce rate keep you from finding marital happiness.
Rebel, know what you want.
know how to obtain it
know how to keep it
Magic
i was 18 when i married and in love... thought my husband was, it seems he loved other women too... we had three kids, and we divorced...
i married again 7-7-07... i love him, and he loves me... i am very happy!
marriage is a huge committment...Those who have married or divorced, will u please share your knowledge and advice with me?
Those that married young and had a long lasting marriage - were not of this decade. You usually find those from the 40's - 50's and 60's. They had the highest respect for each other and never went to bad mad. Alcohol use was at a minimum. Drug use was none non-existent.
Married young and a short marriage - excessive alcohol use, excessive drug use, mental and/or physical and/or emotional abuse. Also one or both were looking for greener pastures. Money went for alcohol and/or drugs = couldn't pay the rent. High sex drives and a lack of experience at that age may lead to infidelity.
ETC -
Reading your question, I would never have guessed you were 17. You write like a college student +. You can see where married young and divorced is going. If I were you I wouldn't even let that noun ';marriage'; enter my mind until I graduated from college.
My husband has just left - basically things were going well but then we set up a business together and it meant we were together 24/7 and the spark went - then the love died - we are still friends however I wouldnt recommend working in a business together and also if you feel that the spontinaety or the spark is starting to lack make a concerted effort to do something different and fun.
Rule number one make sure this is the person you love dont marry for money,status,or pregnancy.Make sure that you have met your soulmate.Rule two once u marry that person DO NOT let money,kids,house hold chores or any other insignificant silly thing ruin your love for each other because you fight about it.Those things put a strain on your marriage only if you let it,so pretty much don't sweat the small stuff.Rule three never think the grass is greener on the other side because its not you are just bored and need something exciting in your life this is when you need to speak to your husband and tell him you need to help each other spice things up a bit.Thats all it takes.My short story,got married to wrong person.He was ten years older.I was knocked up thought it was the right thing to do but didn't love him.He promised to take care of me so I thought I would grow to love him.I was very young and marriage went down hill quick and I met someone else and lost my daughter because of it.I see her every other weekend because of my stupid actions.So please make sure it is right because you don't want to go down that road......I am happily married to my soulmate now.
I was married at 19 and divorced three weeks after my 20th birthday. We had a little girl, but I found out, strangley on a visit with my daughter, that his big mouthed girlfriend told me that they had been dating for a year, in april! I had cheated on my (ex) husband while i was in the army, but that was in may. I found this out and was hysterical!!!! but now, i'm remarried to my husband, and we are having issues right now, because he's in iraq, but we are working things out! I love him very much and i know he loves me!!!! good luck with marriage!
dont marry so young. there is so much life out there to see and do.. with or without your mate. wait till your older and wiser of the ways of this world and life. marriage takes work work work work work work everyday. you have to be willing to stay on the same pages. seems when married young things in ones life changes sometimes and drift apart coz they say they didnt do this or that when they was young and want to do those things now.. so some do when there married and your partner finds out and everything changes. best to get lots of things you want to do in life when your young and marry and settle down later when your wiser and ready. good luck
I married for the wrong reasons - I wasn't complete. People who grow up with healthy love are able to love unconditionally. Needy people don't make it in relationships. Raise your standards high enough so you can attract a caring man. He must be a gentleman above all.
married with the right person is the most wonderful thing in the world, nothing can compare with it. for a successful marriage, you need to love, respect, support each other. you have to be compatible, responsible, faithful, have fun together. it's hard work, but all worth it.
I'm 31 years old and I've done a lot of living for someone my age. I've been married and now pretty much divorced (monday it's final). We got married when we were 22 years old. We thought it'd be the right thing to do since we already had a son. BAD MISTAKE. The marriage was in trouble only 2 years later. I would say it was more me than him. I still had things I hadn't yet experienced and we started growing apart. He began to be unhappy in the marriage as well due to the emotional distance between us. Bottom line. We were too young. Our lives weren't yet settled both financially and emotionally. I don't regret getting married that young, as it taught me a lot of who I am and who I really want to marry. I walked away with knowledge. I don't think it's impossible for young couples to have a lasting marriage, granted there will be troubles along the way like any relationship but it's the integrity and commitment and faith that keeps them together. I'm pretty much single now. I still would like to be married again some day. Especially now that I've already lived through one marriage...I know what to expect and what to do to make it a successful one. It's all about communication, understanding, flexibility, and working together not against eachother. Especially when you hit those tough times.
You just have to go for it and not be afraid
There are a few things a person can do before getting married to help insure it will work.....however nothing is guaranteed.....
wait until you've lived a bit as a single person
get as much formal education as you can, preferably finish college
don't have children before you get married
don't forget to use your head when you fall in love
you don't want someone with too much baggage
you not just love the person you also respect him
you get pre-marital counseling
you remember the marriage is much more important than the wedding
The key is to make sure you know the person you are marrying. In other words the mind before the body, and not visa/versa. Those who marry out of lust and make their decision on that ';short-lived'; exciting/stimulating feeling are destined to fail, because that doesn't last long and having sex before marriage takes the focus off the mind and puts it on the body. Getting to know the person and who they really are and finding out their perspective on issues and making sure you are in sync with that is VERY important. Morals, ethics, compassion, forgiveness, realistic expectation, etc. are all qualities to look for. Here are two things you can use to determine how you wil be treated after marriage. Number one: How does he treat his mother/family/sisters etc. Number two: How does he treat the waitress or other people whom he doesnt' expect to ';get'; something from. How he treats them is how he will treat you in marriage. Over and out! That's where his true character comes out.
I think marriage is a huge commitment; and not everyone is up to the challenge! Don't get me wrong- I believe in marriage and fidelity and monogamy- but I also think marriage is not for everyone. Some people just don't have what it takes to make it work...and many people marry for the wrong reasons!
I think many people get married too young, too fast, and have too many unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, the ones who pay the price of the adults' mistakes are the children...the innocent ones.
We should never marry because we feel lonely, or because we want someone else to make us happy. We should marry because we are convinced that this other person loves and respects and cherishes us just as we do for him/her.
Ask God to help you and guide you, so you can choose well in the future. Use your heart, but also your brains. Good luck!
Listen to Amber. She is right on the money!!!
Well I was 17 when i met the man i married. We married when I was 21. The marriage lasted 17 years, but it was not happy for many years before that. I too had dreams of this wonderful life and having kids and living happily ever after, but it didn't turn out that way, and now that I am older I know why. All the reasons it didn't work were signs I should have seen before I married him, but I was young and inexperienced and thought they would change when we got married (which of course they didn't) and then I still held the same expectations of change when we had a child (which of course didn't change a thing) In the end the same dis-functional things he did before we were married continued throughout the marriage and I eventually fell out of love with him and drifted apart. So if I could give u any piece of advice it would be to know that the person the guy is BEFORE u marry him is the person he will always be. So if there are signs of things u don't like or agree with think to yourself if u can honestly see yourself living with that the rest of your life. Make sure u have the same goals and ethics and dreams in life so u can grow ';together'; as a couple and not drift apart. Don't just follow your heart, u need to follow your instincts too. I wish u good luck in finding your true love. :-)
I married my high school sweet heart.. i was 16 when i met him, he was 17.. i changed everything for him, changed classes so him and i would have classes together, etc, at one point i had an opportunity of going to a tech school to start towards my nursing degree, but because he didnt want to be away from me for half of the school day he begged me not to, so stupid me didnt go..
We graduated, and i had signed up to take classes at the local college, when he decided he wanted us to get married. When i said i had plans on going back to school, he said '; Not to worry u can always go to college down the road after we are married'; And i loved him so much.. i literally worshiped the ground he walked on, i would of done anything for him, and i thought he felt the same way about me. I came from a divorced family, and he came from a divorced family and we'd have talks about how we'd do everything to make our marriage work, we wouldnt be like our parents how we would never do that to our children etc.. and i believed him.. so i agreed to marry him..
A month after we got married ( 2 weeks after i turned 18 when we got married) I got pregnant with our first son.. i was on cloud nine.. he went into the navy.. and things looked like they couldnt be any more perfect. I was a stay at home mom, and i was extremely in love with my husband to the point that id watch the clock all day just anticipating him coming home.. and run up to the door just to kiss him when he came in.. Then i got pregnant with our 2nd son, and our second son ( i was 20 when i had him) and again thought life was great.. couldnt of been happier, had the man i loved with all my heart 2 beautiful kids.. well our second son was very sick, he was born with a birth defect to his liver, and he had his first liver transplant when he was 5 months old. We went through alot during that time.. but we made it through.. and he was my rock.. and he held me together through it all.... but our son was constantly in and out of hospitals, and doctors offices from that point on.. he was considered terminally ill , but stable. The stress did get to us..and our relationship did change a bit.. but nothing to a real damaging point..or atleast i thought..when i was 23 he left me and my 2 kids.. for another woman that he worked with, saying that we got married to young, and that it was all to much for him to handle. So there i was, 23 with a 2 and 3 year old , one with alot of medical problems, no education, no real work expierence ect waitressing.. and so i waitressed to make it by, my kids had what they needed but so many times had to tell them i could afford things they wanted.. their dad , who at one time was a great father while we were married.. started a new life, with out any of us, and would hardly see the kids.. our son was constantly in and out of hospitals and having operations and he'd call but never come to the hospital.. my kids are 14 and 13 now, and they've only seen their dad 4 times in 7 years.. he's over 10 grand in the hole in child support.. and i cant tell u the heartbreak of 2 boys crying begging for their dad to be in their lives and their dad telling them that his new family needs him more. (he's now on his 3rd wife, and has 2 daughters). I thought i loved him enough for the both of us.. I thought id grow old with him and that we could of gotten through anything.. I thought he loved us.. I was wrong..
If i had only waited, finished college, gotten a decent career going before agreeing to marrying him, atleast then if he would of still left, i would of been able to give my kids a life they deserved instead of a life of '; sorry i cant afford'; ..
My x husband talked to me recently, he appologized after 11 years for hurting me the way he did, and leaving the way he did, and even said that if we had just waited till we were alittle older and more mature, that we probably would of made it..
You will change ALOT between now and the time u turn 25 years old.. goals u have now, dreams, desires, etc.. will change.. I personally think it should be law that u cant get married till ur 25.. because of all the changing u do .. and the fact that divorce rates are so high.. Marriage isnt a romantic novel, it isnt a fairy tale.. its very hard, and its even harder when 2 people are immature, and although u may be mature for ur age, your immature because of ur age.. and thats a fact, not an oppinion..
If he is the ';ONE'; the one ur meant to be with for the rest of ur life.. then NOTHING will change that.. but u dont know if he's truely the ONE untill ur married for a very long time.. and thats been a ';proven'; scenerio and not just a feeling.. So my oppinion is if he's the one he'll still be there after college, after your 21, married or not.. so dont rush into growing up, not for u and not for him.. live alittle, be patient.. and if its meant to be it will be.. Protect ur ';UN'; born children, because they are the ones that need u to use your head and not rush.. cause they will pay the price if u get married, and one of u decides that u made a mistake..
I married young because I got pregnant. BIIG mistake! He was abusive, financially a wreck, never kept a job, lied about lying and cheated with anything that would let him.
We divorced and the only regret I have there is that I did not leave him sooner.
I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man that I adore.
So, to the advice part...
1. NEVER marry just because you have a child.
2. NEVER marry thinking you can change or fix the person.
3. Understand that marriage takes work and that you will not be happy 100% of the time.
4. Before you marry, make sure you agree on the important things like finances, sex, children, home ownership etc.
5. Only marry someone you love who also loves you.
6. Look at the whole picture and make sure the actions of your interest also match his words.
7. Communicate openly and honestly with love and trust.
8. Sense of humor is important. Its better to laugh than it is to cry.
Good Luck!
don't think mariage for life..rather take one day at a time; just like you would if you were single. whatever you think, don't think he will change for you or you for him; doesn t happen. Remember what you liked most in him or her will wind up being what annoys you the most about each other..I mean over time. don't give up easily either especially if kids are involved; they are entitled to you best efforts. I have been married 30 years; so far..we are both faithful to each other..unless of course, I am naive; which I doubt. good luck.
Reality of the world
How long u can live in imaginative world
but certainly u need imaginative world to relax also
so realism versus imagination balance is key to success
For the most part, it all has to do with commitment. Too many people give up at the first sign of trouble. Every marriage has problems, it's just a matter of how dedicated you are to work through those problems or whether you will just give up and walk out. Granted there are some extinuating circumstances, but in my opinion, based on the divorces I have seen, this applies to most ...
I was 29 when I got married, so I had a realistic view of marriage, and life in general. I also went cheap for my wedding, because I didn't want stress and wanted to relax. This is a huge problem with brides, because they want everything perfect and thus drive their groom and everyone else crazy. Many couples were way too young. It's best to wait until 25 or so. Many say they trusted in God, but ignored the warning signs. So no ignoring any warning signs. Marriage isn't what changes people. Even single people change. People talk about how they only want to shack up because the divorce rate is high, yet there are twice as many shack ups that break up versus those that got married getting divorced.
Hi, another sob story, married 30 years, going through a divorce, for mental and physical abuse. I raised our daughter on my own, she's 22.
I married at 19 and just celebrated my 11 year anniversary last month.
The key to my marriage is always showing my hubby that I love him, respect him, appreciate him and he does the same.
We have had our tough times, but we have also had a lot of good times and a lot of special memories that we hold very dear to our hearts.
We also spend quality time with one another, have open communication, unwaivering trust in one another, and solid dedication to each other and our marriage.
I know the divorce rate is high these days, however, there are those of us who marry young and stay together.
Best of luck and don't let the divorce rate keep you from finding marital happiness.
Rebel, know what you want.
know how to obtain it
know how to keep it
Magic
I am divorced and need some legal advice.....?
My divorce states that I have exclusive occupancy of our marital home for 5 yrs. and then my X will buy it. We met in March 2006 and agreed in front of 2 lawyers that I would leave the house 2 yrs early and he would purchase it then. He was given 60 days to make arrangements. I am due $38,000 as my half of the equity. 60 days came and went, another 30 days passed and just yesterday I was told that he feels he is doing me ';a favor'; and will only give me $25,000. I don't feel this is right and now the mortgage payment on the original mortgage is due. Is he legally bound to the agreement we made in front of the lawyers? Has anyone else ever been thru this? please help.....I am divorced and need some legal advice.....?
With two lawyers watching, they should be able to tell you
whether the agreement made fell into an ';Oral contract';.
If so, a deal's a deal and he legally must live up to it.
However, in a court of law, you would have to prove that
an oral contract was made, which is harder than being able
to produce a signed piece of paper.
However, you do have two witnesses - since there was
more than their clients in the room, the conversation wouldn't
be covered by attorney-client privilege (third party rule).
Do you think his lawyer would lie for him?
Because your lawyer was a witness, to pursue this, you
may end up contracting another lawyer just to question him.I am divorced and need some legal advice.....?
I am not sure if you still have the original attorney but I would suggest going back to him.
Otherwise, if affording an attorney is an issue for you I would suggest getting pre paid legal plan. There are tons of things covered under the membership which is only $26 a month and anything not covered is given at LEAST a 25% discount.
I had a friend have some issues with her ex husband. She had this plan and called the attorney and got some assistance with what to do and say (for no additional $ than she paid for her membership) and then when the attorney did have to help her draw up some forms, it took them two hours and it only cost her $175. Most attorneys are going to charge you at least $200 an hour to even talk to you!!
If you're interested in this plan please check out the link below. Good luck. Feel free to email me with any questions.
He is offering you $25,000 and if you take he can say you agreed to $25,000 and not have to pay you any more. It`s a lawyer trick they are trying to pull on you.. He has to give the $38,000 as agreed or he will be backing out on the agreement.. Hold him to the agreement or have him sign over the house all together in a quick deed. Then refinance the home and that will help you catch up your payments. A divorce agreement is a legal binding agreement and can not be altered unless the judge does so. Take him back to court then he`ll have to pay court cost and more lawyers fee`s. Hold him to the agreement. Don`t let this trick fool you his lawyer put him up to this!!!
Go back to your lawyer, dont look for answers here!
In almost all states, only written agreements are valid when real estate is involved. I am not sure the term ';parol evidence'; is the right term or not, you can search for it. But, verbal agreements are not enforceable. Your lawyer must be a klutz.
If the agreement was in writing and approved by the courts, it is valid and he can fall into deep trouble not going along with it. He can have to pay you and you still get to stay. He doesn't get to pick and choose what he thinks is a ';favor';. You need to call your attorney and let him know, don't talk to your ex about it, let it go straight to the attorneys again!
In order for me to give you advice I have to first charge you $200.00 for the first half hour then $300.00 after that ,,,
With two lawyers watching, they should be able to tell you
whether the agreement made fell into an ';Oral contract';.
If so, a deal's a deal and he legally must live up to it.
However, in a court of law, you would have to prove that
an oral contract was made, which is harder than being able
to produce a signed piece of paper.
However, you do have two witnesses - since there was
more than their clients in the room, the conversation wouldn't
be covered by attorney-client privilege (third party rule).
Do you think his lawyer would lie for him?
Because your lawyer was a witness, to pursue this, you
may end up contracting another lawyer just to question him.I am divorced and need some legal advice.....?
I am not sure if you still have the original attorney but I would suggest going back to him.
Otherwise, if affording an attorney is an issue for you I would suggest getting pre paid legal plan. There are tons of things covered under the membership which is only $26 a month and anything not covered is given at LEAST a 25% discount.
I had a friend have some issues with her ex husband. She had this plan and called the attorney and got some assistance with what to do and say (for no additional $ than she paid for her membership) and then when the attorney did have to help her draw up some forms, it took them two hours and it only cost her $175. Most attorneys are going to charge you at least $200 an hour to even talk to you!!
If you're interested in this plan please check out the link below. Good luck. Feel free to email me with any questions.
He is offering you $25,000 and if you take he can say you agreed to $25,000 and not have to pay you any more. It`s a lawyer trick they are trying to pull on you.. He has to give the $38,000 as agreed or he will be backing out on the agreement.. Hold him to the agreement or have him sign over the house all together in a quick deed. Then refinance the home and that will help you catch up your payments. A divorce agreement is a legal binding agreement and can not be altered unless the judge does so. Take him back to court then he`ll have to pay court cost and more lawyers fee`s. Hold him to the agreement. Don`t let this trick fool you his lawyer put him up to this!!!
Go back to your lawyer, dont look for answers here!
In almost all states, only written agreements are valid when real estate is involved. I am not sure the term ';parol evidence'; is the right term or not, you can search for it. But, verbal agreements are not enforceable. Your lawyer must be a klutz.
If the agreement was in writing and approved by the courts, it is valid and he can fall into deep trouble not going along with it. He can have to pay you and you still get to stay. He doesn't get to pick and choose what he thinks is a ';favor';. You need to call your attorney and let him know, don't talk to your ex about it, let it go straight to the attorneys again!
In order for me to give you advice I have to first charge you $200.00 for the first half hour then $300.00 after that ,,,
I am just coming out can anyone give me some advice i am female divorced with children?
It's very hard to come out,as it was for me.Just take one step at a time,dont rush things.Think about telling people who are close to you,and those you know will stick by you.Coming out can be a very,very scary experience,and takes guts to do,as you never know what people will say.But follow you're heart,and do what feel's right to you.I 've been out for over 10 years,and i find it easy now as a gay women.It might be hard for you at first,but stick to it,and don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong.GOOD LUCK!I am just coming out can anyone give me some advice i am female divorced with children?
The most important thing is that your children uderstand! it doesnt matter what any one esle think as long as your happy!I am just coming out can anyone give me some advice i am female divorced with children?
only advice i can give you is keep your chin up and remember love yourself your children will find the transitiion hard but if they are young it makes no difference to the but i advice you to keep your love affairs away from the children until you have researched all the pro and cons of childrens acceptance hope this link helps
make a film!
The most important thing is that your children uderstand! it doesnt matter what any one esle think as long as your happy!I am just coming out can anyone give me some advice i am female divorced with children?
only advice i can give you is keep your chin up and remember love yourself your children will find the transitiion hard but if they are young it makes no difference to the but i advice you to keep your love affairs away from the children until you have researched all the pro and cons of childrens acceptance hope this link helps
make a film!
Tell me your tips & advice for dating a divorced man with kids...?
Just want to see your opinions.....thanks!Tell me your tips %26amp; advice for dating a divorced man with kids...?
be very nice to him, and nice to children, dont make it look like your trying to buy there frendship.theyll eventually attach to you,but you have to remember some times theres the odd child that will not attach, cause they dont want somebody replaceing there mom, its im portant to let them no that your not replaceing there mom, nobody can do that, your just there as a friend for them if they want to talk or come to you about anything,Tell me your tips %26amp; advice for dating a divorced man with kids...?
Why is he divorced? He shouldn't even introduce you until you think something will come of the relationship, how long have you been seeing one another? How old are his kids?
Some people can succeed in this situation, but it's much harder. It's not something I would choose, but if he's really a great guy, take it slow, think of the kids first, and be happy!
1) You are in a relationship with someone who has a history of a failed relationship. Make sure he knows why it failed, and that he's learned from it. Make sure he shows this over a period of years.
2) You are choosing to connect yourself with his kids. If the kids are already in school, you didn't raise them, and you will have less authority then daddy, even if he backs you up. Notice very carefully how he handles his kids, particularly on longer custody times. If he doesn't have the kids much (like every other weekend, or a week during the summer), then you are taking the kid's time away from their dad. Don't. They are more important then you.
3) If the kid's mom is anywhere near the picture, you are choosing to connect yourself with his ex-wife. Your guy is going to still need to have a relationship with his ex-wife, possibly for the rest of his life (through the kids!) Are you really prepared for that? What if she's psycho?
If he has custody of his kids, don't move in with him! If you have kids, don't move in with him! Don't try to be their mother or their best friend cause they will hate you for that. Let him be the one to discipline them....and....don't expect to be welcomed with open arms!
1. Understand that they come as a set. Don't expect dad to act like a free swinging bachelor. There will be times when he can't just pack up and go.
2. The kids come first. If you have a problem with that then don't date him.
3. Mom will be in his life. They may be divorced as husband and wife, but they are still mom and dad.
4. Don't expect to replace their mom should things become serious. You won't and shouldn't.
5. Do expect there may be resentment toward you because you are the new woman in dads life. They didn't ask for the divorce.
6. Interact with the kids, have fun whit the kids but remember #4 and be sincere. Kids are bright. They can smell a phony.
7. Just because dad likes you doesn't mean they will. Doesn't mean they won't either.
8. Listen to how he talks and interacts with his ex-wife. You can tell a lot about a guy this way.
All these assume he is a stand up guy who loves and wants to be a good dad despite things not working out with their mom. If he doesn't then run away, he's no good.
be nice to the kids and uh.. him to. but dont suck up to them.
Don't. You'll never be their mother, and if you ever have children with him, it will be bad for everyone.nyx cosmetic
be very nice to him, and nice to children, dont make it look like your trying to buy there frendship.theyll eventually attach to you,but you have to remember some times theres the odd child that will not attach, cause they dont want somebody replaceing there mom, its im portant to let them no that your not replaceing there mom, nobody can do that, your just there as a friend for them if they want to talk or come to you about anything,Tell me your tips %26amp; advice for dating a divorced man with kids...?
Why is he divorced? He shouldn't even introduce you until you think something will come of the relationship, how long have you been seeing one another? How old are his kids?
Some people can succeed in this situation, but it's much harder. It's not something I would choose, but if he's really a great guy, take it slow, think of the kids first, and be happy!
1) You are in a relationship with someone who has a history of a failed relationship. Make sure he knows why it failed, and that he's learned from it. Make sure he shows this over a period of years.
2) You are choosing to connect yourself with his kids. If the kids are already in school, you didn't raise them, and you will have less authority then daddy, even if he backs you up. Notice very carefully how he handles his kids, particularly on longer custody times. If he doesn't have the kids much (like every other weekend, or a week during the summer), then you are taking the kid's time away from their dad. Don't. They are more important then you.
3) If the kid's mom is anywhere near the picture, you are choosing to connect yourself with his ex-wife. Your guy is going to still need to have a relationship with his ex-wife, possibly for the rest of his life (through the kids!) Are you really prepared for that? What if she's psycho?
If he has custody of his kids, don't move in with him! If you have kids, don't move in with him! Don't try to be their mother or their best friend cause they will hate you for that. Let him be the one to discipline them....and....don't expect to be welcomed with open arms!
1. Understand that they come as a set. Don't expect dad to act like a free swinging bachelor. There will be times when he can't just pack up and go.
2. The kids come first. If you have a problem with that then don't date him.
3. Mom will be in his life. They may be divorced as husband and wife, but they are still mom and dad.
4. Don't expect to replace their mom should things become serious. You won't and shouldn't.
5. Do expect there may be resentment toward you because you are the new woman in dads life. They didn't ask for the divorce.
6. Interact with the kids, have fun whit the kids but remember #4 and be sincere. Kids are bright. They can smell a phony.
7. Just because dad likes you doesn't mean they will. Doesn't mean they won't either.
8. Listen to how he talks and interacts with his ex-wife. You can tell a lot about a guy this way.
All these assume he is a stand up guy who loves and wants to be a good dad despite things not working out with their mom. If he doesn't then run away, he's no good.
be nice to the kids and uh.. him to. but dont suck up to them.
Don't. You'll never be their mother, and if you ever have children with him, it will be bad for everyone.
';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
ok toms exwife is a wonderfull/involved mom to thier only child who is 8 yrs old.She is still single and relies on my hus for advice/support regarding thier son who is her life.I know she is not happy about me being the ';new wife'; as she sees me in ';her place';.My question is i don't want to make trouble with her so what can i do or don't do to avoid conflict with her?What does your exhusbands new wife do that pisses you off regarding your kids?';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
My ex-husband's wife pisses me off because she gets overinvolved. When my daughter was 14, she encouraged her to date a gang member, then tried to compete with me on giving my daughter advice since she's a so-called teen counselor.
I had to remove my daughter from all contact with my ex to get her away from this woman. Yet, at my daughter's college graduation (with honors, from an Ivy League school that I paid for, by myself) she tried to set up a photo with her, my daughter and my ex!
Don't try to be a 'mommy' to your ex's son. You have a place--it is as his wife, but not the child's mother. Be kind, but a little distant, like a friend's mom for overnight stays or something, and refer him to his parents for decisions and heart-to-heart talks.';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
Talk to her and explain what you have just written here, that you want to support her and your husband in bringing up the child, and you want to ensure you back up her rules as a mom. I am sure she will be happy and reassured that you want the best for her child. Talk to your husband first, and then speak to her she mustn't be all that bad!
Good luck
There's not a good gosh darned thing you can say to make someone understand that you're not trying to replace them.
I'm in a similar situation - there are 4 kids (we've got custody of all 4) ages 11 to 21 and so I started with them and told them I'm not trying to take their mom's place. They have a mom and no one needs more than one of those! So far so good - it's not Eden, but who's house is?
- When the ex and I have been in our house together like for a kids party, I try to include her in things like - lighting the candles on the cake or small things like that.
Good luck! It's hard, but worth the good relationships all around!
I was one of the kids in the middle of all that. My mom never got along with the stepmoms and my dad never got along with the stepdads. Yes, my parents have married alot. All the fighting was about us kids and what the other parent would let us do or not do. They never got along at all so there was constant conflict. So my advice to you would be if you and Tom are trying to make a decision on his kid make sure you go to his exwife before you make a final decision. Just include her in everything with their kid. Let her know everything and make sure she approves then she will give in and tell you that you dont need to go to her for everything. She'll see that she can trust you and maybe be friends with her. Be patient as much as possible too. Hope I helped you out. Good Luck
I have been there. I just don't deal with her. I deal with my ex. It has been 17 years and the woman and I have never said a cross word to each other. I deal with her a an acquaintance and nothing less, nothing more. Problem solved.
My ex-husband's wife pisses me off because she gets overinvolved. When my daughter was 14, she encouraged her to date a gang member, then tried to compete with me on giving my daughter advice since she's a so-called teen counselor.
I had to remove my daughter from all contact with my ex to get her away from this woman. Yet, at my daughter's college graduation (with honors, from an Ivy League school that I paid for, by myself) she tried to set up a photo with her, my daughter and my ex!
Don't try to be a 'mommy' to your ex's son. You have a place--it is as his wife, but not the child's mother. Be kind, but a little distant, like a friend's mom for overnight stays or something, and refer him to his parents for decisions and heart-to-heart talks.';new stepmom';wants to start off on the right foot with hus exwife needs advice/help from single/ divorced moms
Talk to her and explain what you have just written here, that you want to support her and your husband in bringing up the child, and you want to ensure you back up her rules as a mom. I am sure she will be happy and reassured that you want the best for her child. Talk to your husband first, and then speak to her she mustn't be all that bad!
Good luck
There's not a good gosh darned thing you can say to make someone understand that you're not trying to replace them.
I'm in a similar situation - there are 4 kids (we've got custody of all 4) ages 11 to 21 and so I started with them and told them I'm not trying to take their mom's place. They have a mom and no one needs more than one of those! So far so good - it's not Eden, but who's house is?
- When the ex and I have been in our house together like for a kids party, I try to include her in things like - lighting the candles on the cake or small things like that.
Good luck! It's hard, but worth the good relationships all around!
I was one of the kids in the middle of all that. My mom never got along with the stepmoms and my dad never got along with the stepdads. Yes, my parents have married alot. All the fighting was about us kids and what the other parent would let us do or not do. They never got along at all so there was constant conflict. So my advice to you would be if you and Tom are trying to make a decision on his kid make sure you go to his exwife before you make a final decision. Just include her in everything with their kid. Let her know everything and make sure she approves then she will give in and tell you that you dont need to go to her for everything. She'll see that she can trust you and maybe be friends with her. Be patient as much as possible too. Hope I helped you out. Good Luck
I have been there. I just don't deal with her. I deal with my ex. It has been 17 years and the woman and I have never said a cross word to each other. I deal with her a an acquaintance and nothing less, nothing more. Problem solved.
I would appreciate some advice on dating a divorced man with kids?
I met a man a few months back who has two girls aged 11 and 15. He has then half time every Thursday til Saturday afternoon. When he's with them during this time or away with them, I do not hear from him and I have been respecting that.. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I fit into all this...I guess I just feel a bit left out at times....like may-be I'm not that important. I know his kids will always be more important, but where is the line here in terms of us? For example, I had been mentioning that it would be great for the two of us to go on a trip or something in the fall/winter, but his response was that he wanted to take the girls on a trip somewhere...he didn't tell it was his birthday 'til after the fact and basically said that it was more important to him that his family remembered and such...it just made me feel like I was in a separate box from everything. I have not met the kids yet and he says his younger one is protective of him..I just don't know..adviceI would appreciate some advice on dating a divorced man with kids?
Well, you are only dating him. You are not engaged, he is just a boyfriend and kids are more important than a boyfriend or girlfriend.
He probably is not ready for something that is extremely serious at the moment and enjoying his time with his girls. You need to let him have his time and not let your feelings get hurt because it is not like you are engaged and have set plans to live the rest of your life with this man.. He does have his girls in his life for the rest of his life.I would appreciate some advice on dating a divorced man with kids?
don't even think of meeting his kids for at least a year. he is most likely afraid that if he introduces you and then you two break up it will scar the kids worse than they already are. It can be very difficult for girl children to accept a new woman in their dads life and this has to be handled carefully. you must have patience with this as it will take a long time for the trust to develop to the point where you will be involved in his family life. he is also more than likely afraid of any conflict he will have with you over his priorities at this point. you have a choice, give this the time it needs to develop or bail out. in a very real sense you are in a separate box from his family life and that won't change for some time. I didn't even mention that i was seeing someone until she and I had been seeing each other for almost a year. the introduction was made slowly over two months until the big meeting. before hand my ex and her husband and me and my girl met and discussed the situation and came up with a plan to handle things. be ready for a similar process.
you cant (and should never) compete w/his children. you shouldve expected this when you first found out about them. sorry, but dont waste your time. if you cant deal w/his 'baggage', then its best for you to move on to someone single.
my honest opion you need to move on really he has chosed what he wants you are going to come in.2. place every time . in my opion?
This guy sounds like a looser. I am sorry but you don't want to play second fiddle to his kids IF this were to develop into a serious relationship do you? I don't buy the thing that the kids will always be more important, etc., etc. When two people are married and are together, they have a life outside of the kids. The kids (hopefully) don't rule their lives then. So, if he isn't strong enough to stand up for you to his kids at their young ages...that doesn't bode well. Dad is STILL the boss and he shouldn't let them be controlling him now anymore than when he was married to their mom. His weak behavior would be a real turn off to me and I'd look for less baggage. ;)
My advice..... don't.
You don't say how long you have known this man. It is sounding to me as though he likes things how they are and he has no plans on progressing any further. I would think by now that he would have introduced you to his girls if he thought you and he would have a future. Do you know for a fact that he is divorced? It is possible that he is still married and does not want his wife to know. If the two of you are being intimate, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Okay I'll give you 2 perspectives on this, first of all I am a recently remarried father of 2 teenage boys now married to a mother of a teenage girl,yikes. Anyway communication is always key I have had 1 failed marriage and my last wife passed away, By now all the stupid crap has come to the surface and been dealt with. You know what you want out of life and you have to keep that front and center in the end you matter most if your not happy will he be? next do you have children,if not then that is where your issue will be. Now he may have neglected his girls in the past and feels he needs to make up for it now, or they may have that great of a relationship. But, you need to tell him how you feel and interject yourself into his life if that is where you want to be. If so win his girls hearts and in turn you will have his undivided attention because his girls will talk to him about you. Now you need to realize that they will always have that place in his heart daddy's girls and all so be patient.
You've made hints at doing things with him and his kids and he's obviously not interested in that. You are in a seperate box...i suggest that you move on to someone else that will appreciate you for the beautiful person you are.
You deserve better.
He gets the kids Thursday through Saturday afternoon, so obviously your time with him is Saturday night through Wednesday night (which is a decent amount of time), UNLESS he invites you to join him and kids doing something. That may not happen for a long time. Many divorced people don鈥檛 introduce the girlfriend/boyfriend to the kids until they know the relationship is going to be serious (and personally, I think that鈥檚 best). So *until then*, you are basically in a 鈥榮eparate box' as you put it, just meaning you aren鈥檛 involved in that part of his life. And there鈥檚 nothing wrong with that. That鈥檚 just how it is when you date a man with kids.
Honestly, it sounds like maybe you鈥檙e not ready to date a man with kids. It takes someone who is very mature, understanding, and willing to share their guy. Now don鈥檛 take that as a criticism, because it鈥檚 not meant to be that. But, it does sound like you're having problems with it. And if you can鈥檛 handle it, then you need to consider ending the relationship before it gets serious. Maybe you need a guy that you don鈥檛 have to share.
i would just talk to him about how you feel, it hard to be with
someone with children. but he also need to be there for
you as well. if he cant be there for you as well. then may
you need to move on. other wise the longer you stay in
the harder it will be to move on.
All I can say is Things take time so go with that and see how things work out
Ugh, mama, you have to allow him to put the kids first..... they are young and he doesn't want them close to a woman he is just dating. Obviously he is not thinking of engagement or marriage at this point, who knows if he ever will. i say he's doing what's best for his kids. Back off...... or lose him. He will choose them over you if he has to, and he will be right.
He is a responsible father and his father duty comes first. Based on the age, he has 7 more years to go before the kids grow to be 18. These girls are in their teens. There will be natural competition and jealousy going on if they find out about you and you are eating into their time with their father. He will be stuck in the middle and will resent you.
At least the pecking order is clear, he is not leading you on
Well, you are only dating him. You are not engaged, he is just a boyfriend and kids are more important than a boyfriend or girlfriend.
He probably is not ready for something that is extremely serious at the moment and enjoying his time with his girls. You need to let him have his time and not let your feelings get hurt because it is not like you are engaged and have set plans to live the rest of your life with this man.. He does have his girls in his life for the rest of his life.I would appreciate some advice on dating a divorced man with kids?
don't even think of meeting his kids for at least a year. he is most likely afraid that if he introduces you and then you two break up it will scar the kids worse than they already are. It can be very difficult for girl children to accept a new woman in their dads life and this has to be handled carefully. you must have patience with this as it will take a long time for the trust to develop to the point where you will be involved in his family life. he is also more than likely afraid of any conflict he will have with you over his priorities at this point. you have a choice, give this the time it needs to develop or bail out. in a very real sense you are in a separate box from his family life and that won't change for some time. I didn't even mention that i was seeing someone until she and I had been seeing each other for almost a year. the introduction was made slowly over two months until the big meeting. before hand my ex and her husband and me and my girl met and discussed the situation and came up with a plan to handle things. be ready for a similar process.
you cant (and should never) compete w/his children. you shouldve expected this when you first found out about them. sorry, but dont waste your time. if you cant deal w/his 'baggage', then its best for you to move on to someone single.
my honest opion you need to move on really he has chosed what he wants you are going to come in.2. place every time . in my opion?
This guy sounds like a looser. I am sorry but you don't want to play second fiddle to his kids IF this were to develop into a serious relationship do you? I don't buy the thing that the kids will always be more important, etc., etc. When two people are married and are together, they have a life outside of the kids. The kids (hopefully) don't rule their lives then. So, if he isn't strong enough to stand up for you to his kids at their young ages...that doesn't bode well. Dad is STILL the boss and he shouldn't let them be controlling him now anymore than when he was married to their mom. His weak behavior would be a real turn off to me and I'd look for less baggage. ;)
My advice..... don't.
You don't say how long you have known this man. It is sounding to me as though he likes things how they are and he has no plans on progressing any further. I would think by now that he would have introduced you to his girls if he thought you and he would have a future. Do you know for a fact that he is divorced? It is possible that he is still married and does not want his wife to know. If the two of you are being intimate, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Okay I'll give you 2 perspectives on this, first of all I am a recently remarried father of 2 teenage boys now married to a mother of a teenage girl,yikes. Anyway communication is always key I have had 1 failed marriage and my last wife passed away, By now all the stupid crap has come to the surface and been dealt with. You know what you want out of life and you have to keep that front and center in the end you matter most if your not happy will he be? next do you have children,if not then that is where your issue will be. Now he may have neglected his girls in the past and feels he needs to make up for it now, or they may have that great of a relationship. But, you need to tell him how you feel and interject yourself into his life if that is where you want to be. If so win his girls hearts and in turn you will have his undivided attention because his girls will talk to him about you. Now you need to realize that they will always have that place in his heart daddy's girls and all so be patient.
You've made hints at doing things with him and his kids and he's obviously not interested in that. You are in a seperate box...i suggest that you move on to someone else that will appreciate you for the beautiful person you are.
You deserve better.
He gets the kids Thursday through Saturday afternoon, so obviously your time with him is Saturday night through Wednesday night (which is a decent amount of time), UNLESS he invites you to join him and kids doing something. That may not happen for a long time. Many divorced people don鈥檛 introduce the girlfriend/boyfriend to the kids until they know the relationship is going to be serious (and personally, I think that鈥檚 best). So *until then*, you are basically in a 鈥榮eparate box' as you put it, just meaning you aren鈥檛 involved in that part of his life. And there鈥檚 nothing wrong with that. That鈥檚 just how it is when you date a man with kids.
Honestly, it sounds like maybe you鈥檙e not ready to date a man with kids. It takes someone who is very mature, understanding, and willing to share their guy. Now don鈥檛 take that as a criticism, because it鈥檚 not meant to be that. But, it does sound like you're having problems with it. And if you can鈥檛 handle it, then you need to consider ending the relationship before it gets serious. Maybe you need a guy that you don鈥檛 have to share.
i would just talk to him about how you feel, it hard to be with
someone with children. but he also need to be there for
you as well. if he cant be there for you as well. then may
you need to move on. other wise the longer you stay in
the harder it will be to move on.
All I can say is Things take time so go with that and see how things work out
Ugh, mama, you have to allow him to put the kids first..... they are young and he doesn't want them close to a woman he is just dating. Obviously he is not thinking of engagement or marriage at this point, who knows if he ever will. i say he's doing what's best for his kids. Back off...... or lose him. He will choose them over you if he has to, and he will be right.
He is a responsible father and his father duty comes first. Based on the age, he has 7 more years to go before the kids grow to be 18. These girls are in their teens. There will be natural competition and jealousy going on if they find out about you and you are eating into their time with their father. He will be stuck in the middle and will resent you.
At least the pecking order is clear, he is not leading you on
Pregnant new wife is set on divorcing me soon. Any advice?
My wife got pregnant on our honeymoon and about one month later went off her paxil (for anxiety) and we had to get her on something more safe (zoloft) in lower dosages but before that she got very depressed and easily irritated by me and still is irritated alot but less drastic. She started saying stuff like your breath stinks, your manuerisms bother me, even when we used to sleep in the same bed she would complain that I was breathing. Pretty soon she started bringing up divorce and that she didn't want me to tell her I love her and that she didn't love me, and she stopped treating me like it as well. I quickly got us into marriage counseling and a psychiatrist and it helped things alot but she still seems pretty set on divorce after the baby is born. Is this at all normal for hormones to make life hell like this or should I just call it quits? I mean I love her and I am paying all the bills even though I only live at the same apartmant like 2 or 3 days a week and I am really trying to do everything I can to support her and sometimes I wonder if I'm in denial? Any advice? Any crazy symptoms of pregnancy that sounds like what is happening to me is normal or is she just plain crazy and hopeless? Baby is due in a few weeks, I worry about post-pardum depression as well, we plan on having a natural water birth at the apartmant, I'm ok with it because I want it to be a spiritual experience that could bring us closer together.Pregnant new wife is set on divorcing me soon. Any advice?
sweet mildred is my leader, crawl into her playpen secret circle with mePregnant new wife is set on divorcing me soon. Any advice?
Apparently you were aware of her ';problem'; when you met her. It was a chance trying to solidify a relationship with anyone who has issues.
I would ensure a paternity test prior to signing the birth certificate. In her condition I would trust science before I would trust her. I know it sounds heartless but seems like you are getting little or no ';heart'; from her. Once you have signed the documents of birth you are legally and financially responsible for the child yours or not. Love may bind the heart but the law also binds.
...
Take her to the god-damn hospital.
Article in the source was written by a friend of mine about his and his wife's experience trying the home-birthing thing (he's an editor for the paper).
If she was on paxil and is now taking zoloft this is a *high risk* pregnancy and it's a first-time pregnancy.
Home birthing is not an intelligent option - it might not even be legal.
It is hard to say why she is acting like this.
People who need those meds to stabilize can do and say extraordinary things and not really mean them... but how do you know?
So it's some of everything; some the meds; some her personality; some her lack of commitment to you.
Get your head out of your *** and start coming to terms with the hell your life is about to become.
Is she even stable enough to care for a child?
Praying the Lord is NOT enough to keep your child and wife alive.
If you have doubts, you need to find a day-care now. The waiting list can be a year long.
You also need to have the nursing discussion.
Starting nursing is /not/ as easy as you both might be lead to believe.
On top of that, the hospitals receive kick-backs from the formula companies so they heavily, heavily push the formula in the nursery.
If she wants to breast-feed you are going to *repeatedly* tell the staff not to bottle feed. Make a sign and put it in the crib. Ask about a lactation consultant and meet with her.
She can continue to take zoloft while breastfeeding; but I think paxil is still in the unknown effects category.
If she /needs/ stiffer meds, you need to have that conversation and she may not be able to breast feed.
PS Praying to the Lord is *never* going to ';heal'; your wife. She has a permanent, genetic, mental illness.
Your wife is mentally ill. People with mental illness are inherently unstable. She is also terrified that she is being thrust into motherhood when she wasn't ready (she got knocked up on your honeymoon after all).
Unless something happens that changes things, you might be better off just to divorce her and help take care of the child. If you are worried about your child's safety, bring up her psychiatric history to the judge. You wouldn't be the first single dad in the world, nor the last.
Anxiety is a beast..
Don't really believe what she's saying, anxiety can make you feel nervous day and night and not realize what words come out of your mouth...
I mean she should have realized your breath smells when you've married..
man! little advice here but i would wait until the baby is here because that alone can make a huge difference wen u have one in this world together...but you already know in the back of your mind that she wants a divorce dont stop caring for her, i personally wouldnt be payin no bills but i mean support her she needs your support, keep going to counseling and all that but def, stay by her side its nothing weaker than for a man to leave his wife behind yall said thick n thin, its forever but you still know that shes thinkn of divorce. sorry abt tht dude hope it gets better
Make sure you get full custody of the child.
Wow, she truly is a bundle of nerves. I wonder if going back on Paxil after the baby will help. I would take her to another doctor and see if all of this is normal. If she is hell-bent on divorce, go ahead and allow it, but PLEASE fight for custody. She does not sound like she would make a fit parent at all.
sweet mildred is my leader, crawl into her playpen secret circle with mePregnant new wife is set on divorcing me soon. Any advice?
Apparently you were aware of her ';problem'; when you met her. It was a chance trying to solidify a relationship with anyone who has issues.
I would ensure a paternity test prior to signing the birth certificate. In her condition I would trust science before I would trust her. I know it sounds heartless but seems like you are getting little or no ';heart'; from her. Once you have signed the documents of birth you are legally and financially responsible for the child yours or not. Love may bind the heart but the law also binds.
...
Take her to the god-damn hospital.
Article in the source was written by a friend of mine about his and his wife's experience trying the home-birthing thing (he's an editor for the paper).
If she was on paxil and is now taking zoloft this is a *high risk* pregnancy and it's a first-time pregnancy.
Home birthing is not an intelligent option - it might not even be legal.
It is hard to say why she is acting like this.
People who need those meds to stabilize can do and say extraordinary things and not really mean them... but how do you know?
So it's some of everything; some the meds; some her personality; some her lack of commitment to you.
Get your head out of your *** and start coming to terms with the hell your life is about to become.
Is she even stable enough to care for a child?
Praying the Lord is NOT enough to keep your child and wife alive.
If you have doubts, you need to find a day-care now. The waiting list can be a year long.
You also need to have the nursing discussion.
Starting nursing is /not/ as easy as you both might be lead to believe.
On top of that, the hospitals receive kick-backs from the formula companies so they heavily, heavily push the formula in the nursery.
If she wants to breast-feed you are going to *repeatedly* tell the staff not to bottle feed. Make a sign and put it in the crib. Ask about a lactation consultant and meet with her.
She can continue to take zoloft while breastfeeding; but I think paxil is still in the unknown effects category.
If she /needs/ stiffer meds, you need to have that conversation and she may not be able to breast feed.
PS Praying to the Lord is *never* going to ';heal'; your wife. She has a permanent, genetic, mental illness.
Your wife is mentally ill. People with mental illness are inherently unstable. She is also terrified that she is being thrust into motherhood when she wasn't ready (she got knocked up on your honeymoon after all).
Unless something happens that changes things, you might be better off just to divorce her and help take care of the child. If you are worried about your child's safety, bring up her psychiatric history to the judge. You wouldn't be the first single dad in the world, nor the last.
Anxiety is a beast..
Don't really believe what she's saying, anxiety can make you feel nervous day and night and not realize what words come out of your mouth...
I mean she should have realized your breath smells when you've married..
man! little advice here but i would wait until the baby is here because that alone can make a huge difference wen u have one in this world together...but you already know in the back of your mind that she wants a divorce dont stop caring for her, i personally wouldnt be payin no bills but i mean support her she needs your support, keep going to counseling and all that but def, stay by her side its nothing weaker than for a man to leave his wife behind yall said thick n thin, its forever but you still know that shes thinkn of divorce. sorry abt tht dude hope it gets better
Make sure you get full custody of the child.
Wow, she truly is a bundle of nerves. I wonder if going back on Paxil after the baby will help. I would take her to another doctor and see if all of this is normal. If she is hell-bent on divorce, go ahead and allow it, but PLEASE fight for custody. She does not sound like she would make a fit parent at all.
Recently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
I just recently got sole custody of my highstrung 3 yr old son .. help! I would appreciate any and all advice on how i can explain to my son that mom and dad will never be back together. How do I handle his mood swings when he goes to a supervised visit with his father. Im scared that he will blame me or worse himself when he gets older that his dad isnt around. What should i doRecently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
He's too young to really understand what's happening. The best thing you can do is be supportive and nurturing. When he is a bit older he will have to understand that there are different rules at mom's house than at dad's. Dad will probably badmouth you and deliberately try to undermine you (depending on how 'supervised' the visits are). There is no getting around that or probably reasoning with dad. When he is older you can explain to him (with the help of a therapist) that it he was not to blame for any of what happened . . . and neither are you! For now don't try to explain as he won't understand. Just try to be as involved as possible in activities, with family, and reassure him that everything is, and will be, okay.
Good luck to you.Recently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
well hie so little he can't even begin to understand what is going on. All he sees is that dad is not around. Just show him that you love him, but don't spoil with things. As he gets older he will ask and then understand. Be ready for his acting out but it will pass. Why not go to counseling for you to help u cope?
Wow my daughter is now 15 but reading what you just said totally brought me back to when she was 3 and doing the same thing as your son. I went through the same thing you did and trust me as long as you love your son and be there for him and stay positive you and your son will get through this. Its a fase and my daughter acted out too. Kids do that because they have a harder time expressing them self through words and they do it through acting out. Hang in there one day your son will be 15 and he will know right from wrong and good from bad. My daughter doesn't have a great relationship with her dad and that's because that was his choice. However my daughter and I have a great relationship and she is doing really well in life too! Life is not perfect and when kids go through things that test them it only makes them stronger. As far as the mod swings there isnt much you can do about that, they have to just make the transition and the best way you can help is to just let them be... For that one night when my daughter came back from her dads I would just let her be, you dont want to have a tug a war. Your on there side, just put your self in your sons shoes. If you were him what would you like, some like to be left alone some like to be held.. My daughter wanted to be left alone and I would just do what ever it took to make her transition smooth.. Hope that make sense, I know its a strugle but you guys will get through this. And you will be on to the next strugle in your life.. All the best to you...
The best thing u can do is talk to him and constantly keep reassuring him that you and his father love him very much.. let him know he can call his daddy anytime he wants, and that his daddy will always be there for him etc.. with children especially at that age, they need security.. he wont blame himself as long as you keep the communication with him up.. My daughter use to ask me if i still loved daddy.. and i would always tell her yes, because he gave me a beautiful gift, her.. they need to know that they are loved, and that every aspect of their life is accepted , including their father.. NEVER talk badly about his daddy in front of him, always promote a relationship with his dad, talk to your ex husband about makeing sure this relationship is as civil as possible, and to keep personal feelings about each other out of it when it comes to him..he should NEVER be a tool to use against the other, or put in the middle of things.. the way u and ur x deal with each other will have a HUGE impact on how ur son feels and in him feeling secure or insecure.. Let him know its ok to love his daddy, let him know that its ok to have to houses.. etc.. the more u promote him being a part of his dads life and his dad being a part of his life, the easier it will be for him.. what u need, what u feel, what u want, is secondary to your childs needs, feelings, and wants.. and u have to put urs aside, to give your son what he needs..
My daughter is now 7, and me and her father have remarried others.. and i have zero problem with her calling her step mom, mommy april.. and she calls my husband daddy joe, and i must say she handles the divorce amazingly, but i think its because we promote a relationship with each other, she can call her daddy any time she wants, her grandparents (his parents) her uncles etc, anytime she wants, and we dont bash each other in front of her, and we try to be as civil as possible for her benefit.. she is our main priority, and her emotional well being is a biggest concern, and it shows. Does she miss her daddy, of course she does.. but the more routine her life becomes the easier it is on her...I have a picture of her dad, step mom, and sister up in her room.. i have a photo album of nothing put her family, that she keeps...and shes an extremely well rounded child.. and so far has very little side affects from the divorce..
So its up to the two of u on how well your son handles things.. if u both cant get it together for the sake of ur child, then he will probably have problems dealing with it, feeling insecure, feelings of abandonment, anger, distrust, and this could carry on for years if not the rest of his life.. so its extremely important that u and your x handle this well for him..
why on earth would he blame you for his dad? children blame bad parenting, bad decisions. what did you like or dislike about your parents' parenting skills? what would you change or keep. there are plenty of books out there on parenting especially for the real little ones. whoever spends the most time with your child will be the most influential in his life. talk to your child often...always have an answer that is understandable to his age level and make good eye contact when he's speaking to you. take your time to answer. answer practically not too emotionally about his father. concentrate your efforts on raising a healthy, bright and spiritual child. keep them active and read a lot. give him lots of building projects and puzzles and good music you can both sing to and enjoy. when your child returns from visits with his father...give him some juice and a treat and sit and read with him....to bond again. peace
He's too young to really understand what's happening. The best thing you can do is be supportive and nurturing. When he is a bit older he will have to understand that there are different rules at mom's house than at dad's. Dad will probably badmouth you and deliberately try to undermine you (depending on how 'supervised' the visits are). There is no getting around that or probably reasoning with dad. When he is older you can explain to him (with the help of a therapist) that it he was not to blame for any of what happened . . . and neither are you! For now don't try to explain as he won't understand. Just try to be as involved as possible in activities, with family, and reassure him that everything is, and will be, okay.
Good luck to you.Recently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
well hie so little he can't even begin to understand what is going on. All he sees is that dad is not around. Just show him that you love him, but don't spoil with things. As he gets older he will ask and then understand. Be ready for his acting out but it will pass. Why not go to counseling for you to help u cope?
Wow my daughter is now 15 but reading what you just said totally brought me back to when she was 3 and doing the same thing as your son. I went through the same thing you did and trust me as long as you love your son and be there for him and stay positive you and your son will get through this. Its a fase and my daughter acted out too. Kids do that because they have a harder time expressing them self through words and they do it through acting out. Hang in there one day your son will be 15 and he will know right from wrong and good from bad. My daughter doesn't have a great relationship with her dad and that's because that was his choice. However my daughter and I have a great relationship and she is doing really well in life too! Life is not perfect and when kids go through things that test them it only makes them stronger. As far as the mod swings there isnt much you can do about that, they have to just make the transition and the best way you can help is to just let them be... For that one night when my daughter came back from her dads I would just let her be, you dont want to have a tug a war. Your on there side, just put your self in your sons shoes. If you were him what would you like, some like to be left alone some like to be held.. My daughter wanted to be left alone and I would just do what ever it took to make her transition smooth.. Hope that make sense, I know its a strugle but you guys will get through this. And you will be on to the next strugle in your life.. All the best to you...
The best thing u can do is talk to him and constantly keep reassuring him that you and his father love him very much.. let him know he can call his daddy anytime he wants, and that his daddy will always be there for him etc.. with children especially at that age, they need security.. he wont blame himself as long as you keep the communication with him up.. My daughter use to ask me if i still loved daddy.. and i would always tell her yes, because he gave me a beautiful gift, her.. they need to know that they are loved, and that every aspect of their life is accepted , including their father.. NEVER talk badly about his daddy in front of him, always promote a relationship with his dad, talk to your ex husband about makeing sure this relationship is as civil as possible, and to keep personal feelings about each other out of it when it comes to him..he should NEVER be a tool to use against the other, or put in the middle of things.. the way u and ur x deal with each other will have a HUGE impact on how ur son feels and in him feeling secure or insecure.. Let him know its ok to love his daddy, let him know that its ok to have to houses.. etc.. the more u promote him being a part of his dads life and his dad being a part of his life, the easier it will be for him.. what u need, what u feel, what u want, is secondary to your childs needs, feelings, and wants.. and u have to put urs aside, to give your son what he needs..
My daughter is now 7, and me and her father have remarried others.. and i have zero problem with her calling her step mom, mommy april.. and she calls my husband daddy joe, and i must say she handles the divorce amazingly, but i think its because we promote a relationship with each other, she can call her daddy any time she wants, her grandparents (his parents) her uncles etc, anytime she wants, and we dont bash each other in front of her, and we try to be as civil as possible for her benefit.. she is our main priority, and her emotional well being is a biggest concern, and it shows. Does she miss her daddy, of course she does.. but the more routine her life becomes the easier it is on her...I have a picture of her dad, step mom, and sister up in her room.. i have a photo album of nothing put her family, that she keeps...and shes an extremely well rounded child.. and so far has very little side affects from the divorce..
So its up to the two of u on how well your son handles things.. if u both cant get it together for the sake of ur child, then he will probably have problems dealing with it, feeling insecure, feelings of abandonment, anger, distrust, and this could carry on for years if not the rest of his life.. so its extremely important that u and your x handle this well for him..
why on earth would he blame you for his dad? children blame bad parenting, bad decisions. what did you like or dislike about your parents' parenting skills? what would you change or keep. there are plenty of books out there on parenting especially for the real little ones. whoever spends the most time with your child will be the most influential in his life. talk to your child often...always have an answer that is understandable to his age level and make good eye contact when he's speaking to you. take your time to answer. answer practically not too emotionally about his father. concentrate your efforts on raising a healthy, bright and spiritual child. keep them active and read a lot. give him lots of building projects and puzzles and good music you can both sing to and enjoy. when your child returns from visits with his father...give him some juice and a treat and sit and read with him....to bond again. peace
Divorcing a marine, I am so lost and confused now! Advice Please!?
My husband I lasted 6 months after being married. I married him in NC and after those six months he became violent with me so I left him and came back to CA and I can start the divorce next month. I tried my hardest to make things work. He is a marine so I know his job is stessful but I had asked him several times to go to counseling when I was out there but he refused. It was around Valentines I finally decided to give up because I still sent him a gift and a card and I didn't even get a phone call. Time went by and I found out that sometime right after I left NC he had already been talking to some new girl, but I realized the whole time I was trying to make things work he had her. I was so sure of the divorce and he's all about the money and lies, that with the divorce coming up he even tried to bribe me to stay with him, there was a catch. As the date gets closer I'm finding it harder to get this done, like the reality is hitting me a lot more now. Despite everything, I miss him!Divorcing a marine, I am so lost and confused now! Advice Please!?
Contact his commander. The military takes a VERY DIM view of domestic violence now. If he hits you he'll be sent for counseling and up on charges in a heartbeat. Do it NOW. Protect yourself.
Contact the local base hospital where you are at and they will help you.Divorcing a marine, I am so lost and confused now! Advice Please!?
Let him go. If he's violent, statistically he will not change unless he does a 180 and gets help for it, which it doesn't sound like he wants to do.
On a side note, the majority of women that I've known that were married to marines were physically or verbally abused...I wonder why that is?
Keep going - you know what you're doing and you're right. It would be best to cut off all communication with him. If he wants to talk, he can go through the lawyers. There's no reason at all you should stay.
Hey girl...You should have emailed me...I did not know you were having a rough time with all of this. I know you miss him, but as morbid as it may sound you should just leave him be. Remember the pain he put you through and just be thankful for the friends, family, and good job that you do have. I will always be here for you if you need me. I am just an email away. You can always get in touch with me if you so choose. We have had some wonderful conversations and I think that you are one spectacular person. You have intrigued my interest and believe me you have got me thinking about myself and what I want to do when I come home. I hope that you can be a part of my welcome home. I would like you to be and if you so choose I would be delighted to come and take you out and show you a good time like you deserve. I am not saying this haphazardly or out of the blue, I have given this much thought (you much thought), and I would love to treat you like you deserve. Shoot me an email if you would like to chat...It gets easier cutie and remember to keep smiling! Life is precious and so are you.
talk to people who are in your in your position
Get a job.
I dont understand your delimma...he's already moved on. SO now you need to move forward
Don't blame yourself. Feel good about yourself that unlike so many other women, you have enough self esteem to save yourself. Good job. It will hurt, but you have to see your way past it. You can love the memory of who he was without stopping you from being who you are destined to be.
Why live with someone who is violent? You'll find someone that will love you and not hurt you.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Also he's abusive, no amount of money will ever make up for that.
Also, talk to his CO (Commanding Officer) about him being abusive, he's a Marine and that is unacceptable.
i can pretty well guess he's been deployed before...maybe more than once?
the violence...the uncertainty....
he needs more help than just marrital....
unfortunatly i think for YOU you need to walk away from this knowing you did all you could...
i feel like someday...if he gets the right help...he might look back on this and REALLY see what was going on.
if you even CONSIDER going back to him...i would lay down a very serious condition that he has to first complete therapy in dealing with his violence...if he's been deployed...getting help for possible PTSD... and then follow that therapy up with marriage counseling...
only under this absolute promise followed with action would i even host the idea of giving it another go.
good luck and hang in there...
I can totally relate. My wife is a soldier in the Army--currently serving in Iraq.
We have been married 1 1/2 years, but only lived together for 5 months because of the military. Shortly after we were married, she became VERY hateful to me. She even hit me about 3 times--in public no less. The worst part is that she discounted my feelings and my opinions--like they didn't matter. She completely ignored anything I had to say about almost everything like I was a child, not having any adult knowledge. I started looking into a divorce. When she came home on leave, we were supposed to go on our honeymoon in the Caribean. She indicated the evening after I picked her up at the airport that she did not want to be with me anymore. So I didn't go with her on the trip. Instead, while she was sunning her buns, I was contacting a lawyer and getting everything set up to be alone.
After she went back overseas, things happened and I started thinking--maybe I should not give up so quickly. Maybe I should give her a chance. So I am holding off on the divorce until she returns and we can see how well we can get along.
The truth is, I am not in love with ehr anymore. I still LOVE her. Probably always will. But her abusiveness killed the romantic spark that I used to hold for her in my heart. Now I look around at all of the other women, with whom I could get along so well. But, since I am not wanting to be a dirt-bag and divorce her during a deployment, I am stuck waiting for several more months until she returns and we give it another try.
My situation sounds a little different from yours. If your husband has abused you and refuses to get counselling, there is no hope for your marriage. It will only get worse. I am so sorry. I know this sucks, but no one deserves to be abused.
There is a man out there who will love you and treat you like a queen. Do not get stuck with a man who does not.
talk about this with somebody close to you/someone you can trust. and tell them that you need somebody there for support.
I say you get the divorce he sounds like such a pig. However regardless of what you it's obvious he needs counceling,you need to call his commander %26amp; tell him he has been violent with you %26amp; his commander (if he's a good one) will make it mandatory for him to seek counceling. Don't tell him, tell his commander.
When you feel like your missing him, get angry. Think of all the times he was violent, think of him with this other girl while you were probably still with him! Stay angry, divorce will be easier. you did the right thing by getting away from him girl!! stay strong!
Whether you love him or not you need to leave him. He has been violent already. And I'm sure with his training he could easily kill you if he got angry enough. And violent spouses always get more and more violent. Sometimes they stop for awhile when the heat is on or for other reasons. But when they return to violence they get worse. Many women (and men) have been killed by an angry spouse.
Don't let yourself feel sad that he left you. Instead think about the violence and be thankful that he left before he seriously injured you.
Whether you are religious or not you need to realize his leaving was a gift.
Divorce is going to hurt but at least you're not going to be buried.
He is not interested in you. He is interested in being married. You were a convenience. He obviously can't talk the other woman into marrying him. He wants the money and privileges that being married give the military. Extra money and being allowed to live off post are only the beginning. Some duty stations allow a shorter time for married people that don't move their spouses than single people. Get on with the divorce and get on with your life. Why haven't you been dating yet?
Contact his commander. The military takes a VERY DIM view of domestic violence now. If he hits you he'll be sent for counseling and up on charges in a heartbeat. Do it NOW. Protect yourself.
Contact the local base hospital where you are at and they will help you.Divorcing a marine, I am so lost and confused now! Advice Please!?
Let him go. If he's violent, statistically he will not change unless he does a 180 and gets help for it, which it doesn't sound like he wants to do.
On a side note, the majority of women that I've known that were married to marines were physically or verbally abused...I wonder why that is?
Keep going - you know what you're doing and you're right. It would be best to cut off all communication with him. If he wants to talk, he can go through the lawyers. There's no reason at all you should stay.
Hey girl...You should have emailed me...I did not know you were having a rough time with all of this. I know you miss him, but as morbid as it may sound you should just leave him be. Remember the pain he put you through and just be thankful for the friends, family, and good job that you do have. I will always be here for you if you need me. I am just an email away. You can always get in touch with me if you so choose. We have had some wonderful conversations and I think that you are one spectacular person. You have intrigued my interest and believe me you have got me thinking about myself and what I want to do when I come home. I hope that you can be a part of my welcome home. I would like you to be and if you so choose I would be delighted to come and take you out and show you a good time like you deserve. I am not saying this haphazardly or out of the blue, I have given this much thought (you much thought), and I would love to treat you like you deserve. Shoot me an email if you would like to chat...It gets easier cutie and remember to keep smiling! Life is precious and so are you.
talk to people who are in your in your position
Get a job.
I dont understand your delimma...he's already moved on. SO now you need to move forward
Don't blame yourself. Feel good about yourself that unlike so many other women, you have enough self esteem to save yourself. Good job. It will hurt, but you have to see your way past it. You can love the memory of who he was without stopping you from being who you are destined to be.
Why live with someone who is violent? You'll find someone that will love you and not hurt you.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Also he's abusive, no amount of money will ever make up for that.
Also, talk to his CO (Commanding Officer) about him being abusive, he's a Marine and that is unacceptable.
i can pretty well guess he's been deployed before...maybe more than once?
the violence...the uncertainty....
he needs more help than just marrital....
unfortunatly i think for YOU you need to walk away from this knowing you did all you could...
i feel like someday...if he gets the right help...he might look back on this and REALLY see what was going on.
if you even CONSIDER going back to him...i would lay down a very serious condition that he has to first complete therapy in dealing with his violence...if he's been deployed...getting help for possible PTSD... and then follow that therapy up with marriage counseling...
only under this absolute promise followed with action would i even host the idea of giving it another go.
good luck and hang in there...
I can totally relate. My wife is a soldier in the Army--currently serving in Iraq.
We have been married 1 1/2 years, but only lived together for 5 months because of the military. Shortly after we were married, she became VERY hateful to me. She even hit me about 3 times--in public no less. The worst part is that she discounted my feelings and my opinions--like they didn't matter. She completely ignored anything I had to say about almost everything like I was a child, not having any adult knowledge. I started looking into a divorce. When she came home on leave, we were supposed to go on our honeymoon in the Caribean. She indicated the evening after I picked her up at the airport that she did not want to be with me anymore. So I didn't go with her on the trip. Instead, while she was sunning her buns, I was contacting a lawyer and getting everything set up to be alone.
After she went back overseas, things happened and I started thinking--maybe I should not give up so quickly. Maybe I should give her a chance. So I am holding off on the divorce until she returns and we can see how well we can get along.
The truth is, I am not in love with ehr anymore. I still LOVE her. Probably always will. But her abusiveness killed the romantic spark that I used to hold for her in my heart. Now I look around at all of the other women, with whom I could get along so well. But, since I am not wanting to be a dirt-bag and divorce her during a deployment, I am stuck waiting for several more months until she returns and we give it another try.
My situation sounds a little different from yours. If your husband has abused you and refuses to get counselling, there is no hope for your marriage. It will only get worse. I am so sorry. I know this sucks, but no one deserves to be abused.
There is a man out there who will love you and treat you like a queen. Do not get stuck with a man who does not.
talk about this with somebody close to you/someone you can trust. and tell them that you need somebody there for support.
I say you get the divorce he sounds like such a pig. However regardless of what you it's obvious he needs counceling,you need to call his commander %26amp; tell him he has been violent with you %26amp; his commander (if he's a good one) will make it mandatory for him to seek counceling. Don't tell him, tell his commander.
When you feel like your missing him, get angry. Think of all the times he was violent, think of him with this other girl while you were probably still with him! Stay angry, divorce will be easier. you did the right thing by getting away from him girl!! stay strong!
Whether you love him or not you need to leave him. He has been violent already. And I'm sure with his training he could easily kill you if he got angry enough. And violent spouses always get more and more violent. Sometimes they stop for awhile when the heat is on or for other reasons. But when they return to violence they get worse. Many women (and men) have been killed by an angry spouse.
Don't let yourself feel sad that he left you. Instead think about the violence and be thankful that he left before he seriously injured you.
Whether you are religious or not you need to realize his leaving was a gift.
Divorce is going to hurt but at least you're not going to be buried.
He is not interested in you. He is interested in being married. You were a convenience. He obviously can't talk the other woman into marrying him. He wants the money and privileges that being married give the military. Extra money and being allowed to live off post are only the beginning. Some duty stations allow a shorter time for married people that don't move their spouses than single people. Get on with the divorce and get on with your life. Why haven't you been dating yet?
My friend is thinking of divorcing her husband. She's come to me for advice. What do i tell her?
My friend has been married to this guy for 5 years. She told me a few months back that she's been unhappy with him for a few years %26amp; she's growing apart from him. She no longer sees him as the guy she married. What I see is, she's growing apart because he's not growing at all. He's become dependent on her %26amp; is content with living like he's 21 years old. They're both in their mid 20s now %26amp; I feel it was dumb to get married so young as the times have changed. I hang out with them from time to time %26amp; I wonder why they are together. They are obviously wrong for each other. Her coworkers see it as well. They were good friends before they got married, but they should have kept it at that. He loves her very much %26amp; she is his world %26amp; while she loves him, it's just too late. I'm all for working things out, especially when it's a marriage, but when I see that they aren't meant to be, I don't want to see them both unhappy when they could be happier with someone else. What do I say?My friend is thinking of divorcing her husband. She's come to me for advice. What do i tell her?
there is not much to say, that wont affect her decision, sometimes you just have to be there for someone, and comfort them thru the hard times, cuz if you say something like things wont change, then when and if they do, she will not want to talk to you for being negative, OR if you say something like, things will change, than if they DONT and it gets worse, she will thing that you are just saying things to shut her up, take it froma women who people try to give advice for all the time sometimes you just want to have someone to talk to with little opnion,My friend is thinking of divorcing her husband. She's come to me for advice. What do i tell her?
STAY OUT OF IT.
You can be there to listen, but IMO, tell her she has to do what she feels is best for her and you cannot tell her to stay or divorce her husband.
If she is really unhappy then she will make that decision to divorce her husband on her own.
Just tell her it is her life and she needs to make the decision.
It is not your place to give advice. If she takes it and is then unhappy, she can blame you. Put it right back on her plate where it belongs.
Tell her if she is unhappy to get a divorce and move on with her life.
I think you have the basic right idea here, and very good intentions. She is lucky to have a friend like you. But don't tell her anything about being obviously wrong for one another and all that. That is completely subjective, and is just begging for trouble later. The smart thing to do is to recommend that she seek out marriage counseling first. Professional help is the best help. If that doesn't work out, then by all means! Get the divorce. But ultimately it is HER decision. YOU can't do a damned thing here besides listen and be supportive of her regardless of what decision she makes. That is what friends do. In other words, aside of maybe recommending that she get some professional help and to suggest she make her own decisions based on her own feelings, the smartest thing you can do is to stay out of it.
';...I don't want to see them both unhappy when they could be happier with someone else. What do I say?...';
If you see yourself as one of those ';someone else'; that she could be happy with, keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself, because anything you can say will be tainted by what you want for yourself. If she were to find that your ';advice'; was biased, she may well blame you if she comes to regret her decision at a later time.
If you are a good friend and nothing more, advise her to get a professional, unbiased counselor to see if there is anything there worth saving, or if they would be better off apart. That way you are there for them in friendship, but don't determine what happens either way.
You tell her nothing,you just listen to her and tell her you will support her in any decision she makes.Never go between a husband and wife.Example If you tell her she should leave him,and they end up together.They always side together,and they might have bad feeling for you.If you tell her to stay,and she's miserable,then that is your fault too.Say nothing,just be there for her.She will work it out.nyx cosmetic
there is not much to say, that wont affect her decision, sometimes you just have to be there for someone, and comfort them thru the hard times, cuz if you say something like things wont change, then when and if they do, she will not want to talk to you for being negative, OR if you say something like, things will change, than if they DONT and it gets worse, she will thing that you are just saying things to shut her up, take it froma women who people try to give advice for all the time sometimes you just want to have someone to talk to with little opnion,My friend is thinking of divorcing her husband. She's come to me for advice. What do i tell her?
STAY OUT OF IT.
You can be there to listen, but IMO, tell her she has to do what she feels is best for her and you cannot tell her to stay or divorce her husband.
If she is really unhappy then she will make that decision to divorce her husband on her own.
Just tell her it is her life and she needs to make the decision.
It is not your place to give advice. If she takes it and is then unhappy, she can blame you. Put it right back on her plate where it belongs.
Tell her if she is unhappy to get a divorce and move on with her life.
I think you have the basic right idea here, and very good intentions. She is lucky to have a friend like you. But don't tell her anything about being obviously wrong for one another and all that. That is completely subjective, and is just begging for trouble later. The smart thing to do is to recommend that she seek out marriage counseling first. Professional help is the best help. If that doesn't work out, then by all means! Get the divorce. But ultimately it is HER decision. YOU can't do a damned thing here besides listen and be supportive of her regardless of what decision she makes. That is what friends do. In other words, aside of maybe recommending that she get some professional help and to suggest she make her own decisions based on her own feelings, the smartest thing you can do is to stay out of it.
';...I don't want to see them both unhappy when they could be happier with someone else. What do I say?...';
If you see yourself as one of those ';someone else'; that she could be happy with, keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself, because anything you can say will be tainted by what you want for yourself. If she were to find that your ';advice'; was biased, she may well blame you if she comes to regret her decision at a later time.
If you are a good friend and nothing more, advise her to get a professional, unbiased counselor to see if there is anything there worth saving, or if they would be better off apart. That way you are there for them in friendship, but don't determine what happens either way.
You tell her nothing,you just listen to her and tell her you will support her in any decision she makes.Never go between a husband and wife.Example If you tell her she should leave him,and they end up together.They always side together,and they might have bad feeling for you.If you tell her to stay,and she's miserable,then that is your fault too.Say nothing,just be there for her.She will work it out.
Im a single man,just divorced not sure how to meet people.i could use help.please give advice?
some of the online dating sites are a good way to meet someone.You can get to know them before you actually look them in the eye.(Hot or Not, Love Access,Profile Dates,ect.are pretty good)Im a single man,just divorced not sure how to meet people.i could use help.please give advice?
go to the club have some drinks stop being a wuss pull your balls out your purse
go to the club have some drinks stop being a wuss pull your balls out your purse
Knowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
I have had done lots of soul searching for the past 8 months on my marriage.The big mistake i made was I wasnt frank enough to tell her the truth.I lied i to her i was financially stabled to settle down.In reality, I took up a bank loan (12k)which she did not know.Things turned bad after the 1st yr after I was retrenched.I wasnt able to pay the bank.She later came to know this after calls from bank.It was purely my mistake to lie to her.We communicate very little at all since.I knew then the ';trust'; was long gone.
Since the retrenchment ,it still took me 8 months to get a job.I basically kept thinking and blaming myself and went into depression It.At the same time, i gave lots of time to think abt my marriage.Many ppl incuding my mother in law had commented i was useless as compared to her 2nd daughter's husband(an IT engineer)Divorce is inevitable and can anyone pls advice me the appropriate way?Thanks trulyKnowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
Come clean with her, tell her the dirty secrets,If you want a divorce go get a lawyer and get it done. If you don't want a divorce and want to try to get over this tell your wife.... Unfortunately money problems are one of the biggest marriage blowers but if you can work through it and get back to a ';normal marriage'; you can get through money problems. It can actually make your relationship stronger, but if you can't be honest about the situation that will never work. $12,000 is not that much of a loan or that big of a money problem seriously!!! I had $40,000 of debt credit cards, personal loans but mainly credit cards, my husband and I worked together and are on our way up away from drowning debt...... Talk to your wife, keep your job and work your way up...Knowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
IF you truely love her, you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her the truth about everything!! Your wife is suppose to be your best friend and lover!! Don't worry about the mother-in-law this is between you and your wife. Yes you need to get a job even if it is sacking groceries!! This day in time it takes two working!! NO MORE LIES AND HIDING THINGS!! SEEK counseling!!!
Whoa, big lie....BUT if she truly loved you, you could work on gaining her trust back. All couples go through financial difficulties. Most people bounce a few checks and survive on bread and Kool Aid for the first few years of married life....with hard work and sacrifice, it DOES get better. Divorce is not inevitable unless you both want it to be.
some replied saying that 2 of u should sit down and talk.What's there to talk if u r still in debt?.I do feel sorry for u as I know jobs dont come easy these days.to hell with yr mother in law! Who doesnt want to be successful these days? So what's the Big Deal on her IT engineer son in law.I honestly think u should not take her remarks too hard.Some ppl who hv replied and answered yr question just talk rubbish.Dont ever get me wrong I m not encouraging u to get a divorce.Ask yrself ONE last time are there really no way out? if yes ,I certainly wish u well and good luck.Life is NEVER a smooth ride.it is full of ups and downs.Take care
There is no easy way; pick a date and stick to it. Just tell her.
Your financial instability has little to do with your marriage
stability.
She should be able to stick with you through thick and thin.
The problem will be that you lied to her, not that you aren't financially
stable.
Tell her the whole truth, give her some time to think about it.
You should be having this conversation with your wife, not us. Exactly as stated above. I think she deserves to know all that is going on, you have kept her in the dark on many things in the past...now is not the time to continue in this path. Good luck and peace.
She will be better off without you. You are immature and a liar. You need to grow up, get a job and pay off your debts. Your wife has probably already figured out that the marriage is over. Just tell her you're sorry but it's best to end it.
divorce is not the only answer to this. this is fixable. a lot of hard work, but fixable. you need to sit down. tell her you made a mistake. give her the whole truth, not bits and parts. you are in no condition to glaze over anything. and your mother is law's comments should never be acknowledged. EVER! now if your own mother said it....i'd give it a consideration. Ask for her trust again. and then work for it.
I don't think there is an easy way to give anyone that kind of news. My soon to be ex told me as he was going out the door to move in with his tramp girlfriend that he had been having an affair with for over a year, I had no idea, neither did anyone that was connected to us, or the people he worked with, he was a very good actor. We had been married 30 years. It has been 2 years and I still have some days that I can't believe this happened, but there is one bright spot in this story, his girlfriend found out he wasn't as much fun when he was living with her, she has already kicked him out and he is living in a small one bedroom apartment. No chance for reconciliation, trust is gone and I'm sorry is not in his vocabulary or I made a mistake he is a very stubborn person with a lot of pride, hope his pride makes him happy. He doesn't have much connection with anyone anymore, even our son who has lost all respect for him and his family has more to do with me than they do him. Be sure this is what you want before you go.
Yes you did do the wrong thing about not telling her about the loan. didn't she ask where the money come from. But all that has been done and you cant change it - hope you are able to sort out the money situation now. With the lack of communication in a marriage is a bad thing, i feel truly sorry for you and your wife; and losing the trust as well, there doesn't seem much hope to save your marriage. There is nothing worse than a mother in laws scorn. to a point i can understand her concern for her daughter, but she should not make these comparisons with her other daughters husband. no wonder you went into depression. you take care and get strong. As for the right time to tell your wife you want a divorce, well whats wrong with now. Just come straight to the point and say what you want to happen, there is no easy way to do this, just be straight forward. good luck to you my friend and get strong
You can work through financial instability, yes you messed the trust she had in you, but this is a little thing compared to infidelity...now that trust is hard to get back...next to impossible in my opinion. But financial problems can be worked through. I know that your wife needed someone to talk to, but her mother was apparently the wrong one, this gave the woman ammunition. I think that you and your wife need to sit down again and seriously talk and lay all the cards on the table. If the 2 of you love one another, it can be worked out.....You just need to find out where each other stands without the influence of any other family members.
Speak with your wife! Your bad credit with the bank may be better than her credit so you never know. Just talk to her and let her know that for about a year your going to (pay the bank back on whatever terms) and somewhere in the apology add in that you did it for the both of you and don't forget the chocolates (maybe Pot of Gold from Walmart or whatever she likes).
Come clean with what you did and never accept anything but honesty from yourself from now on. Learn from your mistakes!!
The most important thing you can be now is honest. You need to fess up completely to her. You need to apologize and make amends. You've left her out, and she needs to be included in everything. Cook her dinner (or have it catered), tell her you know what you did was wrong, especially your failure to share with her. Tell her that you now have a job and that you take responsibility for paying the debt. Ask her if she wants to stay with you while you work this out, but tell her that you love her but that you absolutely understand if she wants to leave. Give her the option. If she decides to stay, write the agreements down that you come up with so that she has something to ';touch'; to see that you are being accountable and that she can learn to trust you again. If she does agree to stay, tell her that you are going to go to a therapist (churches often have therapists on staff) and ask if she would like to go with you. She may want to meet ALONE with the therapist so she can get her frustrations out without you on the room. Good luck.
You need to tell her face to face that you will be filing for divorce, if you are sure that is what you really want and are resolved to do. Don't just suprise her with papers or things could get really ugly.
Divorce is painful, even if both of you want out. My advice is to first talk to a lawyer about the divorce process, before springing the news on your wife. They will be able to talk you through the steps so you are more confident whenever you initially approach her. It will also help you to cope with all of the emotions you will have to know how the divorce is going to take place. Sometimes it is all the suprising turns in the divorce process that make it so painful. Also, if you know exactly what to do from the legal prospective, it will allow you to be more resolved that you want a divorce and don't want to just try to work things out.
Good luck, and I hope you learn many lessons from this marriage....always be honest about who you are. you want someone to love you despite how much money you have. honest communication is the only way to have a successful relationship.
Since the retrenchment ,it still took me 8 months to get a job.I basically kept thinking and blaming myself and went into depression It.At the same time, i gave lots of time to think abt my marriage.Many ppl incuding my mother in law had commented i was useless as compared to her 2nd daughter's husband(an IT engineer)Divorce is inevitable and can anyone pls advice me the appropriate way?Thanks trulyKnowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
Come clean with her, tell her the dirty secrets,If you want a divorce go get a lawyer and get it done. If you don't want a divorce and want to try to get over this tell your wife.... Unfortunately money problems are one of the biggest marriage blowers but if you can work through it and get back to a ';normal marriage'; you can get through money problems. It can actually make your relationship stronger, but if you can't be honest about the situation that will never work. $12,000 is not that much of a loan or that big of a money problem seriously!!! I had $40,000 of debt credit cards, personal loans but mainly credit cards, my husband and I worked together and are on our way up away from drowning debt...... Talk to your wife, keep your job and work your way up...Knowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
IF you truely love her, you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her the truth about everything!! Your wife is suppose to be your best friend and lover!! Don't worry about the mother-in-law this is between you and your wife. Yes you need to get a job even if it is sacking groceries!! This day in time it takes two working!! NO MORE LIES AND HIDING THINGS!! SEEK counseling!!!
Whoa, big lie....BUT if she truly loved you, you could work on gaining her trust back. All couples go through financial difficulties. Most people bounce a few checks and survive on bread and Kool Aid for the first few years of married life....with hard work and sacrifice, it DOES get better. Divorce is not inevitable unless you both want it to be.
some replied saying that 2 of u should sit down and talk.What's there to talk if u r still in debt?.I do feel sorry for u as I know jobs dont come easy these days.to hell with yr mother in law! Who doesnt want to be successful these days? So what's the Big Deal on her IT engineer son in law.I honestly think u should not take her remarks too hard.Some ppl who hv replied and answered yr question just talk rubbish.Dont ever get me wrong I m not encouraging u to get a divorce.Ask yrself ONE last time are there really no way out? if yes ,I certainly wish u well and good luck.Life is NEVER a smooth ride.it is full of ups and downs.Take care
There is no easy way; pick a date and stick to it. Just tell her.
Your financial instability has little to do with your marriage
stability.
She should be able to stick with you through thick and thin.
The problem will be that you lied to her, not that you aren't financially
stable.
Tell her the whole truth, give her some time to think about it.
You should be having this conversation with your wife, not us. Exactly as stated above. I think she deserves to know all that is going on, you have kept her in the dark on many things in the past...now is not the time to continue in this path. Good luck and peace.
She will be better off without you. You are immature and a liar. You need to grow up, get a job and pay off your debts. Your wife has probably already figured out that the marriage is over. Just tell her you're sorry but it's best to end it.
divorce is not the only answer to this. this is fixable. a lot of hard work, but fixable. you need to sit down. tell her you made a mistake. give her the whole truth, not bits and parts. you are in no condition to glaze over anything. and your mother is law's comments should never be acknowledged. EVER! now if your own mother said it....i'd give it a consideration. Ask for her trust again. and then work for it.
I don't think there is an easy way to give anyone that kind of news. My soon to be ex told me as he was going out the door to move in with his tramp girlfriend that he had been having an affair with for over a year, I had no idea, neither did anyone that was connected to us, or the people he worked with, he was a very good actor. We had been married 30 years. It has been 2 years and I still have some days that I can't believe this happened, but there is one bright spot in this story, his girlfriend found out he wasn't as much fun when he was living with her, she has already kicked him out and he is living in a small one bedroom apartment. No chance for reconciliation, trust is gone and I'm sorry is not in his vocabulary or I made a mistake he is a very stubborn person with a lot of pride, hope his pride makes him happy. He doesn't have much connection with anyone anymore, even our son who has lost all respect for him and his family has more to do with me than they do him. Be sure this is what you want before you go.
Yes you did do the wrong thing about not telling her about the loan. didn't she ask where the money come from. But all that has been done and you cant change it - hope you are able to sort out the money situation now. With the lack of communication in a marriage is a bad thing, i feel truly sorry for you and your wife; and losing the trust as well, there doesn't seem much hope to save your marriage. There is nothing worse than a mother in laws scorn. to a point i can understand her concern for her daughter, but she should not make these comparisons with her other daughters husband. no wonder you went into depression. you take care and get strong. As for the right time to tell your wife you want a divorce, well whats wrong with now. Just come straight to the point and say what you want to happen, there is no easy way to do this, just be straight forward. good luck to you my friend and get strong
You can work through financial instability, yes you messed the trust she had in you, but this is a little thing compared to infidelity...now that trust is hard to get back...next to impossible in my opinion. But financial problems can be worked through. I know that your wife needed someone to talk to, but her mother was apparently the wrong one, this gave the woman ammunition. I think that you and your wife need to sit down again and seriously talk and lay all the cards on the table. If the 2 of you love one another, it can be worked out.....You just need to find out where each other stands without the influence of any other family members.
Speak with your wife! Your bad credit with the bank may be better than her credit so you never know. Just talk to her and let her know that for about a year your going to (pay the bank back on whatever terms) and somewhere in the apology add in that you did it for the both of you and don't forget the chocolates (maybe Pot of Gold from Walmart or whatever she likes).
Come clean with what you did and never accept anything but honesty from yourself from now on. Learn from your mistakes!!
The most important thing you can be now is honest. You need to fess up completely to her. You need to apologize and make amends. You've left her out, and she needs to be included in everything. Cook her dinner (or have it catered), tell her you know what you did was wrong, especially your failure to share with her. Tell her that you now have a job and that you take responsibility for paying the debt. Ask her if she wants to stay with you while you work this out, but tell her that you love her but that you absolutely understand if she wants to leave. Give her the option. If she decides to stay, write the agreements down that you come up with so that she has something to ';touch'; to see that you are being accountable and that she can learn to trust you again. If she does agree to stay, tell her that you are going to go to a therapist (churches often have therapists on staff) and ask if she would like to go with you. She may want to meet ALONE with the therapist so she can get her frustrations out without you on the room. Good luck.
You need to tell her face to face that you will be filing for divorce, if you are sure that is what you really want and are resolved to do. Don't just suprise her with papers or things could get really ugly.
Divorce is painful, even if both of you want out. My advice is to first talk to a lawyer about the divorce process, before springing the news on your wife. They will be able to talk you through the steps so you are more confident whenever you initially approach her. It will also help you to cope with all of the emotions you will have to know how the divorce is going to take place. Sometimes it is all the suprising turns in the divorce process that make it so painful. Also, if you know exactly what to do from the legal prospective, it will allow you to be more resolved that you want a divorce and don't want to just try to work things out.
Good luck, and I hope you learn many lessons from this marriage....always be honest about who you are. you want someone to love you despite how much money you have. honest communication is the only way to have a successful relationship.
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