Divorced mothers advice needed please?

My husband and I have divorced, its been 5 years since we split, he seems to think that my house rules are wrong and that I should follow his house rules concerning our son.


I think my rules are fair.


1. Bedroom must be tidy before going to bed.


2. If I put a meal out, (child's portion) then I expect it to be eaten, if its something new I put a spoonful on the plate and get him to eat that one spoonful to try.


3. Meals do not take more then an hour long to eat (sometimes my son can take up to 2!)


4. If the weather is nice I expect him to go outside and play, not sit indoors all day playing a games console. (that's if I'm not already doing something with him).


5. No lying, no matter how bad it may seem, I don't want anyone lying.


6, If his room is not tidy, or he's cheeky about a rule or to my partner then I take away something he likes doing, namely his computer games. If they are left out on the floor (by bedtime) or on the cupboards, they are confiscated. He then gets a chance to earn them back by showing he can keep the rest of his games and his bedroom tidy


Now I think the rules are fair, the main reason for having his bedroom tidy by bedtime is so that when I check on him through the night, Im not going to fall over anything (I have a hip and knee problem and often use sticks/crutches).


My son is 9 years old.


What do you think of these rules? I have never shouted at my son nor would I ever. I don't believe it works. My husband seems to think that I should just leave his bedroom as it is and it anything breaks then it doesn't get replaced and its my sons fault and that's how he should learn. I think that's a stupid and expensive way to try and teach a lesson in looking after things.Divorced mothers advice needed please?
Your rules are find and appropriate for a 9 year old. You and your ex will never agree to each other's rules 100%. You will probably have to have two sets of rules - one at each house.Divorced mothers advice needed please?
I'd stick to # 5 and just roll with the rest of it. Kids are kids. No way around it.
I understand why you have the rules but you sound very inflexible, as if your house is run with military precision. Does it matter how long it takes him to eat? Would you eat something that you didn't like? If he's cheeky (and kid's often are) then just tell him not to be cheeky - you don't need to make a big deal out of every single thing he does or says. You sound fanatical about rules and regulations. Do you ever have fun?


Your husband is wrong though - there do have to be some boundaries set.
I wish I'd been as firm as you are, when my kids were 9 years old! Perhaps they'd be able to keep their room tidy now that they're teens. If it works for you, it's good.


What might cause trouble though, is the tension between you and your ex. Your son might play one against the other. And tha't not good.


It's a pity you're both not singing from the same hymn sheet.
These are the same rules I have at my house for my 6 yr old. They are very reasonable.





You are the mom and you have the right to raise your son as you feel appropriate, but you must realize that dad has that same right.





Part of being divorced is accepting that you and your ex may not agree on child rearing the same way, and you need to encourage your son to follow your rules and his rules, and he should be doing the same. Otherwise, it causes confusion for the child, once again something I am encountering.





You keep doing what you feel is best for your son, as his mom you know how you want him raised, but part of that is accepting that he has to live with dad part time and try to make it as easy of a transition for him as you can.





Best of Luck to both of you


Jenn
your ex is a total control freak, It your house and you set the rule and it is nothing to do with him


Tell him straight your no willing to talk about what goes on in your home and if he being over strict watch out for abuse there can be a thin line


I rather my kids happy and a little mess than children afraid of making any mistakes and feeling they are failures


This is way to much pressure for a 9yr old


tell your ex your your own person and you will parent as you see fit end of the story only talk to him about school and health issue and thing like that
To be blunt i think the whole rules thing is a silly (yet probably effective) way of dealing with it. I mean, a house with rules, and whats that about 1 hour meal? Honestly who cares how long it takes..





It seems to me your being a bit too ';concerned and controlling';. It really sounds to me like your trying to raise a clever puppy, not a child. I agree with your husband. Scrap ';rules'; and just do things as normally as possible without them.





If you have house rules its as good as a guarantee that your child will be the type that always goes to other kids houses ;) and never yours.





The ';witch'; on the block. Tee hee.
who has custody of your son? It sounds like YOU do, and as long as your rules aren't abusive in any way, your EX husband has no right to tell you how to raise your son in YOUR household. I personally think your rules are fine for a 9 year old. You're giving him structure and teaching him how to be responsible which is a problem for many parents. They do everything for their child and when the child reaches a decent age (say 17 or 18) and the child is still lazy, the parent wonders why????





Keep doing what you do and if your ex wants to have different rules for his home, let time be the bearer of who will regret their methods of child rearing:)
Your rules are almost the same as mine. I think I'm a bit more harsh, ex military and all.


If you are divorced your ex has only the amount of authority in your home that you GIVE him.


Tell him to shove off. When he pays your bills, he can make your rules.


I went thru that with my ex, and believe me, they will take a mile!