Knowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?

I have had done lots of soul searching for the past 8 months on my marriage.The big mistake i made was I wasnt frank enough to tell her the truth.I lied i to her i was financially stabled to settle down.In reality, I took up a bank loan (12k)which she did not know.Things turned bad after the 1st yr after I was retrenched.I wasnt able to pay the bank.She later came to know this after calls from bank.It was purely my mistake to lie to her.We communicate very little at all since.I knew then the ';trust'; was long gone.


Since the retrenchment ,it still took me 8 months to get a job.I basically kept thinking and blaming myself and went into depression It.At the same time, i gave lots of time to think abt my marriage.Many ppl incuding my mother in law had commented i was useless as compared to her 2nd daughter's husband(an IT engineer)Divorce is inevitable and can anyone pls advice me the appropriate way?Thanks trulyKnowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
Come clean with her, tell her the dirty secrets,If you want a divorce go get a lawyer and get it done. If you don't want a divorce and want to try to get over this tell your wife.... Unfortunately money problems are one of the biggest marriage blowers but if you can work through it and get back to a ';normal marriage'; you can get through money problems. It can actually make your relationship stronger, but if you can't be honest about the situation that will never work. $12,000 is not that much of a loan or that big of a money problem seriously!!! I had $40,000 of debt credit cards, personal loans but mainly credit cards, my husband and I worked together and are on our way up away from drowning debt...... Talk to your wife, keep your job and work your way up...Knowing A Divorce is inevitable,how can I tell her .....?Urgent advices heeded .Thanks?
IF you truely love her, you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her the truth about everything!! Your wife is suppose to be your best friend and lover!! Don't worry about the mother-in-law this is between you and your wife. Yes you need to get a job even if it is sacking groceries!! This day in time it takes two working!! NO MORE LIES AND HIDING THINGS!! SEEK counseling!!!
Whoa, big lie....BUT if she truly loved you, you could work on gaining her trust back. All couples go through financial difficulties. Most people bounce a few checks and survive on bread and Kool Aid for the first few years of married life....with hard work and sacrifice, it DOES get better. Divorce is not inevitable unless you both want it to be.
some replied saying that 2 of u should sit down and talk.What's there to talk if u r still in debt?.I do feel sorry for u as I know jobs dont come easy these days.to hell with yr mother in law! Who doesnt want to be successful these days? So what's the Big Deal on her IT engineer son in law.I honestly think u should not take her remarks too hard.Some ppl who hv replied and answered yr question just talk rubbish.Dont ever get me wrong I m not encouraging u to get a divorce.Ask yrself ONE last time are there really no way out? if yes ,I certainly wish u well and good luck.Life is NEVER a smooth ride.it is full of ups and downs.Take care
There is no easy way; pick a date and stick to it. Just tell her.
Your financial instability has little to do with your marriage


stability.





She should be able to stick with you through thick and thin.





The problem will be that you lied to her, not that you aren't financially


stable.





Tell her the whole truth, give her some time to think about it.
You should be having this conversation with your wife, not us. Exactly as stated above. I think she deserves to know all that is going on, you have kept her in the dark on many things in the past...now is not the time to continue in this path. Good luck and peace.
She will be better off without you. You are immature and a liar. You need to grow up, get a job and pay off your debts. Your wife has probably already figured out that the marriage is over. Just tell her you're sorry but it's best to end it.
divorce is not the only answer to this. this is fixable. a lot of hard work, but fixable. you need to sit down. tell her you made a mistake. give her the whole truth, not bits and parts. you are in no condition to glaze over anything. and your mother is law's comments should never be acknowledged. EVER! now if your own mother said it....i'd give it a consideration. Ask for her trust again. and then work for it.
I don't think there is an easy way to give anyone that kind of news. My soon to be ex told me as he was going out the door to move in with his tramp girlfriend that he had been having an affair with for over a year, I had no idea, neither did anyone that was connected to us, or the people he worked with, he was a very good actor. We had been married 30 years. It has been 2 years and I still have some days that I can't believe this happened, but there is one bright spot in this story, his girlfriend found out he wasn't as much fun when he was living with her, she has already kicked him out and he is living in a small one bedroom apartment. No chance for reconciliation, trust is gone and I'm sorry is not in his vocabulary or I made a mistake he is a very stubborn person with a lot of pride, hope his pride makes him happy. He doesn't have much connection with anyone anymore, even our son who has lost all respect for him and his family has more to do with me than they do him. Be sure this is what you want before you go.
Yes you did do the wrong thing about not telling her about the loan. didn't she ask where the money come from. But all that has been done and you cant change it - hope you are able to sort out the money situation now. With the lack of communication in a marriage is a bad thing, i feel truly sorry for you and your wife; and losing the trust as well, there doesn't seem much hope to save your marriage. There is nothing worse than a mother in laws scorn. to a point i can understand her concern for her daughter, but she should not make these comparisons with her other daughters husband. no wonder you went into depression. you take care and get strong. As for the right time to tell your wife you want a divorce, well whats wrong with now. Just come straight to the point and say what you want to happen, there is no easy way to do this, just be straight forward. good luck to you my friend and get strong
You can work through financial instability, yes you messed the trust she had in you, but this is a little thing compared to infidelity...now that trust is hard to get back...next to impossible in my opinion. But financial problems can be worked through. I know that your wife needed someone to talk to, but her mother was apparently the wrong one, this gave the woman ammunition. I think that you and your wife need to sit down again and seriously talk and lay all the cards on the table. If the 2 of you love one another, it can be worked out.....You just need to find out where each other stands without the influence of any other family members.
Speak with your wife! Your bad credit with the bank may be better than her credit so you never know. Just talk to her and let her know that for about a year your going to (pay the bank back on whatever terms) and somewhere in the apology add in that you did it for the both of you and don't forget the chocolates (maybe Pot of Gold from Walmart or whatever she likes).
Come clean with what you did and never accept anything but honesty from yourself from now on. Learn from your mistakes!!
The most important thing you can be now is honest. You need to fess up completely to her. You need to apologize and make amends. You've left her out, and she needs to be included in everything. Cook her dinner (or have it catered), tell her you know what you did was wrong, especially your failure to share with her. Tell her that you now have a job and that you take responsibility for paying the debt. Ask her if she wants to stay with you while you work this out, but tell her that you love her but that you absolutely understand if she wants to leave. Give her the option. If she decides to stay, write the agreements down that you come up with so that she has something to ';touch'; to see that you are being accountable and that she can learn to trust you again. If she does agree to stay, tell her that you are going to go to a therapist (churches often have therapists on staff) and ask if she would like to go with you. She may want to meet ALONE with the therapist so she can get her frustrations out without you on the room. Good luck.
You need to tell her face to face that you will be filing for divorce, if you are sure that is what you really want and are resolved to do. Don't just suprise her with papers or things could get really ugly.





Divorce is painful, even if both of you want out. My advice is to first talk to a lawyer about the divorce process, before springing the news on your wife. They will be able to talk you through the steps so you are more confident whenever you initially approach her. It will also help you to cope with all of the emotions you will have to know how the divorce is going to take place. Sometimes it is all the suprising turns in the divorce process that make it so painful. Also, if you know exactly what to do from the legal prospective, it will allow you to be more resolved that you want a divorce and don't want to just try to work things out.





Good luck, and I hope you learn many lessons from this marriage....always be honest about who you are. you want someone to love you despite how much money you have. honest communication is the only way to have a successful relationship.