Well if you want to sell your house yourself that is up to you. Here are a few things you might want to consider in selling your home yourself.
Selling your home yourself is not all that difficult. It does not take a genius, however you, must contact several people that will help you in this important asset
To solve the fliers situation go to Staples or Office Depot and for approximately $5.00 or so you may buy a container to hold the fliers. Now make sure that you place this some place on your property that can readily be seen. The fliers should have a front picture of you home as well as a few inside shots mainly the kitchen and living rooms. You want to use words like large kitchen,(Only if it is true) Huge master bedroom.
Now one of the first things you might want to do is find someone that might or is willing to assist you with the sale of your home. Look in your telephone book for a mortgage broker, call him, tell him you are selling your home and need someone to assist you in qualifying potential buyers as well as assist with any open houses. Keep calling until one of the mortgage brokers will commit to assisting you.
Now that you've got this mortgage broker aboard he will take care of most of those so called disclosures that might be required in your state. (Not so scary any more is it)
Now if one of those real estate agents drop by and ask if you are willing to pay them a commission if they bring you a buyer, tell them you are not and they should get their commission from the person that hired them. The reason being is that you are attempting to get the maximum amount of the proceeds from the sale of your home into your pockets and not those of a real estate salesperson. Be polite but firm.
Now you also need to make sure that your home get the maximum exposure possible. So place as many fliers in the community as possible especially in the commercial places around your area. Ask the owners of liquor stores, cleaners and other places if you can place a single flier in their business, especially the business you frequent in your neighborhood. Ask your boss if you can place one in the work place.
There are also many web sites that will allow you to place free ads of your home for sale, so find them and place your home in as many of them as possible.
Now about those nice real estate agents, you will need to contact at least three of them. Tell them you are thinking of selling your home and you are in the process of selecting a method of doing this and you want to see what they can do to assist you in the sale of your home. Be truthful. Tell them you are considering selling it yourself, getting a cut rate broker or getting a full time real estate agent.
By doing this you will be able to get one or two to give you some idea about what to sell your property for. They will give you an estimate or what is called a CMA. They will leave that with you, interview 3 agents.
After you have looked at what they have offered, don't leave them hanging, call them back and tell them you have decided to sell the property yourself. Thank them for their assistance.
Now you want to get the house in shape to sell, get a professional Gardner to landscape the outside at least once.
Look inside the house see if there are anything needing repair that you know of, get these things done now. Check the carpet, either get it steam cleaned, get new carpet or give the buyer a few hundred dollars to change the carpet. Be especially mindful of the kitchen and bathroom.
Now once you get a possible buyer that is not pre-approved to purchase the house make sure the mortgage broker is called so he can take care of that for you. If you find one that is pre-approved he/she already have a mortgage broker that will assist in the closing of the transaction by opening an escrow closing agent, getting a title company. The mortgage broker will also be able to assist you in preparing a sales contract.
I hope this has been of some use to you, good luck.
';FIGHT ON';Getting divorced, selling SF home NJ %26amp; 2nd home FL. Would like to FSBO. Any %26amp; all advice welcomed.?
I'm biased, I've been helping buyers and sellers of real estate as a licensee since the 70's and know the nightmares of buying and selling real estate without the proper representation. I will ask you two questions and give you an analogy as to why you should get proper representation.
Did you represent your self in the divorce? If not, did you feel you could have done better than your legal councel?
Analogy time: If you like a nice warm bathtub full of water to get into after work don't let the fact that it's water your getting into lure you into jumping off a cruise ship in to the water out in the middle of the ocean if you don't know how to swim.
I wish you the best. If you want to know what you need to know about real estate and what you want to embark in, go to this link http://www.realestateformnm.com/Research鈥?/a> and those do not include each state's information.
Buena SuerteGetting divorced, selling SF home NJ %26amp; 2nd home FL. Would like to FSBO. Any %26amp; all advice welcomed.?
I can tell you that you will spend more time than it is worth trying to do it FSBO. With the right professional, you will avoid being sued down the road for violating local ordinances, or not disclosing something that should be disclosed. Also, are you prepared to hold open houses at your homes, do all of the follow up with the prospective buyers, meet all of the applicable inspectors, arrange for any and all work to be done once the inspections are done and the reports come in? Not to mention all of the time and money you will spend trying to market the house...my advice is don't try to be a brain surgeon if you are not, and don't try to sell your most expensive asset if you are not a specialist in that field, either. For more info, go to www.TerraBruns.com.
Here is some advice. Get a Realtor, they can sell your house for more, they do this for a living, they understand the contracts, disclosure statements and forms required in a real estate transaction. They can price your home base on the comparables in the area. You may know how to price your home, but you may not have access to the comps in the area to price it correctly. Realtors are objective and they focus on how well the home suits a potential buyer.
Are you prepared to be available 8:00 a.m. - 7:00p.m., daily to show your home? Are you prepared to screen buyers, that is, separate the looky loos from the buyers?
Realtors also know how to negotiate and handle contingencies and counteroffers. Then there is home inspection, termite inspection, title insurance, escrow, final walk thru things that a agent will see to.
Even though you may go to court and defend yourself in a lawsuit or do your own taxes its probably not the smartest thing to do. Then in light of that, do you think it's a good idea to sell the largest single asset you have yourself?
Hire a Realtor, and he or she can recommend another Realtor to sell your home in the other cities. And remember, commission is negotiable keeping in mind that the buyers agent may not show your home if the commission is to low. 6% is the going rate. 3% per side.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What advice can you give for a man whose wife is divorcing him to hold on to as much assests as poss?
hi all my wife has left me in may and has being seeing another man since feb , it all in solicitors hands but wanted to protect myself best i can we have joint residency of the 2 children and at times can talk to each other. I have been thru phase of wanting her back but i cant trust her again and I guess I am just missin her real bad at min. I need tomaintain as much financial assets to enable me to buy a house in the same area so as kids dont find upheaval hard by loosing friends in the area by moving away.What advice can you give for a man whose wife is divorcing him to hold on to as much assests as poss?
Sorry but assets are split according to your state laws. If you hide assets so you get more you could face a nice little vacation to the pokey with bubba and his friends.
On the other hand..
You could plead with the court to let you have more of the liquid assets since you are moving and have joint custody. Since it is joint they may be receptive to your request and commitment to staying in your current community where the children are comfortable.nyx cosmetic
Sorry but assets are split according to your state laws. If you hide assets so you get more you could face a nice little vacation to the pokey with bubba and his friends.
On the other hand..
You could plead with the court to let you have more of the liquid assets since you are moving and have joint custody. Since it is joint they may be receptive to your request and commitment to staying in your current community where the children are comfortable.
My parents are divorcing, and I really need advice.. Please?
So my mom has been married three times. I know.. crazy right? Well.. to make a long story short, she is an alcoholic, and my step-dad can't take it anymore. She has tried rehab, but she still drinks.. He can't stand it, and they got in a huge fight yesterday that even got physical. My mom called the cops because he pushed her.
Now I'm really afraid.. if my mom and step dad break up, I don't know what is going to happen... My mom can't afford our house by herself. My step dad hasn't adopted us, so we won't get child support or anything. I'm thinking about the worst situations possible.. like us living on the streets.
I really need help. I don't know what to do. I want them to stay together. If they don't, things will be awful. What do I doMy parents are divorcing, and I really need advice.. Please?
When people are angry they say and do the most awful hurtful things when deep deep down inside they really dont mean it. In my opinion I think ur step dad just needs some space some time to cool off as we all do when we get heated.Your mom needs to get help tho otherwise your family will never have any sort of normalcy.When she's drinking take the bottle away dont keep alchohol in the house if there isnt any around she'll have to do without or make a dash out to the corner store which takes more of an effort think of the little things that u can do to prevent situations. I know ure just a kid but she wont hurt u if u agrivate her by distroying her in house stash of alchohol u are her child intervene as much as u can is my advice and make step dad feel like there's more than just 1 reason for him to stay u obviously love him too let him know that a little motivation goes a long wayMy parents are divorcing, and I really need advice.. Please?
sit down with your step dad and tell him your concerns (which are very valid) he will make sure you are ok.
Talk as soon as possible, with your step-dad.
look, don't think they are going to divorce just because of the fight. If they really love each other they will stay together. besides, they made a promess to each other and maybe this guy will acctually keep this promess, so don't jump into conclusions just yet.
I can understand that you are affraid of what might happen if they do split up. The thing is, if your step dad really loves you and cares for you, he will realise that he cannot put you all on the street together, since your mom cannot support and take care of you from the street. I'm sure he'll figure something out. Even if he does put you all on the street, there are organisations that look into situations like this and try to help. Don't think you are going to be alone on the street, because there are enough serveces to turn to, or who reach out to you.
I hope your mom and step dad can work it all out, but even if they don't, I'm sure you are pretty well taken care of.
well this may not help much, but if they find out your mom is drinking like she is, you'll most likely be put in a foster home (though if your step-dad would let you, you could probably live with him too.)
Go talk to your step-dad. Tell her that you are scared of what might happen.
Worse case scenario- go stay at a friend's house until this all boils over.
Sounds like your mom needs an intervention.
Why don't you talk to your stepdad? Or any other adult who may listen and help... like your grandparents? Sometimes people outside the family are blind to what's going on inside the family.
Now I'm really afraid.. if my mom and step dad break up, I don't know what is going to happen... My mom can't afford our house by herself. My step dad hasn't adopted us, so we won't get child support or anything. I'm thinking about the worst situations possible.. like us living on the streets.
I really need help. I don't know what to do. I want them to stay together. If they don't, things will be awful. What do I doMy parents are divorcing, and I really need advice.. Please?
When people are angry they say and do the most awful hurtful things when deep deep down inside they really dont mean it. In my opinion I think ur step dad just needs some space some time to cool off as we all do when we get heated.Your mom needs to get help tho otherwise your family will never have any sort of normalcy.When she's drinking take the bottle away dont keep alchohol in the house if there isnt any around she'll have to do without or make a dash out to the corner store which takes more of an effort think of the little things that u can do to prevent situations. I know ure just a kid but she wont hurt u if u agrivate her by distroying her in house stash of alchohol u are her child intervene as much as u can is my advice and make step dad feel like there's more than just 1 reason for him to stay u obviously love him too let him know that a little motivation goes a long wayMy parents are divorcing, and I really need advice.. Please?
sit down with your step dad and tell him your concerns (which are very valid) he will make sure you are ok.
Talk as soon as possible, with your step-dad.
look, don't think they are going to divorce just because of the fight. If they really love each other they will stay together. besides, they made a promess to each other and maybe this guy will acctually keep this promess, so don't jump into conclusions just yet.
I can understand that you are affraid of what might happen if they do split up. The thing is, if your step dad really loves you and cares for you, he will realise that he cannot put you all on the street together, since your mom cannot support and take care of you from the street. I'm sure he'll figure something out. Even if he does put you all on the street, there are organisations that look into situations like this and try to help. Don't think you are going to be alone on the street, because there are enough serveces to turn to, or who reach out to you.
I hope your mom and step dad can work it all out, but even if they don't, I'm sure you are pretty well taken care of.
well this may not help much, but if they find out your mom is drinking like she is, you'll most likely be put in a foster home (though if your step-dad would let you, you could probably live with him too.)
Go talk to your step-dad. Tell her that you are scared of what might happen.
Worse case scenario- go stay at a friend's house until this all boils over.
Sounds like your mom needs an intervention.
Why don't you talk to your stepdad? Or any other adult who may listen and help... like your grandparents? Sometimes people outside the family are blind to what's going on inside the family.
I'm getting divorced and I need some advice?
I was with this guy for almost 5 years. We got married and I gave birth to our kid. Well, I'm pregnant with his other kid and divorcing him. Hes been making it hard for me. He talks about me to others and lies to them about me. I cant talk to him. He wants to see his kid but he has to go to court for that. I'm under alot of stress and in pain. What should I do?I'm getting divorced and I need some advice?
Keeping a child away from his father can be grounds for losing custody. You should know that. Do not continue on this path, no judge will take it lightly. There shouldn't be any reason to keep a father and child apart! It should be beneath you to act in such a poor and indecent manner as this.
Next, who cares what he says to others? If they believe him then they aren't your friends to begin with. Everyone knows not to listen to people who are in the middle of a divorce. Too many are angry and too many spread lies. Most pretend to listen and yet they think about other things instead.
You can't stop him from saying such things, but when you finally do go in front of a judge you can have them reprimand him if he happens to say anything negative about you to the child. If you can document and prove that he tells the child bad things, and believe me no judge will believe a child who claims it as too many parents put their kids up to saying such things. Anyway, if you can prove it then he could get limited child visitation. Let him talk to the child over the phone as often as he'd like, but go to radio shack and for 100 dollars get a recording device for the phone line. Explain to your ex one time that you'll be recording all the phone calls, otherwise it won't be legal in a court of law. It's illegal to tape someone unknowingly.
If you start allowing your ex to take his child here and there, you'd have more time to relax and destress and your child would be happier as well. You are hurting the child far more than your ex by denying visitions. This is what any medical professional, any judge and any lawyer would state in a court of law. They know the mental and emotional ramifications of your withholding visitation rights and only you will be punished for it in a court of law. You truly risk losing custody. Total of 3 of my friends have lost custody and have only minimal visitation rights due to keeping the children away from the other parent.I'm getting divorced and I need some advice?
Tell him that you are willing to work with him. Tell him that you are willing to let him see his kid ( because the court doesnt like that you keep your child away from the other parent ) and how would you like it if he did that to you. Also make him sign a piece of paper stating that he will be getting visitation with your son on certain days for certain times that you both agree on and also make sure that you include on that paper that he will not talk bad about you to your kid or around your kid, in any way what so ever, Period. It doesnt matter that he talks bad about you to other people, they will find out in time what kind of person he really is.
When you go to court you can show that piece of paper to the judge and tell him/her that this is what you had agreed upon. The judge will take this into account.
Also make sure when you get divorced that you are the one who gets to claim the kids on your tax return if they ask. I don't know where you live but in Az where, we trade off every year. Also if he is ordered to pay support and misses payments he cannot claim the kids on taxes. My sons dad didnt pay for 6 months and I did my taxes the 1st week of Jan and told him that I claimed my son when he said I will claim him too I threw him a copy of the law. He was pissed.
LOL I thought it was funny.
Anyway, good luck!
Don't try to talk to him, let your attorney handle that. Find new friends that he doesn't talk to and forget about the ones who listen to his crap. Stop looking at your children as kids and put all of your thoughts into them. They need you to be there for them. Stop focusing on what he is doing and think only about what you need to do to make a better life for you and your children. He can only make this hard for you if you let him.
For the most part though very difficult try and think of this a just BUSINESS. That is how the court looks at it. Get a good lawyer and follow their advice. Get yourself a good deal and for the kids as well. You have to ignore what HE says. He is mad--of course. Do you expect anything else. Get over it.
Take care of business.
a kid is a baby goat.
why do people call there children kids i hate that.
as for your problem leave it up to the courts to decide you can have your say there and let them no what he is like.
I only feel sorry for your kids. If your marriage is that bad then why the hell would you be pregnant with his 2nd child??!!! Work it out for the sake of your children.
Keeping a child away from his father can be grounds for losing custody. You should know that. Do not continue on this path, no judge will take it lightly. There shouldn't be any reason to keep a father and child apart! It should be beneath you to act in such a poor and indecent manner as this.
Next, who cares what he says to others? If they believe him then they aren't your friends to begin with. Everyone knows not to listen to people who are in the middle of a divorce. Too many are angry and too many spread lies. Most pretend to listen and yet they think about other things instead.
You can't stop him from saying such things, but when you finally do go in front of a judge you can have them reprimand him if he happens to say anything negative about you to the child. If you can document and prove that he tells the child bad things, and believe me no judge will believe a child who claims it as too many parents put their kids up to saying such things. Anyway, if you can prove it then he could get limited child visitation. Let him talk to the child over the phone as often as he'd like, but go to radio shack and for 100 dollars get a recording device for the phone line. Explain to your ex one time that you'll be recording all the phone calls, otherwise it won't be legal in a court of law. It's illegal to tape someone unknowingly.
If you start allowing your ex to take his child here and there, you'd have more time to relax and destress and your child would be happier as well. You are hurting the child far more than your ex by denying visitions. This is what any medical professional, any judge and any lawyer would state in a court of law. They know the mental and emotional ramifications of your withholding visitation rights and only you will be punished for it in a court of law. You truly risk losing custody. Total of 3 of my friends have lost custody and have only minimal visitation rights due to keeping the children away from the other parent.I'm getting divorced and I need some advice?
Tell him that you are willing to work with him. Tell him that you are willing to let him see his kid ( because the court doesnt like that you keep your child away from the other parent ) and how would you like it if he did that to you. Also make him sign a piece of paper stating that he will be getting visitation with your son on certain days for certain times that you both agree on and also make sure that you include on that paper that he will not talk bad about you to your kid or around your kid, in any way what so ever, Period. It doesnt matter that he talks bad about you to other people, they will find out in time what kind of person he really is.
When you go to court you can show that piece of paper to the judge and tell him/her that this is what you had agreed upon. The judge will take this into account.
Also make sure when you get divorced that you are the one who gets to claim the kids on your tax return if they ask. I don't know where you live but in Az where, we trade off every year. Also if he is ordered to pay support and misses payments he cannot claim the kids on taxes. My sons dad didnt pay for 6 months and I did my taxes the 1st week of Jan and told him that I claimed my son when he said I will claim him too I threw him a copy of the law. He was pissed.
LOL I thought it was funny.
Anyway, good luck!
Don't try to talk to him, let your attorney handle that. Find new friends that he doesn't talk to and forget about the ones who listen to his crap. Stop looking at your children as kids and put all of your thoughts into them. They need you to be there for them. Stop focusing on what he is doing and think only about what you need to do to make a better life for you and your children. He can only make this hard for you if you let him.
For the most part though very difficult try and think of this a just BUSINESS. That is how the court looks at it. Get a good lawyer and follow their advice. Get yourself a good deal and for the kids as well. You have to ignore what HE says. He is mad--of course. Do you expect anything else. Get over it.
Take care of business.
a kid is a baby goat.
why do people call there children kids i hate that.
as for your problem leave it up to the courts to decide you can have your say there and let them no what he is like.
I only feel sorry for your kids. If your marriage is that bad then why the hell would you be pregnant with his 2nd child??!!! Work it out for the sake of your children.
Divorcing in NC and need info/advice on child custody ideas!?
Me and my wife are divorcing now after a year in NC. Right now its me a week her a week with the kids. But during her week (she works nights) she has her friends/boyfriends watch the two young kids (3 and 6) when she goes to work. These are people who are not good for the children to be around. My question is there a way to state I get Full/sole custody of the childern with her vistation being every other week (full week) but the nights she works ( 3 or 4 nights a week/weekend) the kids can not stay with her friends/boyfriends and they must return back to me. Also I would like them to go to school in the county I live in since I have them the most....is there a way to do all this?????Divorcing in NC and need info/advice on child custody ideas!?
The first question you will be asked is who watches the kids when you work? The other is why are these people not good for them to be around with proof. These are all questions you need to pose to your Lawyer. If you don't have one get one. And for your kids sake don't involve them in this battle it is hard enough on them as it is.
The first question you will be asked is who watches the kids when you work? The other is why are these people not good for them to be around with proof. These are all questions you need to pose to your Lawyer. If you don't have one get one. And for your kids sake don't involve them in this battle it is hard enough on them as it is.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
I have JC of 2 girls(4 and 6) that are my world and spend as much time as i can with them(3 or more days a week)I would like to find someone to marry again but my children will allways be #1.So here is my question is it better that i find/pursue someone who has children too or someone who does not?I would like to hear pros and cons for both from people.Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
i have JC of a 4 year old girl. much like you and am getting re married in less then a month. i got to make sure about the girl first and only when i was sure introduced her to my kiddo. She doesnt have kids but is great with mine and they love each other so. and that was the icing on the cake for my. but it is up to you and if you want to deal with someone else's kids or have more kids or even no more kids. no one can really tell you what to do just follow your heart and if you have any bad feelings along the way RUN.Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
I agree with Josie Girls answer.
get urself a hot sexy lady man. you owe it to urself ma man, get back in the gym you will find hot ladies there man, and u can still hang out with ur daughters. and u can get all the action that ur wife didnt give u no more. so get back in the game man
Well, I met my partner two years ago and became a step parent to 4 kids. I have none of my own! We did have some problems because at first I didnt understand that children came first. I never experienced that feeling since I don't have children of my own. I have to admit I was a little jealous at first. If you meet someone without children, just make sure she understands that you love your girls and they come first. If she has experience with kids, even better for you. If you happen to meet someone who has kids of their own, just make sure you dont compare children and start the ';my child, your child'; thing. Relationships are a lot of work--adding children to it makes it even more complicated! If you find the right person, it is worth it though. Good luck.
question
The right person is the right person. With or without kids of their own. But I guess you know that already. Now let's see: A woman with no kids will find it difficult to understand that she will always ne second to them. Women tend to need to be the first choice. Women with no children might also fall in love with your kids, but this would mean YOU assuming much more thinking and doing than in a no-kids relationship. Are you ready for that?
The other way round: Woman with kids will alway be a mother to her own children more than to your own. Financial issues will also be raised: (how much spent on hers'and how much in yours'). Conflicts as to raising children in same or similar way. Jealousy on all sides. Mmmm!
I really think that if you fall for a woman, you are man enough to make it happen the right way, with or without her being already a mom.
The real question is: are you up to it?
Go with what ever makes you happy. But keep in mind your kids will let you know who is right for u
In my opinion, someone who has no children may be better for your girls. If she did have her children then it cause rivalry in how each group is disciplined and sometimes appeared favoritism comes into play. i.e. you treat your kids better than you treat mine.
Later on you can have children between you and your new wife.
You should find someone that you have stuff in common with. If you find the right person it aint gonna mean squat if they have kids or not. Especially if you love kids, whats the difference, just more to love if she loves your kids too. SO the answer to your question is it doesnt matter at all, look for someone that makes you happy and fulfills your emotional needs. Take your time and don't throw your girls to a new mom for a while until they get used to you and your ex being apart. They are going through as much as you are. Good luck to you, I admire you for caring enough..
i have JC of a 4 year old girl. much like you and am getting re married in less then a month. i got to make sure about the girl first and only when i was sure introduced her to my kiddo. She doesnt have kids but is great with mine and they love each other so. and that was the icing on the cake for my. but it is up to you and if you want to deal with someone else's kids or have more kids or even no more kids. no one can really tell you what to do just follow your heart and if you have any bad feelings along the way RUN.Divorced dad just back in the ';dating scene'; need advice?
I agree with Josie Girls answer.
get urself a hot sexy lady man. you owe it to urself ma man, get back in the gym you will find hot ladies there man, and u can still hang out with ur daughters. and u can get all the action that ur wife didnt give u no more. so get back in the game man
Well, I met my partner two years ago and became a step parent to 4 kids. I have none of my own! We did have some problems because at first I didnt understand that children came first. I never experienced that feeling since I don't have children of my own. I have to admit I was a little jealous at first. If you meet someone without children, just make sure she understands that you love your girls and they come first. If she has experience with kids, even better for you. If you happen to meet someone who has kids of their own, just make sure you dont compare children and start the ';my child, your child'; thing. Relationships are a lot of work--adding children to it makes it even more complicated! If you find the right person, it is worth it though. Good luck.
question
The right person is the right person. With or without kids of their own. But I guess you know that already. Now let's see: A woman with no kids will find it difficult to understand that she will always ne second to them. Women tend to need to be the first choice. Women with no children might also fall in love with your kids, but this would mean YOU assuming much more thinking and doing than in a no-kids relationship. Are you ready for that?
The other way round: Woman with kids will alway be a mother to her own children more than to your own. Financial issues will also be raised: (how much spent on hers'and how much in yours'). Conflicts as to raising children in same or similar way. Jealousy on all sides. Mmmm!
I really think that if you fall for a woman, you are man enough to make it happen the right way, with or without her being already a mom.
The real question is: are you up to it?
Go with what ever makes you happy. But keep in mind your kids will let you know who is right for u
In my opinion, someone who has no children may be better for your girls. If she did have her children then it cause rivalry in how each group is disciplined and sometimes appeared favoritism comes into play. i.e. you treat your kids better than you treat mine.
Later on you can have children between you and your new wife.
You should find someone that you have stuff in common with. If you find the right person it aint gonna mean squat if they have kids or not. Especially if you love kids, whats the difference, just more to love if she loves your kids too. SO the answer to your question is it doesnt matter at all, look for someone that makes you happy and fulfills your emotional needs. Take your time and don't throw your girls to a new mom for a while until they get used to you and your ex being apart. They are going through as much as you are. Good luck to you, I admire you for caring enough..
I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
I am interested in a really nice lady who is 39 and she has a son who is 17, and two daughters who are 14 and 8. I am 50 and I don't have any kids living with me. My only kid is 26 and he is married and in medical school, so he won't live with us!
What advice do you guys have to give to me? What is it like for you to have some guy dating your Mom?
What would you want a guy to do if he were to become your step Dad?
How could a step Dad help make your life easier? What kinds of things should a step Dad NOT do?
I would really like to know from you experts what I need to know, because I don't know anything about what you guys think or how you may feel about this issue.
Thank you for your help and advice!
Take care and be happy!
AlanI need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Ok, well my mom isn't divorced, but she never got married to my dad and he lives in Indiana. I am 13. My mom is dating some guy who is really nice
I would feel kind of odd if my mom is kissing or showing affection for some other guy, though i wont tell her, i would hold it in and probably cry when im alone or write about it. I like him and all, but its just wierd. My mom acts like a teenager, so we can joke about it which makes me feel better
If the guy were to become my step dad, i would want him to be more of a friend, but don't try too hard like they sometimes do in those cheesy movies. Don't act like a parental figure, because you aren't their parent. What we would enjoy is if you take our side once in a while, and if we are fighting or debating with our mother dont butt in and take her side, unless she asks for your opinion
-Don't act like a parental figure
-Don't say stuff too mushy (it usually makes me feel sick when my mom's boyfriends act all nice to me and say how they understand how i feel and all that stuff)
-Be nice but not over the top
-When we ask our mother for something and she says no because it is too expensive, or she doesn't have enough time to get it offer to help or chip in
-Try to see it from our side a bit
-What really ticks me off is whne the guys come in and put their feet up on the couch, or walk around in theri pajamas and drink from the cartonn or something (basically when they act like its their house)
-Also ask us our opinion on things that you plan on doing for our mom, we like to be involved and not seem like a side project
-Hope I helped Ive gone through this tons of times with my mom she is only 30I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Alan,
Good luck!! I distinctly remember liking very few of my mother's boyfriends when I was a teenager (and younger). Only a couple of them were able to win my affection. Those who did, were able to find a way to relate to me. For instance, I was a big fan of the WWF. At the time, I had a cast on my leg so the one boyfriend offered to paint the Ultimate Warrior on my cast. From then on he was a GREAT guy. Another guy ordered pay-per-view WWF at his house and invited me to watch it with him and allowed me to bring over friends.
Those guys who ignored me received the wrath. I would do silly things like put gum in their hats, steal their license plates and throw them away, etc. I hated that they were spending time with my mother and appeared to be a priority over me. This is best mitigated by including her kids in activities (gifts are always good too). Just don't try too hard. Make an offer to take them to the movies, aquarium, whatever, but if they aren't interested, just say ';OK, maybe something different next time?'; Follow these rules and they will cling to you which is exactly what you will need if you want this relationship to work. By the way - if you do not like her kids, it is probably best to just walk away and not force yourself.
I know from my own experience growing up with a single mother of 3 young children...our main concern I can remember was that the new man would inhibit our mother or stop her from making choices she would have made otherwise when she was single. The thought that he would come in and ';run'; things was very scary for us. We thought she wouldnt be her own person anymore and go off of what he thought or did. Be very supportive and show your care for her kids, and make things very open...bc otherwise they will let fear take them over and make assumptions.
My parents are divorced. I'm living with my dad, not my mom, but I do have some comments.
Sometimes it can be really hard, and the truth is, the children will never like you a whole lot. My dad started dating this woman, and no matter how nice she was, or how happy she made my dad, I hated her. She didn't do anything wrong, I just hated her.
Whenever my parents talked on the phone, or met each other on the street and start to chat, I always hoped they would make up and get back together. But when my dad started dating another woman that hope was farther and farther away. She sort of.. confirmed their divorce.
I think the worst thing you can do is try to make the kids believe you are replacing the dad, or trying to fill his shoes. Don't think that you're their dad, because you're not. Just don't make it seem like you're replacing him.
But even if you're not their dad, you can try to be their friend. Spend time with them, bond.. Help them with homework, go shopping with them, etc.
The best thing you can do is show that you understand you're not the kids dad, and show that you really do care for the mom. As long as they understand you're not a bad guy, and you're only there to help, I think they'll accept you.
It also depends on how long it's been since their parents got divorced. If it's been a year, or two, maybe they've gotten used to it. If they've just gotten divorced, it might be harder and take a little more time for them to get used to you.
If I had a step dad, or a step mom, they would just make my life easier by showing me that they care for my mom or dad, and showing that they make them happy.
And most importantly, make sure that the mother doesn't choose you over the kids, if she does, they will start to hate you. Make sure she still pays attention to her kdis, so they don't feel left out, and so that they don't feel like she cares more about you then about them.
Good luck! :)
When my mum started dating a guy when i was 12 i hated him. he did nothing wrong and tried to make friends with us but i still hated him. mainly because he was taking my mum away from us, or so i thought.
you have to be careful when in this situation, dont be there all the time because it will be too much for her children. Take them all out as a family and try bonding.
My mums guy moved in almost straight away and it was so bad for us.
Always remember that they are her children so be careful when disciplining them as she will always take her kids side no matter what
What advice do you guys have to give to me? What is it like for you to have some guy dating your Mom?
What would you want a guy to do if he were to become your step Dad?
How could a step Dad help make your life easier? What kinds of things should a step Dad NOT do?
I would really like to know from you experts what I need to know, because I don't know anything about what you guys think or how you may feel about this issue.
Thank you for your help and advice!
Take care and be happy!
AlanI need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Ok, well my mom isn't divorced, but she never got married to my dad and he lives in Indiana. I am 13. My mom is dating some guy who is really nice
I would feel kind of odd if my mom is kissing or showing affection for some other guy, though i wont tell her, i would hold it in and probably cry when im alone or write about it. I like him and all, but its just wierd. My mom acts like a teenager, so we can joke about it which makes me feel better
If the guy were to become my step dad, i would want him to be more of a friend, but don't try too hard like they sometimes do in those cheesy movies. Don't act like a parental figure, because you aren't their parent. What we would enjoy is if you take our side once in a while, and if we are fighting or debating with our mother dont butt in and take her side, unless she asks for your opinion
-Don't act like a parental figure
-Don't say stuff too mushy (it usually makes me feel sick when my mom's boyfriends act all nice to me and say how they understand how i feel and all that stuff)
-Be nice but not over the top
-When we ask our mother for something and she says no because it is too expensive, or she doesn't have enough time to get it offer to help or chip in
-Try to see it from our side a bit
-What really ticks me off is whne the guys come in and put their feet up on the couch, or walk around in theri pajamas and drink from the cartonn or something (basically when they act like its their house)
-Also ask us our opinion on things that you plan on doing for our mom, we like to be involved and not seem like a side project
-Hope I helped Ive gone through this tons of times with my mom she is only 30I need some advice from kids who live with their divorced Mom, ok?
Alan,
Good luck!! I distinctly remember liking very few of my mother's boyfriends when I was a teenager (and younger). Only a couple of them were able to win my affection. Those who did, were able to find a way to relate to me. For instance, I was a big fan of the WWF. At the time, I had a cast on my leg so the one boyfriend offered to paint the Ultimate Warrior on my cast. From then on he was a GREAT guy. Another guy ordered pay-per-view WWF at his house and invited me to watch it with him and allowed me to bring over friends.
Those guys who ignored me received the wrath. I would do silly things like put gum in their hats, steal their license plates and throw them away, etc. I hated that they were spending time with my mother and appeared to be a priority over me. This is best mitigated by including her kids in activities (gifts are always good too). Just don't try too hard. Make an offer to take them to the movies, aquarium, whatever, but if they aren't interested, just say ';OK, maybe something different next time?'; Follow these rules and they will cling to you which is exactly what you will need if you want this relationship to work. By the way - if you do not like her kids, it is probably best to just walk away and not force yourself.
I know from my own experience growing up with a single mother of 3 young children...our main concern I can remember was that the new man would inhibit our mother or stop her from making choices she would have made otherwise when she was single. The thought that he would come in and ';run'; things was very scary for us. We thought she wouldnt be her own person anymore and go off of what he thought or did. Be very supportive and show your care for her kids, and make things very open...bc otherwise they will let fear take them over and make assumptions.
My parents are divorced. I'm living with my dad, not my mom, but I do have some comments.
Sometimes it can be really hard, and the truth is, the children will never like you a whole lot. My dad started dating this woman, and no matter how nice she was, or how happy she made my dad, I hated her. She didn't do anything wrong, I just hated her.
Whenever my parents talked on the phone, or met each other on the street and start to chat, I always hoped they would make up and get back together. But when my dad started dating another woman that hope was farther and farther away. She sort of.. confirmed their divorce.
I think the worst thing you can do is try to make the kids believe you are replacing the dad, or trying to fill his shoes. Don't think that you're their dad, because you're not. Just don't make it seem like you're replacing him.
But even if you're not their dad, you can try to be their friend. Spend time with them, bond.. Help them with homework, go shopping with them, etc.
The best thing you can do is show that you understand you're not the kids dad, and show that you really do care for the mom. As long as they understand you're not a bad guy, and you're only there to help, I think they'll accept you.
It also depends on how long it's been since their parents got divorced. If it's been a year, or two, maybe they've gotten used to it. If they've just gotten divorced, it might be harder and take a little more time for them to get used to you.
If I had a step dad, or a step mom, they would just make my life easier by showing me that they care for my mom or dad, and showing that they make them happy.
And most importantly, make sure that the mother doesn't choose you over the kids, if she does, they will start to hate you. Make sure she still pays attention to her kdis, so they don't feel left out, and so that they don't feel like she cares more about you then about them.
Good luck! :)
When my mum started dating a guy when i was 12 i hated him. he did nothing wrong and tried to make friends with us but i still hated him. mainly because he was taking my mum away from us, or so i thought.
you have to be careful when in this situation, dont be there all the time because it will be too much for her children. Take them all out as a family and try bonding.
My mums guy moved in almost straight away and it was so bad for us.
Always remember that they are her children so be careful when disciplining them as she will always take her kids side no matter what
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)