My mom is definitely unhappy with her life. She threatens to commit suicide. She says one day she will runaway just to escape this prison of her life. She says she tries to escape by staying out late at night (she doesnt do alcohol or drugs but threatens to) and shes ';dating'; with other guys.
My dad was diagnosed with depression. And both of my parents can be verbally abusive not physical, but calling degrading names to each other and to me and my siblings. He stays out late too, but for his temporary job.
My brothers are slipping in school. I have observed the emotional and psychological toll it has on. Their frustrated and angry. And when I try to talk to my parents about these family problems, one of my siblings has outbursts of anger and crying.
But as for me, Im not in denial of the divorce. And I feel that this is what our family needs to be happy. I accept all of this, but I want to make the divorce smooth as possible and help everyone. I try to tell my parents the error of thier mistakes especially my mom. She is the most ';crazy'; of both of them. Also, Ive talked to both of them about how this is affecting my family and my siblings, but they change the subject and are in denial, say Im trying to be a smart alec, am talking back, I d/k wat Im talking about, and that there is nothing to be helped.
But I believe something can be done. And I am waiting for them to make a decision to get divorced. But itll be rocky. Both are currently unstable in unemployment, near close to be bankrupt for finances but we have emergency fund, brothers are emotionally and pschologically hurt, and I seem to be the only STABLE one in this household.
I NEED advice on what to do now?
-how to help my brothers with their grief and slacking in school in additon to the loss of love they feel
-help my parents with the depression they are experiencing and to make them see the reality and the effect they are having on us
-basically a way to be a stonghold and shelter for my brothers, while keeping everyone afloat.
Ive considered having my siblings both under 10 to live with me as I approach college next year. I know that this would be difficult and hard to manage. But for them I will have strength. I just dont think my parents could be stable and take care of them.
Advice needed ASAP. THANK YOU.Adults/teens: Ever experienced the drama from parents planning to have a divorce? I need advice!!?
I've had to go through my family's divorce when I was 13. I'm the eldest, as you are, and it's always us who feels responsible to take care of our younger, somewhat weaker, siblings in times like these. I can't explain how deeply happy and glad I am that you've managed to not get carried away by this yourself, and I'm certain you'll be the rock of not only your siblings, but your parents as well. Let me tell you right away that there are indeed times when you will feel overwhelmed at the situation of your family and how much in the middle of this you are, but don't give up.
Considering your brothers are 10, it's no surprise that they're feeling the way they are: grief, not doing as well as they otherwise could in school, feeling a loss and lack of love, and being emotionally and psychoologically affected by all this. Trust me, I feel you when you say you want to help them. To start off, you can tell each of them separately that you're there for them no matter what, that they can count on you, and that if they ever need absolutely anything they should immediately run to you. I'm assuming that you're in your 2nd semester of grade 12, on your way to college next year. This is all happening at quite the tough time. If you REALLY and TRULY KNOW that you can handle bringing them to college with you next year, then do it. I'm going to be honest and admit that to me, it seems overwhelming and I personally don't think I would be able to handle going through my very first year of college education while having full responsibility of my two younger siblings. Making sure they're getting absolutely everything they need (school, food, social life, family life, housing, clothing, money etc etc) all while attending my first year of college seems really really hard to me. BUT if you KNOW you'll be able to go through it, then go ahead.
You can only help your parents by convincing them to either seek marriage counselling, seek medical help for I think both your parents, and emotionally support them with what each of them are going through. Making them see the reality of what you guys (children) are going through will only come once you show them how your brothers aren't doing well emotionally and psychologically and how it's so much so that it's taking a toll on their own future (school). You, I'm sure, are torn between two extremes and you're stuck in the middle of all this wondering how you can fix it all. And I admire you for remaining stable and having your feet firmly on the ground. =) To start though, encourage them to seek counselling of all sorts (medica and marriage), and if this doesn't work, then encourage them to go through with the divorce.
I truly wish you the utmost strength and determination throughout all of this, and I'm sure you can get through. =) You're not the only one to have been through this... I, for one, have been through a ver similar situation and I've overcome it and I've taken care of my siblings throughout all of it. So you can do it. Many people have.... So yeah, I hope I've given at least a little of the advice you were looking to get. Best wishes and stay strong.Adults/teens: Ever experienced the drama from parents planning to have a divorce? I need advice!!?
=) I'm glad I could help you out!! Good luck and although it seems like things aren't working out at all right now, the sun will shine again someday!
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oh yes
Get them to watch the movie FIREPROOF. It is AMAZINNNNNNG. It is basically about a couple on the verge of divorce and how they were able to make things work. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make them watch this.
As for everyone else, take my advice and dig deep into the Bible. Life is so hard to live in our own strength. The Christian life doesn't necessarily get rid of your problems, but it helps you get through them.
If your parents do end up pulling through with the divorce, just remember
';For I know the plans I have for you,'; declares the LORD, ';plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'; Jeremiah 29:11
It's not up to you to fix your parents, this is a decision that they are going to have to make, but thank the Lord we can cast all our cares and worries upon Him.
I'm 20 and years ago my parents were on the brink of divorce, but what got them through was God.
Really I think the only think you can do is inspire your brothers, take them out to have fun or whatever else to break from the family. Explain to them that divorce is clearly necessary, even if they get emotional they need to hear it. Tell them you'll always be there for them and give them some place outside of the house to express themselves. It may be hard at first but you really should consider it.
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