I am re-thinking my divorce. I need advice. Can anyone help?

I need some good advice. My husband and I seperated almost 2 years ago. Basically, here is our story in a nutshell, met when I was 15, had our first baby at 17, married at 21, second baby at 22. For the first two years of our marriage, I was the only one putting any effort fourth, while he was out running around drinking and hanging with his friends. I let him do it because I wanted him to be happy and not argue. Well, it bothered me and to risk fighting, I bottled it up. He also began to have a drinking problem and one night I just got so fed up, I took the girls and left! We have tried to resolve our issues a few tmes, no luck! We then a year ago in August gave it one last whirl after I filed for divorce, it went great for 6 months and then I don't know what happend. I snapped! And I left AGAIN!


Something inside me got selfish and resentful, and I was like o now he wants to work on it, where was he a year ago? Out drinking and having fun while I stayed home with our children and was lonely! I moved out in Feb and I refiled for divorce. He was severly depressed and I was happy. For a little while....


I don't want to lose my marriage. I thought I would be better off without him and I don't think that is the case. And now my support of my family isn't very good because while we were seperated he did and said somethings that weren't very good, they don't like him much anymore. My fault, I shouldn't have told them everything! I love him and I just don't want lose our marriage. Can we make it work? What do we have to do? What do I have to do? I don't want to hurt him or my girls again? I don't want to leave again!





Please help!





Has anyone been through this before?? If so, please explainI am re-thinking my divorce. I need advice. Can anyone help?
You are asking the wrong people these questions. You need to sit down and have this discussion with your husband. If you both want to work it out, then go for it.I am re-thinking my divorce. I need advice. Can anyone help?
Sounds like this isn't a healthy environment to raise children in. You need to put your children in top priority and quit damaging them!
this is why kids should not be having kids..you're way to immature.





Until you both grow up...you have no chance of a marriage
you want to make it work but does he want to make it work?





if he isn't willing to do the hard work needed to get cleaned up and get back on track then you're wasting your time w/ him.





you probably won't be able to heal your marriage w/o counseling and rehab. If neither of you is willing to do what it takes to put things back on track then don't waste your time. (I also recommend Al-anon for you and Al-ateen for the kids once they are at least 12. having an alcoholic father will really do a number on them and having a place to turn to that can explain alcoholism to them and what to expect will go a long way to helping them cope and very possibly keeping them off booze or at least using it responsibly)





FWIW: if your marriage does ultimately fail, there will be a part of you that will always love him because you remember the good times and you have a long history together. but you need to keep your present reality in mind when considering what to do about your marriage. If it was just you, I'd say go back as often as you want. but it's not just you. you have kids who are depending on you to keep a stable home environment for them and if he's out drinking and partying constantly then he's not doing his job as a dad and he's not contributing to the home's stability.





It's not going to be an easy decision and I do understand that you love him deeply and don't want to let go before you have to. Join Al-anon. you'll learn how to cope and not contribute to his dysfunction and you'll get a better idea of when he means what he says and when it's time to give up and leave if you're stuggling w/ that.





BTW: 5 years of sobriety is considered cured for an alcoholic. If he has 4 years 11 months 3 weeks and 6 days and he falls off the wagon then the 5 year count down starts all over again from his first sober day after his fall.





my point is, there is no quick fix for this. it's going to be several years of hard work on you and him to put this back together and if you both can't commit to that then you're just wasting your time and delaying the inevitable.





Good Luck. I really do hope things work out like you want them to.
First of all yes you can work this out and it will be worth it for both of you and your children. But you can't expect to do it alone. You need to find some good counseling to help you guys work through the issues and put this all back together. It will take serious commitments on both of your parts to do this. It is worth it to do all you can to make it work.