ps my friend told me just to let my mom hold him bc what my sons father wont know wont hurt him but i would feel guilty.Need advice on Delivery-room situation going through a divorce?
What matters is your happiness and what would ease the stresses during this very special time in your life. I would say let mama hold your son; he'll get his chance. You shouldn't feel obligated to a many who has no respect for you. He'll get his chance to hold his son no matter what. Make him fifth for all I care, just don't stress over this.Need advice on Delivery-room situation going through a divorce?
Your Mother should take presidence over an x-husband.
If he actually makes the effort to be there (labor can take hours from the time you go in, for all you know he wont wait around, or will be waiting for a phone call from you for him to come to the hospital) let him hold his child. Regardless of what happened with you two, he is still that baby's father. If he's not there, don't wait for him to get there to let him ';hold him second';. If your mom is there and wants to hold her grandson... no big deal. Why is this such a big issue?
Listen to your heart not your mind. think who deserves to hold the baby. you are the best person to decide about you baby.
Regardless of how you feel about your ex this is his child and not your mothers.
I was hoping this question was a joke. You would ';feel guilty';????! This whole situation is so incredibly immature. Who holds the baby in what order is laughable. If you all are arguing over something so trivial I feel sorry for the life that baby is going to have. If your mother will be in the delivery room clearly she will hold the baby second. Your ridiculous guilt does not matter. Then you should let your cheating, low life ex come and see the baby when it is comfortable for you.
I think you should tell your mum the situation and that you would feel happier if youe ex was to hold him 2nd, he is the father!
Im sure your mum will appreciate you feeling alot less stressed about it by letting him have his wish!
Goodluck
Quit worrying about your mother %26amp; your ex; you and your baby are what is important right now. If you don't want your husband in the delivery room you need to inform someone in patient relations that you don't want him there but he's insisting and there could be a 'situation' occurring when you go in to have the baby. That way they can give the heads up to security if he makes a stink. Do it NOW before you go into labor. And tell them again when you arrive at the hospital also.'
It doesn't matter if it's his kid; if you don't want him there it is illegal for him to be hanging around.
And if your mother is going to get p*ssed off just because she's 3rd to hold your baby she should be ashamed of herself. You have bigger things to worry about other than her feelings. boo hoo; what does it matter anyway who holds him when?
don't feel bad or guilty!!
your mom deserves the honor. your husband obviously is a selfish man - so i wouldn't feel guilty at all :)
and besides, your mom has stepped up - so said so yourself. she deserves the honors :)
This is your child and this is your ex-husband's child. I understand the conflicting emotions about how your mom has been there to pull you through this awful situation.
Labor and delivery are very personal experiences. I agree with you - if you don't want someone in the room during that time, don't let them in. When my first child was born, I was so scared of the unknown, I didn't have the forethought to set limits on who would be with me and I ended up with people in the room (my family) that I didn't necessarily want in there. Lesson learned.
That said, here's a piece of advice - you and your ex are bound by this child and will have to find a way to co-parent for at least the next 18 years. You'll find there will be many, many situations like this where you will have to find a happy medium. Just because your ex impregnated you doesn't make him a father (you know that saying, ';Anybody can be a daddy...';). Do you think your ex is going to be an active participant in his child's life and genuinely will appreciate being the 2nd person to hold his baby? Is he a good father to your other child? Or do you believe this is just a way for your ex to feel important or be territorial? Though it may be difficult for your mom, if your child's father wants to be an active, positive part of his child's life, this is an opportunity to bond with the infant. After all, though this is your mother's grandchild, this baby is your child and your ex's child.
I won't lie - this isn't going to be easy. This choice is the first of many that will more than likely put you in the middle and whatever you decide, someone is going to be disappointed. But your divorce isn't your fault and it's easier said than done, but try not to feel guilty no matter what you choose. Regardless of who holds the baby before who, what's important is the subsequent participation and bonding the child will have with both his/her father and grandparents.
When it comes down to it - does it REALLY matter who ';goes first'; after you've held the baby? My last child was an emergency C-section and my ex was the first to hold him because of me being immoimmobileI don't begrudge him that nor do I feel as if I missed out on something. I love that little boy more than anything, regardless of the order in which he was placed in my arms.
I hope this helps! Good luck!
does it matter? i think as long as he sees his baby then it shouldn't matter who holds him first.
let your mom hold your son first she is the one that has been there for you not him he may be the father but part of begin a a father is begin there for the mom and you don';t even have to tell him or you could no matter he did this to himself!
The father obviously wants to be involved, and his issue with being the second to hold his own son is just a mans way of claiming whats his. My ex and I were in the same situation..kinda...but I let him be in the room for the birth (heck it was our second child, nothing he ain't seen before). He asked to cut the cord, hold the baby AND change the first diaper...I will never be sorry I let him. He has proven time and time again, that while he and I are over, his relationship with our kids is his priority, tell your family that your son is so important to u that you can't rob your son of that first bonding moment with his father. Get it over with ASAP so its not weighing on you. Good luck
huh
Look, your husband, your ex, or at least I hope he is, and you made your son. He deserves to see his son. Don't let him be the 3rd to see his son, but do tell him that the relationship between you and him is over, not necessarily the relationship between your son and him. Your son will need his father in his life, but you must tell the courts that if your husband lets his new girl toy hang around your son that they must refrain from confusing him with any sexual activity and to hold off until your son comes back to stay with you after the weekend is over or whatever. Do let your husband hold his son after you get to hold him. That bond could be important for your son, seeing as they are both men, and you don't want your son wondering what happened to his father the day he was born.
The bond between you and your husband is different than the bond between a father and his natural son. You may not like him, but your son may want to see him. Don't confuse the two relationships.
I must have missed something along the way. What difference does it make to anyone what number person you are in line for holding the baby? The baby doesnt know or care about that . There is no prize, no one cares if you brag '; Hey I held my son first or second';. With all the other things you could be concerned about this has you stressed? He cheated on you, its enough that he's allowed at the hospital, can't say that he'd be allowed in my room, I'd let him look through the window like the rest of the vistors. You should be focused on having a problem free delivery, and a healthy baby, not who in what order should hold your child, that seems so petty.
Does it really matter who holds the baby first? If you think about it the doctor holds the baby first, then sometimes the nurses, then the baby is handed to you. The only thing that matters is that the father seems to want to be in his babies life.
Your mother didn't help to make that baby. The father should be there if he wants to be and can show support. Regardless of what you two are going through, his relationship with his child(ren) is separate and apart from the relationship he has with you even if you weren't going through a divorce. Just tell your mother that the child's father, whether he's your current husband or your ex, should have the opportunity to be there to see his child being born. If YOU can have him in there and still be able to focus on the birth, then it should be you and him. He should have enough respect for the fact that you're giving birth to his child, to find it in himself to emotionally support you. No one else- including the younger woman he left you for- matters here.
huh
He's forfeited any right to be in the delivery room. Make sure the hospital knows of your wishes and they will make security arrangements. The guy abandoned you while you were pregnant. he doesn't deserve ANY consideration. Meanwhile, your mom is a saint. Let her be the first to hold the baby. She's earned it while he has not. I'm sorry you ended up with such a bottom dwelling pig. I'd go for sole custody of both kids. Your ';soon-to-be'; ex can't be trusted.
Tell your soon to be ex-husband, ';Oh, I'm sorry. You lost the right to make special request from me when you left me for another woman.';
PS. Don't feel guilty about it either.
you have to approve him being in LD, it's your decision. personally, as someone going through a divorce with a baby, and hind sight being 20/20, i wouldn't allow him in the room. this isn't a bitter response, it's a comfort response. do you want to look back on that moment and have any animosity surrounding it? if however you think he can be in there and you are comfortable than go for it, your mother will have to get used to the idea that dad come's before her, regardless of divorce and past behaviors. good luck!
You CAN exclude your soon to be ';ex'; from the delivery room %26amp; your private room. A ';patient'; (married or not) has the legal right to make that choice and demand the hospital to adhere to her decision. If you want your mother present in the delivery room, more power to you. If she happens to be the 2nd person to hold your child than tough luck on HIS part. If it was that important to him he would have stayed a loving husband.
It's a shame the divorce WASN'T finalized (though some States won't grant a divorce during a pregnancy) because than you could exclude him until AFTER the paternity test (wouldn't let him be present to sign the birth certificate).
Tell him if he wants to be there, to have a child support check made out and signed and ready to give to you.
I'm with your friend. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Tell your AS S of a husband that YOU wanted a FAITHFUL HUSBAND and a GOOD MARRIAGE too and you didn't get that, so he should have thought about holding his kid BEFORE he had an affair and that he'll get to hold him when he gets to hold him! WHAT is WRONG with YOU? You SHOULD feel guilty for trying to give him ANYTHING HE WANTS!!!!! Get your HEAD IN ORDER GIRL!!!
Too bad. That's his baby too and daddy should be the second to hold his baby.
even though he is the father of your child, he is an EX for a reason...he ditched you, but your mom will always be your mom...
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