I'm 40, Divorced, and scared about being alone. Any advice?

O.K. here is the situation. About two years ago, my wife and I divorced, I got laid off from my job and I had to move back in with relatives. During the time between then and now, I got another job, paid off my bills, and am about to finally move back into my own place. ( an apartment)





That being said, I realize that I am going to be 40 here in a few months, have few friends and would not know the first thing about starting to date! I do go to bars every once in a while but, it's usually just to have a beer or two with one friend that I know in town. Most of the time, it's just coming home and feeling isolated and alone. Needless to say, I HATE IT!





I would love to hear any advice/stories of people in the same situation.I'm 40, Divorced, and scared about being alone. Any advice?
I met my husband on


http://www.plentyoffish.com/





We were both 46 when we met. Keep your bio honest and truthful. If you lie then you get someone who is looking for something that you are not and it will be doomed from the start. You need to realize that ';she'; will not just come and knock on your door. You have to get out there and find her. The idea about joining a club is a good one too. I joined the Astronomical Society because I like astronomy. I didn't meet my husband there but I did make a lot of really great friends there. Church is another great place to meet people too.


Happy Fishing! Best wishes to you!I'm 40, Divorced, and scared about being alone. Any advice?
39 yrs old... I divorced 3.5 yrs ago... It has taken me all this time to get myself together %26amp; figure out what it is I want. You really have to learn how to fall in love with yourself %26amp; the new life ahead of you before you can offer anyone anything at all! I feel alone most of the time, yet I've learned how not to be ';lonely';, which isn't easy... I got in my first relationship after my divorce almost 2 yrs afterwards. I fell madly in love %26amp; was having a great time. It crashed %26amp; burned after a few months because neither of us actually had it together yet. (he had been divorced the same amount of time) Experience %26amp; lessons were definately learned! I've dated online, set ups, met guys in bars, but found I still wasn't ready for a relationship. Recently, I started seeing what seems to be a really great guy! We both said nothing serious %26amp; have not put a lable on what we have, yet we did say exclussive. I like what we have going on. It may not last, but then it just might! No expectations = No let downs!!!





My advice is to find out who you are now... Like who you are, because Like Attracts Like! If you go to the bar to have a few drinks %26amp; you look all depressed, I wouldn't waste my time with you, in fact I probably wouldn't even know you were there. Bring out that clever, oustanding person, %26amp; get busy living!! Leave the past behind %26amp; only bring the lesson learned when meeting new people!
Join a club with people who share your interests.
don't give up, i was in the same shape when i was 35, but i met a sweet 25 year old girl and got married to her 7 years ago. just make sure you keep your self looking good and in shape. get back in the game you will be ok.
There are sooooooo many women in the same situation as you are!


I met my old man on yahoo personals, and that was a few years ago..... try the personals- it's a great alternative to a bar, but be careful! Just be picky about who you meet in person, and don't volunteer too much about your financial stuff until you really know someone.


There are plenty of ';gold diggers'; on there, but there are also a lot of real women that are nice, and just looking for the same thing you are!


Good Luck!


And don't be so upset by being single again! It's not so bad once you get used to dating again! Just remember to not give up too much personal info until you are sure the girl is for real!
dude ur lucky! i would swap with u in a heartbeat! enjoy ur freedom ur still young man.
Hmmm, you might want to start by dialing the Emperor's Club, or similar club in your area, you know, just get back in the swing of things
I would not recommend dating yet. But make a list of things you like to do. Do ya have any children? If so, make time to be with them. (Women love men with children, as long as the children are not teenagers). I have found that when I started doing things I loved to do, I found people that loved to do those things too! Some of those people have become good friends, and ****lovers. When you focus on activities you love to do, acquaintances naturally show up.


Also, I would suggest to turn the TV or radio on in the apartment. There's something about hearing other people's voices in your apartment that makes it feel more cozy. But turn the volume down, so you can’t make out what’s being said; but loud enough so you can hear it. I put on DVD’s (while I am doing something else). I have the new movie, “No Reservations” playing right now. I own the movie; so I can watch it anytime, just not now).





And I would strongly suggest to stay out of bars for now. Bars attract other lonely people.
well as a starter, you said you had relatives and friends. You should be thankfull about that. Think aboyt all of the homeless persons out there, not wife, no home not life and no family. You had a wife and you divorced, so what?, it doesnt matter why she divorced you...but thats life if you had a wife that measn you can get another one. ask you buddies if they know any singles....when you go to a bar, dont be affraid just go and talk to a women, and so on.





good luck man
Sure.... try Yahoo Personals... great people. And I won't write it all out here, but it you're serious, and don't know the tricks, write.
enjoy it while it last even when it seems forever.
well...may seniorwoo.com can help you
First, don't worry about the age, there is simply nothing to do to change that so accept it and eventually learn to enjoy it (compliment your age with maturity and it is a great thing).


Being Divorced doesn't make one happy (as you have found), but it does give you the opportunity to be... try to see the positive.


Congratulations on your finances and move, be proud of that (and don't compare yourself to others... there is always someone better off and someone worse off too).


Finally (the advice your really asking for)... unless you really just enjoy the bar scene, just stop going. While a few may meet their love in a bar (you can meet your love anywhere, doesn't mean that is the place to look), it really isn't the place to look.


My advice, (this depends on your work and time avaliable), volunteer somewhere. By volunteering, you learn new skills, meet new people (generally good people), and are doing something that others just may admire. The friendships made are priceless, as is the help you offer to others. Finally, what a great way to find your love. BUT... don't ';look';, just let it happen.


Being isolated and alone is the worse feeling in the world, use the feeling to sympathize with the feelings of others. Maybe you can even connect with them.


Hang in there, and good luck.





*Remeber to smile.


*Ask questions, listen to the answers, ask more questions (people like people who listen and are interested to them)


*Don't do a lone of complaining, you can always explain your situation and history when approriate, but no one wants to spend all thier time listening to negitivity.


*Compliment (sincerely).


*Be Honest. Be Selfless. Both are rare and will get you far.


*Enjoy various activities, experience new things. You don't have to lie to be interesting.


*Don't try to be ';Right';. Express you opinions, listen to others, then decide on a good middle ground. Being with something is a partnership, not a competition, support the other and enjoy your friendship.





Develope friends, the rest will follow.
Join any kind of a group...preferably something you are interested in, take a class or whatever. Nobody is going to come knocking on your door. Just get out there.
There are many decent women who gave up on their first husband's when he cheated on them - I know several of my friends are in that boat. These women go to the YMCA to work out, but wouldn't mind having a nice guy to chat with them there. Or they go to bars, but that is always kind of awkward unless you are willing to sit down with her friends and join in to the conversation, because otherwise it seems like you are just trying to pick her up rather than getting to know her/let her meet you. My friends appreciate when a guy asks if he can join the conversation...after all, that is what they were hoping for!


Or go to a one night continuing ed course - there are tons of single people there! There are topics ranging from financial to spiritual and I see people there looking around the room, checking out the guys there....


Take your time and explore your interests, and approach women honestly and gently and you will find someone.
Realize that only you can make yourself happy.
You need to find some interest you have and join a club that is associated with it. University sports booster club, Softball league, Book club, what ever, so you could meet someone with a similar interest. Church is a great place to meet nice people who have similar values and beliefs as you, if you have religious beliefs.


I will say that you should not go into any of those places and make it too obvious that your are on the make, that is why it should be something you are interested in. I know it will feel strange to go alone but you will be going because of your interest.


GOOD LUCK!!!
eHARMONY.com
don't know from experience but i think that you should try to find people through the friends that you have, ask them if they know anyone that might be interested in you.





Best Of Luck And I Hope That You Find Someone :)
get a friend online if you are afraid to meet inperson...then proceed to meet in person after u are comfortable, try facebook or friendster
If you didn't want to be alone, why did you get divorced?
I've living alone quite a long time now, I'm same age too. It can be tough at times, but that's the way it is. That's one of the Major reasons I, like now go on line to Yahoo's Q+A. There are the times it really gets to me, and other times I just try to get on with it. No man is an island and all of that, was written by someone like you and I. Humans are social beings and were not really made for the solo expedition. My work doesn't help at all either, I work 16 hr shifts in isolation never seeing anyone during my work
try an online dating website such as match.com
Find an interest and join a group of like minded individuals - you have a starting point for conversation then that can lead to more ... I was there a few years back and considered ending it all, however I came to my senses, got out and about and now I'm married to a fab woman - good luck mate ...
When I finally left my ex (I was going to say retarded, but I've heard that can get a violation so I won't), I was so unsure of what would become of me. You know what though? I had myself and I didn't need anybody else to make me feel better. Sure I spent time alone (1 1/2 years). There are worse things. I decided to stop looking for somebody else to make me happy and just live my life. Not always so exciting, but better than another R - well, you know. You know what though? I got involved in things that mattered to me and ended up volunteering along side a guy who I thought of only as a friend and then in a single night things exploded into something more. We're now married and have the most awesome relationship EVER. I was 43 at the time. Stop letting age be your brick wall. That has nothing to do with it. If it matter at all, the communication is great with him and to say that the sex is outstanding wouldn't even begin to cover it. Stop looking and it will probably hit you in the head!
May I....?


Divorce Care . com





(change your life................)
What a crock...there is somebody for everyone one?!?!





Get up and go out. Find someone who you can stand and who can stand you.
Hightail it to Amsterdam boy.
Get used to it.....FInd a hobby, sport or a charity that you can get into....First do it for yourself, 2nd because it feels good, 3 rd because others can appreciate and feel good about you...Before you know it you will have people hanging off your every limb........hahahaha...have fun dude....
There is someone for everyone. Stay positive and realize that just because she wasn't the one, isn't a bad thing. It means that someone who is better than she is and that was made for you is still out there. Try dating websites or meeting someone through one of your friends. You still have plenty of time in your life to find that special someone. Don't worry. Everything will turn out amazing for you. Just be patient and stay positive!
Your right, it's over. Might as well just jump off a cliff.