Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?

My husband of 3 years (he is 36 and I am 30) is not happy and has left me. He told me 5 weeks ago of this decision when we were coming back from spain in the airport on way back and that he thinks we have nothing in common and have different values. We have been together for 7 years. It came as a complete shock to me as I was not aware that there was anything wrong and we never had any arguments or issues.





I have been in a very bad state after he told me, did not wat for a week so I have only managed to gather my thoughts now. When I though back I now feel the real is his fear of becoming a father. He has a bad childhood and an alcoholic father but has never shown any signs of depression or behaving depressed until the 4 weeks before he broke up with me. He said that he was so much like his dad in a very odd manner that was really out of character. Also with kids we used to always think kids are cute when we saw them together but in last month he is not interested in kids anymore. Although we had planned everything and our job and maternity leave for starting to have a baby now.





I tried to ask him to get counselling on his own and then with me but he does not want to. I am very worried about him as he has cut all our friends off and is just not taking to anyone and has moved to his own place.





I really feel that if we can get counselling things could have some change of working out. But the pain I have been through in last 5 weeks is so hard to come back from. He has not given me any time to understand why he is leaving me and I have only had 4 very short discussions with him and just really need closure. All our friends are in complete shock. He is always a very nice and lovely person and liked by everyone and people just though we were the best couple so they have been really suprised.





I am also now in UK with him my family in in Australia and I feel very stuck and in limbo. Surely my husband is old enough (36 years) to know what he is doing. In the 5 weeks he left me he after 3 weeks said he felt guilty and we can try and sort things out, then he flipped back 2 days afterwards.





I am 30, do I try and wait for him and do counselling to help whatever he has which appears to be fear of having kids or some sort of phobia? or do I just get a divorce? He has not mentioned the word divorce, he does not appear to be in full control and does not appear to fully understand the full consequences of what he has done as he was still expecting me to go to my 30th party a week after he broke up with me and be in a state to celebrate. Also he was still planning to buy a new place with me a day before he dumped me.





I am just so sad.Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know it sucks, and it hurts. However, you have to look into the future. You want children, and you deserve children. It doesn't seem that he wants children at all. Is this really the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know you love him, but you both seem to want different things out of life. I think you should just end it now, and go back to Australia. Find someone who shares the same wants and needs as you do. You can't help him, if he wont help himself first. Tell him you are leaving, that you are going to file for divorce, because you don't want to live the rest of your life this way. And you shouldn't have to. Once you tell him you are doing this, and going back home, maybe he will open his eyes and see what he is doing to your relationship. If he doesn't try to get you to change your mind, then just go on with your life without him. Hopefully it will be a wake up call for him, and he will try to seek help. Good luck in whatever you do. Urgent advice required. Going through seperation/divorce, should I just give up or is there any hope?
It sounds like he is depressed perhaps and there may be a physical reason for that if he goes back and forth. Try to get him to get a physical examination to check for a bi-polar condition and perhaps something sugar related - hypoglycemia, for example. start going to counseling yourself and perhaps he may agree to go but if not, that may at least help you deal with this.
If he's told you that he isn't happy and wants to end the relationship, just let it go. You can't ';make'; someone want to try if they have already given up. Sorry he isn't able to give you the closure on why he feels this is the case, but you will eventually be able to accept this and move on. Good luck
Listen i am going thru a divorce right now, let him have some room to breathe a bit, as long as he is loyal and loves he will return. But by no means wait for ever, your young you can find someone who will threat you with respect and love, just one thing most men have a hard time showing emotion, and if he does return just be more open eyed to what he does for you it may not be much in a woman's eyes but for a man to even make the smallest gesture of love and caring to someone they love, takes alot for some. Some men can move mountains and be your rock and your defender, but sometimes we have a hard time letting woman into our hearts, and for some there mother will be the only woman they truely love. but be patient but also expect reality
Sounds like maybe something else is going on with him, I would tell him one more time that you are willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage if he wants to work it out, but that you need a straight honest answer and if not your going back to Australia to continue your life.
oh god you are telling me about my life and 5years later i am divorced i miss him still or who he used to be. i have our girls my ex and i do not have a friendship because no valid reason was given to me and i have been angry for years he would say my attitude then he changes i hurt his feelings with my words then nagging every little **** not the real reason that hurt me to this day i turned to jesus to get some peace which i have now and my life is different i trust no man at this time and my sole comfort is in the lord who sustains me in every way.
My heart goes out to you...





There are some things about your situation that just don't add up. I don't mean this as an insult, but women are rarely caught off-guard when it comes to relationships. Women are more intuitive than men are and they can usually tell when something is amiss before things get this far.





Your husband's actions are so sudden and so drastic that they make me suspicious. Men just don't up and leave suddenly. This isn't midlife crisis, this is something else ~





~ I think he may be having an affair. The fact that you never suspected anything makes me think that this has been a long and ongoing thing for him. There's no way for you to detect a change in behavior when its been the same all along.





If this is what's happening, then I'm afraid there's not much you can do except get a good lawyer.






obvious issues with commitment. He apparently dose not want to be ';tied down';, leave him alone for a few weeks and get a life. Decide what you want to do with your life and start the process rolling. IF ';he is so mature'; he will snap out of it if not you will be ready, hang in there and be strong.
Give him time and the space he needs. I'm unsure if you're currently pregnant, if so take care of you and your baby. Don't mention divorce to him if this is not what you truly want (and it doesn't sound like it). In time things will work itself out. He's probably overwhelmed with the responsibility of marriage and pending fatherhood (if this is indeed the case).
OOOOOOOOOOOh my god i am really worried u how ever try to to talk to him talking only can solve the problem ...