What do i do?i need advice on how to deal with my divorced parents and messed up dad?

i am 14 years old and have been through a lot. I live with my mom and step-dad. My dad is a drunk and a alcholic he never has money and rarly keeps a job. He is always stressed which doesnt really help me. Ever since i was born my dad rarly helped out he was always out partying having a good time and my mom was always stuck home with me. Everything was and is more important to him than i am he says it's not but it is. I have been beat down not phisically but mentaly. He has lied to me many times, more than i can count and it is so hard to go back and forth between my moms house bad my dads. When i am at my moms my step-dad and my mom always talks about my dad and it is a instinct to stick up for someone you love. Than when i stick up for him i get in troubel from my mom who tells me my dad is the worst dad ever and i treat him better than i do her which is not true. I try to explaine to her that i wouled stick up for her to if somone was talking about her it is an instinct and i get yelled at and than we fight. I cant do this anymore i have been playing volleyball now for about 4 years and my dad has come to 4 he has promised to come to sevrial but never shows. I try so hard to not be disapointed but it doenst work the tears just flow when he blows me off. No one understands how i feel not even my best friend i feel alone sometimes well most of the time but than i dont. I cry myself to sleep almost everynight wishing i had a normal dad, not one who doesnt care is it that much to ask for. I am scared all the time becouse i think he is going to get in the car drunk and get in a accedent or stupid stuff like that. I know it is a illness but i cant do it anymore i need advice this is killing me. Someone please help me figure out how to deal with this.What do i do?i need advice on how to deal with my divorced parents and messed up dad?
Sorry you have to go thru this. Its hard for us to want something so bad and it doesn't come thru for us. Especially when its a parent. It helped me when I realized he is just a person. A person just like me that can make mistakes. He may not even realize that he is hurting you. And sometimes he just may not care. People can be very self centered. Try to accept him for who he is. Let the pain go. He may never be what you want him to be. The advice I suggest with your mom and step dad is to try not to talk about your dad with them. If they talk about him, just ignore it. Dont reply. Be quiet. If they dont have someone to listen to them, they will stop eventually.What do i do?i need advice on how to deal with my divorced parents and messed up dad?
It's not your problem to solve. Stay out of it and offer your love to both.
This is a very bad situation.its sounds much like my childhood,i remember being 14 and having to drive my brother and passed out father home a few times.and your right this is an illness and lying is a big part of being an alcoholic.but you are 14 and you do deserve so much better.sometimes people get so lost in their own misery they just neglect everything important to them.and im sure that you are important to him.and i know that right now your angry and you have every right to be.but please dont hate him,because when you loose him you dont want to carry and regrets around.but try to get involved with a good church,or maybe your school has a meeting place for kids whos parent(s) are alcoholics but your right you need someone to talk to.i know you love your dad or it wouldnt hurt so much.so get with your guidance councilor at school.or something but you dont need to go thru this alone.i hope one day your father will realize what hes missed out on. God loves you.and i will pray for your dad.
First off, counseling is completely appropriate, you will have someone who actually understands to talk to. Also you can get into alateen to work on your issues relating to your fathers drinking, and let him know that your going.. it may be the rude awakening he needs.





Next time your mother says something like that, say ';mom, i love you, and I know that he hurt you alot, but i need you to step back and realize what your doing to me';. I know that your mom loves you and will try to watch her comments, you understand why she talks the way she does. It's not directed toward you.





Don't take it personal, and don't let them stress you out over things you can't control. You are now old enough to make more personal decisions, and realize the outcomes. Good luck, and I hope i was able to help you (i have been there, and i know how it feels)
Honey, first of all when you go to school Monday, stop by the office and tell them you need to see the school counselor. Its important that you can talk to someone about this. I know you are on here asking us for advice but someone licensed to help you would be so much better. Your Mom is wrong (sorry but she is) is talking down about your Dad in front of you. No child should have to sit in front of either parent and hear the other parent talk badly. For any reason. By your own words you admit your Dad isn't perfect, but you love him. Go talk to your counselor. Maybe, just maybe, she can help you with some ideas to get your dad into AA meetings, and help him become a better person. I feel for you, I really do. Please take my advice, and speak to your counselor. ANYTHING YOU SAY TO THE COUNSELOR CAN NOT BE REPEATED TO ANYONE. Not your Mom, Step Dad or Dad. NO ONE. Just remember that, and go get some of this off your chest. You are too young to be dealing with this kind of stress.


Good luck, I will be praying for you.

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