Divorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?

I'm getting remarried next week and my gf is very excited about being a stepmom to my 8 yr old son. The problem is my exwife who is possessive of our son and very jealous of my gf.She has already been a problem with my gf's involment with our son and its only going to get worse once we get married. I have joint custody with my exwife and see my son every other day and have to deal with my ex often. I really want to take the high road with my ex(for my sons sake) so whats the best way to handle my gf becoming my son's new stepmom without making waves with my exwife? Divorced moms what would piss u off if your ex got remarried?Divorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?
I think if you are fair to all parties (ex-wife, son, fiance) you should be right. I don't know why your wife is so possessive/jealous, perhaps you cheated on her, abused her, planned to re-marry too soon...point I'm making is that I don't know you or your situation intimately. If you are reasonable then I'm sure you'll be fine.





I am a step mum to my husband's child, I have my own child from a previous marriage, and we have a child together. I follow these 'rules.' I am always polite when I need to speak with my husband's ex. (who is also very protective of her son). My husband makes all the arrangements, and negotiates with her directly, so the only time I need to see her is the occasional time at change-overs, or on the phone if she calls and my husband isn't available. I have the same arrangement with my ex.





I feel (and he agrees) that it is important that he is always there for his son at changeovers unless something extreme and unavoidable happens to prevent him from being there. When my step-son is with us I do not try and be his Mum but I also don't try to be his best-friend (that would really piss his mother off)! We adhere to the disiplinary measures that my husband and I have agreed to for all our children, there are definately times when I need to discipline his son on my own but this never involves any kind of emotional or other violence.





We have fun together as a family, and also chill-out time as a family. We do not spoil him (any more than our other children), and I certainly didn't earn my step-sons affection or respect this way. My husband has regular and significant one-on-one time with his son. I either take the other kids out for the day, or he will take his son out for the day. I think it is important to find a balance this way.





Never argue in front of your son, either with your new wife, or your ex. Always be friendly and polite at changeover times (if you can't be, get a communication book and write to each other, or email, making sure your son can't access what you write)! Sit down with your new wife and work out the practicalities of how things will work. Basically, be fair and logical.





Things are not always easy or smooth going for my husband and I, however life never is and I love my family just the way it is. I think I have earned my husband's ex's respect, but this took a long time and to be honest I wouldn't have respected her much if she had trusted me right off the bat anyway!





Be fair to your ex. I know from experience that being a single Mum isn't easy. If your son is happy and healthy then she is doing a good job. No parent is perfect. Your son will ultimately benefit from having many different people in his life, and I'm sure you'd agree that he could never have too many people loving him and looking out for him!





Good luck!Divorced dad needs mature advice regarding ';toxic'; ex wife?
Your new wife should be called by her first name by your son. To have him call her Mom would be very wrong.





You should make it clear that your new wife is not to ever spank or otherwise discipline the child.





She should not do anything that is his mothers place to do... she is not his mother.





You should never have her try to talk to your ex about changing arrangements... only you should do so.





Remember you've already had one marriage end in divorce so there's no telling if this one will last forever. You should keep that in mind when involving her, at all, in any parenting decisions.





She should really be nothing more then support for you.
Think twice before terming a human being toxic.


I guess you are not a good guy, and our ex was forced to divorce a brat like you.


All moms are possessive of their kids.


Marry, breed , and stay clear of your 8 year old son . He can do without a bad parent like you. One parent will do for him.
You need to get into family counsiling with your ex. She is destroying your won. This is no way to act. Nothing would piss me off if he got remarried although I know he would use that as an excuse to stop paying his child support all togtether. Anything can cause that one. Children do not need to be brought into your problems with the ex, that goes for you and that goes for her. You must set and example even if by contrast. You must never put her down to him, just be positive and if she keeps putting you down and acting jealous then show him the difference by not saying things back, no tit for tat. show him a healthy environment. It may be the only one he has.
#1 You are the primary disciplinarian in your home for your son. She can put him in timeout or send him to his room if he is out of control when you are not home and that is all.


#2: She is step mom and should be called by her first name. SHe should not try tp push mom or another pet name on your son. If he develops a nickname in the future for her then good for him. She should not push him to say I love you to her either. That will develop on its own over time also.


#3: You be the man and deal with your ex yourself. She should have to interact with your ex as little as humanly possible. The Ex calls and your wife answers, she says hold on and hands it to you.


#4 Tell your ex straight up that your new wife has no intentions of taking her spot in your sons life. She knows that is your exs place. And if she feels like something was out of line to please say something to you so it does not happen agian.


#5 Your new wife has a tricky tight rope to walk. She needs to find the fine line between friend, parental type unit, and step mom. It is hard but if she is dedicated to you and your son she will find it.
Acually this did happen and he married the one he had the AFFAIR with!! Look at the end of the day all you have to do is pick your son up and go, there is no need for discussion really, unless it is to discuss your boy,


When dealing with her keep a level tone, so long as you know you have done the right thing and not gone off the handle who cares,


as far as your new to be wife, how are things now? major dissaplin should be done by you,its ok for her to ask him to pick up after himself,etc, but it sounds like they get along fine and what your doing now works.





Don't stress about the ex, eventually she will calm down, especially if she can't get a rise out of you.


Congratulations on the up and coming wedding