My wife of 30 years is planning on divorcing me; any advice?

She hasn't really been up front about it - I discovered her plan on some emails she didn't delete. I'm upset about it, but I don't want to hold on to her if she really thinks she'll be happier without me. I guess she's looking for something I haven't been able to give her - or she's going through a late mid-life crisis. Our daughter is in cahoots with her on this, and is sort of aiding and abetting the plan. Apparently, my wife is going to leave in January and start living in an apartment in LA (where my daughter and her husband live). I don't want to hurt my wife - either emotionally or financially. On the other hand, if she's dead set on getting rid of me, I want to have enough to start my life over again. I'm also very disappointed in my daughter, and I think it's going to take me a long time to forgive her for this. Any thoughts on what steps I should be taking now to (hopefully) de-escalate the situation or, alternatively, protect myself from being completely ruined?My wife of 30 years is planning on divorcing me; any advice?
oh, dear!





that must be so hard on you.





First of all sit down together just the two of you, and have a heart to heart.





If you really want the 2 of you to be together then ask her what is wrong or where you have been wrong or negligent. Ask her if there is anything you can do differently that would make a difference fr both of you? Is it money, another man, or what is it??





Get some marriage counseling.








Do you yourself really want to be together? If so then you must go all out and make it plain -a woman wants to feel wanted and cherished, you know. Maybe you neglected her over the long years, taken her fr granted??





Have you been wishy washy and neglecting her in some way?





Ppl think they can always have a better time with a different person -but the truth is the new partner could well be a pain with so many other drawbacks or habits or insensitive and selfish.





Anyway if she has someone that she truly loves or fixed upon there is nothing you can do really. You just have to be the gentleman and let her go and leave the door open fr her if she should change her mind.





talk to yr daughter on her own and see what she has to say, there might be some insights to have frm her.





good luck.My wife of 30 years is planning on divorcing me; any advice?
Personally I wouldn't say anything to anyone about knowing, ask your wife if she is happy, if she comes clean then start working on rebuilding the marriage however if she claims everything is fine start paying out small random amounts by cheque to another bank account (that isn't obviously yours that your wife knows nothing about) this will stop her from taking some of your money.





Speak to a solicitor about safe guarding other assests you own.
I doubt very much after all these years she's just decided to leave you on a whim. Maybe she's been telling you for a while and you just haven't listened.





Unfortunately, your wife has put your daughter in the middle, DON'T you do the same. This is between you and your wife. Leave your daughter out of it.
That is really crummy. I wouldn't treat your daughter any different. Unless you absolutely feel you have to. It could cause a long drawn out issue. I would just get yourself financially set to be on your own and try to protect what you can so your wife can't take it away from you. Sorry you have to go through this. What a horrible way to find out.
Have you ever considered that your daughter might be very torn up over the situation? If she loves you both, she must be very conflicted over this.





If I was you I'd contact my daughter and say that you know what's going on and see if she can tell you what's driven your wife to this point.
OH WOW.....IM SORRY THAT HAS TO SUCK TO FIND OUT THAT WAY!! ...YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOUR WIFE. MAYBE ONCE YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS LEAVING FOR --YOU AND HER CAN WORK IT OUT ?? GOOD LUCK


AND YOUR DAUGHTER WELL......IT WILL WORK OUT
Secure your finances immediately and consult a good attorney ! When women go through their mid-life crises in this manner, there is nothing you can do. period. In their minds they have a great need to reestablish a point in their lives when they were giddy with feeling and romance. It may not be any fault of yours whatsoever, but you will get all the blame. The fact that she has convinced your daughter to help her kick you to the curb is reason to get real defensive and quickly ! Often, after we support them, raise and educate the kids, we aren't enough anymore. The male sex drive wanes and the female peaks. Now she feels cheated in life by being stuck in a marriage to you. Women are seldom realists. They see the world through fairy tale images of the way things should be. When things are not that way, they feel ill used. Wedding, fashion, home magazines capitalize on this fact.





Sorry, but have seen it happen to friends and my godson. Who worked 2 jobs just so the family could have the things the wives wanted, only to get tossed aside when the kids were going to college. The the women expected to cash in on half their retirement too. My godson's ex even bought a brand new car for cash and put it in her name before the divorce was final. He was faithful and a good provider but her need to recapture her youth went beyond the counseling and any common sense whatsoever.





Good luck
Rough situation but I wouldn't blame the daughter.She was between a rock and a hardplace.Her mother made her promise not to tell and to help her.She either betrays you or her mother.You didn't make her promise anything.Same thing happened to me but my daughter was fifteen at the time.Now with her mothers parenting skills she is sixteen and pregnant by a twenty one year old mentally challenged man.
I would ask her what is going on. However, I would leave your child out of this situation. I would address her later. There is a reason for her calling it quits after 30 years. I think this is a time to reflect on what has gone on over the years. Have your wife been complaining about the same stuff over and over? It is so easy to blame the other person for everything but you should think about how you have treated her.


Talk to her first and try to work something out. Don't give up yet and fight for her.


I am very sorry that you are going through this but this will make you strong in the long run.
I'd confront her and ask her to at least be honest and up front; you deserve at least that much. You need to agree on terms; maybe a separation? If it is a mid life crisis, it won't take very long to realize that and come to her senses.





As for the daughter, I'd confront her as well. Even an adult child must realize why children can not choose sides in a divorce. She needs to respect you that much.
I am sorry this is happening to you and I feel your pain.


I think since your wife has not spoken to you directly about leaving, you should initiate a discussion. If you don't want to confront her in person, do it via email or whatever way is easier for YOU. I am uncertain why she feels the need to keep it secret in the first place.


In regards to your daughter, I think you shouldn't do anything. Give it time. These things usually get resolved by themselves. Good Luck!
Tell her you know her plans and ask her to go to marriage counseling with you. Tell her that when you married her, you took a vow until death do you part, and you're going to fight for your marriage in every way possible. As for your daughter, be sure to include her in some family therapy sessions later on in your course of counseling.





PS - Your I-don't-care ';I don't want to hold on to her if she really thinks she'll be happier without me'; attitude is almost certainly one of the reasons why she is considering divorce. You need to change that attitude and become the kind of loving husband your wife undoubtedly desperately wishes for.