We have been married for a little over 3 years, been together for almost 8. We have a 5 year old, and I am 7 months pregnant. He has had full custody of his kids for 8 years. (ages 12 %26amp; 14) His daughter is ruining our marriage! She was sexually abused at her mother's house, so mom doesn't see her, and has supervised visits w/the boy. Her behavior has been uncontrollable for the last 5 years to the point I'm going crazy. She's been suicidal, homicidal, institutionalized, medicated, and uses the abuse to manipulate people, and get sympathy only when she's in trouble. She refuses to deal with the situation, and is constantly creating problems at home and school. She won't do what she's asked, is failing school, her teachers can't stand her, mouthy, disrespectful, rude, and my hubby and I fight about what she does to me constantly.Always stressed. I've given my husband the ';or else';, because I can't have my children living in this enviornment. There's much more but I'm out of roomConsidering divorce-Need some advice from other step parents--please....?
OK%26lt; this is realy bad. Butdon't make your husband choose between you and his children, you can't win.
Like it or not, you guys are now a family. If he won't get her into therapy, you go. Tell the doctor what is going on.
If the doctor thinks you guys need to seperate, then let the doctor be the one to wake your husband up.
The last thing he wants is to lose you.Especially with you guys having a baby together. He just doen't know what to do.
You guys are in over your head here, you need to get a doctor involved.
I really hope you can find a way to save this, don't give up yet.
JoeConsidering divorce-Need some advice from other step parents--please....?
She is having really tough problems now.
What would you do if you were her in this situation?
Why don't you just tell her your there for her whenever she needs you,no matter what it is.
Maybe call the school concouler?
Honestly, unless you've been sexually abused like that......you cannot be sure that the things she does is for attantion and sympathy. Take a walk in her shoes. No, she shouldn't make your life miserable, but remember her age and situation.
That's really mean to make a guy choose between his kids and his current wife. If you put him in that position, I can assure you....he will probably pick the kids over you. As a parent, he has the responsibility to do what needs to be done for them.
Right now, talk to your hubby about getting her help. If that continues not to work, talk to a counselor yourself or perhaps someone at your school. They might have ways to help her get the help she needs.
If you do end up putting him in that situation, I hope you are ready to be a single parent as well.
Oh, and if she pulls the ';I'll call social services'; crap. Go get the phone and say ';I'll call them myself.'; (Who knows, this might make her stop saying it all together.) Social services would look at a situation like that and know that she was just playing mind games. What's the worst that can happen? If anything, someone professional will see the what's really going on.
I was in a similar situation 9 years ago. I loved my husband dearly but I hated his 2 evil daughters. He constantly spoiled them and took their side. He had visitation every other weekend, but their mother let us have them every weekend because she couldn't handle them either.
I gave them 110 percent of my time and money, but they were taught to hate me by their mother, who was very jealous.
We were together 4 years before we got married. After the marriage, I realized I was very unhappy with my life being centered around the girls, ages 7 and 5. They set me on fire the first day we met by throwing lit matches on me. My clothes caught fire and my husband did nothing. They were definitely the step-children from hell.
One weekend we were watching a children's movie for the 4th time that day. I wasn't allowed to discipline them or change the movie. That was it. I just knew I could find happiness if I could get away from the kids. So I decided right then to divorce my husband.
I felt like I had a new lease on life. No more evil brats to contend with. No more disrespect, hatred, complaining or wanting everything they saw on TV. They were never satisfied.
It's been 9 years and I still miss my ex-husband, but I've found happiness with my boyfriend of 8 years and I am so thankful that I had the courage to make that difficult decision.
Sounds like you are very unhappy like I was. You can change that and get on with a normal life if you get a divorce. That's been my experience. Best of luck to you.
I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a serious conversation about it, you did know he had kids, and should have thought things could happen...
She has also been abused, maybe the use of a mental health doctor, for regular visits, maybe home school, away from other children, there are many possibilities, but if you leave, she will have lost yet another mother or mother figure in her life, and who knows what she could do.... Also teens are VERY much like this alot, and to add what she has been thru. not good....
I would talk it out, and try to come up with a solution TOGETHER...
Just you and him, in a serious talk... Good luck, and i hope this helps... Please remember what she has been thru, and she is a teenager, i have worked with delinquent children, with these types of problems, and it can and will be VERY difficult, but they WILL grow out of it, patience is a virtue with these children.
WOW thats alot for you to deal with! I think that you guys need some proffesional help to get this sorted out. this is serious and you will probably end in divorce if you dont start communicated and become a team on these issues. Find a family and marraige counselor who can sit with you both and be a middle man to get your feelings and needs figured out clearly.
Something needs to be done with her now, then later. I'm a step mom. I have some troubles with it. But anyways. Something needs to done. With the way she was treated. She needs to be institutionalized again or something. Her mind is not in the right place. She needs help, thats all I can say. I'm soooo sorry for everything thats going on. I hope everything can be worked out. Best of luck.... My heart go's out to you and your children.
ok youre a real jerk. why would you want to send her back there when she was sexually assulated???? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SENDING HER BACK THERE! i hate step parents like yourself. my step father was a real prick just like you. still is....
leave the girl alone. not everything is about you! get the hell over yourself woman. shes just 12 years old. give the kid a break.
EDIT;' WELL SEND HER TO A PSYCH. DOC THEN. MAYBE SHE DOES NEED HELP. BUT THE WAY YOURE HANDLING IT ITS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER
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