I just recently got sole custody of my highstrung 3 yr old son .. help! I would appreciate any and all advice on how i can explain to my son that mom and dad will never be back together. How do I handle his mood swings when he goes to a supervised visit with his father. Im scared that he will blame me or worse himself when he gets older that his dad isnt around. What should i doRecently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
He's too young to really understand what's happening. The best thing you can do is be supportive and nurturing. When he is a bit older he will have to understand that there are different rules at mom's house than at dad's. Dad will probably badmouth you and deliberately try to undermine you (depending on how 'supervised' the visits are). There is no getting around that or probably reasoning with dad. When he is older you can explain to him (with the help of a therapist) that it he was not to blame for any of what happened . . . and neither are you! For now don't try to explain as he won't understand. Just try to be as involved as possible in activities, with family, and reassure him that everything is, and will be, okay.
Good luck to you.Recently single mom seeking advice from other seperated or divorced mothers?
well hie so little he can't even begin to understand what is going on. All he sees is that dad is not around. Just show him that you love him, but don't spoil with things. As he gets older he will ask and then understand. Be ready for his acting out but it will pass. Why not go to counseling for you to help u cope?
Wow my daughter is now 15 but reading what you just said totally brought me back to when she was 3 and doing the same thing as your son. I went through the same thing you did and trust me as long as you love your son and be there for him and stay positive you and your son will get through this. Its a fase and my daughter acted out too. Kids do that because they have a harder time expressing them self through words and they do it through acting out. Hang in there one day your son will be 15 and he will know right from wrong and good from bad. My daughter doesn't have a great relationship with her dad and that's because that was his choice. However my daughter and I have a great relationship and she is doing really well in life too! Life is not perfect and when kids go through things that test them it only makes them stronger. As far as the mod swings there isnt much you can do about that, they have to just make the transition and the best way you can help is to just let them be... For that one night when my daughter came back from her dads I would just let her be, you dont want to have a tug a war. Your on there side, just put your self in your sons shoes. If you were him what would you like, some like to be left alone some like to be held.. My daughter wanted to be left alone and I would just do what ever it took to make her transition smooth.. Hope that make sense, I know its a strugle but you guys will get through this. And you will be on to the next strugle in your life.. All the best to you...
The best thing u can do is talk to him and constantly keep reassuring him that you and his father love him very much.. let him know he can call his daddy anytime he wants, and that his daddy will always be there for him etc.. with children especially at that age, they need security.. he wont blame himself as long as you keep the communication with him up.. My daughter use to ask me if i still loved daddy.. and i would always tell her yes, because he gave me a beautiful gift, her.. they need to know that they are loved, and that every aspect of their life is accepted , including their father.. NEVER talk badly about his daddy in front of him, always promote a relationship with his dad, talk to your ex husband about makeing sure this relationship is as civil as possible, and to keep personal feelings about each other out of it when it comes to him..he should NEVER be a tool to use against the other, or put in the middle of things.. the way u and ur x deal with each other will have a HUGE impact on how ur son feels and in him feeling secure or insecure.. Let him know its ok to love his daddy, let him know that its ok to have to houses.. etc.. the more u promote him being a part of his dads life and his dad being a part of his life, the easier it will be for him.. what u need, what u feel, what u want, is secondary to your childs needs, feelings, and wants.. and u have to put urs aside, to give your son what he needs..
My daughter is now 7, and me and her father have remarried others.. and i have zero problem with her calling her step mom, mommy april.. and she calls my husband daddy joe, and i must say she handles the divorce amazingly, but i think its because we promote a relationship with each other, she can call her daddy any time she wants, her grandparents (his parents) her uncles etc, anytime she wants, and we dont bash each other in front of her, and we try to be as civil as possible for her benefit.. she is our main priority, and her emotional well being is a biggest concern, and it shows. Does she miss her daddy, of course she does.. but the more routine her life becomes the easier it is on her...I have a picture of her dad, step mom, and sister up in her room.. i have a photo album of nothing put her family, that she keeps...and shes an extremely well rounded child.. and so far has very little side affects from the divorce..
So its up to the two of u on how well your son handles things.. if u both cant get it together for the sake of ur child, then he will probably have problems dealing with it, feeling insecure, feelings of abandonment, anger, distrust, and this could carry on for years if not the rest of his life.. so its extremely important that u and your x handle this well for him..
why on earth would he blame you for his dad? children blame bad parenting, bad decisions. what did you like or dislike about your parents' parenting skills? what would you change or keep. there are plenty of books out there on parenting especially for the real little ones. whoever spends the most time with your child will be the most influential in his life. talk to your child often...always have an answer that is understandable to his age level and make good eye contact when he's speaking to you. take your time to answer. answer practically not too emotionally about his father. concentrate your efforts on raising a healthy, bright and spiritual child. keep them active and read a lot. give him lots of building projects and puzzles and good music you can both sing to and enjoy. when your child returns from visits with his father...give him some juice and a treat and sit and read with him....to bond again. peace
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